Hyper Humor Quotes

It feels like it feels like it's been five minutes, but it hasn't been five minutes yet. ~ Heather Hall

Her gaze met his. "What do you want more than anything?"
Right now, he felt like he could gaze into her green eyes for a century or two. They were amazing, the way they flared with anger, twinkled with humor, or softened with compassion. "I want to be loved, honestly and truly loved, for who I am. And I want to love a woman with all my heart for all my life. I want to ache for her mind, for her body, for her companionship."
Her eyes widened. "Oh." (Toni & Ian) ~ Kerrelyn Sparks

I will be a Friend to you, and you shall take care of my Linen ~ Samuel Richardson

After all, this was the place where I'd had my first meaningful conversation with a female, it was the site of a football's first encounter with my groin, and above all, it was the location where I was first punched in the face by a bully. Somewhere out there, a tooth of mine lay deep within the soil. ~ Wes Locher

And i was buck-naked. Which probably would have made for an interesting night, but the last time i'd checked i was neither a porn star or a prostitute. ~ Kristin Walker

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice ~ Saul Bellow

I think this is an alarming trend, Bethany, this whole 'passionate' thing. I'm guessing it started about four years ago, and it's driving me nuts. Let's be practical: Earth was not built for six billion people all running around and being passionate about things. The world was built for about twenty million people foraging for roots and grubs. [...] My hunch is that there was some self-help bestseller a few years back that told people to follow their passion. What a sucky expression. I can usually tell when people have recently read that book because they're a bit distracted, and maybe they've done their hair a new way, and they're always trying to discuss the Big Picture of life and failing miserably. And then, when you bump into them again six months later, they appear haggard and bitter, the joy drained from them–and this means that the universe is back to normal and that they've given up searching for a passion they're doomed to never find. Want a chocolate? ~ Douglas Coupland

Then, if we really want our celestial neighbors to know how far we have progressed intelectually, we should have included pictures of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy ~ Carl Sagan

Oh yes," said Nanny Piggins. "I can regale people with anecdotes from my sordid past and think at the same time. ~ R.A. Spratt

Dumb as he looked, he never missed an insult.
Dr. Rowan musing about Simple Silas ~ Ava Gray

You're starting to sound like one of those songs that DJ's play when they wanna clear out the dancefloor. ~ Alex Bergauer

Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? "I'm in a box ... and I ain't gonna eat.". "I'm in a box ... and I ain't gonna eat!!" That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects! ~ Chris Rock

I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor. ~ Anthony Jeselnik

Hey," said Shadow. "Huginn or Muninn, or whoever you are."
The bird turned, head tipped, suspiciously, on one side, and it stared at him with bright eyes.
"Say 'Nevermore,'" said Shadow.
"Fuck you," said the raven. ~ Neil Gaiman

That's great. Except for the fact that it's completely unimportant. ~ Rick Riordan

You wear your armor even to dinner, Lady Wilhelmina?"
"Of course I wear armor. I am sitting with a pirate, a mercenary, an adventurer, and a bounder. If a shot is not fired tonight, I daresay that your reputations are nothing but lies. ~ Meljean Brook

So," Marlboro Man began over dinner one night. "How many kids do you want to have?" I almost choked on my medium-rare T-bone, the one he'd grilled for me so expertly with his own two hands.
"Oh my word," I replied, swallowing hard. I didn't feel so hungry anymore. "I don't know…how many kids do you want to have?"
"Oh, I don't know," he said with a mischievous grin. "Six or so. Maybe seven."
I felt downright nauseated. Maybe it was a defense mechanism, my body preparing me for the dreaded morning sickness that, I didn't know at the time, awaited me. Six or seven kids? Righty-oh, Marlboro Man.
Righty…no.
"Ha-ha ha-ha ha. Ha." I laughed, tossing my long hair over my shoulder and acting like he'd made a big joke. "Yeah, right! Ha-ha. Six kids…can you imagine?" Ha-ha. Ha. Ha." The laughter was part humor, part nervousness, part terror. We'd never had a serious discussion about children before.
"Why?" He looked a little more serious this time. "How many kids do you think we should have?"
I smeared my mashed potatoes around on my plate and felt my ovaries leap inside my body. This was not a positive development. Stop that! I ordered, silently. Settle down! Go back to sleep!
I blinked and took a swig of the wine Marlboro Man had bought me earlier in the day. "Let's see…," I answered, drumming my fingernails on the table. "How 'bout one? Or maybe…one and a half?" I sucked in my stomach--another defensive move in an attempt to deny what I didn't ~ Ree Drummond

I'm getting chest pains ... You give me chest pains Uncle Willie.
It's my fault you get excited.
Yes, it's your fault! I only get chest pains on Wednesdays.
So come on Tuesdays. ~ Neil Simon

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up ~ Paddy Chayefsky

If any of you are injured, take a seat in this fine classroom." Dee opens up the nearest door and peeks in. It's a classroom with a life-sized skeleton hanging on a stand. "Bones will keep you company while you wait for the doctor. ~ Susan Ee

No,' the professor replied. 'Her Majesty s alive and well - at least I assume so if she hasn't met a certain van driver from Yeovil.' ~Professor Hamilton ~ Bryan Davis

It's a good plan, Mr. Snicket."

"Oh sure," I said, "like juggling dynamite, or kicking a polar bear. ~ Lemony Snicket

When you do find humor in trying times, one of the first and most important changes you experience is that you see your perplexing problems in a new way - you suddenly have a new perspective on them. ~ Allen Klein

I cozied an apple in my hand and tried the weight of it against my palm, contemplating whether or not beaning a judge with half-rotten fruit would qualify as contempt of the court. Quite probably. ~ Rachel Heffington

Humor implies a sure conception of the beautiful, the majestic and he true, by whose light it surveys and shape s their opposites. It is a humane influence, softening with mirth the ragged inequities of existence, prompting tolerant views of life, bridging over the space which separates the lofty from the lowly, the great from the humble. ~ Edwin Percy Whipple

If we suggest that it is okay to make fun of everything except certain aspects of Islam because Muslims are much more sensitive than the rest of the population, isn't that discrimination? Shouldn't we treat the second largest religion in France exactly as we treat the first? It's time to put an end to the revolting paternalism of the white, middle-class, "leftist" intellectual trying to coexist with these "poor, subliterate wretches." "'I'm educated; obviously I get that 'Charlie Hebdo' is a humor newspaper because, first, I'm very intelligent, and second, it's my culture. But you - well, you haven't quite mastered nuanced thinking yet, so I'll express my solidarity by fulminating against Islamaphobic cartoons and pretending not to understand them. I will lower myself to your level to show you that I like you. And if I need to convert to Islam to get even closer to you, I'll do it!" These pathetic demagogues just have a ravenous need for recognition and a formidable domination fantasy to fulfill. ~ Charb

Any time I'm not shooting my mouth off to a clichéd, two-bit creature of the night like you, it's because I'm up to something. ~ Jim Butcher

His architecture was butch. But in its muscular austerity, free of domesticating bric-a-brac, a hyper masculine form of drag could also be discerned. His occasional incorporation of vintage porthole windows, stained glass, and Palladian transoms offered a wry, backward glance at all the new generation was leaving behind. ~ Christopher Bascom Rawlins

Love Is How You How You Dress ~ Maurys Gaucho

Our civilization is experiencing unprecedented changes across many realms, largely due to the rapid advancement of information technology. The ability to code and understand the power of computing is crucial to success in today's hyper-connected world. ~ Al Gore

I can be really silly when I'm not actually writing silliness, and I have to rein that in. Pynchon, in my opinion, sometimes tells elaborate shaggy dog stories just to work up to a pun or punch line. My challenge is to use humor and wordplay to reinforce the emotional core of the novel. ~ Mary Kay Zuravleff