Funny Kermit The Frog Quotes

Absolutely. I understand that Miss Piggy is willing to serve as Queen of Scotland if there is a split. So you may want to guard your castles.

Kermit the frog's response to the question on if he agreed with David Bowie on whether Scotland should remain as part of Britain ~ Kermit The Frog

You can propose on our honeymoon
[Miss Piggy to Kermit the Frog] ~ Miss Piggy

How important are the visual arts in our society? I feel strongly that the visual arts are of vast and incalculable importance. Of course I could be prejudiced. I am a visual art. ~ Kermit The Frog

Seriously," Ben said. "This guy sounds like an alcoholic Kermit the Frog with throat cancer ~ Anonymous

An obscenely long, coarse kermit cock is being dragged across my anguished face. ~ Andrew Hussie

It is true, monsieur! At a certain age your sight comes back, rejuvenated. ~ Kermit Lynch

I have had a satisfactory, often exciting life, of which I am appropriately proud. ~ Kermit Roosevelt Jr.

I was genuinely starstruck when I met Kermit the Frog. Like many stars here tonight, he's a lot shorter in real life. ~ Bret McKenzie

Here's some simple advice: Always be yourself. Never take yourself to seriously. And beware of advice from experts, pigs, and members of Parliament. ~ Jim Henson

Wagner cleared his throat once again, then pounded a few chords on the piano. But something unexpected happened when he started to sing. He sounded like Kermit the Frog being run over. ~ Dylan Callens

One day I was standing with my stage manager, Sandy Prudden, and Buddy Sheffield watching as Kermit the Frog (with the help of the late Jim Henson) sweetly sang a song. Sandy was always a big joker. He sidled up to me and said, "Isn't it amazing the way Kermit can sing like that with somebody's hand up his ass." Without missing a beat, I came back with, "Shoot, that ain't nothin'. I did that for seven years on the 'The Porter Wagoner Show. ~ Dolly Parton

We are at war, and in time of war there is only one rule. Form your battalion and fight. ~ Kermit Roosevelt III

Oh, for crying out loud, it's because you're so uptight and self-righteous. Somebody said your ass was probably as watertight as a frog, and next thing you know they were calling you Kermit. ~ Mitty Walters

My eye was drawn to a bright green hue, the same shade as a poisonous Amazonian frog, the tiny, delightfully deadly ones. ~ Gail Honeyman

One cannot bring up boys to be eagles and then expect them to be sparrows. ~ Edith Kermit Carow Roosevelt

I never wanted to safe... I wanted to be good. ~ Kermit Roosevelt III

In the story of the prince and the frog, there's always a frog. This story ... it has no frog. ~ Anne Rice

I feel an emptiness open in my chest, coupled with a strange downward pull in my throat. I think, this is my heart sinking. ~ Kermit Roosevelt III

I'd rather be ignored as a frog than eaten as a human. ~ E.D. Baker

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. ~ E.B. White

I am, indeed, pure Frog, but at the same time I am a thing that stands for a world of un-Frog. ~ Haruki Murakami

of the scorpion and the frog? The frog carried the scorpion on its back as they crossed the river. The scorpion stung the frog, and as they both were drowning, the frog asked the scorpion why he'd done it." "Because I'm a scorpion, ~ Skye Warren

How does one conquer fear, Don B.?" "One takes a frog and sews it to one's shoe," he said. "The left or the right?" Don B. gave me a pitying look. "Well, you'd look mighty funny going down the street with only one frog sewed to your shoes, wouldn't you?" he said. "One frog on each shoe. ~ Donald Barthelme

I never wanted to be safe, I wanted to be good. ~ Kermit Roosevelt III

R.F. JACKABY
INVESTIGATIVE SERVICES
ASSISTANT WANTED
-$8 PER WEEK-
Must be literate and possess a keen intellect and open mind.
Strong stomach preferred.
Inquire at 926 Augur Lane.
Do not stare at the frog. ~ William Ritter

There is no suspension, no whispered prayer for silk to stop my fall. There is only the falling, and it goes on and on, in fierce silence and sharp bursts of breath. ~ Kermit Roosevelt III

I liked the name Frog Brigade because it lent itself to a lot of cool imagery with the whole frog thing. ~ Les Claypool

A scientist has a frog and he says, "Jump, frog." The frog jumps ten feet. The scientist writes down, FROG JUMPS 10 FEET. Then the scientist chops of one of the frogs' legs and says, "Jump, frog." and the frog jumps five feet. The scientist writes CUT OFF ONE FOOT, FROG JUMPS 5 FEET. Then he chops off another leg and says, "Jump." and the frog jumps two feet. The scientist writes down CUT OFF TWO LEGS, FROG JUMPS TWO FEET. Then he cuts off all the frogs' legs and says, "Jump." and the frog just lies there.The scientist writes down the conclusions of the test: CUTTING OFF ALL THE FROGS' LEGS MAKES THE SUBJECT GO DEAF. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

Old man comes across a frog one day. Frog says, "Kiss me, and I'll turn into a beautiful princess." Old man picks up it up, puts it in his pocket. Frog says, "Hey, didn't you hear me?" Old man says, "Sure did. But at my age, I'd rather have a talking frog. ~ Will Boast

Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away. ~ Alex Flinn

Analysing humour is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies. ~ Alan Ford

If you throw a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will hop right out. But if you put that frog in a pot of tepid water and slowly warm it, the frog doesn't figure out what going on until it's too late. Boiled frog. It's just a metter of working by slow degrees. ~ Stephenie Meyer

I think imagination is one of the greatest blessings of life, and while one can lose oneself in a book one can never be thoroughly unhappy. ~ Edith Kermit Carow Roosevelt

I performed in public for the first time at three years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was on a big stage. There were probably three or four hundred people in the audience. We were doing this dance, this Kermit the Frog routine, all of us in our little green leotards. ~ Jaime Pressly

Analysing comedy is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies. ~ Barry Cryer

After I put on my bathing suit, you must not look at me until I get into the water.'

'Why not?' asked Frog.

'Because I look funny in my bathing suit. That is why.' said Toad. ~ Arnold Lobel

Two conspirators with a frog, following the line of a whiffletree. ~ Witold Gombrowicz

Frog backward is GO RF. ~ Raymond Federman

Frog who wants to be a king of the lake by terrorizing other frogs is not a frog but a scorpion or a snake! ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan

With magic, you can turn a frog into a prince. With science, you can turn a frog into a Ph.D and you still have the frog you started with. ~ Terry Pratchett

Hey, hot cheeks!" A hand smacked my ass and I shrieked. Spinning around, I glared at Dan Ottoman, a blond, pimply, clarinet player from band. He leered back at me and winked. "Never took you for a player, girl," he said, trying to ooze charm but reminding me of a dirty Kermit the Frog. "Come down to band sometime. I've got a flute you can play ~ Julie Kagawa

The man was cold as an albino frog. ~ Ray Bradbury

Frog said, 'I wrote 'Dear Toad, I am glad that you are my best friend. Your best friend, Frog.' 'Oh,' said Toad, 'that makes a very good letter.'Then Frog and Toad went out onto the front porch to wait for the mail. They sat there, feeling happy together. ~ Arnold Lobel

It wasn't a kiss that changed the frog, but the fact that a young girl looked beneath warts and slime and believed she saw a prince. So he became one. ~ Richelle E. Goodrich

It was like cooking a frog, he thought. You put the frog in the water, and then you turn on the heat. And by the time the frog notices that there's anything wrong, it's already been cooked. The world in which he worked was all too weird. ~ Neil Gaiman

Fairy Tales do not generally come true. If you mary a frog, he stays a frog. ~ Ina Caro

If a frog becomes a king, he will make the whole kingdom muddy! ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan

The frog who lives in well.....don't have any idea how big is the ocean...(imagine that you are frog and ocean is friendship) ~ Durgesh

I'm like a tree frog when it comes to birthdays. Basically, my thoughts on birthdays can be summed up in two words: tree and frog. ~ Jarod Kintz

It's true - there are only, like, two songs about rainbows, including that one. He should be asking why there are so few songs about rainbows. ~ Cheryl Cory

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process. ~ E.B. White

Frog in a little pond can be much happier than fish in a vast ocean! ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan

I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear is. But they don't. In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest-fire-prevention representative. They have Smackie the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog. And that's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me and I thought, "Man, I better play dead!" ~ Mitch Hedberg

Ode to an Expiring Frog

Can I view thee panting, lying
On thy stomach, without sighing!
Can I unmoved see thee dying
On a log,
Expiring frog!

Say, have fiends in shape of boys,
With wild halloo and brutal noise,
Hunted thee from marshy joys,
With a dog,
Expiring frog? ~ Charles Dickens

I read once that explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog," Mark said. "You find out how it works, but the frog dies in the process. ~ Cassandra Clare

Then you obviously cannot see yourself right now, you lackadaisical boggart!' Luna puffed up like a frog... ~ T.T. Faulkner

Frog Princess loved the lilly flowers
where Green Frog lay dreaming away the hours ~ Suzy Davies

More fun than a frog in a glass of milk. ~ Bob Weir

So who's this Kermit guy?"
"A singing frog puppet."
"That's bizarre."
"Hey. I saw a tiny cow fly by your window this morning. A cow."
"They're called pegamoos. It was someone's pet. They're notorious little escape artists."
"I want a pegamoo."
"You don't."
"I do."
"You can't house-train them."
"They fly."
"They bite."
"They fly."
"What if I told you they breathed fire?"
"They. Fly. Plus, I don't believe you. ~ Karen Akins

Leap frog over the ladybug.
Leap frog over the bee.
... then leap back home to me! ~ Lauren Thompson

Lie still, little frog. O though Mowgli
for Mowgli the Frog I will call thee
the time will come when thought wilt hunt Shere Khan as he has hunted thee. ~ Rudyard Kipling

Q: There's this talking frog that says he's a prince. What are the repercussions of cooking it for dinner?
A: There are none. Make sure you bread the whole frog evenly. ~ Seanan McGuire

No, Carolyn, you can't petition PETA to get a waiver from dissecting the frog. The frog's already dead. It donated itself to science. Don't let its sacrifice be in vain. -Brandon ~ Abigail Roux

Do you know the story of the scorpion and the frog? You know, the frog agrees to carry the scorpion across the river, because the scorpion promises not to sting him. And then the scorpion stings the frog, half way across the river. The drowning frog asks him why he did it, when they'll both drown, and the scorpion says that he's a scorpion, and it's his nature to sting. ~ Gregory David Roberts

But for a moment I stay there, suspended above the green swell of the land as though thrown up onto the crest of a wave, seeing for the first time a break in the at horizon. For this the boats crossed the ocean, the wagons climbed the mountain pass. For this the songs were sung with desert all around. This is what is given: the promise there is still a way, if we can find it, the promise we can always be renewed. ~ Kermit Roosevelt III

From the front row of the balcony, I look out over the Uptown Cinema. The red velvet seats are emptying, the credits scrolling up the screen. Ginger Rogers married a Nazi, but Cary Grant got her out of it. Their ship is sailing to America; sun burns away the fog and the wind blows free. Now they are gone and I am coming back to reality, breathing a harsher air. It is how I always feel when a movie ends. ~ Kermit Roosevelt III

Theories pass. The frog remains. ~ Jean Rostand

I loved Ray from 'The Princess and the Frog.' He was my guy. There was no Ray before me, so there's a level of satisfaction there. ~ Jim Cummings

It's like asking me, 'How would you feel if you were a frog?' Well, I wouldn't be me then, would I? I'd be a frog. Do frogs even have feelings? ~ Rainbow Rowell

Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog. ~ Jim Benton

I'm not a diva. I'm a tadpole trying to be a frog. ~ Toni Braxton

If a frog is placed into a pot of boiling water it will immediately try to jump out; but if it's placed into a pot of cool water that's gradually heated until boiling, it will stay put and never try to jump out. ~ Richard Beckham II

Nobody would have me in their laboratory for five minutes. I couldn't cut up a frog, and I certainly couldn't perform surgery. I'm better at making it possible for other people. ~ Mary Lasker

..you can't just break through a person's defenses like thatl the defenses are a part of the person, they are the person. It's our nature to have hidden depths. It's like...skinning a frog and saying, 'Now I understand this frog, because I've seen what's inside it.' But when you skin it, it dies. You haven't understood a frog, you've understood a corpse. ~ Raphael Carter

They may have turned this up, whether you had the Paula Jones case or not. But again maybe not, but again that's like if a frog had side pockets he'd probably wear a handgun. ~ Dan Rather

You can't make a frog richer who already have a great sun and have a pretty lake with green leaves, insects and flowers! He is already the richest of the richest! ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan

I'm Detective Piper of the Fairyland Metro Police, and I've been called in to investigate the incident of the missing frog prince ... ~ A.F. Stewart

If you're going to have to swallow a frog, you don't want to have to look at that sucker too long! ~ Zig Ziglar

The male frog in mating season," said Crake, "makes as much noise as it can. The females are attracted to the male frog with the biggest, deepest voice because it suggests a more powerful frog, one with superior genes. Small male frogs - it's been documented - discover if they position themselves in empty drainpipes, the pipe acts as a voice amplifier and the small frog appears much larger than it really is."
So?"
So that's what art is for the artist, an empty drainpipe. An amplifier. A stab at getting laid. ~ Margaret Atwood

If you were called to gallop like the horse, never end up hopping like the frog. Rise up for greatness. ~ Israelmore Ayivor

As the old fisherman remarked after explaining the various ways to attach a frog to a hook, it's all the same to the frog. ~ Paul Schullery

Do you know what happens, Etienne," says Madame Manec from the other side of the kitchen, "when you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water?" "You will tell us, I am sure." "It jumps out. But do you know what happens when you put the frog in a pot of cool water and then slowly bring it to a boil? You know what happens then?" Marie-Laure waits. The potatoes steam. Madame Manec says, "The frog cooks." ========== ~ Anonymous

Catching frogs can take a toll on your body. I have repeatedly been battered and actually was knocked out cold when I dove headfirst into a cypress tree. One time, I jumped out of a boat to catch a frog in a thicket, and as I lunged to grab the frog, a purple poisonous thorn stuck me behind the ear. I vomited for three days and my face was badly swollen. If it had stuck me in the temple, I probably would have died. My greatest frog catch occurred after our boat ran aground. I saw the biggest bullfrog I've ever seen! The problem was, there were three snakes in between the frog and me: a cottonmouth water moccasin, a nonvenomous water snake, and then a bigger fish snake. Undeterred, I triple-jumped the three snakes and grabbed the frog in one swoop. Then I triple-jumped back the other way without getting bit. It probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but, hey, I got the frog! ~ Jase Robertson

Okay you guys need the dope on the real story of the princess and the frog...So once upon a time a beautiful independent confident princess came upon a frog sitting by a pond. The frog said to the princess 'I was once a handsome prince until an evil Witch put a spell on me.'...So the smart-assed frog said 'If you will just kiss me I will turn back into a prince. And then you'll marry me move into the castle with my mother and you can cook for me and clean my clothes have my children and live happy ever after while I go rescue a damsel in distress'...Later that night the princess laughed as she sat down to dinner. 'I don't think so ' she said and dug hungrily into her plate of frog's legs. And she lived happily ever after. ~ Phyllis Curott

To a frog that's never left his pond, the ocean seems like a gamble. Look what he's giving up: security, mastery of his world, recognition! The ocean frog just shakes his head. "I can't explain where I live, but someday I'll take you there." ~ Rumi

After a night filled with cricket chirps - which were less annoying than she'd thought, because they'd reminded her of girl scout camping trips when she and her sister had been younger - the next morning brought her to something she'd been dreading: it was time to feed the frog. She didn't particularly want to be an accomplice to cricket murder, but neither could she let the frog go hungry. The situation wasn't fair to the crickets or to the frog. Or, really, to her. Ugh, matters of life and death were not her forte. ~ Cate Rowan

It is so hot that even with the windows open, I am suffocating. I kept a frog in a box once. The box had a lid so he wouldn't jump out. It was during a summer like this. When everyone moves slowly because the air is too thick to breathe. I forgot about the frog for a few days. It was dead by the time I remembered.

Tonight, as I lie in bed, I start to cry because I once killed a frog. It's just a little cry, and I stop myself quickly. ~ Sarah Willis

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick. ~ F. Sionil Jose

Pre-high tech, objects thunked and crashed and clopped, amid a thunder of drums, a tumult of trumpets. Today things beep and cheep and whistle. We have come from the roar of the lion to the chirp of the tree frog, ceaselessly bleating our identities while the frog-eating bats hover above us. ~ A.J. Orde

Halfway through his reclusion, Arredondo experienced more than once that almost timeless time. In the first of the house's three patios there was cistern with a frog in it. It never occurred to Arredondo to think that the frog's time, which borders on eternity, was what he himself sought. ~ Jorge Luis Borges

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. ~ Bob Newhart

Kiss a frog with your eyes wide open. If he turns into a prince you won't miss the transformation, but if he doesn't, you won't be fooled by some wishful illusion in your head. ~ Richelle E. Goodrich

On the way home I remembered a bit of old folklore about how to boil a frog. You put it in cold water, then start turning up the heat. If you do it gradually, the frog is too stupid to jump out. I don't know if it's true or not, but I decided it was an excellent metaphor for growing old. ~ Stephen King

Let me guess," the frog interrupted,"Like every other human explored I've even met, you want to know the meaning of life."
"I didn't-"
"The answer's forty-four. The machine was off by two" the frog snapped, "Believe me, it makes a world of difference... ~ Nnedi Okorafor-Mbachu

What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. ~ Dave Barry

I found it possible to observe at least the superficial capillaries of muscles both in the frog and in mammals through a binocular microscope, using strong reflected light as a source of illumination. Resting muscles observed in this way are usually quite pale, and the microscope reveals only a few capillaries at fairly regular intervals. ~ August Krogh

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~ Steven Wright

Sometimes you have to realise that somebody is not coming back and there will be no happy ending. You don't get the prince, you get the frog. And sometimes after a while the frog doesn't seem so bad and you realise that the prince was not in fact that much of a prince. ~ Hazel Osmond

In grammar school they taught me that a frog turning into a prince was a fairy tale. In the university they taught me that a frog turning into a prince was a fact! ~ Ron Carlson