Auntie Quotes

It's all about the three P's of presenting: preparation, practice, and performance. Never forget that, Sweetie. ~ Auntie Brie

Looking at Loh's photographs, it is obvious that there is nothing simpler and richer than a face when stripped of all effects and affects, poses and postures, stances and pretences. The Singaporeans featured here are almost
expressionless, as if the photographer wanted to leave us clueless about them. What do their faces tell us? Why are they so familiar? Why do we feel we know this auntie that we don't know? And this guy with the nondescript look? And this girl with no distinguishing mark? Have we met before? ~ Raphael Millet

[To the patronizing train conductor who had twice said, 'Auntie, give me your ticket':] Which of my sister's sons are you? ~ Mary McLeod Bethune

My auntie Anne took me to 'Phantom of the Opera' in London. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. ~ Lisa O'Hare

mimosas dug for water and women like Auntie washed ~ Barbara Mutch

Someone needs to break that rotation saying "grandma did that" or "momma slept around" "auntie did the same" or "cousins did it too" just rotation after rotation. ~ Sarah Bodiford

We used to do sock puppet shows for my auntie back in the day. Me and my friends would do accents of Englishmen, and we would sip tea and act like we were rich in front of the family, and they thought it was just hilarious, the level of perception that we had about things that we'd never experienced. ~ Keith Stanfield

Yes, my tiara sets off the whole thing nicely," said Auntie Muriel in a rather carrying whisper. "But I must say, Ginevra's dress is far too low-cut."
Ginny glanced round, grinning, winked at Harry, then quickly faced the front again. ~ J.K. Rowling

I asked her what a true story was because I thought that all stories were made up. She said a true story was called fact, and a made-up story was called ficton. Auntie May said a made-up story is a bit like telling lies, only the people who read them knew that already and so it didn't matter ~ Rebecca Lloyd

No matter how bumpy the ride gets, listen to your Auntie Vivica, hold the fuck on. ~ Kristen Ashley

Your hair is much too long, Ronald, for a moment I thought you were Ginevra. ~ J.K. Rowling

On a fading summer evening, late in the last hours of his old life, Peter Jaxon - son of Demetrius and Prudence Jaxon, First Family; descendent of Terrence Jaxon, signatory of the One Law; great-great-nephew of the one known as Auntie, Last of the First; Peter of Souls, the Man of Days and the One Who Stood - took his position on the catwalk above Main Gate, waiting to kill his brother. ~ Justin Cronin

The whole reason I wanted to take Owen to Disney World is that I fear that someday he's going to look through his childhood photo album and wonder why all his vacations with his aunt took pace at places like the McKinley Memorial and Wounded Knee. And yet here we are. Powell's cemetery was just too close to Cinderella's Castle for me to pass up. ~ Sarah Vowell

The End"
It is time for me to go, mother; I am going.
When in the paling darkness of the lonely dawn you stretch out your arms for your baby in the bed, I shall say, "Baby is not there!" - mother, I am going.
I shall become a delicate draught of air and caress you; and I shall be ripples in the water when you bathe, and kiss you and kiss you again.
In the gusty night when the rain patters on the leaves you will hear my whisper in your bed, and my laughter will flash with the lightning through the open window into your room.
If you lie awake, thinking of your baby till late into the night, I shall sing to you from the stars, "Sleep, mother, sleep."
On the straying moonbeams I shall steal over your bed, and lie upon your bosom while you sleep.
I shall become a dream, and through the little opening of your eyelids I shall slip into the depths of your sleep; and when you wake up and look round startled, like a twinkling firefly I shall flit out into the darkness.
When, on the great festival of puja, the neighbours' children come and play about the house, I shall melt into the music of the flute and throb in your heart all day.
Dear auntie will come with puja-presents and will ask, "Where is our baby, sister?" Mother, you will tell her softly, "He is in the pupils of my eyes, he is in my body and in my soul. ~ Rabindranath Tagore

I was horribly shy all through grade school and high school. But somehow I got up the nerve to audition for one play in high school - 'Auntie Mame.' I got a small part as the fiancee who comes on in the end. I got laughs. I wasn't shy at all doing the part. I can do anything on stage and write it off as a character. ~ Laurie Metcalf

But I suppose it's part of being old to feel that way, half in one world and half in the other, all of it mixed together in my mind. No one's left who even knows my name. Folks call me Auntie, on account of I never could have children of my own, and I guess that suits me fine. Sometime it's like I've got so many people inside of me I'm never alone at all. And when I go, I'll be taking them with me. ~ Justin Cronin

I looked at the back of Jessica's silky bent head and thought of those old stories where one twin is hurt and the other, miles away, feels the pain. I wondered if there had been a moment, during that giggly girls' night at Auntie Vera's, when she had made some small, unnoticed sound; if all the answers we wanted were locked away behind the strange dark gateways of her mind. ~ Tana French

From Pearls and Poison ...
"In two minutes the cops are going to come barreling though that door," I whispered to Auntie KiKi hoping to get her mind off the body in the back room. "Any suggestions how we tell these workers out here their candidate just croaked?"
"Yell The jackass bit the big one, hip-hip hooray Gloria wins, then run like the dickens before someone recognizes us. ~ Duffy Brown

Morning, I soon discovered, was one o'clock for Auntie Mame. Early Morning was eleven, and the Middle of the Night was nine. ~ Patrick Dennis

Precious Auntie, what is our name? I always meant to claim it as my own. Come help me remember. I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm not afraid of ghosts. Are you still mad at me? Don't you recognize me? I am LuLing, your daughter. ~ Amy Tan

Blake studied the satisfied expression on Eliza's face. Like a cat just finished the last bowl of cream. His hand rose involuntarily - how he'd like to strike her! Elisa barely flinched. But Blake wasn't going to assault the woman. Instead he dropped his hand slightly and carefully traced his finger down her cheek until it rested above a strategically placed, heart-shaped beauty spot. He peeled off the tiny piece of black leather and held it between his index finger and thumb, studying it with apparent fascination.
"We have one thing in common, Aunt 'Lizzie'. We have both lost our hearts. But our likeness stops there. Unlike you, I wish to find mine." After flicking her beauty spot onto the floor, he stepped on it and strode out of her parlour. ~ Tanya Kaley

If my mother was odd enough to crave a bubble bath at three in the morning, Dorothy was inventive enough to suggest adding broken glass to the tub. If my mother insisted on listening to West Side Story repeatedly, it was Dorothy who said, 'Let's listen to it on forty-five!' And when my mother announced that she wanted a fur wrap like Auntie Mame, Dorothy bought her an unstable Norwegian elkhound from a puppy mill. ~ Augusten Burroughs

I shan't be a minute," said Pridmore. Matilda knew better. She settled herself to wait, and swung her legs miserably. She had been to her Great-Aunt Willoughby's before, and she knew exactly what to expect. She would be asked about her lessons, and how many marks she had, and whether she had been a good girl. I can't think why grown-up people don't see how impertinent these questions are. Suppose you were to answer: "I'm the top of my class, auntie, thank you, and I am very good. And now let us have a little talk about you, aunt, dear. How much money have you got, and have you been scolding the servants again, or have you tried to be good and patient, as a properly brought up aunt should be, eh, dear?" Try this method with one of your aunts next time she begins asking you questions, and write and tell me what she says. Matilda ~ Neil Gaiman

Anyone ever tell you that you look like an orange in that jumpsuit? Auntie Lenore? More like Auntie Clementine. ~ Kim Harrison

A headline last year, after the death of Saddam Hussein, read: 'Tyrant is hanged'. My auntie looked at the newspaper and sobbed, 'Who's going to present "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"' ~ Steve Williams

French martinis or lemon drops or cosmos and impromptu viewings of Auntie Mame (the Rosalind Russell version, not the Lucille Ball version) or Steel Magnolias. ~ Kristen Ashley

People like me are aware of their so-called genius at ten, eight, nine. . . . I always wondered, ``Why has nobody discovered me?' In school, didn't they see that I'm cleverer than anybody in this school? That the teachers are stupid, too? That all they had was information that I didn't need? I got fuckin' lost in being at high school. I used to say to me auntie
``You throw my fuckin' poetry out, and you'll regret it when I'm famous, ' and she threw the bastard stuff out. I never forgave her for not treating me like a fuckin' genius or whatever I was, when I was a child. It was obvious to me. Why didn't they put me in art school? Why didn't they train me? Why would they keep forcing me to be a fuckin' cowboy like the rest of them? I was different
I was always different. Why didn't anybody notice me? A couple of teachers would notice me, encourage me to be something or other, to draw or to paint - express myself. But most of the time they were trying to beat me into being a fuckin' dentist or a teacher ~ John Lennon

Auntie Ann's voice cracked when she spoke, like a piano that hasn't been played in too long. "I try not to dwell on what's dead and gone. It has a way of showing back up if it thinks it's been invited. ~ Jennifer L. Greene

Now, now, Auntie, you had better play nice with my dearest Bianca. I have not invited her to live in one of my homes. I have welcomed her into all of them. And though I know it would break your heart if anything were to ever happen to me, you will be beholden to this angel to cover your living expenses when I pass away, as she will be my sole inheritor. ~ R.K. Lilley

Our little ford was almost ready. She was later to be called Auntie after Gertrude Stein's aunt Pauline who always behaved admirably in emergencies and behaved fairly well most times if she was properly flattered. ~ Gertrude Stein

And I knew Nick's love for Auntie Reba.
He loved her in a way that was indescribable.
It wasn't like she walked on water or was the earth and moon and stars.
It was different.
It was breath.
It was necessity. ~ Kristen Ashley

God thinks in numbers,' Auntie Len used to say. 'Numbers are the way the world is put together. ~ Oliver Sacks

According to human accounts, Dracula lived on for centuries – he may still be living. Are you sure he's really dead?' I asked. 'I watched Baldwin rip his head off and bury it thirty miles away from the rest of his body. He was really dead then, and he's really dead now.' Gallowglass looked at me reprovingly. 'You should know better than to believe these human stories, Auntie. They've never got more than a speck of truth in them. ~ Deborah Harkness

They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'. ~ Jasper Carrott

My "do" now consisted of some really nifty spikes on top. I looked like a punker, but it was kind of fun, if you want to know the truth. Next thing I knew I'd be getting my ears pierced and chewing gum in public, social sins my auntie had always warned me about, along with red nail polish and dingy bra straps. ~ Sue Grafton

Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie Cam started a fire at work. And she got an erection! ~ Kelly Moran

When my husband Jonas and I started Auntie Anne's in 1988, we never expected or anticipated building an international pretzel franchise. It was the farthest thing from our minds. ~ Anne F. Beiler

What I could tell the boy was, the moment we are born appears to be the very same moment we forget we are loved. Now isn't this awkward? Shouldn't the two things dovetail, love and memory? Shouldn't a feeling that powerful be carved on a tree so no one can ignore its message? To come so far to be in this world only to forget something all-important - what kind of a journey is that? I'll bet that 90 percent of the love that surrounds us is dismissed or discounted - the cup of tea a friend makes, the letter from a faraway auntie. The fact that no one feels loved enough merely proves my point. ~ Laurie Fox

Not all gays respond to the same stuff. Would Alexander the Great have loved Auntie Mame? ~ Bruce Bawer

A local white bootlegger, idling under the store awning, accosted Major Stem. "Why'd you call that damned nigger woman 'Mrs. Shaw'?" he demanded. In those days, white Southerners did not use courtesy titles for their black neighbors. While it was permissible to call a favored black man "Uncle" or "Professor" - a mixture of affection and mockery - he must never hear the words "mister" or "sir." Black women were "girls" until they were old enough to be called "auntie," but they could never hear a white person, regardless of age, address them as "Mrs." or "Miss" or "Ma'am." But Major Stem made his own rules. ~ Timothy B. Tyson

I was born an auntie. I have an older niece and nephew and many younger nieces and nephews. ~ Zendaya

You were loved because God loves, period. God loved you, and everyone, not because you believed in certain things, but because you were a mess, and lonely, and His or Her child. God loved you no matter how crazy you felt on the inside, no matter what a fake you were; always, even in your current condition, even before coffee. God loves you crazily, like I love you ... like a slightly overweight auntie, who sees only your marvelousness and need. ~ Anne Lamott

All over England loving hands are packing trunks and tuck-boxes for the young gentlemen of Narkover, who reassemble today. Eager young voices are heard shouting, 'Mater! Don't forget to put in that pack of cards with the nicked aces,' or 'Auntie Frances, where have you put my dud half-crowns?' From many a home the father is, alas, temporarily absent, behind bars, but the lonely mother has the consolation of seeing her boy develop in the way his father would have wished. ~ J.B. Morton

Why darling, I'm your Auntie Mame! ~ Patrick Dennis

I'm ten//and haven't been hugged in a long time./Allah made a barrier between me & my/mom./Ullu makes a barrier between me & my aunt.//When he leaves we sit at the base of the blue/wall/& I laugh loud so Auntie A knows/I'm alive & okay & she laughs loud so I know//she hasn't left & we sit like this for hours,/hands/pressed to the felt, laughing, laughing/unable to see each other. ~ Fatimah Asghar

Your mama can't find anything she likes in these little one. I also think mommy may have to go to jail for murdering Auntie Binny and Auntie Rena. We might also have to add Uncle Cale to the list too if he keeps griping mommy's ass over legalities of moving her business. Auntie Syra is going to get maimed if she asks to wear black one more time, or asks if her hair can be green. ~ Alex Morgan

I had always assumed we had an unspoken understanding about these things: that she didn't really mean I was a failure, and I really meant I would try to respect her opinions more. But listening to Auntie Lin tonight reminds me once agian: My mother and I never really understood one another. We translated each other's meanings and I seemed to hear less than what was said, while my mother heard more. No doubt she told Auntie Lin I was going back to school to get a doctorate. ~ Amy Tan

Don't stop,' said Lymond pleasantly. 'You've my father, my brother, my late sister and a whole clecking of aunts to get through. Auntie May is a good one to start with. Fifteen stone, and every spring she goes broody; and we find her out in the hen run on a clutch of burst yolks; except the year mother got there first and hard-boiled them. ~ Dorothy Dunnett

If you ask me, it's all these skinny models that make girls anorexic," she went on, to Auntie Barbara. "I
can't think why they don't use real girls with a few curves."

"Stands to reason, Jenny." Auntie B. was as pinkly flushed as Mum. "All the designers are gay - they
don't want bosoms in their clothes, or bottoms, either. Not proper, girls' bottoms. ~ Elizabeth Young

Like most people I lived for a long time with my mother and father. My father liked to watch the wrestling, my mother liked to wrestle; it didn't matter what. She was in the white corner and that was that.
She hung out the largest sheets on the windiest days. She wanted the Mormons to knock on the door. At election time in a Labour mill town she put a picture of the Conservative candidate in the window.
She had never heard of mixed feelings. There were friends and there were enemies.

Enemies were:
The Devil (in his many forms)
Next Door
Sex (in its many forms)
Slugs

Friends were:
God
Our dog
Auntie Madge
The Novels of Charlotte Bronte
Slug pellets
and me, at first. ~ Jeanette Winterson

[The] BBC was known as Auntie suggesting someone prudish and Victorian and that she still is on some days. On others she's a champagne-soaked floozie, her skirts in disarray, her mind in the gutter, and the mixture can be quite wonderful. ~ Morley Safer

I take a few quick sips. "This is really good." And I mean it. I have never tasted tea like this. It is smooth, pungent, and instantly addicting.
"This is from Grand Auntie," my mother explains. "She told me 'If I buy the cheap tea, then I am saying that my whole life has not been worth something better.' A few years ago she bought it for herself. One hundred dollars a pound."
"You're kidding." I take another sip. It tastes even better. ~ Amy Tan

She's just being sensitive. You put a girl in jail and forget about her for a few months, and they all take it so bloody personally."
"You forgot about her?"
"She's lucky I did. She'd been sent to kill Rhiannon."
"Then why isn't she dead?"
Celyn sighed. "It was a sad, weak attempt, really. She clearly didn't want to do it. Auntie Rhiannon just felt bad for her. ~ G.A. Aiken

too many grown-ups tell kids to follow their dreams
like that's going to get them somewhere
Auntie Laurie says follow your nightmares instead
cuz when you figure out what's eating you alive
you can slay it ~ Laurie Halse Anderson

You know that one auntie, you don't wanna be rude,
... But every holiday, nobody eatin' her food. ~ Kanye West

The cool thing about being a middle-aged woman is that they asked me if I wanted the security guard inside of the room or outside of the room, and I said, "Outside." And the guard said, "You'll be locked in, there'll be no way for you to get out." And I turned around and there was 21 guys looking at me. There's something about being a middle-aged woman that just totally… I can rock the Auntie Lynda or grandma thing now. [Impersonating an old woman] "Now, you sit down! I don't care about those tattoos! You just sit down." [Laughter.]

I really loved it. These are the people that I would venture to say probably went to public schools, probably went to difficult public schools, and now they're in prison. Their ability to focus and write these stories was amazing; I mean their stories are.… I think the same thing that can get somebody in prison is the same thing that could make them a really good writer. Impulse control. There's no, "Is this a bad convenience store to rob?" [Laughter.] "Is this a bad sentence? ~ Lynda Barry

You're not Auntie Millie's boyfriend. I am." High looked down at the kid whose face was now twisted with dislike and outrage and, fuck him, but he couldn't beat back the smile. "You're not my boyfriend, sweetheart," Millie said. "You're my nephew." The boy looked to his aunt and snapped, "Same thing. ~ Kristen Ashley

I embrace the criticism, because ultimately (it means) the masses have seen it [my movie]. I embrace it for my father's story, for my mother's story, for my auntie, for my grandmother, who all got their teeth knocked out so I could be [where I am]. ~ Lee Daniels

After the Stonewall riots the gay activists had their idealistic hearts in the right place but it turned out they had underestimated the realpolitik of organized crime. Indeed, as gay liberation blossomed in the wild 1970s the bars and bathhouses became increasingly lucrative enterprises, and the Mafia had no intention of abandoning a racket it had controlled for decades. The Mafia families maintained their control by exercising the proverbial carrot and stick. The wise guys seemingly embraced the gay rights movement and cut more so-called Auntie Gays into the action as their fronts, and resorted to violent threats and sometimes murder against others who refused to play ball with the crime families. There were few legitimate businessmen in gay nightlife of the 1970s. ~ Phillip Crawford Jr.

Top Five Chinese Rules
1. Respect your parents, your elders and your teachers. Never talk back or challenge them under any circumstance.
2. Education is the most important thing. It's more important than independence, the pursuit of happiness and sex.
3. Pay back your parents when you are working. We were all born with a student loan debt to our Asian parents. Asian parents' retirement plans are their kids.
4. Always call your elders "Uncle" or "Auntie," even if they are not related to you. Never call them by their first names.
5. Family first, money second, pursue your dreams never. ~ Jimmy O. Yang

The first 10 years of my life, I lived as 'Matangi.' When I came to England in '86, my first week of school was terrible because I would put my hand up to answer things, and no one would choose me because they couldn't say my name. My auntie came from Europe to visit us, and she was like, 'Just call yourself something else.' ~ M.I.A.

Now, how do you suppose this queen will react when you turn up with your begging bowl in hand and say, 'Good morrow to you, Auntie. I am your nephew, Aegon, returned from the dead. I've been hiding on a poleboat all my life, but now I've washed the blue dye from my hair and I'd like a dragon, please ... and oh, did I mention, my claim to the Iron Throne is stronger than your own? ~ George R R Martin

I was called "T-Bow" but the people got it mixed up with "T-Bone." My name is Aaron Walker but "T-Bone" is catchy, people remember it. My auntie gave it to me when I was a kid. Mother's mother was a Cherokee Indian full blooded. There were sixteen girls and two boys in my mother's family, all dead but two. ~ T-Bone Walker

I didn't build Auntie Anne's alone. That would have been impossible. From the very beginning, we had a team around us that was exceptional. Our company was successful because of the dedicated people who worked for us. ~ Anne F. Beiler

What about you, Neville?" said Ron. "Well, my gran brought me up and she's a witch," said Neville, "but the family thought I was all-Muggle for ages. My Great Uncle Algie kept trying to catch me off my guard and force some magic out of me - he pushed me off the end of Blackpool pier once, I nearly drowned - but nothing happened until I was eight. Great Uncle Algie came round for dinner, and he was hanging me out of an upstairs window by the ankles when my Great Auntie Enid offered him a meringue and he accidentally let go. But I bounced - all the way down the garden and into the road. They were all really pleased, Gran was crying, she was so happy. ~ J.K. Rowling

Lost," I say, dropping the photo on to the counter. "I've lost Elizabeth." She pauses a moment and straightens to look at the photo. "Oh, was it an advert you wanted?" Breath floods into my lungs. "Yes. Yes, that's it. I wanted to place an advert." "I'll get you a form. Awful, cats, aren't they?" I nod, feeling as though I've missed some part of the conversation. I nod, but I quite like cats, and I wonder what this woman has against them. "I remember when my auntie lost her Oscar. She was frantic. Missing for weeks, he was. Found him in a beach hut in the end. Have you asked your neighbours to look in their sheds?" I stare at the woman. I can't imagine finding Elizabeth in a shed. But perhaps it is a good suggestion. Perhaps it's just me it doesn't make sense to. I borrow a pen and write beach hut on a scrap of paper. ~ Emma Healey

You travel safely too, Auntie Diana. And bring that uncle of mine with you, Gallowglass said to the sea and the sky before he climbed back onto his bike and headed into a future he could no longer imagine nor postpone. ~ Deborah Harkness

Tenacious D loves Auntie Em's. Her delicious nutrients are always energizing and indie-fresh. Where does she find those unbelievable recipes? Somewhere over the rainbow? ~ Jack Black

I've always had an unsentimental view. I don't think the BBC is my auntie. I worked there for years, and you learn that they don't love you for yourself. They'll use you as long as you're popular. You shouldn't wait until it starts to wane. It can sometimes end badly. ~ Terry Wogan

Auntie Mame, who was the british lady?
'Oh, she's from Pittsburgh'
'But she had the acc-'
'Well, when your from Pittsburgh you gotta do something ~ Audrey Hepburn

There is nothing more special than a love of a child, and I love the fact I am an auntie. ~ Julia Sawalha

Piggy took off his shoes and socks, ranged them carefully on the ledge and tested the water with one toe. 'It's hot!' 'What did you expect?' 'I didn't expect nothing. My auntie-' 'Sucks to your auntie! ~ William Golding

He's a moody creature,isn't he?" she said to the bird. Auntie Em gave one impatient squawk, the extent of her vocabulary.
"Sounds like she got up on the wrong side of the perch," Alan commented.
"Oh,no.She's in a good mood if she says anything. ~ Nora Roberts

Auntie Anne's is a modern-day business miracle that never should have happened. ~ Anne F. Beiler

Oh I'm sure you're right," Auntie said. "Probably she's just as you say. But she looks to me like a very clever girl, and adaptable; you can see that from the shape of her ears. ~ Arthur Golden

Auntie Elli, why are you open-mouth kissing Big Daddy Adler?
*Well, shit* ~ Toni Aleo

I wish my auntie was here."
"I wish my father.. O, what's the use? ~ William Golding

Auntie An-mei had cried before she left for China, thinking she would make her brother very rich and happy by communist standards. But when she got home, she cried to me that everyone had a palm out and she was the only one who left with an empty hand. ~ Amy Tan

Wake up, buddy. You okay?" "Auntie Em! Auntie Em!" Homer's VR came online, smiling. "I guess we got'em." I snorted with relief. "And their little dog, too." Homer steepled his fingers in a properly evil mastermindish pose. "All their base are belong to us. ~ Dennis E. Taylor

So Oz finally became home; the imagined world became the actual world, as it does for us all, because the truth is that once we have left our childhood places and started out to make our own lives, armed only with what we have and are, we understand that the real secret of the ruby slippers is not that "there's no place like home," but rather that there is no longer such a place as home: except, of course, for the homes we make, or the homes that are made for us, in Oz, which is anywhere and everywhere, except the place from which we began.
In the place from which I began, after all, I watched the film from the child's - Dorothy's point of view. I experienced, with her, the frustration of being brushed aside by Uncle Henry and Auntie Em, busy with their dull grown-up counting. Like all adults, they couldn't focus on what was really important to Dorothy: namely, the threat to Toto. I ran away with Dorothy and then ran back. Even the shock of discovering that the Wizard was a humbug was a shock I felt as a child, a shock to the child's faith in adults. Perhaps, too, I felt something deeper, something I couldn't articulate; perhaps some half-formed suspicion about grown-ups was being confirmed.
Now, as I look at the movie again, I have become the fallible adult. Now I am a member of the tribe of imperfect parents who cannot listen to their children's voices. I, who no longer have a father, have become a father instead, and now it is my fate to be unable to satisfy the ~ Salman Rushdie

This is what it's like to drown: You take a last look at the sky, a last breath, slowly. Air goes into your lungs and then you are under water. You let the air out molecule by molecule, realizing for the first time how precious it is, this thing that feels so much like nothing, neither liquid nor solid. Your eyes are open wide. The world goes cool and green and you keep falling. There are shapes in the darkness, fronds of river weed waving, dark indescribable things that float and then sink with you. You never knew you were so heavy. The density of your flesh has never been of such prime importance. The air leaks out of you in spite of your mightiest attempts to hold it. You need more but there is none. Leafy things flail. The water's coolness is no longer soothing. You gasp. Water rushes into your lungs and floods them. Your eyes stare wider. You thrash. You want more than anything to live, to be able to rise again, but you keep falling. The river is bottomless. It pushes you along in the direction of its current like an impatient auntie, but it won't let you to the surface. Your eyes are wide open, but slowly everything goes black. You begin to float beneath the surface. You are conscious of the coolness again, of how green everything is. You move with the water and through it. You have left your body far behind. The river has become a part of you. ~ Larissa Lai

More and more people each year are going abroad for Christmas ... Fed up with the fact that commercial Christmas starts in October. Fed up with carols. Dreading the arrival of Christmas cards from people they have forgotten to send a card to. Unable to bear yet another family get-together with Auntie Mary puking up in the corner after sampling too much of the punch. You see in the airports the triumphant glitter in the eyes of people who are leaving it all behind, including the hundredth rerun of Miracle on 34th Street. ~ M.C. Beaton

Women in movies from Hollywood's golden era dressed the way my mother did now. My entire childhood, she'd shown up at PTA meeting in bust-hugging sequins, the sight of which gave my father complicated facial twitches. She was flamboyant, really, in no other way. There was nothing Auntie Mame about her. Unless Auntie Mame had a penchant for public collapse. ~ Jerry Stahl