Liquor Funny Quotes

I don't think I've ever drunk champagne before breakfast before. With breakfast on several occasions, but never before before. ~ Truman Capote

You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.' ~ Ellen DeGeneres

I personally do not find puke funny. I find it disgusting. ~ Lucy Punch

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium. ~ Henny Youngman

I'm no Alice, you're just predictable. ~ Stephenie Meyer

Yes, the mutes are already on. You took them off in the beginning. ~ Eugene Ormandy

Time rushes by and yet time is frozen. Funny how we get so exact about time at the end of life and at its beginning. She died at 6:08 or 3:46, we say, or the baby was born at 4:02. But in between we slosh through huge swatches of time
weeks, months, years, decades even. ~ Helen Prejean

But, it was a funny thing: every day something happened that was important enough to be on the front page of the newspaper. She'd never bought it and seen a little sign that said 'Not much happened yesterday, sorry about that'. ~ Terry Pratchett

Funny how older brothers could still be annoying even after everyone was all grown-up. ~ Elizabeth Camden

When you step out and do a song in a musical, the easier thing to do is make it funny. But when those transitions become necessary, when they aren't camp, that, to me, is magic. I've done musical comedies and enjoyed them, but subject matter that's deeper and more realistic is always what's appealed to me most. ~ Kelli O'Hara

It may sound funny, but I got a thrill when I was pulled into a crowd once. It was like 'How am I going to get out of this?! ~ Nick Carter

My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars? ~ Bob Saget

It's such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you're not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. ~ Johnny Depp

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Get this: how many Weavers does it take to screw in a light bulb?'

Kate folded her arms, her expression aloof. Acciper pensively scratched his beard, withholding his ignorance.

'One?' ventured Vivian.

Lucian's boyish face split into a grin. His body filled up with the imminent rumble of laughter.

'Two Weavers. One holds the light bulb and the other one spins reality around it. ~ Louise Blackwick

The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny. ~ Greg Giraldo

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. ~ Dan Rather

One more victim sucked in by John. You get into the room with him and you just fall into a warm pool of beer and video games and penis jokes, staring at the universe with him and saying, Do you believe this shit? ~ David Wong

I feel that life is short, so we should be disciplined, but at the same time we should have a good time. ~ Wyclef Jean

... Dexter the sofa spud ... ~ Jeff Lindsay

One thing the blues ain't, is funny. ~ Stephen Stills

I'm very physical. I'm extremely active, and I would love to do something a little more sexy and dangerous, a la Sophia Loren, or funny and humorous, a la Woody Allen. Getting to do things along those lines would be extremely wicked and a dream come true. ~ Azita Ghanizada

Andy was speechless. He'd forgotten that there was actually another person in the room- someone with her own needs and desires and shit to freak out about. But it was funny, or better than funny, that sometimes two people could be feeling the exact same thing at the exact same time. ~ Tommy Wallach

The scholar does not consider gold and jade to be precious treasures, but loyalty and good faith. ~ Confucius

What you discover about life's shell game is that it's hardest to follow the pea when you're the pea. ~ Robert Breault

Do you want a ride home?"
"I rode my bike, and I don't really want to keep it here at the school."
"I have a truck, it won't be a problem to throw it into the bed."
"Well then, I suppose I don't really have an excuse to say no, do I?"
"I was going to hold your duffel hostage until you said yes anyway."
"Now what has my duffel bag ever done to you? ~ August Westman

There exists a microscopic breed of brain beetle, commonly known as an 'idea'. An idea desires only one thing: To catch the perfect brain wave. ~ Leah Broadby

It's a profoundly different thing to be able to refer to the images you are taking at the time and check them out on a laptop that is plugged into your Hasselblad and go "oh no, do it again, do it again" - all of those a requickly made decisions. The fact that you can see the images right away in a funny way makes the whole relationship more casual. I don't want a casual relationship with my subject. ~ Bill Henson

Oh! Do you have a pocketknife?"
He narrowed his eyes at me. "Pocketknife?"
"Don't men your age always have pocketknives?" I asked in a high-pitched voice.
"My age? I'm not a fucking grandfather," he snapped. ~ Jenn Bennett

Now, there are things I like just fine about church, and I don't just mean making money. The notion of getting together as a community to remind ourselves why we shouldn't behave like animals is a fucking great idea. ~ Nick Offerman

Sim sighed. like Ross always said: Wish in one hand,shit in the other,and see which hand fills up first. ~ Keith Gray

Tides is a rich, taut, suspenseful, and funny exploration of two worlds, selkie and human. It's full of mystery but it's also so fully imagined that a reader can jump right in. Betsy Cornwell is a terrific new talent with a boundless imagination. ~ Valerie Sayers

Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation. ~ Jimmy Carr

Hanni, I'm going to have to watch you carefully. You may break a lot of hearts in London."
"What am I to break?" she asked with that lovely innocent smile.
"Hearts. Lots of Englishmen will fall in love with you."
"I hope so," she said. "I'm gonna be hot sexy dame. You can give me tips. ~ Rhys Bowen

The higher you rise in the business ladder, the smaller your balls become. ~ Santosh Kalwar

This is a great day for France! ~ Richard M. Nixon

You know what you are, Sam Brody?" she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. "A big, fat tease." They both knew there wasn't an ounce of fat on him. They also both knew exactly what she meant. ~ Jill Shalvis