Crime Humor Romance Quotes

You cut his dick off!
"You know about that then? ~ E.J. Wood

I might lick you."
"If it makes you feel better."
I licked him. His aftershave didn't taste as nice as it smelled, but it was kind of nice to lick someone. "It does make me feel better," I said with some surprise. "It really does! ~ Jojo Moyes

So lost in her he couldn't remember his own name. Only hers… ~ Jill Shalvis

I'll try to turn the other cheek....But I've only got two and they're both stinging. ~ Heather Blanton

All masculine, hard-bodied and sensual, he was a deadly weapon sent by the gods to drive women mad, and a walking billboard for all things wicked and carnal. Orgasms! Get your orgasms here. Hot and juicy! Just how you like 'em! ~ Lisa Sanchez

There was nothing like double chocolate chip to solve the sexual problems of women everywhere. ~ Maggie Casper

I love you more than anything in this world. And if I'm ever lucky enough to get you to be my wife, there's no way in hell I'm letting you go. ~ Allie Everhart

She squirmed in her seat, and again he met her gaze. At whatever he found in her expression, a full-blown smile lit up his face, transforming him into a regular guy for a minute. "It's been a long time," he said.

"Since...?"

"Since I've had fun on a stakeout."

She laughed. "I thought you were going to say since you've had a woman in your car who you weren't trying to sleep with."

"Who says I'm not trying to sleep with you?" he asked.

Note to self: Don't tease him. He's better at it than you.

"Come here, Kylie. ~ Jill Shalvis

Bryce looked like a California underwear model. Not that I'd thought about him in his underwear.
Much.
He was talking with his friend Nathan. Where Bryce had the whole tan, blond, hazel-eyed thing going on, Nathan was fair with dark hair and dark eyes. They looked like opposite sides of the same coin. A really hot, totally unreachable coin that a collector would keep in a special locked case, which normal girls like myself were not allowed to touch. ~ Chris Cannon

Within the same hour as the murder took place, Isabel Trumbo sat in her armchair dozing, the Alaskan Outdoor magazine on her lap. Her kid sister Alma fidgeted in the other armchair, from time to time picking up her newspaper folded over to the day's crossword puzzle. ~ Ed Lynskey

Ah," Mark said. "I see. Awkward silence."
"You don't say 'awkward silence'," Alex said. "You just let it happen."
"I said 'awkward silence' to fill the awkward silence. It's meta."
"I don't think it is. ~ Lisa Henry

I turn my head so that he doesn't see my smile and secretly curse him for making me feel special. ~ Kasie West

'Didn't realize Matty was so scary,' Chris said.
'She's maybe five two and can't make it up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing. But if I really pissed her off, she might poison my coffee.'
'Sounds like someone I'd like to meet.' ~ Kim Fielding

The thing with love is, you cannot choose who you fall for. Falling in love often happens at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong person. Just as much as you cannot stop growing feelings for a certain man, there's no switch to turn off your heart. ~ J.C. Reed

I pulled out my cell, flipped it opened and said Hank's name into the phone. It rang twice. "You okay?" he asked in greeting. "My life began when I met you," I told him. There was a beat of silence. Then, I heard him say, "Sunshine – ~ Kristen Ashley

So Brandon, would you like to take... A POP QUIZ??!! ~ Rachel Renee Russell

She glowered at him. 'For your information, in the past week, I have been, oh let's see, nearly raped,
kidnapped, tied to a bedpost, forced to cough my voice into nothingness-"
"That was your own fault."
"Not to mention the fact that I embarked upon a life of crime by breaking and entering into my former
home, was nearly trapped by my odious guardian-"
"Don't forget your sprained ankle," he supplied.
"Ooooohhhh! I could kill you!" Another bar of soap flew by his head, grazing his ear.
"Madam, you are certainly doing an able job of trying."
"And now!" she fairly yelled. "And now, as if all of that weren't undignified enough, I am forced to live
for a week in a bloody bathroom! ~ Julia Quinn

He's like six hundred years younger than you are. I refuse to be the moral compass of our cell! Most weekends I have an intoxispell bong attached to my mouth like a respirator. I love scatological humor, and I list 'pranks involving nuclear waste' and 'making demons eat things' as my hobbies. ~ Kresley Cole

The past is an educational toy for the present. It should be discarded the moment its usefulness is outgrown. ~ Tom Morrison

Alright. So how are we getting down there? Can you turn invisible or something?"

"What do I look like? A magician?"

"Well, can you fight?"

"Can you?"

"No," said Thalcu with a sad laugh. "Zonbiri women aren't allowed to handle anything bigger than a butter knife. Not legally, anyway. Besides, I could never shoot a gun. My hands are used to pushing remote control buttons, pounding game controllers . . . picking the good chips from the bag. ~ Ash Gray

I think the word 'pleasure' is unknown to you. More precisely, its practical meaning. ~ Olga Goa

Humor was the enemy of desire. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

Shock? More like shellshock at this point. Blondie knew I was gay, yet he was a Company Exec or else he wouldn't be here. I was his butt boy in the worst possible way.
When I squinted at him, he gave nothing up. Neither did I. I had shit on this newly minted man too.
Double fucking jeopardy, jackass. ~ Rie Warren

You have a mother?"
His mouth quirked with humor.
"Yep, and a father too! Every kid normally has one of each to begin with.
He was teasing me in an affectionate way... ~ Terry Spear

You're fucking kidding me, right?"
"I don't kid about fucking. ~ Stacey Marie Brown

Security has a report of an unattended fainting goat that is loose in the building as well, sir' 'A, What?' I Snap. 'A fainting goat' 'How do you know it faints?' 'Guests continue to report a dead goat. Surveillance footage shows that it's just fainting' 'What a relief' Dec says. 'Because a fainting goat is so much better than a dead one' he turns to me 'When did your suite become a petting zoo?' 'Shut up ~ Julia Kent

What are you doing?" I asked. "Are we getting all Fifty Shades up in here?"
He shushed me. "Nothing that dangerous. You won't need a safe word. ~ Sophia Bleu

I knew it," she snapped. "You're no different from all men. You're just another jerk pretending to be single! I didn't wanna wrap a lie into a Christmas present anyway. ~ Maha Erwin

Did I mention how cute you look in my clothes?"
Blushing I just look at what I'm wearing and laugh.
"Chicks Dig me? And Sponge Bob boxers?"
"Chicks do dig me! And Sponge Bob is a great cartoon in your world. ~ Sara Daniell

It was a Wednesday, but it was a holiday, and Hattie was spending her day off from the local library (bookish by curling up on her favorite understuffed sofa with her newest purchase - a dime-store romance novel featuring bare-chested, oiled down pirates ("bookish" need not always be confused with literary") - and one of her two cats, the calico one named Mimsy. ~ Clayton Smith

It wasn't like that, darlin'." [Darcy] said quickly. "I swear on my mother's soul it wasn't!"
Bronte bit her lip, trying not to smile. "Your mother is still living, is she not?"
Darcy grinned sheepishly. "Yes, but ... just the same. ~ Jaide Fox

Eli's a good kid, Jasper. Too good for the likes of me. He deserves better."
Jasper shot him a penetrating look. "What he deserves is a nice dame, but seeing as how that ain't in the cards, you're the next best thing." "Wow." Jessie stared in disbelief. "No one's ever insulted me with a compliment before. That's some talent you got there, Jasper. ~ Charlie Cochet

I haven't even seen the girl dance yet, except when I catch her dancing in her room, but then she screams at me and I run and hide. ~ Toni Aleo

I'm there to block your next move. This is a game ~ Poppet

One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five million years ago by nailing every female in sight. They charmed, seduced, and behaved like bastards, and yet women were biologically incapable of resisting their magic DNA. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Rule number one, all love starts with hate ~ Alexander Stapelfeldt

Omg this is like one of those sappy romance movies but I don't care! Jake is holding my hand! I looked back up at him and we slowly rose staring into each other's eyes. Ok, where the heck is my awesome music saying he's the one?! What about a breeze that blows my hair in all directions making me look hot? C'mon Cupid! Give me something!!! A weak chilly breeze blew. It barely even moved my hair. Oh c'mon!!!! ~ Bella Shadow

Hanks grin almost sent me into meltdown. The kind where I killed him, but first I would stick my tongue down his throat and ride him till he was blind. ~ Robyn Peterman

Another note to self; turn cellphone to silent when you're trying to be sneaky. ~ Suzie Ivy

Thinking back on the outing to the theatre, she added, 'I want a man, not a preening peacock! ~ Katherine Givens

What is the purpose of achieving your dream if the people you had dreamed your achievements for are no longer there to reap the benefits? ~ Janvier Chouteu-Chando

You're such a romantic. Just like your brother. Do you know what he bought for me for our last anniversary? A knife sharpener. ~ Kim Fielding

if lying would be a crime, we would all be in jail right now ~ PLL.

Feeling a little calmer?" she asked, leaning against the desk again.

Dax snorted. "Mellow as anything. I'm ready to curl up and take a nap now. Don't mind if I purr. ~ Katherine McIntyre

I had two cups of coffee, put Eric's jeans in the washer, read a romance for awhile, and studied my brand-new Word of the Day calendar, a Christmas gift from Arlene. My first word of the New Year was 'exsanguinate.' This was probably not a good omen. ~ Charlaine Harris

I made a tactical error tonight with Wyatt." She paused "Horizontally."
Sara laughed. "Again? ~ Jill Shalvis

If you jotted down all of my ill-thought out comments, you could write a book entitled, Guide to Getting Punched in the Throat for Boneheads-Mad Hatter in "Death of the Mad Hatter" (Coming Soon!) ~ Sarah J. Pepper

Jeth had an unnatural talent for nuclear physics. Should that be a crime? He didn't like governments. Who did? How smart do you have to be before cynicism counts as villainy? And oh, God forbid you become independently wealthy enough to buy an island. Suddenly it's the Island of Dr. X, and the press can't refer to you without using the word "lair. ~ Tom Francis

Have you any other objection than your belief of my indifference?
- Elizabeth Bennet ~ Jane Austen

Oh Pia, I feel GOOD! Fully recovered!' he always says in a dazzling tone that tells everyone within a ten-kilometre radius that he's not. ~ Aditi Mathur Kumar