Michelle Hodkin Quotes

Tonight. And I would give him tomorrow, and everyday after, for as long as I possibly could. It wasn't enough for me, but it was enough for him

What if they make me stay? To keep me safe?""I wouldn't, if I were them."
"What do you mean?""Any minute now ... "Two seconds later, the sound of an alarm filled my ears.
"What did you do?" I said over the noise as he backed up toward the bathroom door.
"The girl who gave you the note?"
"Yes ... "
"I caught her staring at my lighter."
I blinked. "You gave a child, in a psych ward, a lighter.

Do not find peace. Find passion.

I didn't know enough to hold myself back. Now I was too aware, hyperaware, and so the fear chained me.

I was applauding Mara for her extraordinarily appropriate use of the term 'batsh*t crazy

What had happened would always be part of us, but we'd survived it. We were still here. The curtain would fall ons us eventually, but I would fight to keep it up as long as I could. For now it was just us, together, and there was nothing in our way.

Mara is the one I never knew I was waiting for, and as long as she'll have me, I will never let her go.

Also, I kissed her. She liked it.

Naturally.

No, it isn't irrelevant. You want me as much as I want you. And all I want is you.

When someone is hiding a secret in a house, something changes in the air. Unspoken words, half finished smiles, eggshell steps - they distort reality, they muffle truth.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, how could I ever love anyone else?

I twisted my arm to curl him behind me and he unfolded there, the two of us snuggled like quotation marks in his room full of words.

You're supposed to say, 'All I want is your happiness. I'll do whatever it takes, even if it means being without you.'"
"Sorry," Noah said. "I'm just not that big of a person.

I've seen her in the middle of the night and the middle of the day, with makeup and without, with her hair done up and when it's been unwashed for days. I've seen her in jeans and in silk and in nothing. I would gladly spend the rest of my life just looking at her.

I'm chasing oblivion I will never find.

You were planned, Noah. Engineered." Noah practically radiated frustration. "For what?"
"To be the hero," David said, looking at Noah like he was his greatest disappointment. "To slay the dragon. But you fell in love with it instead.

A thing I loved about her immediately, though, she looked back at me completely without pity.

So, what are we going to do with you? Jamie asked.
"In what sense?"
"IN the sense that you go from zero to homicidal in sixty seconds."
"I'm passionate."
You're maniac," Jamie said

You like me," he finally said. "You like me, like me." He was trying not to smile.
"No. I hate you," I said, hoping that saying it would make it so.
"And yet, you draw me." Noah was still smug, completely undeterred by my declaration.
This was torture; worse somehow than what just happened, even though it was only the two of us. Or because it was only the two of us.
"Why?" he asked.
"Why what?" What could I say? Noah, despite you being an asshole, or maybe because of it, I'd like to rip off your clothes and have your babies. Don't tell.

Now be a gentleman and open the door for me. My hands are full.

The closer anyone gets to you, the more at risk they are of falling under your shadow, or being consumed by your flame.

And then I'm steered away, flicking a winner's grin over my shoulder at my girl.
It takes a moment to register that I've been shuttled into a side corridor cordoned off from the public, filled with some of the many marble busts of past generations of Shaws, casting long shadows that slice the marble floor.

Anyway, there's some fuckery afoot, clearly, but I don't think you're possessed.

Who peed in your cheerios?

You are what happiness means to me. And I would rather have today with you than forever with anyone else.

It's a long story that involves copious quantities of alcohol and Lolita.

Your life will not always be a happy one, but it will always have meaning.

But when everyone tells you you're crazy and no one believes you when you swear you aren't, a small part of you will always wonder if they're right.

What time is it?'
'I don't know' Noah said, but his voice wasn't thick with sleep.
I drew back to look at him, 'Were you awake?'
He pretended to stretch. 'What? No.'
I rolled over onto my side and smiled. 'You totally were. You were watching me sleep.'
'No. That would be creepy. And boring. Watching you shower, perhaps ...

Noah's eyes held my face. I swallowed hard. The juxtaposition of him sitting in a room full of people while staring at no one but me was overwhelming. Something shifted inside of me at the intimacy of us, eyes locked amid the scraping of twenty graphite pencils on paper.
I shaded his face out of nothingness. I smudged the slope of his neck and darkened his delinquent mouth, while the lights accented the right angle of his jaw against the cloudy sky outside. I did not hear the bell. I did not hear the other students rise and leave the room. I did not even notice that Noah no longer sat at the stool.

The sarcasm, it burns!

I laughed as I twisted to face him and raised my arm to hit in one move. He caught my wrist and my laugh caught in my throat. A mischievous grin curved my mouth as I raised my other hand to hit him. He reached over me and caught that wrist too, gently pinning my arms above my head as he straddled my hips. The space between us boiled my blood.

I'd rather he not know the depths of my crazy.

Noah fit his hands to the curve of my waist. "Tell me," he said.
He looked inhumanly beautiful under the lights. It almost hurt to look at him, but it would have hurt more to look away.

If she watched me any closer, she'd turn into the Eye of Sauron

You can't be fixed. You can't be saved.

There's nothing I want. There's nothing I can't do. I don't care about anything. No matter what, I am an imposter. An actor in my own life.

You're stronger than you believe. Don't let your fear own you. Own yourself.

Even if what he says is true, I am simply out of fucks to give. I had few to spare to begin with.

Why, Noah, do you know the word for vagina in every language?"
"Because I'm European, and therefore more cultured than you.

If you ask the wrong questions, you will get the wrong answers.

Other people are usually wrong.

Our mouths were fluent in the language of each other and we moved with one mind and shared the same breath.

Gather my leaves,
Twist them into crowns
Let me be the king of your forest
Climb on my branches,
I will seek out your hide
s you sleep beneath the shade
Of my giving tree

You can't keep a secret from the person you love and expect it not to change him, too. She doesn't trust me with something, which makes me distrust her, and that makes our hands miss each other when we pass something over the table. It makes my mouth just miss hers when I lean to kiss her lips and end up with cheek instead.

She hitches up onto the bed, her fraying denimed legs dangling from crossed knees. "You know I know you like to watch."
I reach her. Uncross those legs. "I do."
"So watch.

You have no idea what you do to me," he said as he stood. "I could barely keep my hands off you last night, even after seeing what you'd been through this week. Even after knowing how wrecked you were when you told me. And I"m going to spend an eternity in hell for that dream I had about you on your birthday. But if I could call it up again, I'd spend it twice.

Dead end after dead end. Did you find the answers you were looking for in that book?"
"I haven't had a chance to read it yet," I said nonchalantly.
A half-smile tugged at Noah's mouth. "You fell asleep, didn't you?"
I lifted my chin. "No."
"What page?"
"I didn't fall asleep."
"What page?"
Busted. "Six,

You are a girl, Mara. A girl blessed and cursed.

I want to shake them for their ignorance and scream that their Sistine Chapel is filled with cracks.

I love the person I am with you. You recognize somebody in me who I want to be, who I wish I were, and I am him when I am around you.

If I explained everything maybe he would understand. I needed to be understood.

You smell good," he whispered into my neck. He was warm against me. Instinctively, I arched back into him and smiled.
"Really?"
"Mmm-hmm. Delicious. Like bacon.

She said you were an awesome lay, I said, feigning interest in the gush of water that spilled out from the gutter by the lockers. My face would betray me if he saw it.
Well, that's true, Noah said.

Don't hurt them," I said to Jude, and I meant it. "Please."
"I didn't want to," he replied, and punched me in the face.

Something inside of me began to tear.

All I want is you. You don't have to choose me now or ever, but when you choose, I want you free.

I know how you love endings, so I will write one for you.

Jamie said in that voice of his, "You never saw us."
"I never saw you," the driver repeated, sounding dazed.
"You drove this astonishingly hot underwear model from south Texas. You wanted to lick his abs."
"I wanted to lick his abs."
"You're such an asshole," Stella muttered as she climbed out of the cab.

I hate you," I muttered.
Noah smiled wider. "I know.

Have you made any other friends since we've been here?"
I gave him the death stare. "Yes, actually."
"Who? I want a name."
"Jamie Roth."
"The Ebola kid? I heard he's a little unstable."
"That was one incident.

This is a love story. Twisted and messy. Flawed and screwed up. But it's ours. It's us. I don't know how our story will end. but I know it will start. I pick up my pen and begin to write:
My name is not Mara Dyer, but my lawyer told me I had to choose something.

But you know what their real problem with me was? I never wanted to be one of them. That's what bothers bullies the most.

No," I said, louder this time. "I mean asscrown. The crown on top of the asshat that covers the asshole of the assclown. The very zenith in the hierarchy of asses," I said, as though reading from a dictionary of modern profanity.

Why would you think that?" "Perhaps because she is batshit crazy, Brooke." Jamie slow-clapped. "Jamie," Brooke said calmly. "I'm not sure that's productive." "I was applauding Mara for her extraordinary appropriate use of the term 'batshit crazy'.

You don't have to pick me up," I said in a rush.
"Considering you have no idea where we're going and I have no intention of telling you, I'm quite sure that I do."
"I can meet you somewhere centrally located."
Noah sounded amused. "I promise to press my trousers before meeting your family. I'll even bring flowers for the occasion."
"Oh, God. Please don't." I said. Maybe honesty is the best policy. "My family is going to screw with my life if you come over." I knew them far too well.
"Congratulations
you just made the prospect all the more enticing. What is your address?

So we can't start a fire. We can't fly. We can't create a force field. We are the most bullshit superheroes.

I'm the creepy girl. In a mental hospital."
He grinned. "Nobody's perfect.

The first time I heard her, I never wanted to listen to anyone else.

There's some fuckery afoot.

The colors shone, burned through. Sienna and crimson and gold, and I swallowed my name from his mouth and he kissed his from my lips, and I was incandescent as I tripped into- bliss.

My name is not Mara Dyer.

I was a goldfish without a castle to hide in.

Mara, I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. And when you're ready for me to show you," he said, brushing my hair to the side, "I'm going to kiss you." His thumb grazed my ear and his hand curved around my neck. He leaned me backward and my eyes fluttered closed. I breathed in the scent of him as he leaned in and kissed the hollow under my ear. My pulse raced under his lips.
"And I won't settle for anything less.

And that for every negative event or coincidence that has happened since, imagining that you triggered them, that you made them happen makes you feel like you possess a degree of control that you don't have.

Reluctant though you may be, Noah, you are the embodiment of the Hero. You don't have to learn to become good at anything. You simply are the best at everything. Your telomeres don't stop replicating. If you aren't killed, you might actually live forever. You have every gift, Noah.
I D O N ' T W A N T T H E M.

You are like fire; you will burn wherever you go. If contained, channeled, you can bring light, but you will also always cast a shadow.

There," he said as he finished tying the laces on my left show. "Now you won't fall.
Too late.

What are you smirking about, over there?"
"I'm more well-rounded than you."
"Not possible. You're American," he said. "And if it is true, it's only because you like crap.

Actually," I say, "we left to fuck, but someone decided to hang himself in the bell tower, which rather interrupted the mood.

I believe that every person has a responsibility to leave the world a better place than he found it.

I'll love you to ruins.

He shrugged. "I have a stomach thing. Don't get close."
"Well, now you've spoiled everything," I said casually, working hard to fake it. "I was planning to seduce you in the broom closet." I pointed. "Right there."
A joyless smile appeared on Jamie's lips. "We are far too screwed-up for a goddamned love
triangle."
That's my Jamie.

It doesn't matter", he murmured against my skin. His fingers traced the cuts, healing the veins beneath them. "There's only one thing that does."
"What?" I whispered.
He looked at me through his long,, dark lashes, with my hands still in his. "Killing Jude.

I'm rather sentimental about the ruins - as a child, I halfheartedly attempted suicide there now and again, always returning from post-tourist-hours expeditions with knees winking with cuts, and the occasional fracture or two.

If I were to live a thousand lives, I would want to make you mine in each one of them.

I did something brave, then. Or stupid. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.

You have her smile," people said, and I remember looking into the casket at her face, wondering if that meant I'd taken it from her, and the wave of guilt descended on me.

Where's Noah?" I asked with steel in my voice. My eyes searched the room, but there was nothing to find. "Why did you tell me he was dead?" Dr. Kells was reaching into a cardboard box by her feet as I spoke. "Because he is.

If you don't fight, you will grow lazy and discontent under the guise of wanting peace.
You will acquire money to acquire toys but the biggest ones will never be big enough.
You will fill your mind with trash because the truth is too ugly to look at.

Do you know why it is that, even today, women are counseled to scream "fire" instead of "rape"? Because the fundamental truth about humanity is that most people would rather look away.

In my rush, I hadn't tied my shoelaces. Noah was now tying them for me.
He looked up at me through his dark fringe of lashes and smiled. The expression on his face melted me completely. I knew I had the goofiest grin plastered on my lips, and didn't care.
"There," he said as he finished tying the laces on my left shoe. "Now you won't fall."
Too late.

My heart beats her name

I put on my shoes and a big, fake smile. I laughed on the outside while I screamed on the inside. My body was in the restaurant but my mind was in hell.

What I understand that They - most everyone, really - don't, is that suicide isn't an act of selfishness. Sometimes the hurt/pain/shame/loss is so much, so constant, and with no guarantee that it'll ever dissolve, sometimes the cost/benefit analysis of life/death truly feels like it'll only work out in favour of death.

This is where the privileged send their screwed-up progeny; no gluing macaroni to construction paper for us." He paused meaningfully. "They only let us CREATE with RICCIOLINI here."
"I don't even know what that is."
"It's very fancy, I assure you

I must be made of nothing to feel so much nothing.

I'm just glad you didn't get you greedy little claws on the OTHER sketchbook. THAT would have been embarrassing.

If I believed in God I would pray, beg, anything to stop time, to live in this moment with her forever. Tonight is a perfect thing in a broken world, and she is the queen of it. Her pleasure, searing white, arrows through mine, and I would let the Earth ice over to keep the sun from rising, but after hours of her, it rises anyway, sunlight staining our sheets, our skin. After, I fall asleep with Mara in my arms.

...and I freaked the fuck out in earnest.