John Waters Quotes

Just because something 'happens', because it is 'true', because the 'facts' are correct, does not ensure that it is the truth. ~ John Waters

The only insult I've ever received in my adult life was when someone asked me, "Do you have a hobby?" A HOBBY?! DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING DABBLER?! ~ John Waters

I mean, what is prison, really, except a good bar without the liquor? ~ John Waters

My favorite characters are people who think they're normal but they're not. I live in Baltimore, and it's full of people like that. I've also lived in New York, which is full of people who think they're crazy, but they're completely normal. ~ John Waters

The worst thing you can do is make a cult movie. That means you got three great reviews and nobody went. An art film means it got a lot of good reviews and nobody went. There is no such thing as a counter culture now. What used to be considered that is commercial now. ~ John Waters

Even illegal weapons have lost their panache. Zip guns and shanks were at least homemade. Where is the craft in a grade-schooler firing a magnum? What is the world coming to? It's not even bad to be a communist anymore! ~ John Waters

Cruising along once again in this cesspool known as life, I realize that it is too late to make a detour. I will have to pass the anti-abortion pickets (50) outside of Planned Parenthood. Nothing gets on my nerves more than these pro-lifers. Not even astrology enthusiasts (51), Herman Hesse (52) or computer games (53). Look at these fools parading up and down! "Mind your own business," I yell. When one of these busybodies (a man, yet) approaches my car with literature, I lose control and scream, "I wish I was a girl so I could get an abortion!" Trembling with rage, I realize I'd better calm down before I get beat up, but can't resist one last taunt - "I hate the pope" (54), I yell to no one in particular. ~ John Waters

I go to colleges all the time in America, and everyone's gay, and I think how can this be? And it's only in rich schools. In poor schools, nobody's gay. ~ John Waters

I never had any desire to get a tattoo. If I was ever going to get one, I would get a plain anchor with a rope around it, the most unimaginative possible tattoo, like Popeye had. ~ John Waters

Collect books, even if you don't plan on reading them right away. Nothing is more important than an unread library. ~ John Waters

To me, racist jokes are not funny. I am politically correct, in a weird way. I like to push the boundaries that are politically correct. ~ John Waters

Green tree. Pretty lady. Car. Car. Truck," she recites, naming out loud almost everything she sees. "Don't mind me, I'm a gabberbox," she chuckles. "A gabberbox?" I ask, confused at her term. "You know, hon, I talk a lot," she explains before breaking into a laugh that is eerily familiar. ~ John Waters

If you ever go home with somebody and they don't have books in their house, don't sleep with them. I think that's very important. ~ John Waters

I didn't have the sensibilities of your ordinary filmmaker, let alone your ordinary African-American filmmaker. My heroes were John Waters, Pedro Almodovar, and actors that were part of that world. ~ Lee Daniels

I hate it when people say, I'm an artist. I think, well, I'll be the judge of that. And I don't think artist is a job description. It's a critique, a favorable critique, that someone else might apply to your work. I guess in the art world I'm not exactly a photographer, but I do use photography. ~ John Waters

If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em! ~ John Waters

True success is figuring out your life and career so you never have to be around jerks. ~ John Waters

Do we secretly idolize our imagined opposites, yearning to become the role models for others we know we could never be for ourselves? ~ John Waters

I`d love to sell out completely. It`s just that nobody has been willing to buy. ~ John Waters

I always want to see films that are startling and amazing. Not just shocking. Shocking is easy to do. But startling in the way that makes you change how you think about things. Those are the movies I like the best. ~ John Waters

It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else. ~ John Waters

Always be reading. Go to the library. There's magic in being surrounded by books. Get lost in the stacks. Read bibliographies. It's not the book you start with, it's the book that book leads you to. Collect books, even if you don't plan on reading them right away. Filmmaker John Waters has said, "Nothing is more important than an unread library." Don't worry about doing research. Just search. ~ Austin Kleon

I'd rather have a daughter in a whorehouse than a son in the police force,' Esther used to rage to anyone who would listen. ~ John Waters

John Waters is one of the sweetest, dearest, most adorable men I've ever worked with. ~ Polly Bergen

I don't mind exercise but it's a private activity. Joggers should run in a wheel - like hamsters - because I don't want to look at them. And I really hate people who go on an airplane in jogging outfits. That's a major offense today, even bigger than Spandex bicycle pants. You see eighty-year-old women coming on the plane in jogging outfits for comfort. Well my comfort - my mental comfort - is completely ruined when I see them coming. You're on an airplane, not in your bedroom, so please! And I really hate walkathons: blocking traffic, people patting themselves on the back. The whole attitude offends me. They have this smug look on their faces as they hold you up in traffic so that they can give two cents to some charity. ~ John Waters

I'm perpetual tourist, and that's the best way to travel. Nobody gets used to you, you make new friends without having to hear anyone's everyday problems, and you jet back still feeling like a know-it-all. ~ John Waters

When they throw the water on the witch, she says, "Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness". That line inspired my life. I sometimes say it to myself before I go to sleep, like a prayer. ~ John Waters

I would never do hard-core pornography, because it looks too much like open-heart surgery. ~ John Waters

I would never want to live anywhere but Baltimore. You can look far and wide, but you'll never discover a stranger city with such extreme style. It's as if every eccentric in the South decided to move north, ran out of gas in Baltimore, and decided to stay. ~ John Waters

Connie goes off the charts and into a whole new realm of music. Suddenly channeling Ol' Dirty Bastard's scary voice and skyrocketing to a new level of coolness, Connie raps an all-new ghetto version of the once-tepid theme song to Follow the Boys, ~ John Waters

I have to talk about my movies. I have to give interviews to promote what I'm doing. But no one really knows my personal life. And if you don't have a personal life I feel bad for you. ~ John Waters

I want to be harder to reach, not easier. ~ John Waters

When I was young, no one wanted to be one; now even the President of the United States would call himself an outsider. So now I'm for insiders. ~ John Waters

Once I had a shrink who said, "Your parents are the fuel you run on," because I was raised in the tyranny of good taste. If my parents hadn't taught me all that, I couldn't have made fun of it. So I thank them, and they were loving. It takes a long time to realize that they made me feel safe when I lived a life which was very not safe. ~ John Waters

So to make movies, if you're first goal is to make money, well you can! Make a tent-pole movie that China wants. But that's not the kind of thing that's really going to get your remembered. You're not going to change anything with that. You might become rich from it! ~ John Waters

I live in San Francisco, I live in Provincetown. They're all the same, apart from Baltimore. Baltimore's the only cheap place left. ~ John Waters

Hairspray is the only movie I made that's subversive, because they're doing it in every high school in America. A man's playing a woman, and two men sing a love song to each other. ~ John Waters

Nora Ephron's great line that overtipping only costs a few dollars more. ~ John Waters

Isn't that the most perverse thing you've ever heard? ~ John Waters

I'd do pretty much anything to get back on stage. I'd like to develop a new musical. I nearly had a heart attack when I heard that they're developing John Waters' Cry-Baby because that is so amazing and super and wonderful and I wish that I could be involved. But it's not the right time and I understand that. But I hear things like that and I get that little tingle in my stomach. ~ Kristen Bell

I think social justice is important. I think it's not fair. ~ John Waters

My idea of rich is that you can buy every book you ever want without looking at the price and you're never around assholes. That's the two things to really fight for in life. ~ John Waters

I love radical theorists. But at the same time, I don't agree with them a lot, but I love their theories. I love how they intellectualize rage, and this inner battle that such a tiny percent of people really care about. I find that the most interesting. ~ John Waters

I was thinking about sort of the similarities between "art movies" and lowbrow movies like kitschy sexploitation films. I think they share certain qualities, whether they're hyper-stylized or overly emotive or just very visual. ~ John Waters

And I seek people who break rules with happiness - and not bringing pain to themselves. ~ John Waters

I'm thrilled to have a completely new audience that I can get from Court TV, without it being my own trial. That was the only other way I would have gotten it. ~ John Waters

What happened is that in the middle of my life I went away and in my own sense of hubris, pride, cynicism, thought, I am an autonomous being in the world, I can control things, I am God.' But my experiment at being God failed! And they do have a great saying in AA: 'Get down off the cross, we need the wood!' And the important thing is to realise you are not the centre of the universe, you are not God. ~ John Waters

I really didn't have any bad hitchhiking experiences. The only bad experiences were standing by the road for 10 hours. I never thought I'd get a ride with a ministers wife or a coalminer or a Republican elected official. It was all pleasant surprises. The only drag was the waiting. ~ John Waters

My films can be considered political action against the tyranny of good taste. ~ John Waters

The way I photograph ... in many ways it's directed by chance and all my mistakes, which are often the best stuff. I found that no matter if it's the same tape, the same TV, and the same camera, I can never duplicate an image ... your arm jiggles, there's just too much chance. And I never put it on pause, or use any of that fancy equipment. ~ John Waters

I'd work for John Waters again, because he's so off the wall. ~ Tab Hunter

Stop blaming your parents. If you're really angry at 60 years old, you're an idiot! You've got to work some of it out. ~ John Waters

Life is a rotten lottery. ~ John Waters

I think my favorite movie is 'Joe Versus the Volcano' - or maybe 'Multiple Maniacs' by John Waters. ~ Justin Kirk

It delights me to find something that kids are doing that surprises me that seems new. That's the best feeling you can have. ~ John Waters

I'm certainly not going to tell other people what they should do with their own personal lives. I think it's certainly easier for a director to be out. The public is not going to see a movie because the director is gay or straight. It's maybe a little harder for an actor or actress because of, you know, the love roles and stuff. But gay people have been impersonating heteros in the movies for years. So, hopefully, that is becoming less of an issue. I think it would have been really great if a gay person had played a gay person. That's brave! ~ John Waters

I always give books. And I always ask for books. I think you should reward people sexually for getting you books. Don't send a thank-you note, repay them with sexual activity. If the book is rare or by your favorite author or one you didn't know about, reward them with the most perverted sex act you can think of. Otherwise, you can just make out. ~ John Waters

I always wanted to be a juvenile delinquent but my parents wouldn't let me. ~ John Waters

And finally, count your blessings. You got through college. You didn't commit suicide, O.D., or have a nervous breakdown, and let's remember the ones who did. It's time to get busy. It's your turn to cause trouble. ~ John Waters

I keep on having ideas and developments. Some happen and some don't, but I still always have a way of telling a story. ~ John Waters

Fantasies are like extra cash. They need to be banked for later use. ~ John Waters

There is right and there is wrong, I have NEVER been wrong. ~ John Waters

Technique is nothing more than failed style. ~ John Waters

People are going to say, "I was a lesbian back in the 90s" just like people say, "I was a hippie in the 60s". I see them struggling. Rich girls struggling with their heterosexuality. ~ John Waters

I like the word 'underground' ... 'independent' carries a stigma of whininess. 'Underground' means a good time. ~ John Waters

I haven't changed - the public has. I'm an insider now, which is hilarious. ~ John Waters

Contemporary art hates you. ~ John Waters

Keep up with what's causing chaos in your own field. ~ John Waters

I imagine Johnny Mathis hates Bin Laden as much as I do, but could Johnny agree Bin Laden had a better speechwriter than Bush? "Axis of Evil"? Come on. "A swimmer in the ocean does not fear the rain" is much more powerful propaganda. Poetic, even. ~ John Waters

I don't believe in depression. There's no such thing. It's an invention. It's bullshit, it's a cop out. ~ John Waters

It isn't enough to shock. It's easy to shock. Real surprise is what I'm after. ~ John Waters

I like rap music. But bragging about being rich to poor people is really offensive. I want to hear a rap song about buying a Cy Twombly painting or dating a museum curator. I want to hear about that kind of rich. ~ John Waters

I tried heroin. I shot up in high school, but I just thought it was so dreary: puking and nodding. ~ John Waters

[W]hat I like best is staying home and reading. Being rich is not about how many homes you own. It's the freedom to pick up any book you want without looking at the price and wondering whether you can afford it. ~ John Waters

Dreamland Studios then was my bedroom at my parents' house, mostly [starring] people who were in my high school. They look straight at the camera; they're uncomfortable doing it. So, are [early movies] good? No. ~ John Waters

Librarians are always smart, a little nuts, and know how to party. ~ John Waters

My dream is to be able to make something in Baltimore that's just there. Make a movie or make a show there. I only left because there wasn't any opportunity except being an extra in Barry Levinson or John Waters movies. ~ Derek Waters

You should never read just for "enjoyment." Read to make yourself smarter! Less judgmental. More apt to understand your friends' insane behavior, or better yet, your own. Pick "hard books." Ones you have to concentrate on while reading. And for god's sake, don't let me ever hear you say, "I can't read fiction. I only have time for the truth." Fiction is the truth, fool! Ever hear of "literature"? That means fiction, too, stupid. ~ John Waters

God knows if you could start a new sex act that's more important than making a good movie. ~ John Waters

I sneak a look over and consider a blow job, but even I know giving head in the middle of a demolition derby is risky, ~ John Waters

I'm recognized in public about 80 percent of the time across this country, but during the other 20 percent when I'm not, I get pissed when I realize how shabbily other people must be treated every day. When store clerks or airline reps do suddenly recognize me and get nice after being grumpy when they didn't know who I was, I get testy right back. ~ John Waters

Anyone from my past I'm interested in, I've already stalked their homes. I like to go outside. ~ John Waters

Being rich is not about how much money you have or how many homes you own; it's the freedom to buy any book you want without looking at the price and wondering if you can afford it. ~ John Waters

It reinforced everything that I believe. I am an optimist. I believe in the goodness of people. ~ John Waters

Everyone wants to be called an outsider so I'm a proud insider. If I was young I'd be in my parents' house shutting down the government on my computer. The new delinquent is the hacker. ~ John Waters

Which she makes no move to clean up, I'm not sure what ~ John Waters

Coke didn't last long enough; it gave me a hangover for two weeks for being high for ten minutes. ~ John Waters

So many great people are dead, and so many assholes I know are still alive. Karma's bullshit. I wish it was true, but it ain't. ~ John Waters

The further away I am from water, the less well I do! ~ John Waters

Don't sleep with people who don't read. ~ John Waters

I get dumber as the day goes along. Every second of the day that goes along, I get stupider. ~ John Waters

Oh my God!" I hear him yell to just about everybody. "Did you see that?! That was John Waters. I'm almost certain he has shit his pants!!" I hear grown men laugh in constipated smugness and digestive superiority. ~ John Waters

I can't tell the difference between the best and the worst 'cause I realize not everybody wants to have sex in the middle of a demolition derby race in the car. ~ John Waters

I've signed peoples' parole cards at book signings and it's very touching. ~ John Waters

People vomitied at my movies; not because of the movie but because they were drunk. I took credit anyway. ~ John Waters

Valentine's Day is my mother's birthday. If I'm wildly in love, I've sent people chicken hearts, which seems to appeal to the kind of person that I've been in love with. ~ John Waters

I think Chelsea Girls is a complete masterpiece and I think Andy's [Warhol] films are equally as good as the art. I think one day they will be considered equal. They aren't yet. They will be. ~ John Waters

If you purposefully look to shock people, it isn't funny. That's what 50 million dollar Hollywood comedies do; try to be shocking and dirty. They aren't really. It isn't enough to shock. It's easy to shock. Real surprise is what I'm after. Those early movies, we had drugs, which you weren't supposed to show. You weren't supposed to shoot up. We would make fun of hippies. I think that we were punk before there was punk. ~ John Waters

And yep, here's yet one more heterosexual man who loves his wife. I'm telling you, it's a trend! Women I know who are always complaining they can never meet a good straight man - maybe you're living in the wrong part of the country. Maybe you need to hitchhike. Route 70 West could be the path to a great marriage. Go ahead, stick out your thumb for romance. ~ John Waters

Why is Mommy crying?" the young boy asks his dad, all sugared up and bewildered with concern. "Because you're an asshole," barks back the father with exasperated logic. ~ John Waters