Rachel Renee Russell Quotes

Calling MacKenzie a mean girl is an understatement. She's a cobra with hoop earrings, blond hair extensions, and a spray-on tan.

I was like, JUST GREAT! Grandma is finally going SENILE! Doesn't she understand that some things in life you're STUCK with and powerless to change?! Jeez!

AAAAAAAAAAHHH !! (That was me screaming in frustration!) I can't believe I overslept! AGAIN! Now I'm probably going to be late for school! WHY?!! Because my bratty little sister, Brianna, has been sneaking into my bedroom at night and stealing my alarm clock! She's been using it to get up extra early to make a peanut butter, jelly, and pickle sandwich to take to school for lunch. YES! She actually adds PICKLES! I don't know which is more NAUSEATING, Brianna or her disgusting sandwich! Anyway, now I have less than three minutes to shower, shampoo, brush, dress, pack, eat, gloss, and GO! This is how my very CRUDDY day began. . . .

Sweetie, when life presents challenges, you can be either a CHICKEN or a CHAMPION. The choice is YOURS!

unanswered questions

Miss Penelope THINKS I need beauty sleep?! Sorry, Brianna, but Miss Penelope CAN'T think. She doesn't have a BRAIN! She's a hand puppet!" I shot back.

That's So Hot! magazine

So Brandon, would you like to take... A POP QUIZ??!!

And nails done, right after she visited the school nurse,

Then I had a continental breakfast with freshly squeezed orange juice, half a bagel with goat cheese, and a green smoothie, all served on a silver tray by my maid, Olga, right in my bedroom.

Mr. Biz! The shrewd and savage business shark,

Whatever happens, we've got your back, girlfriend! Unless, of course, the crowd gets mad and decides to tar and feather us. Then, I'll be leaving you in the dust!

Wicked Witch of the West

BRANDON: I have a bag of candy. Will bring it right over. NIKKI: You're coming to my house? NOW?!! NIKKI: Brandon? NIKKI: Hello? R U there?! NIKKI: We'll just cook a PB

Well, MacKenzie, YOU'RE the expert on toilets! It's only 8:00 a.m. and your BRAIN is completely CONSTIPATED while your MOUTH has a severe case of DIARRHEA! Please, go FLUSH!

Felt SO insanely happy I could just ... VOMIT sunshine, rainbows, confetti, glitter and ... um ... those yummy little Skittles thingies!

Brianna! Did you take my clock again?!" I yelled. "If I'M late for school, it's all YOUR fault!" "I didn't take your clock. Miss Penelope did! She thinks you need all the BEAUTY SLEEP you can get!

Lucky for me it wasn't Brianna at my door, but my parents. Before I could say, "Come in", they just kind of barged in, like they always do, which really irritated me, because this is supposed to be MY room!

my butt cheeks had frozen into two big chunks of ice.

Then she cackled like a witch and sashayed away. I just HATE it when MacKenzie sashays. But

And why does it smell like something DIED in the mud and is STILL in there rotting?

NIKKI: Yep! I'm trying to help her earn a cooking badge for Scouts. Any ideas for a super-EZ brat-proof snack? BRANDON:

Mean fake advice letters to students, and spreading lies and nasty rumors. And

You're such a big BABY. So cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT

So I just smiled, thanked

So, how was your week at Hogwarts? Luv the tacky uniforms (LOL)! NIKKI:

DAD, MAX THE ROACH, AND OUR RAGGEDY OLD VAN WERE BACK WHERE THEY BELONGED!

The Hawk's keen nose is picking up the scent of a COWARD! Right . . . about . . . HERE! he snarled, and pointed at ME!

When things are bad, we take a bit of comfort in the thought that they could always be WORSE. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get BETTER.' - Malcolm S. Forbes.

You are friendly and outgoing, and you love people. You will most enjoy writing a blog. Select a fab online ID and share your exciting, DIVALICIOUS life with your friends.

Well, I'm really sorry to disappoint those snobby CCPs!

Book five of Dork Diaries is one of my favorite books it brings my thoughts deep into the book and think if you haven't read it you should you will probably fell just as I fell.

We were supposed to be brainstorming. But, unfortunately, my brain was farting.

I knew Chloe LOVED to read, but I was in the middle of a MAJOR life crisis! For once, couldn't she just try focusing on ME instead of her stupid book characters?! Then

Mom, I don't need a STUPID book with 288 BLANK pages!!

Better late than never."-Dork Diaries

my advice column is going

WHAAAT?! No way! Brandon, You said you couldn't go

just say . . . ?!

Brianna! I wouldn't feed that nasty sandwich to my WORST ENEMY!" And by worst enemy, I meant people like . . . well, you know . . . MACKENZIE HOLLISTER !! Although,

STAY HOME FROM SCHOOL FAUX VOMIT:
1 cup of cooked oatmeal
1.2 cup of sour cream (or buttermilk ranch dressing or anything that smells like rancid, sour milk)
2 chopped cheese sticks (for chunkiness)
1 uncooked egg (for authentic slimy texture)
1 can of split pea soup (for putrid green color)
1/4 cup of raisins (to increase gross-osity)
Mix ingredients and simmer over low heat for 2 minutes
Let mixture cool to warm vomit temperature
Use liberally as needed
Makes 4 to 5 cups

BTW, the roach's name is Max (courtesy of Brianna, "because of I had a puppy, I'd name him Max").

OMG! Look at that! They're ALL wearing the same butt-ugly ensemble! Wait, don't tell me. They were giving them away for free with a purchase of a McDonald's Happy Meal!

NIKKI: Really?! What are the ingredients? BRANDON: Just popcorn and caramel candy. Cooks in microwave. NIKKI: That's all?! Very cool! Be right back . . . NIKKI: We have popcorn ! But no caramel candy ! BRANDON:

I look just like one of Brianna's UGLY finger paintings. Because now I'm completely covered with: 1. brown peanut-butter stains 2. purple jelly stains 3. white soap suds AND 4. bright fluorescent-green hand soap from the girls' bathroom.

In spite of her cute little angelic face and pink sneakers, Brianna is actually a baby Tyrannosaurus rex. On STEROIDS!

Sure, I sort of hated that girl a little bit. But I'd NEVER go

Hey, get a load of those two! It must be mating season or something ...

Kincaid after class, she told me I was in bio, not ART class. Then she

So many FREAKS and not enough CIRCUSES!

And while we worked, we had a serious chat. BRANDON

I got up at exactly 6:15 a.m., showered, and did ten minutes of yoga. Then I had a continental breakfast with freshly squeezed orange juice, half a bagel with goat cheese, and a green smoothie, all

Well, it's not MY fault you're such an AIRHEAD that if you open your mouth I can hear the ocean! I shot back.

In the blank where it said "Name of act," I had scrawled, "Actually, I'm not really sure

And another hour to scrape seven of them off the stove, floor, and ceiling. . . .

Let your inner DORK shine through.

Your locker door. But due to my severe allergic reaction to your coat, all I could muster was a weak and very hoarse whisper that you apparently didn't hear.

The Price Is Right for Morons.

Dream big dreams,because little dreams have no magic.~Dork Diaries

My bad!" She giggled. "Sugar makes me chatty.