Odd Humor Quotes

They didn't think there was anything very odd in anyone being a little odd. ~ James Hilton

I am an artist you know ... it is my right to be odd. ~ E.A. Bucchianeri

Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it. ~ Amy Sedaris

Nobody knows what is life and still alive ~ Rahul Bodkhe

We're needed to save an innocent barrel of wine from a lecherous duke's son. ~ Alethea Kontis

[Feeney] "Nearly blew ourselves up about an hour ago, right, Roarke?"
Roarke rose and tucked his hands in his pockets. "I never doubted you for an instant Captain."
"Like hell." In tune with his man, Feeney grinned. "If you weren't saying your prayers, boyo, I was saying mine. Still, I can't think of many others I'd be pleased to be blown to hell with."
"The feeling's nearly mutual."
"If you two have finished your little male bonding dance, would you care to explain what the hell I'm supposed to be looking at here?" [Eve] ~ J.D. Robb

You know, most boys enjoy being trapped in close quarters with a girl. ~ Veronica Roth

I've noticed that women often have a desire to change men, even the ones they love."
"I've noticed that, too." Dougal frowned. "Which is odd, when you think about it. Because if you didn't
like the way a man is, why would you attach yourself to him to begin with? ~ Karen Hawkins

I did every odd job you could possibly imagine: Holding a sign in the rain for 14 hours straight, sweeping up cigarette butts, pouring coffee, running around - anything I could to be on a film set. I wanted to be in the business. So I'd say, 'You need that job done? Fine,' and I became indispensable to people. ~ Michelle MacLaren

How old are you?" asked Door. Richard was pleased she had asked; he would never have dared.
"As old as my tongue," said Hunter, primly, "and a little older than my teeth. ~ Neil Gaiman

I find it odd seeing a DJ playing to huge audiences. I know that people have been doing it for a while, but the fact that it's been embraced so much in America now and it's become like this new, big thing, I find it slightly odd. ~ Martin Gore

Anyone and everyone taking a writing class knows that the secret of good writing is to cut it back, pare it down, winnow, chop, hack, prune, and trim, remove every superfluous word, compress, compress, compress...

Actually, when you think about it, not many novels in the Spare tradition are terribly cheerful. Jokes you can usually pluck out whole, by the roots, so if you're doing some heavy-duty prose-weeding, they're the first to go. And there's some stuff about the whole winnowing process I just don't get. Why does it always stop when the work in question has been reduced to sixty or seventy thousand words--entirely coincidentally, I'm sure, the minimum length for a publishable novel? I'm sure you could get it down to twenty or thirty if you tried hard enough. In fact, why stop at twenty or thirty? Why write at all? Why not just jot the plot and a couple of themes down on the back of an envelope and leave it at that? The truth is, there's nothing very utilitarian about fiction or its creation, and I suspect that people are desperate to make it sound manly, back-breaking labor because it's such a wussy thing to do in the first place. The obsession with austerity is an attempt to compensate, to make writing resemble a real job, like farming, or logging. (It's also why people who work in advertising put in twenty-hour days.) Go on, young writers--treat yourself to a joke, or an adverb! Spoil yourself! Readers won't mind! ~ Nick Hornby

She needs Jesus and as ass-whooping! ~ Toni Aleo

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby. ~ Henny Youngman

Duty is a good thing, a calling without which no civilization can survive, but it is also a weight and chain that sometimes seems sure to sink you to the airless bottom of a dark pool ~ Dean Koontz

Care to explain?" Ari asked.
"Didn't you see my signals?"
"Yeah. But they didn't make sense. Five into one and it's an intrusion."
"It's an illusion! Five of them are an illusion."
"That's not the signal for illusion. This is." Ari demonstrated the proper signal.
"That's what I did."
"No, you didn't. You did a weird twisty thing with your pinky."
"I had a scimitar at my throat. I'd like to see you try signaling under those conditions."
-Janco and Ari bickering ~ Maria V. Snyder

Lesly: I don't think you're insane.

Jackie-O: You don't?

Lesly: No.

Jackie-O: You don't think I'm an eensie weensie bit insane?

Lesly: I don't think you're insane. I think you're just spoiled.

Jackie-O: Oh please, if everyone around here is going to start telling the truth, I'm going to bed. ~ Wendy Macleod

Well, ha-jolly-ha to YOU, young Stiffie
with knobs on! ~ P.G. Wodehouse

The moon was wide - too wide and too close. Mentally, Simon told the moon to stop being so close and bright and that it should just generally shut up with the mooniness. ~ Cassandra Clare

Your Highness," he greeted.
"It's 'Royal Pain in the Ass' to you, sir. ~ Kiera Cass

Stop complainin." Jess climbed up to the cab and leaned down to pull me up beside him. "I'm not complaining." His fingers clung to my wrists as the soles on my gray, canvas shoes slipped up the worn steps. "It's hot. I'm sweatin'. I don't want to go campin'," his voiced pitched high to mock me. ~ S.D. Hendrickson

I don't believe for one moment that I killed him [ ... ] But if I didn't, somebody else did. I must appoint myself Investigator. I must catch this malefactor, this pig. And if at any time it looks as if I am going to catch myself, I can always accept my resignation. ~ Pamela Branch

My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say 'Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language." ~ Morey Amsterdam

I'm tired of the anonymity of being an unpublished author. I crave the anonymity of being self-published. ~ Tristan Durie

if lying would be a crime, we would all be in jail right now ~ PLL.

If you were crossing the road and saw a black cat passing, you may possibly get hit by a car, or a mail boy or the sky could rain in summer, possibly snow. Those were theories, none of them were true. It was like karma; it only happens to you if you believed in them. Myths, Cecilia called them. The guy looked frozen. This is silly, she thought. He could not be that affected by the cat. Cecilia had been working here for a year and she wasn't struck by lightning, she was alive, of course, nobody chose the cat so this is why she was the oldest pet in the store. ~ Basma Salem

Anyway, there's some fuckery afoot, clearly, but I don't think you're possessed. ~ Michelle Hodkin

He laced his hands behind his neck and propped his boots on the opposite arm of the sofa. If an artist were to capture this image, it would have been labeled,Smugness: A Portrait. She wanted to shake him. ~ Tessa Dare

Rafe hadn't sworn in front of a lady since he was fifteen and said something unacceptable in his mother's hearing. Though he'd been twice her size already, she grabbed him by his hair queue and dragged him to her boudoir, where she proceeded to wash his mouth out with lavendar soap. He had been vilely sick, to this day couldn't bear the scent of lavendar, anhd watched his tongue around females of all ages and social rank. ~ Laurie Alice Eakes

Has all the trappings of a mystery novel, doesn't it? ~ Patricia Cornwell

A punching bag. The guy was pounding on a punching bag. That realization took about a nanosecond to register in her brain before the real important information came to the forefront: LoriSue, God bless her slutty little soul, had been absolutely correct. He was male-stripper material, and he'd been thoughtful enough to strip to a pair of athletic shorts on his very first night in the neighborhood. ~ Susan Donovan

I want that little blonde bitch in the lobby to hear me screaming your name. ~ Aaron B. Powell

Say what you want, I still think Dracula One and Dracula Two are creep-tacular. ~ Stephenie Meyer

You know you're officially an adult when you finally understand WHY Miss Hannigan was drinking bath water. ~ Christy Hall

Just 'Your mother.'" But it doesn't work if girls say it to each other," she continues. "You have to have a penis for it to affect you in such a way. ~ Melina Marchetta

Everybody going to be dead one day, just give them time. ~ Neil Gaiman

- Did you really save the world ? ...
- Mostly I was saving my own ass. Just happend that the world was in the same spot. ~ Jim Butcher

Because with Charlie, nothing was ever easy. Everything was windswept and octagonal and finger-combed. Everything was difficult and odd, and the theme songs all had minor chords. ~ A.S. King

It was time to break out the don't-fuck-with-me face. ~ Julie James

I wish happiness was some edible food easily available in stores... Oh wait, it is. ~ Hk

I'm an atheist and I thank God for it. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Although excessive coffee drinking may cause you to die earlier, you'll get more done before you do. ~ Jimvirle/Jinvirle