Emotional Abuse Survivor Quotes

If you survive, you have to prove it was that bad; or else, they think you are.
Surviving is some kind of sin, like floating up off the dunking stool like a witch. You have to be permanently écorchée, heart-on-sleeve, offering up organs and body parts like a medieval female saint. ~ Roxane Gay

In the 1890s, when Freud was in the dawn of his career, he was struck by how many of his female patients were revealing childhood incest victimization to him. Freud concluded that child sexual abuse was one of the major causes of emotional disturbances in adult women and wrote a brilliant and humane paper called "The Aetiology of Hysteria." However, rather than receiving acclaim from his colleagues for his ground-breaking insights, Freud met with scorn. He was ridiculed for believing that men of excellent reputation (most of his patients came from upstanding homes) could be perpetrators of incest.
Within a few years, Freud buckled under this heavy pressure and recanted his conclusions. In their place he proposed the "Oedipus complex," which became the foundation of modern psychology. According to this theory any young girl actually desires sexual contact with her father, because she wants to compete with her mother to be the most special person in his life. Freud used this construct to conclude that the episodes of incestuous abuse his clients had revealed to him had never taken place; they were simply fantasies of events the women had wished for when they were children and that the women had come to believe were real. This construct started a hundred-year history in the mental health field of blaming victims for the abuse perpetrated on them and outright discrediting of women's and children's reports of mistreatment by men.
Once abuse was denied in this way, the st ~ Lundy Bancroft

Breaking free is only the beginning. Then begins the painful process of reversing the indoctrination. The longer someone stays in a cult the harder it is for them to remember who they were before the cult took control of their mind. Or in the case of someone like me, a cult-born child, my entire personality was made and created by them. When I left I had no idea who I was. My whole existence, everything I thought I knew, had been a lie.

But it is the psychological aftermath of life in a cult that is all too often the silent killer. ~ Natacha Tormey

If all of human knowledge is like a library that we can borrow from or add to, then when men don't put these kinds of stories [(their abuse from others)] on the shelves, nobody can borrow them--we all miss out. ~ Oliver Thorn

We are all born same, we are completely cute, innocent, sweet, and we need that reflection of ourselves as little human beings to live, and I was not receiving that from my mother but there was a caretaker who did give me that. ~ Anneke Lucas

Criticism hurts most because it comes from another person and abuse is most damaging when it comes from someone who should love us. ~ Dave Mearns

This is a book which I would recommend to anyone who is walking through the pain of abuse. A book of courage in the face of overwhelming odds; a book which will touch your heart and give you hope. ~ Ruth Hawkey

Can't a lawyer take his client out to dinner to discuss the case? Haven't you ever heard of the two-martini lunch?"
"Yes, but this is dinner," she corrected.
"It's the same thing. I looked it up in my Etiquette and Tax Deductions
for Lawyers handbook . . . ~ Mark M. Bello

One researcher, J.P. Gump found that the most profound shame results from the destruction of your subjectivity when "what you need, what you desire, and what you feel are of complete and utter insignificance. ~ Pamela Newkirk

It is possible to heal. It is even possible to thrive. Thriving means more than just an alleviation of symptoms, more than Band-Aids, more than functioning adequately. Thriving means enjoying a feeling of wholeness, satisfaction in your life and work, genuine love and trust in your relationships, pleasure in your body. ~ Ellen Bass

Abuse isn't just physical or ... or sexual, you know." I felt my throat getting tight but I refused to let my pain show on my face. "There is such a thing as mental and emotional abuse too. ~ Evangeline Anderson

People who have survived atrocities often tell their stories in a highly emotional, contradictory and fragmented manner. ~ Judith Lewis Herman

Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take it's place. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on instead of obsessing about it. Equally important, don't allow anyone else to dwell on your mistakes or shortcomings or to expect perfection from you. ~ Beverly Engel

I now believe successful criminal and civil outcomes in these cases, prison for Gerry, and a large damages award for the boys, would clarify these issues and assuage their guilt feelings. A guilty verdict in the criminal case and a large civil verdict or settlement would be double vindication for the boys. ~ Mark M. Bello

. . . this predator used his position in furtherance of his crimes and disguised his depravity as a religious ritual. This man will soon reside in an Ohio prison, where he belongs. He is not only guilty of serious crimes against children. He is guilty of a serious betrayal of faith. ~ Mark M. Bello

In the tunnel where I was raped, a tunnel that was once an underground entry to an amphitheater, a place where actors burst forth from underneath the seats of a crowd, a girl had been murdered and dismembered. I was told this story by the police. In comparison, they said, I was lucky. ~ Alice Sebold

At sixty one, I was at the top of my professional career, a wife, mother, and grandmother with many wonderful friends--and absolutely terrified....I was unaware of living as multiple identifies, but did spend my life running away from a 'me' I could neither understand nor tolerate....The first step to becoming one whole person happened to me the day in therapy when I became aware of the three adults who had been living in separate compartments in my brain. I saw them and they saw each other....A perfect three-point landing. ~ Janyne McConnaughey

I can't get myself to say what happened next. I cannot cope with even thinking about this let alone living with it."
"It is so degrading and I try to forget, it hurts so much because she is my mother."
- Graham talks about being sexually abused by his mother ~ Carolyn Ainscough

To deny someone's feelings or experiences it to literally deny their reality. ~ Danu Morrigan

The overarching principle of a therapeutic relationship is that therapists should be ever mindful of a variant of the Hippocratic oath and, to the degree possible, strive to "do no more harm" (Courtois, 2010). Complex trauma clients have already experienced considerable harm, much of it at the hands of other human beings. As a result of the ubiquitous processes of transference, attachment styles, and IWM [Internal working models], these clients often view the therapist's behavior and their relationship through the lens of their trauma-related negative interpersonal expectancies and unhealed emotional wounds and injuries. Therapists should not be surprised to be "guilty until proven innocent", not because clients with complex trauma histories are "unfair" or "unreasonable" but precisely the opposite - because the most realistic self-protective stance for them (given the fact that betrayal and harm have been more the rule than the exception) is to "distrust first and verify" (or to be hypervigilant) rather than to start with an expectation of safety and trustworthiness. ~ Christine A. Courtois

It all I can do not to cry. I make myself wood I say to myself, Celie, you a tree. That's how I come to know trees fear man. ~ Alice Walker

I don't want you to have to handle it. That's the horror of my past. But you ... you're the reality of my present. You're the proof I survived. The prize in the cereal box. ~ J. Kenner

Jennifer would turn down this indecent amount of money and more, put her own kids through a public trial, to protect other kids from experiencing the trauma they suffered. Incredible! ~ Mark M. Bello

Perhaps you expected to feel great as soon as you escaped your abuser, and maybe you did feel a great sense of relief for a while. However, as time has passed, you may be dismayed by the extent of your emotional pain. ~ Caroline Abbott

No one has got close enough to use or abuse me, and even if they did, I wouldn't get too emotional about it. The only thing I ever get emotional about is my family. I am kind to everyone but I trust no one. That keeps me from getting hurt. ~ Akshay Kumar

Narrow behaviourist thinking
permeates political and social policy and medical practice, the
childrearing advice dispensed by "parenting experts" and academic
discourse. We keep trying to change people's behaviours without a full
understanding of how and why those behaviours arise. "Inner causes
are not the proper domain of psychology," writes Roy Wise, an expert
on the psychology of addiction, and a prominent investigator in the
National Institute on Drug Abuse in the U.S.A.3 This statement seems
astonishing, coming from a psychologist. In reality, there can be no
understanding of human beings, let alone of addicted human beings,
without looking at "inner causes," tricky as those causes can be to pin
down at times. Behaviours, especially compulsive behaviours, are
often the active representations of emotional states and of special
kinds of brain functioning.
As we have seen, the dominant emotional states and the brain
patterns of human beings are shaped by their early environment.
Throughout their lifetimes, they are in dynamic interaction with various
social and emotional milieus. If we are to help addicts, we must strive
to change not them but their environments. These are the only things
we can change. Transformation of the addict must come from within
and the best we can do is to encourage it. Fortunately, there is much
that we can do. ~ Gabor Mate

A narcissist, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of an empath. Emotionally, narcissists are like brick walls who see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them. As a result of their emotional shallowness, narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or compassion for other people. Lacking empathy, a narcissist is a very destructive and dangerous person to be around. ~ Mateo Sol

If the social stress is physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, the way to treat the depression is to stop the abuse. Unfortunately, advocates of the biochemical treatment of depression have gone along with the view of academic theory and popular culture that the problem is entirely within the skull of the victim. Enthusiasm for biochemical treatment and research is partly due to the fact that it helps perpetuate the myth that suicide and depression should be treated by changing the victim, not by changing ourselves. As long as we have a narrow view of the causes of biochemical imbalance, such as limiting it to innate genetic defects, we can practice denial on the social complicity in the causation of suicide. The narrow view does nothing to help reduce pain and increase resources for the millions of people whose problems do not respond to medications. It also deprives us of an opportunity for progress in a much broader area for social reform. The dynamics behind the oppression of the suicidal is similar to the dynamics of other forms of injustice; progress in one area can support progress in other areas. ~ David L. Conroy

Abused as we abuse it at present, dramatic art is in no sense cathartic; it is merely a form of emotional masturbation ... ~ Aldous Huxley

If you leave your mind unattended, the world will do it for you, and you will have to deal with the related insanity. ~ Dr. Jacinta Mpalyenkana, Ph.D, MBA

I was becoming a product of society, a hardened juvenile! Now I was becoming rebellious and hateful. ~ Stephen Richards

An emotionally abusive relationship, in very simplistic terms, is much like standing up in a too hot bath and sinking back in so as not to feel so dizzy. ~ Jackie Haze, Borderless

A relationship that involves physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual abuse is not a twin flame relationship. There is a difference between painful emotional and mental shifts in perception, and gaslighting. There is a difference between Life asking you to change and 'upgrade' as a result of your relationship, and your partner demanding that you change to appease their selfish domineering desires. There is a difference between acting out wounds and perpetuating toxic narcissistic behavior. There is a difference between unconsciously triggering each other's shadows, and deliberately triggering the other with malice and hatred. ~ Aletheia Luna

Accept yourself as you are, by recognizing that you will not continue to remain this way forever ~ Patricia Dsouza

Our children begin to drift away because of the scars and burdens. The sharp tongue of the silent killer constantly creates a cloud of confusion and friction over our children's heads due to the verbal, mental, emotional, and physical abuse. ~ Charlena E. Jackson

Trying to make sense of other people's responses to us is a basic human activity. Accepting a mother's [or anyone's] anger by concluding that i is justified is a way of making sense of a difficult relationship. But this acceptance comes at a great cost, for it means that we see their cruelty as our shame. ~ Terri Apter

The past is behind us," said Boudicca,"but the difficulty there is we keep looking over our shoulders. ~ Michelle Franklin

I was in denial of the glaring reality that my existence depended on my willingness to comply with the family policy of me earning the splinter of space they granted to me. ~ M. Wakefield