Funny Courage Quotes

All happiness depends on courage and work. ~ Honore De Balzac

No matter how long you train someone to be brave, you never know if they are or not until something real happens. ~ Veronica Roth

My book sales are way down today. Also, I've received two scathing reviews. One of them calls me a purveyor of insipid wet-dreams. ~ Nenia Campbell

I like all Jim Carrey films. They're really funny. ~ Rupert Grint

If you go by other people's opinions or predictions,
you'll just end up talking yourself out of something.
If you're running down the track of life thinking that
it's impossible to break life's records,
those thoughts have a funny way of sinking into your feet. ~ Carl Lewis

Ritsu: "I'm a complete failure. At everything I do, I'm absolutely worthless. I know this, and yet I continue to burden the human race with my presence. Every day I rob the world of valuable air by breathing. I'm a thief, and I hate myself for it. I don't deserve to exist. But even though I know it's the right thing to do, I'm such a useless coward. I don't even have the courage to jump!"
Tohru: "No, don't! Don't jump! It's okay that you don't have that kind of courage. The important thing is you're alive. And life hurts sometimes and sometimes it can be hard, but it won't always be that way. There's gotta be a reason for you to live. ~ Natsuki Takaya

Opening my door to Dillon Ruddick, my bulding super. I handed him a cup of coffee. "Sorry about the blood."
"What was it this time?" No one reported gunfire."
"I hit a guy in the face with a hair dryer."
"Whoa." Dillon said.
"It wasn't my fault," I told him.
"Maybe we should lay down some linoleum here. It would make things easier for clean up. ~ Janet Evanovich

One man with God is a majority. ~ Brother Andrew

Negative courage. Give up on yourself, and you have nothing left to fear. You become invincible. ~ Adam Baker

We are not coaching on a daily basis because we often travel with our charity and commercial interests. ~ Nadia Comaneci

This soul, or life within us, by no means agrees with the life outside us. If one has the courage to ask her what she thinks, she is always saying the very opposite to what other people say. ~ Virginia Woolf

The fate of the world depends upon whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives ..." ~ Skulduggery Pleasant ~ Derek Landy

Head gear, plus acne equals ... table for one in the cafeteria. ~ Zach Galifianakis

Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax. ~ Charles Kettering

Professor Severus Snape, master of this school, commands you to yield the information you conceal!" Snape said, hitting the map with his wand.
As though an invisible hand were writing upon it, words appeared on the surface of the map.
"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
Snape froze. Harry stared, dumbstruck, at the message. But the map didn't stop there. More writing was appearing beneath the first.
"Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
It would have been very funny if the situation hadn't been so serious. And there was more...
"Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor."
Harry closed his eyes in horror. When he'd opened them, the map had had its last word.
"Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."
(286 & 287) ~ J.K. Rowling

I realize why women die in childbirth - it's preferable. ~ Sherry Glaser

If you can mock a leek, you can eat a leek! ~ William Shakespeare

Every act of courage is the work of an unbalanced man. Animals, normal by definition, are always cowardly except when they know themselves know themselves to be stronger, which is cowardice itself. ~ Emil Cioran

It is most often not our strengths, our courage or our successes that bring two human hearts together, but it is often our shared vulnerability, our fears and our common failures that make us one. ~ Stefanie Schneider

Zarya started to speak, then paused as she caught sight of Kyr in the doorway. He was staring a hole through Nykyrian. Syn nudged Nykyrian slightly to get his attention. "Look, Kip. Your friend wants to say hi." Nykyrian scoffed. "Damn, you're slow, Syn. He's been eyeballing me for about five minutes now." Syn snorted. "Eyeballing. Ar, ar. I get it." Unamused, Nykyrian released an elongated breath, but Zarya thought it was funny. Sick, ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

There are all kinds of courage in the world, and most of it takes place far from battlefields. ~ Tessa Dare

Courage, traveler. Weird. It's coming from inside her. Hold your little map and shout to the darkness, it says. Shout this: You are nothing, darkness, against something as old as love. Shout: I will walk right through you, darkness, because I am, and I will be. This boldness-she's felt it before. In the truck, when she first saw Billy. No, before that, when she was brave, so brave, and brought Anna to the shore. This is how you save yourself? This small voice inside? This microscopic cell of belief, allowed to divide? Yep. Uh-huh. The voice is your own personal sword and shield-remember that. Remember that every hard day. ~ Deb Caletti

Love requires courage, persistence, and maintenance. Love just doesn't lie there with us as we live our lives, and engulf us, providing us with an assurance that it exists." "Love is developed, and it is never perfect. We, as people, are flawed. Therefore, love is flawed. Most people live their lives trying to find the perfect person to provide them what they believe to be the perfect love. In my opinion, people should find someone that provides them with affection, someone that makes them feel, then develop and maintain the perfect love. That is the closest thing to real love that could ever possibly exist, ~ Scott Hildreth

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake. ~ Natasha Leggero

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions. ~ Andy Borowitz

Hell freezing over?
I don't know. But the devil's definitely wearing a sweater. ~ J.R. Moehringer

Why did she do it? Nobody dared to ask. Because - what courage! Who had the courage to burn herself? Twenty aspirin, a little slit alongside the veins of the arm, maybe even a bad half hour standing on a roof: We've all had those. And somewhat more dangerous things, like putting a gun in your mouth. But you put it there, you taste it, it's cold and greasy, your finger is on the trigger, and you find that a whole world lies between this moment and the moment you've been planning, when you'll pull the trigger. That world defeats you. You put the gun back in the drawer. You'll have to find another way.

What was that moment like for her? The moment she lit the match. Had she already tried roofs and guns and aspirins? Or was it just an inspiration?

I had an inspiration once. I woke up one morning and I knew that today I had to swallow fifty aspirin. It was my task: my job for the day. I lined them up on my desk and took them one by one, counting. But it's not the same as what she did. I could have stopped, at ten, or at thirty. And I could have done what I did do, which was go onto the street and faint. Fifty aspirin is a lot of aspirin, but going onto the street and fainting is like putting the gun back in the drawer.

She lit the match. ~ Susanna Kaysen

You may not know this, but talking about mathematics eliminates any possibility of being kissed in the first place. ~ Lisa Kleypas

I find it so funny that for the first time in history, people have access to this great equalizer in the Internet, which grants everyone the same knowledge base, and we use it to read album reviews and watch kitten videos ... not to put those two things in the same light! ~ Alan Palomo

A kiss from the Captain would probably melt my central processor."
Thorne winked at her. "Oh trust me. It would. ~ Marissa Meyer

Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor, but I always knew who was funny, who to hang out with. ~ Andrew Stanton

The bravest soldiers aren't unafraid, but they're the ones who are able to harness their fear on behalf of courage. ~ Jane Fonda

On summer evenings, when every flower, and tree, and bird, might have better addressed my soft young heart, I have in my day been caught in the palm of a female hand by the crown, have been violently scrubbed from the neck to the roots of the hair as a purification for the Temple, and have then been carried off highly charged with saponaceous electricity, to be steamed like a potato in the unventilated breath of the powerful Boanerges Boiler and his congregation, until what small mind I had, was quite steamed out of me ~ Charles Dickens

So, did you get sick or something?" Marlboro Man asked. "You okay?" He touched his hand to my knee.
"No," I answered. "I got…I got hot."
He looked at me. "Hot?"
"Yeah. Hot." I had zero pride left.
"So…what were you doing in the bathroom?" he asked.
"I had to take off all my clothes and fan myself," I answered honestly. The vitamin C and vodka had become a truth serum. "Oh, and wipe the sweat off my neck and back." This was sure to reel him in for life.
Marlboro Man looked at me to make sure I wasn't kidding, then burst into laughter, covering his mouth to keep from spitting out his Scotch. Then, unexpectedly, he leaned over and planted a sweet, reassuring kiss on my cheek. "You're funny," he said, as he rubbed his hand on my tragically damp back. ~ Ree Drummond

The greatest feeling in the world is to win a major league game. The second-greatest feeling is to lose a major league game. ~ Chuck Tanner

Of all the thousands of gifts I received in my eight years in the White House, few were more welcome and needed than these twelve intangible gifts of discernment, peace, compassion, faith, fellowship, vision, forgiveness, grace, wisdom, love, joy and courage. ~ Hillary Rodham Clinton

If we long for our planet to be important, there is something we can do about it. We make our world significant by the courage of our questions and by the depth of our answers. ~ Carl Sagan

With age come the inner, the higher life. Who would be forever young, to dwell always in externals? ~ Elizabeth Cady Stanton

I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Years ago I was asked this question: Do terrorists fear anything? I said, 'I suspect they would fear a morally strong America.' They would know that a morally strong America would not be dislodged. You can always appeal to a point of vulnerability which would break a people up. [Terrorists] don't fear so much the weaponry as the moral courage, and I think a morally strong America would be intimidating to them. ~ Ravi Zacharias