Funny Authors Quotes

For someone who wrote a novel with a superhero named "Dark Lightning," you wouldn't think a thunderstorm would make me so nervous. ~ J.M. Richards

Great. So he's a genius. Fifty points for Ivanclaw. ~ Margaret Stohl

Consistent action breeds satisfaction or frustration; either one or both are key ingredients for growth. ~ Kayambila Mpulamasaka

Has he been conscious at all?"
"Yes. He woke up once and looked at me funny."
"Did he say anything?"
"He said, 'You don't have red hair.' Then he fell back asleep. ~ Tricia Levenseller

Would you like to borrow a pair of my panties to wave around at the next Council meeting to get the point across?"
His eyes flashed. "Got any to spare?"
I could've picked somebody rational. But no, I had to fall in love with this arrogant idiot. Come to the Keep with me, be my princess. Mourn me when your crazy dad kills me. Yeah, right. ~ Ilona Andrews

The circumstance which gives authors an advantage above all these great masters, is this, that they can multiply their originals; or rather, can make copies of their works, to what number they please, which shall be as valuable as the originals themselves. ~ Joseph Addison

Forever is a very long time, especially the bit towards the end. ~ Janna Levin

The only man she ever loved. And hated. ~ Mary Papas

Well, I hope that I don't fall in love with you
Cause falling in love just makes me blue
Well, the music plays and you display your heart for me to see
I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you

Well, the room is crowded, people everywhere
And I wonder, should I offer you a chair?
Well, if you sit down with this old clown, I'll take that frown and break it
Before the evening's gone away, I think that we can make it
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you

Well, the night does funny things inside a man
These old tomcat feelings you don't understand
Well, I turn around to look at you, you light a cigarette
I wish I had the guts to bum one, but we've never met
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you

I can see that you are lonesome just like me
And it being late, you'd like some company
Well, I turn around to look at you, and you look back at me
The guy you're with he's up and split, the chair next to you is free
And I hope that you don't fall in love with me

Now it's closing time, the music's fading out
Last call for drinks, I'll have another stout
Well, I turn around to look at you, you're nowhere to be found
I search the place for your lost face, guess I'll have another round
And I think that I just fell in love with you ~ Tom Waits

My father was not a failure. After all, he was the father of a president of the United States. ~ Harry S. Truman

Sometimes I feel that the only concept of fairness in our society is creams like fair & lovely or fair & handsome. ~ Jeroninio Almeida

I mean every character you totally, you know, the full fiber of the personality is kept in the film, and all of those little moments, all those funny little tidbits are all in there. ~ Mary Elizabeth Winstead

It's funny how you can know a person, think of him as your closest friend, and still never gain access to the secret chambers in his heart. ~ Jennifer Finney Boylan

I always dressed funny or weird, if you want to call it that. It was always part of who I am and I dressed in my freakish way a long time before we ever thought about founding Orgy. ~ Jay Gordon

While we're at it, why don't we add a third emotion to this list: lust. You are probably unaware that Linnaeus lumped the tomato into the same genus as the potato, a food with a reputation for its widespread availability and easy satisfaction of oral needs. ~ Benson Bruno

One of the greatest gifts we can give someone is our undivided attention
a thought that whispers constantly in the ear of any author who respects their readers. ~ Ella J. Fraser

People have always been vain. Can you imagine what it was like when some guy invented the first mirror? Maidens probably spent all day and night just staring at their own reflection in the dim candle light of their drafty castle tower, back when the first mirrors were cutting edge technology. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

If somebody tells me what to do, I will do my best not to do it. ~ Hiroko Sakai

My mother teases my father, saying he can only create people, while authors can create entire worlds. ~ Jay Kristoff

'Indiana Jones' wasn't physically tough, but they are the only two films I've ever been ill on. On 'The Last Crusade,' I got sciatica. That's when the sciatic nerve, which goes through the funny hole in your pelvis down your leg, swells and rubs against the nerves. ~ John Rhys-Davies

And Sanderson?" "Are you kidding? I bet his girlfriend is a dominatrix or something." "Or his boyfriend." "No, he's so not cool enough to be gay." She was very funny. ~ Mary Calmes

His wardrobe was extensive-very extensive-not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the fashion of any age or time, but everything was more or less spangled; and what can be prettier than spangles! ~ Charles Dickens

Sometimes I feel like a vampire ~ Jennifer Lawrence

She'd been pounding her location and thoughts into a device that would send those things to virtually any human with Internet access and yet looking over her shoulder had been a violation of privacy. ~ Stefan Bourque

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it's one damn thing over and over. ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

In the dark, Dave reached for Roger's hand as they watched the shadowed lovemaking. "Were we ever that beautiful?"
"You still are," Roger told him.
"Maybe we should make the most of the hurricane."
"This is definitely foreplay."
"It's like Tumblr, the live version. ~ S.E. Jakes

Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them. ~ Jim Davis

It's funny, as a little kid, you look up to those guys who you play as in 'Madden,' and now to see myself in the game, it's an honor. ~ Gaines Adams

Amy [Schumer] and I each have our cross to bear when it comes to tattoos. Amy and I are funny when we fight. It just keeps escalating until one of us starts laughing. Then it's over. I'm happy that we're friends. ~ Anthony Jeselnik

Doris loves Superman as well.unfortunately, she got knocked down by a van last year, and it was a big, long recovery for her, really. It took about six months, didn't it, before she was fully back to normal. She never gone back to normal. She's got a bionic leg now, which made her twice as fast and twice as stupid. You know, but she's just such good fun. But anyway,like she had a bit of a low point, you know, when she got really fed up, you know, with those stupid lampshade collars, you know, that they have on their head. Ugh, bumping into everything, she was walking about sighing. Ugh, like that, you know, and if you've ever been known or been with the terriers, but that ball of energy,you know, and she wasn't allowed to be for a walk or anything. It was awful. So to cheer her up, I bought her a little Superman outfit for dogs. When you get home, you look online. They are absolutely brilliant. You can get Wonder Woman and Darth Vader, all sorts. They're the funniest thing I have ever seen in my. The front paws, the front legs go in Super man's legs, you know, and it like covers up the paw with these little, red boot things on the bottom. And it comes up and ties around the neck, and there's tube stuff down from the front. So from the front, it's like a tiny, little Superman with a dog's head. And then, on the back there's this cape. So when she trots around, it looks like she's flying! Ah, it's brilliant! And she loves it. I couldn't get it off for about a week. It's honestl ~ Kate Rusby

My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you. ~ Michael Caine

I received $100 per week when I started working at the Globe after graduation. ~ Will McDonough

I'm almost finished," said Wilhelm, wiping out a line with his sleeve and drawing over it.
"I never doubted you for a moment," said Vex, then looked at Aurora and spoke more softly. "I actually doubted him the whole time. He's really not very good."
Wilhelm turned. "I'm standing right in front of you. I can hear literally every sound you make."
"Wilhelm, please," said Vex, "this is a private conversation. ~ Derek Landy

I sense a very large but."
"Funny, because right in front of me, I see a - "
"Watch it. ~ Brandon Sanderson

You know if they said kindness or funniness was really most important to them then they will be more likely to say yes to the person that they thought was kind and funny. ~ Sheena Iyengar

Copywriters, journalists, mainstream authors, ghostwriters, bloggers and advertising creatives have as much right to think of themselves as good writers as academics, poets, or literary novelists. ~ Sara Sheridan

Obnoxiousness had covered up my insecurities. ~ John Duover

As a member of an escorted tour, you don't even have to know the Matterhorn isn't a tuba. ~ Temple Fielding

All I have to do is shoot! In my excitement, I throw the ball down with more force than ever, feeling bad-ass. It ricochets off the floor at an angle and slams right into my crotch.
All around me, the room goes, "Ohhhh!"
I look up. Every face is staring at me, contorted into winces. Right. Ball in crotch equals excruciating pain. I'm such an idiot! Too late, I double over in pain.
"Ouch!" I yell. I sneak a glance around. Nobody looks convinced, so I add, "My balls! ~ Jody Gehrman

The Age of the Screen isn't going to go away; indeed it offers all kinds of wonderful possibilities, if it could just acquire a little more quality control. But there is one truth, one necessary dictum, that we must never forget: _Every child should be encouraged to read books, words on a page, for his or her own pleasure, in his own time, dreaming his own - and the author's - dream_. There is no substitute. None. ~ Susan Cooper

Secret 3963. It's only a sucking chest wound if you're not the shooter. ~ The Covert Comic

Do I have a long-term plan? Kind of. I have a general direction, I think. But it's funny what comes down the pike. ~ Jeff Bridges

At the time, my 6-year-old kept thinking my character's name was "Sam Alone," which is kind of brilliant. The funny came out of Sam's sad core: the alcoholic, the sex addict, the person who thinks he's God's gift. ~ Ted Danson