Making Jokes Quotes

I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who are in a situation beyond their control is not funny to them or their families. ~ Maria Shriver

Gladstone, how sad do you have to get before you stop making jokes? ~ Wayne Gladstone

End of the Summer
It was end of the summer
And my heart was broken
but i was smiling, laughing, making jokes
Like there was nothing bleeding inside
As always. ~ Arzum Uzun

When I started out, the most terrifying thing was when I had to be very, very emotional in front of lots of people. Now I've kind of learned that it is very important to keep talking all day, keep making jokes, and be connected with people, and be present. It's very important for me to be absolutely present in order to be emotional. I learned that is sort of the way I need to be. ~ Julianne Moore

If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father. ~ Mary Todd Lincoln

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one. ~ Marilyn Monroe

Bleeding for a decade
For a decade,
We bleed like there is no hell but the earth
We bleed like we were born to dare
We bleed like there is nothing alive inside.
We find a clue
After a decade
Bleeding is just to breath
Simply keeps us alive. ~ Arzum Uzun

Timothy grabbed his squealing, tearful wife and spun her around the room. Then he read the letter again just to be sure he hadn't misunderstood. He lightly brushed his fingers across the gold embossed letters KPH in the upper left-hand corner and then, overcome with emotion, covered his face with the letter. This was what he had been hoping for. All those years of rejections; the frustrations and self-doubt; the late nights of writing until five or six in the morning, only to have to stop and get ready to go to work exhausted; the stress on his marriage. Even the other employees where he worked had started kidding him, calling him "Mr. Shakespeare" to his face and making jokes about him behind his back. He was sick of being asked, "Have you gotten published yet?" The cost had been high; with each rejection letter, a new humiliation to suffer. It was all worth it now. This is what it had been about. Now he could say he was an author; and yes, dammit, he was published. His dream had finally come true. ~ Barbara Casey

If he were another person entirely, he might burst into flowery speech. If he did, she'd probably laugh at him. Besides, he didn't believe in pretending to be anyone other than who he was. Even if she swooned at whatever poetic nonsense he managed to spout, she would only be disappointed once they grew comfortable with each other and he went back to making jokes about death and gonorrhea. ~ Courtney Milan

It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent and brought here in leg-irons (funny shoes, yes, but not leg-irons) and Hitler didn't blame them for Germany's loss in WWI. Therefore, you can make any kind of fun of them you want. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

In the past few hours, I've been possessed, nearly had my head caved in, and found out my mom is secretly a Prodigium hunter. And before that, I lost just about everyone else I care about, and discovered that people I trusted are secretly demon-raising creeps. My life sucks pretty hard right now. So, yeah. I'm making jokes. ~ Rachel Hawkins

Shahara grimaced at him. He was categorically insane-that was probably what the C.I. stood for. It had to be. "You have some severe mental problem I need to be aware of, don't you?"
He flashed a half-dimpled smile that sent shivers the length of her body. When he continued, it was in a strange accent that sounded more than just a little too creepy. "Just because I eat babies for breakfast and pick my teeth with their bones doesn't mean I'm nuts."
She rolled her eyes. Given who his father had been, he probably shouldn't be making jokes like that. No doubt that had been his father's favorite delicacy. "Any other weird habits I should be aware of?"
"Just my need to dance naked in the streets under the light of a full moon."
-Shahara & Syn ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Recently I have been attacked in newspapers by two 'fabulist' writers, as far as I can make out for the ordinariness of the worlds I portray. To which the most obvious reply is that it's all very well writing about elves and dragons and goddesses rising out of the ground and the rest of it--who couldn't do that and make it colorful? (Readable, of course, is another matter...) But writing about pubs and struggling singer-songwriters--well, that's hard work. Nothing happens. Nothing happens, and yet, somehow, I have to persuade you that something is happening somewhere in the hearts and minds of my characters, even though they're just standing there drinking beer and making jokes about Peter Frampton. ~ Nick Hornby

How can a man live without drinking water? How can a man live without breathing air? How can a man live without making jokes? ~ Mehmet Murat Ildan

I'm Irish, so I'm messing all the time. Which means, I'm having a laugh. I'm always making jokes. ~ Saoirse Ronan

When I first became famous in the United Kingdom it was helpful because it meant there wasn't a spite of 'this bloke's a drug addict,' 'this bloke f**ks all these women' because I was just making jokes about all those things already, so it made me some kind of incorruptible indefatigable, indestructible force. ~ Russell Brand

Loved this side of him. The happy go lucky, making jokes, sort of guy. It made me even hotter to know behind that mask there was an animal waiting to devour me. ~ Alaska Angelini

You know that you are the only person who shakes his head in exasperation when I insist on making jokes and small talk, when I refuse to be direct. No one else has ever minded this as you do. You are alone in wanting me always to say something that is true. I know now, as I walk towards the house I have rented here, that if I called and toldyou that the bitter past has come back to me tonight in these alien streets with a force that feels like violence, you would say that you are not surprised. You would wonder only why it has taken six years. ~ Colm Toibin

All I do is have fun. When I'm not working, it's about making people laugh. I love making jokes about things. Even when someone's mad at me, I'll deflect anger with humor. My days are filled with laughter. If I'm not laughing, I'm not happy. ~ Drew Fuller

Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making jokes and stick to boring people. ~ Conan O'Brien

I did not know that a reputation for wit is earned not by making jokes, but by laughing at the pleasantries of others. ~ Quentin Crisp

The interest I felt in certain guys then confused me, because it wasn't romantic, but I wasn't sure what else it might be. But now I know: I wanted to take up people's time making jokes, to tease the dean in front of the entire school, to call him by a nickname. What I wanted was to be a cocky high-school boy, so fucking sure of my place in the world. ~ Curtis Sittenfeld

I was feeling guilty in the beginning; it was frustrating to be successful when a lot of my friends weren't. Also, I was constantly being reminded of that by people in my family making jokes. ~ Cindy Sherman

Every day I do one or two podcasts that 92 percent of people never will hear. I'm constantly producing, constantly making jokes for Twitter. There's a lot of pressure there. On the flip side, I think having to produce like that makes you a better comedian. ~ Kurt Braunohler

too, making jokes about how old everything was at Yale, how the bathrooms ~ Catherine Coulter

I like to challenge myself not to be negative, because it's easy to take comedy to a negative place and criticize the outside world. Trying to praise something through comedy or be appreciative and making jokes about it is more challenging than cutting things down. ~ Kyle Kinane

For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going. ~ Jim Gaffigan

The Dalai Lama took the Archbishop's hand, and then they were more eight than eighty, laughing and making jokes together as they strolled toward the terminal, yellow umbrella sheltering above them. Even ~ Dalai Lama XIV

As comedians, we are all laughing because life is so horrible. Life is so difficult, and I cope with it by making jokes about absolutely everything. ~ Joan Rivers

First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot ... and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes. ~ Stephen Colbert

Well, I saved you today, didn't I? Just like I saved you before. You walked out of the Bastion free, without a scratch, and if any Cokyrian but me had caught you with that dagger, you might be drawn and quartered by now."
"You didn't save me from that butcher," I said irritably. "But you're right. About today, I mean." I could sense his satisfaction, which irritated me all the more. "So accept my thanks, but stay away from me. We're not friends, you know."
I was nearing my neighborhood and didn't want anyone to see me with him. He stepped in front of me, forcing me to stop.
"We're not friends yet. But you've thought about it. And you just thanked me."
"Are you delusional?"
"No. You just said thank you to the faceless Cokyrian soldier who arrested you."
"Don't you ever stop?" I demanded, trying in vain to move around him.
"I haven't even started."
"What does that mean?"
There was silence as Saadi glanced up and down the street. "I want to know where you got that dagger. Or at least what story you told."
"Why don't you ask Commander Narian? The two of you seemed fairly close."
"Quit making jokes."
"I haven't made a single one."
"Well?"
"It was my father's," I said, clinging to the lie Queen Alera had provided, whether by mistake or not.
"Oh." This seemed to take Saadi aback.
"And now, because of you, I don't have it anymore." I knew I was pressing my luck, but I wanted to make him feel bad.
"I' ~ Cayla Kluver

I heard some interesting things about your performance up here."
"I hear interesting things about your 'performance' all the time Doug, but you don't hear me making jokes about it. ~ Richelle Mead

He's a very funny and very nice man. When you read the script, you want to stick with it. But when you're with Eddie Murphy you've got to improvise. He's always making jokes and making me crack up when the camera's on. ~ Raven-Symone

I'm sick and I'm tired and I don't know where to go or what to do. well, at lunchtime we all ride down the elevator together making jokes and laughing and eating the recooked food; first they buy it then they fry it then they reheat it then the sell it, can't be a germ left in there or a vitamin either. ~ Charles Bukowski

I suppose I'm going on stage and making jokes about the fact that the audience are expecting the show to be about something and that they might learn something. ~ Andrew Lawrence

I would have done well as a gypsy child, I think. A circus baby. I coulda played a great street urchin or ragamuffin. Or just been one. I certainly liked entertaining people and making jokes, but I don't know necessarily if that's what your child is prone to that you should necessarily put them in a real working industry at six years old. ~ Natasha Lyonne

Making jokes is about the most wrong and stupid thing a bemused, middle-aged, white heterosexual Anglo Saxon sort of Celt Australian male can do these days. ~ Michael Leunig

One nice thing about making jokes is that you don't have to prove them. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

If you're not interested in me, just tell me. You don't have to ruin me for all women."
"I'm more about action than words." I'm glad he's making jokes, but I still wince. I drop to a crouch in front of Trent and ask in a low voice, "Are you okay? Seriously?"
"Yeah, I'll live. And by live, I mean curl up in the fetal position on my couch with a bag of ice on my nuts for the rest of the night."
"I'll hold the ice," I offer in a soft whisper. ~ K.A. Tucker

Please don't make me a joke. End the interview with what I believe. I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one ... I want to be an artist,
an actress with integrity. ~ Marilyn Monroe

Life likes jokes; life is constantly making jokes, even at the most inopportune moments. ~ Elizabeth McCracken

As long as I could hold a pencil, I was drawing and telling stories and making jokes. I've just been lucky that no one ever stopped me, and now I can do that for a living. ~ Alex Hirsch

That's what being young is all about. You have the courage and the daring to think that you can make a difference. You're not prone to measure your energies in time. You're not likely to live by equations. ~ Ruby Dee

There are times when I prefer a cerebral moment with an artist, and I'll just enjoy the wit of a Picabia or a Duchamp. It amuses me that they thought that what they did would be a good way of making art. ~ David Bowie

given that I'm making decisions that involve so much money and so many people, I can't afford to pretend to know what's up. ~ Sophia Amoruso

I don't want to go around making everyone else agree with me. I don't feel the need to do that. ~ Steve Coogan

The point of the resurrection ... is that the present bodily life is not valueless just because it will die ... What you do with your body in the present matters because God has a great future in store for it ... What you do in the present - by painting, preaching, singing, sewing, praying, teaching, building hospitals, digging wells, campaigning for justice, writing poems, caring for the needy, loving your neighbor as yourself - will last into God's future. These activities are not simply ways of making the present life a little less beastly, a little more bearable, until the day when we leave it behind altogether (as the hymn so mistakenly puts it ... ). They are part of what we may call building for God's kingdom. ~ N. T. Wright

I'm encouraging young people to become social business entrepreneurs and contribute to the world, rather than just making money. Making money is no fun. Contributing to and changing the world is a lot more fun. ~ Muhammad Yunus

I have seen far by seeing through the lens of Jiu Jitsu. I have exchanged a great deal of physical health for these insights, and these were trades worth making. My efforts were worth the return. I have sacrificed much in the name of this craft. Not for trophies or belts or prestige. For these fall away like dust. I pursued this art so fervently because it was not actually Jiu Jitsu I pursued. It was myself. ~ Chris Matakas

When someone succeeded in quickly making a lot of money in America, people said he had made his fortune. ~ Julius Streicher

It's great making a film and having it embraced and seen. I really enjoy that. ~ Bennett Miller

Most people wait too long to go into action, generally out of fear. They want more money or better circumstances. You must go the opposite direction and move before you think you are ready. It is as if you are making it a little more difficult for yourself, deliberately creating obstacles in your path. But it is a law of power that your energy will always rise to the appropriate level. When you feel you must work harder to get to your goal because you are not quite prepared, you are more alert and inventive. This venture has to succeed so it will. ~ Robert Greene

The moment it is in touch with the earth, the body recognizes it. That is why spiritual people in India walked barefoot and always sat upon the ground in a posture that allows for maximum area of contact. In this way, the body is experientially reminded that it is just a part of this earth. Never should the body forget what it is. If it forgets, it will start making fanciful demands; if you constantly remind it, then it knows its place. ~ Jaggi Vasudev

I'm not interested in making money, or being wealthy enough to have a villa in Beverly Hills, because in Paris I don't need that much money. ~ Ludivine Sagnier

It may be interesting to note how many statesmen there are who believe that the cost of living can be reduced by making the people of other countries help to feed and clothe us. ~ Charles Lindbergh

Making a movie is trying to capture moments of true reality. ~ Juan Diego Solanas

There shouldn't be any censorship on making a film. ~ Anurag Kashyap

You're more constrained when you're wealthy. Or when you're making a bigger film and people complain about no budgets; but having a small amount of money to make a film means you're at your absolute freest to express yourself as an artist. ~ John Carney

One should never learn from one's mistakes. Making the same mistakes, over and over again, is a source of unremitting pleasure. ~ Peter York

I have never been afraid of making patriots; but I disdain and despise all their efforts. ~ Robert Walpole

And that's how I ended up making out with the love of my life in the storeroom of a comic shop where, it turns out, heaven really can be found. ~ Leah Rae Miller

He sprays the antiseptic on my skin. It burns and I grit my teeth. Grover lightly blows on my scrape, his breath making the pain go away. He dabs the Neosporin on my skin. I bite my lower lip, tears welling in my eyes. It's like everything inside of me hurts and feels euphoric at the same time. And I don't know how to feel like this. It was easy with Coop because he made me feel nothing. I'm a rag doll with him. But with Grover, it's as if every one of my senses lights up. Like I'm on fire and covered in water and floating in the air all at the same time. ~ Rebekah Crane

And these [pharmaceutical] companies are still threatening to sue. And it's like, you know, do you not have a conscience? Do you not want the world to be a better place? You're still making a profit. How much more of a profit do you want to make? ~ Elton John

I am not trying to say that a passport photo of himself can cure a gloomy man of a gloom for which there is no ground; for true gloom is by nature groundless; such gloom, ours at least, can be traced to no identifiable cause, and with its almost riotous gratuitousness this gloom of ours attained a pitch of intensity that would yield to nothing. If there was any way of making friends with our gloom, it was through the photos, because in these serial snapshots we found an image of ourselves which, though not exactly clear, was - and that was the essential - passive and neutralized. They gave us a kind of freedom in our dealings with ourselves; we could drink beer, torture our blood sausages, make merry and play. We bent and folded the pictures, and cut them up with little scissors we carried about with us for this precise purpose. We juxtaposed old and new pictures, made ourselves one-eyed or three-eyed, put noses on our ears, made our exposed right ears into organs of speech or silence, combined chins and foreheads. And it was not only each with his own likeness that we made these montages; Klepp borrowed features from me and I from him: thus we succeeded in making new, and we hoped, happier creatures. ~ Gunter Grass

I'm racing in circles – fleeing a storm of my own making – while Jack waits patiently, ready to catch me when I collapse of exhaustion. ~ Chelsea Fine

When someone hurts you or harms you, even if it is a deep wound, forgive them. Forgive them NOT for their sake, but as a sign of gratitude to Allah. Why you ask? For making you the victim and not the oppressor. There is no crime in being a victim, rather it brings you closer to Allah and rids you of sins. But as for the oppressor, they'll have to face their Lord one day. So in reality, they are their own greatest victims. ~ Suhaib Webb

And so the meaning of our lives is not dependent upon what we make of it but of what he is making of us. ~ Emily P. Freeman

I never would have guessed I would be making science fiction and horror films. ~ Matt Reeves

Actually lowering the cost of insurance would be accomplished by such things as making it harder for lawyers to win frivolous lawsuits against insurance companies. ~ Thomas Sowell

It seemed to me I was living in an insane asylum of my own making. I went about with all these fantastic figures: centaurs, nymphs, satyrs, gods and goddesses, as though they were patients and I was analyzing them. I read a Greek or Negro myth as if a lunatic were telling me his anamnesis. ~ C. G. Jung

Even if you had a feminist mother like mine, you still absorbed the messages about our limited future through the pores of your skin…We were baby-making machines, always had been, always would be, and we were supposed to be satisfied with that. The women who were beginning to assert their full and separate humanity were often caricatured as harpies, termagants and shrews. ~ Jane Caro

1900 was a bit of mixed bag, it seems to me, on the one hand, because this is the year when this country becomes the premiere producer of manufactured goods. Clearly, a lot of people were making a lot of money, but it's also a time that reflects the savaging of one of the deepest depressions. ~ David Levering Lewis

In LA I was watching At the Movies with Ebert and Roper, it was, nice to see them differentiate between the subject matter and the art form of making the film, and they both gave it thumbs up, and I was kind of pleased at their honesty as far as reviewers go. ~ Michael Berryman