Dylan Callens Quotes

So, he eagerly drove from Basel to Bayreuth before the festival began to watch the last rehearsals of The Ring Cycle. As he watched, it hit him like Odin's bowel movement: the opera was shit.

Freud kept himself amused while waiting for God by inhaling glue that was gummed up inside a plastic bag. In mid huff, God rushed through the door, "Oh my God, you have to try this," Freud giggled. "I'm so baked. And dizzy. Actually, I don't feel good at all.

Marry me, Lou," Nietzsche bent down on one knee, his knees creaked. He peered over top of his glasses with a gaze of pitiful defeat. He had met his match with Lou. She was brilliant, shrewd, and brave. Taking risks that other women dare not.

"Get up, Friedrich," she responded, "You know that I won't marry you or anyone else.

They wept with joy, happy to see him alive. A smile crept across Fritz while being smothered in their affection, but all he could think about, and what he never forgot, were those mountains.

The worst thing, however, was having to watch those Nazis use my philosophy, thanks to Elisabeth's editing. They twisted it into something so perverse and unimaginable. Using it as part of their platform to execute genocide," Nietzsche hung his head, shaking it at the ground, his hands clenched around the arms of the chair.

Is that a serious question? I'm God! I know things."

"Sure. Sure," Freud flipped to the front page of his notebook. At the top of the page scribbled the word megalomaniac, "Please, go on.

The hatred that I harbored for Lou and Paul faded into the background. The cold, lonely mountains which once filled my mouth and mind with the madness of Zarathustra shifted into a lithium passivity. Even Wagner was nothing more than a jester for some cathartic writing, allowing me to purge the bales of contempt that I had for the man.

God stared at his feet a little longer. He sighed, "Do you mean when it comes to the job itself? I don't know. It isn't what it used to be.

Mazda paid little attention to Sartre.

"What's the matter? Afraid that you'll lose to a man? A mere mortal?"

This caught Mazda's attention.

"If you don't come and get me, I'll tell everyone that I beat a god. A giant pussy of a god.

Through the rainbow he was brave,
Although blood, he did not crave.
But Vikings, blood they should want.
Heads as trophies, they should flaunt.
But from behind, little Jimmy was run through,
A puddle of blood grew and grew.
So when Jimmy fell,
My tears they did swell.
And I cried.
And I cried."

While there was scattered applause, most people just looked at him, confused. The poem was terrible. Heimdall knew it. The crowd knew it.

He passed the lighter down the table until Descartes held it in one hand while setting the greasy cylinder down on the table. After smoothing it out, Descartes sparked up the lighter. With the lighter drawn near the grease, the aroma of burnt hair filled the board room.

Wagner cleared his throat once again, then pounded a few chords on the piano. But something unexpected happened when he started to sing. He sounded like Kermit the Frog being run over.

You think one man's death forgives a world of sins? How naive can you be? My edicts require people to be good to each other. To obey the laws that I sent to Moses. Everybody breaks those laws every day. That's millions upon millions of sins every day. Why would I send my son, no matter how weak I think he was, to be killed for people who are not worthy of my respect?

Mazda [Ahura] checked his phone and quickly received the message, "Neat," he cracked a half smile, "I think I like Twitter.

Alarmed, Odin announced, "This thing says Mazda on it!"

The group took a close look at the decal on the back of the car. Thor brought his war hammer over his head, "What is it? Can I smash it?"

Odin put his hand up, "No, wait. I don't think that this is a god. Look, there are others named Mazda, too. I think these are used to transport people.

Though he was gone, Stairway to Heaven lingered in the gentle breeze. Sartre and Freya, while holding hands, began to sway back and forth until they found themselves wrapped in each other's arms. Starting in Gimli, everyone followed their lead. Soon, across the whole world, and like the last song at a high school homecoming in the late 70s, people slow danced with each other.

Sartre snickered. "Are you trying to make love to that thing, or put gas in it?" He stepped out of the car and flipped the heavy metallic switch, causing the machine to vibrate to life. Odin grunted a thank you as he squeezed the handle, "This liquid stinks.

...and according to Kings, at some point you sent two bears to maul a bunch of children. I believe forty-two of them, for taunting a bald child?"

"I know it seems a bit harsh now, but you have to understand, that was a long time ago. These were the days of the Hammurabic and Draconian Code. If you wanted to get someone's attention, you had to have the harshest penalties. People were going crazy for that kind of stuff. Besides, those kids were taunting one of my followers named Elisha.

Loki shook his head in the darkness. That's confusing, he thought, "And what is a Pennsylvania?"

"It's a large region of land. They say that this is where revolutions begin and nations are born. They say that this is a place where steel rules all and there is something called a cheese-steak sandwich that is supposed to be manna from heaven!

I ain't never heardin' of a place called Odin."

Now Mazda knew. Hillbilly. A fucking hillbilly. If there was one thing that Mazda disliked more than Greeks, it was hillbillies. He grabbed the slack-jawed yokel by the throat and lifted him off the ground, "Not a place. A who."

The man had a difficult time speaking, "Awho? Who's Awho? Is he at Odin?

Freya led Sartre to the first tent, near the water. Sartre pushed back the flap so that they could both enter. Two bushy-bearded gentlemen dressed as Vikings, one on top of the other, kissed hungrily at each other, making slurping spaghetti sounds.

Yam raised an army of sea creatures designed to march on Mount Aqraa, to destroy Baal. He created some of the craziest monstrosities every seen: lobsters rode four-legged tuna like proud cavalry, sword fish infantry marched onward in perfect step, biped whales thundered towards the mountain, while winged sharks provided air support. An elite group of electric eel assassins were armed with both their innate ability to shock in melee combat and throwing star fish for long range skirmishes.

Loki sat down, closed his eyes and reached his hand toward the sky. Nothing happened immediately and Thor was about to say something nearly intelligent when suddenly guitars started screaming, as if a loud speaker hung from the clouds. Then, Robert Plant's voice rang through the air, "We come from the land of the ice and snow from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow!

Bullshit!" Thor shouted at the stage, causing the actor playing Estelle to look at the audience. Thor added, "Just leave. Be done with this nightmare of a play! Goddamn cowards!

The Heaven Inc. Board of Directors, whom one has to thank for the origin of most mainstream religion, are also the ones responsible for ending any god's career. Nietzsche knew that as the CEO, he could influence the outcome of world religion but he needed to come up with something big. Something inspirational. Something with pizazz. Something that would fire up the imagination of the other members. The board was newly elected. They were shy, passive, reflexive, and thoroughly stupid

Sartre gazed upon Freya's beauty, continuously reminding himself that he should not stare. Every time that he let his guard down, his eye wandered back to her cherry lips. He wanted to know if they tasted as good as they looked. He trailed down and noticed how the slight cleft in her chin served to accentuate the much deeper cleft between her breasts.

Freya detected Sartre skimming her body. She liked it. This frail little man with the crazy eye was so much different than the strong, muscular brutes that she was used to. He was a cute little oddity.

Odin, not unlike Charlie Brown, sighed, "Good grief," then added, "Why are we going to let this, this, coward on our trip? What do you see in him that could make you want him to come along?

A few years later I learned that she had a kid. I did the math and came to the obvious conclusion that I was the dad. But she never tried to contact me. Instead, she told people that the birth of her son was a miracle. A virgin birth. The strangest thing is that people believed her!" God shook his head in disbelief.

Disguised in a handlebar mustache with a ten gallon hat hanging low against his brow, Loki moseyed into Odin's party, despite the fact that he wasn't invited. Being dressed like Juan Valdez in a room full of people dawning Viking braids and pointy horned hats, however, tended to call attention to oneself. Odin's wife, Frigg, noticed Loki the moment that he stepped through the door, "What the Hel are you doing here? You weren't invited.