Art Humor Quotes

Here's to freedom, cheers to art. Here's to having an excellent adventure and may the stopping never start. ~ Jason Mraz

A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night. ~ David Sedaris

To call an artist morbid because he deals with morbidity as his subject-matter is as silly as if one called Shakespeare mad because he wrote 'King Lear. ~ Oscar Wilde

The one area that Winkleman avoided was dealing in contemporary art, which Memling described as "shooting poisonous snakes with a water pistol. ~ Hannah Rothschild

You can't rush art." I crumpled another lost attempt and tossed it behind me. "Besides, patience is a virtue."

"It's a virtue until it's a waste of time," he pointed out.

The cello unleashed a few notes that sounded strangely bright for such an instrument, and Hal nodded in its direction. "See; even a musical instrument agrees with me. ~ Mirriam Neal

I pointed at Wireman's forehead. "This is your brain," I said. Then I pointed at my easel. "This is your brain on canvas. ~ Stephen King

Definition of lecture: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either.
Definition of conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
Definition of office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
"What people say about me behind my back is none of my business." ~ RuPaul

I think comedy is the hardest art form there is. ~ John Popper

How important are the visual arts in our society? I feel strongly that the visual arts are of vast and incalculable importance. Of course I could be prejudiced. I am a visual art. ~ Kermit The Frog

Knowledge empowers people. If people know the rules, and are sensitized by art, humor, and creativity, they are much more likely to accept change. ~ Antanas Mockus

Tis no extravagant arithmetic to say, that for every ten jokes, thou hast got an hundred enemies; and till thou hast gone on, and raised a swarm of wasps about thine ears, and art half stung to death by them, thou wilt never be convinced it is so. ~ Laurence Sterne

Art Modell was a visionary, a deal-maker and a friend. And he possessed a marvelous sense of humor. ~ Steve Tisch

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh ... now you tell me what you know. ~ Groucho Marx

Of course it is juggling, theman in motley was saying ... YOu know what your problem is, Sir Grenall? You've been seduced by the lure of spectacle. Sure, I could juggle three or four balls and use two hands, and that would be very impressive, but then what would I do after that? Five balls? Three hands? You see how it goes? Now me, I'm an artist, trying to recapture the original purity of the art form. This-the man nodded at the ball he tossing up and down-this is the essence of juggling. ~ Gerald Morris

Era un pintor tan viejo que se le habían quedado calvos los pinceles.
(He was such an old painter that his brushes had gone bald.) ~ Ramon Gomez De La Serna

Erik Satie died on July 1, 1925; his last words were 'Ah, the cows ... ~ John Richardson

Prouder than a preschooler showin' refrigerator art! ~ K.D. Harp

She had graduated from the Beaux Arts in Caen. She worked entirely on her body, she explained to me; I looked at her anxiously as she opened her portfolio. I was hoping she wasn't going to show me photos of plastic surgery on her toes or anything like that - I'd had it up to here with things like that. But no, she simply handed me some postcards which she had had made, with the imprint of her pussy dipped in different coloured paints. I chose a turquoise and a mauve; I was a little sorry I hadn't brought photos of my prick to return the favour. ~ Michel Houellebecq

If art can never offer levity, then I'll have none of it! ~ Annette Schrab Clark

It is the fate of all authors or chroniclers to create imaginary friends, and lose them in the course of art. ~ Charles Dickens

Our interiors are an insight into our brains. It is a collaboration of design, art, humor, irony, functionality, and the street. ~ Amanda Talbot

Art is anything you can get away with. ~ Marshall McLuhan

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot. ~ Steve Martin

I bring the girl to a museum, try to show her a little culture, and she turns a Chihuly into a giant phallus. ~ Nicki Elson

We suffered for our art. You have to suffer for our art as well! ~ Terry Gilliam

a spider and a fly

i heard a spider
and a fly arguing
wait said the fly
do not eat me
i serve a great purpose
in the world

you will have to
show me said the spider

i scurry around
gutters and sewers
and garbage cans
said the fly and gather
up the germs of
typhoid influenza
and pneumonia on my feet
and wings
then i carry these germs
into households of men
and give them diseases
all the people who
have lived the right
sort of life recover
from the diseases
and the old soaks who
have weakened their systems
with liquor and iniquity
succumb it is my mission
to help rid the world
of these wicked persons
i am a vessel of righteousness
scattering seeds of justice
and serving the noblest uses

it is true said the spider
that you are more
useful in a plodding
material sort of way
than i am but i do not
serve the utilitarian deities
i serve the gods of beauty
look at the gossamer webs
i weave they float in the sun
like filaments of song
if you get what i mean
i do not work at anything
i play all the time
i am busy with the stuff
of enchantment and the materials
of fairyland my works
transcend utility
i am the artist
a creator and demi god
it is ridiculous to suppose
that i should be denied
the food ~ Don Marquis

Typical artist,' said Granny. 'He just painted the showy stuff in the front ... And what about these cherubs? We're not going to get them too, are we? I don't like to see little babies flying through the air.'
'They turn up in a lot of old paintings,' said Nanny Ogg. 'They put them in to show it's Art and not just naughty pictures of ladies with not many clothes on.'
'Well, they're not fooling ME,' said Granny Weatherwax. ~ Terry Pratchett

The most important thing in art is The Frame. For painting: literally; for other arts: figuratively
because, without this humble appliance, you can't know where The Art stops and The Real World begins. You have to put a 'box' around it because otherwise, what is that shit on the wall? ~ Frank Zappa

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. ~ Woody Allen

Politics is the art of achieving prestige and power without merit. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

Artists are never appreciated at lunchtime," Kelly mumbled as she stuffed her camera into her pocket. ~ Alex Gino

Your art ... " I gaped at the field of white. "There was a lovely portrait of me - right there."
I get offended whenever art is damaged, especially if that art features me. ~ Rick Riordan

Jamie came back to the apartment one night to find her spreading a viscous fluid onto a canvas. It was threaded wtih blood. "Good God," he said. "What the hell is that?"
Pia didn't bother to look up but continued to knead the clear slime across the canvas. "It's my new piece."
"But what is it?" He kept pointing. He'd never seen something so disgusting in his life. And her hands were completely in it.
"It's Jodie's placenta. She gave it to me. I'm going to tack it up and let it dry on this canvas. Then I'm gonna glue-gun pictures of dead fetuses onto Lucite and make them the centerpeice."
"Uh huh."
She raised her sticky hands to him. "It's about women, you know? The way that the world opresses them, all right? And it's about babies, and . . . I don't know . . . I just got the placenta today."
"Wow, that's wow . . . that's . . ." No words for this. He scratched his chin as she spread her hands in a concentric motion across the canvas. "So, do you really think anyone's gonna want to put that up on their wall when it's done?" he asked.
She scowled, displeased. ~ K. Stephens

Never miss a party ... good for the nerves
like celery. ~ F Scott Fitzgerald

The more the art dominated my life and my house, the more the house became a home. ~ Burt Reynolds

Train yourselves by seeking and acknowledging beauty moment by moment every day of your lives," he told them. "Exercise your eyes. Take pleasure in the grace of shape and the excitement of color. ~ Susan Vreeland

I didn't realize I actually had post-traumatic stress disorder at the time, but why would I think I had that? Anyway, how would I know which was post-traumatic stress, which is addiction, which is bipolar, which is Libra? ~ Carrie Fisher

The truth is far beyond what we can see. Therefore my art is an invitation to comprehend this fact. ~ Ala Bashir

Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting; I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows. ~ Dave Barry

The game of life has one rule: if you play, you lose. ~ Swami Chetanananda

It is impossible to make a clear cut between science, religion, and art. The whole is never equal simply to the sum of its various parts. ~ Max Planck

Everything here is a small offense and not of value as art or confession. It is not a whim. It is an attempt to peel another putrid skin. ~ Patti Smith

Contained within a given lesson or particular technique is the essence of all techniques. You imitate and study a particular form to grasp the universal principles that allow the technique to work in the first place and that will finally enable you to transcend the form itself to discover the formless. ~ H.E. Davey

He has a passport," my classmates would whisper. "Quick, let's run before he judges us! ~ David Sedaris

There was an exhibition in Munich in 1937, 'Degenerate Art,' which included work by Klee, Kandinsky, Beckmann and many others. The work was called 'sick' and put in the trash heap. The sentiments expressed toward contemporary art by Jesse Helms, Pat Robertson and Mayor Giuliani recall the language used by the Nazis. ~ Hans Haacke

Art opens the fishiest eye . . . ~ Sheridan Hay

When men die, they enter history. When statues die, they enter art. This botany of death is what we call culture. ~ Chris Marker

What is a woman? I assure you, I do not know ... I do not believe that anybody can know until she has expressed herself in all the arts and professions open to human skill. ~ Virginia Woolf

The musician is perhaps the most modest of animals, but he is also the proudest. It is he who invented the sublime art of ruining poetry. ~ Erik Satie

What does it say? Does he love you madly? ~ Jessica Day George

Campaigns and elections are the process in which democracy separates the willing from the able, and goes with the willing. ~ Jon Stewart

Art is what you can get away with, said somebody or other, which makes it sound like shoplifting or some other minor crime. And maybe that's all it ever was, or is: a kind of stealing. A hijacking of the visual. ~ Margaret Atwood

Standing up through the Citroen's open sunroof, my six-foot-three-inch, red-cheeked sister pointed a long, trembling finger at the perpetrator and with maximum indignation yelled: 'Ce merde-monsieur a justement crache dans ma derriere!' Her intended meaning is obvious, but what she said was, 'This shit-man just spat out into my butt! ~ Julia Child

The lord giveth and most women piss it away. Perhaps this is why they lack the equipment to aim. ~ Paula Wall

It's impossible to walk through solid rock ... You have to walk between the molecules that make up the rock. ~ J.M. Dattilo

That's something I learned in art school. I studied graphic design in Germany, and my professor emphasized the responsibility that designers and illustrators have towards the people they create things for. ~ Eric Carle

At forty my faculties may have closed up like flowers at evening, leaving me unable to write my memoirs with a fitting and discreet inaccuracy, or, having written them, unable to carry them to the publisher. ~ James Thurber

Art was carrying me a lot of the time. When you're accustomed to playing with Art, and you play with other drummers, it's as if the bottom dropped out. ~ Benny Green

We have something that is unique. We have our craft. We have our art. We have our desire. ~ Branford Marsalis

Why did I even think that girl would help? So ... I need her. Why?! Why her? What is it that makes her so different, so calming, so ... So, Goddamn MINE! - Christopher Mason ~ Sadie Grubor

But always think this: do not be afraid of failure. Do not be afraid of falling. In the art of walking, what is important is not avoiding the fall but not remaining fallen. ~ Pope Francis

We can't make death fun, but we can make learning about it fun. Death is science and history, art and literature. It bridges every culture and unites the whole of humanity! ~ Caitlin Doughty

By Liberty I understand the Power which every Man has over his own Actions, and his Right to enjoy the Fruits of his Labour, Art, and Industry, as far as by it he hurts not the Society, or any Members of it, by taking from any Member, or by hindering him from enjoying what he himself enjoys. The Fruits of a Man's honest Industry are the just Rewards of it, ascertained to him by natural and eternal Equity, as is his Title to use them in the Manner which he thinks fit: And thus, with the above Limitations, every Man is sole Lord and Arbitrer of his own private Actions and Property. ~ Cato The Younger

Tell me, Jeeves," I said. "Suppose you were in a shop taking By The Order of the Czar out of the lending library and a clergyman's daughter came in and without so much as a preliminary 'Hullo, there' said to you, 'Has he brought it yet?' what interpretations would you place on those words?"
He pondered, this way and that dividing the swift mind, as I have heard him put it.
"'Has he brought it yet,' sir?"
"Just that."
"I should reach the conclusion that the lady was expecting a male acquaintance to have arrived or to be arriving shortly bearing some unidentified object. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

What y'all ladies got to share? Hmmm, what you bitches got?"

Aunt Georgia sighed and squinted at the boy. She said, "The Lord loves a cheerful giver, but I'm just not in the mood."

The thug moved his hand from his crotch to his scalp, still scratching. "What in the hell's that supposed to mean?" Mrs. Cleveland raised and pumped her walking stick, which, it turned out, was a double-barreled shotgun.

"It means take one more step," she said, "and I'll blast you to hell, you ignorant-ass bastard. ~ Jabari Asim

She talks like you. It's not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who's only holding Cinderella back."
"That's my girl. ~ Emma Chase

Several minutes later, when I passed among the guests to fill their empty cups with wine, I found him standing at my shoulder. "You'll wound my pride," he warned me softly, "ignoring me so." I flicked him a look that was only half-impatient. "I must not speak with you, by my uncle's own instruction." "And when have you obeyed instructions?" He held out his own cup to be filled, his mouth curved in amusement. "Besides, your uncle is engaged at present, with a most serious gentleman. If he should look this way, I've only to duck my head." "You are impossible, my lord." "Ay. And your good humor is lacking, madam. What is it that has so offended you? ~ Susanna Kearsley

In the domain of art there is no light without heat. ~ Victor Hugo

ZANY, n. A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the _buffone_, or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the play. The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as we to-day have the unhappiness to know him. In the zany we see an example of creation; in the humorist, of transmission. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is the curate, who apes the rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, who apes the devil. ~ Ambrose Bierce

Plato's objection to the older art
that it is the imitation of a phantom and hence belongs to a sphere even lower than the empirical world
could certainly not be directed against the new art; and so we find Plato endeavoring to transcend reality and to represent the idea which underlies this pseudo-reality. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

I am no longer my own, but Thine. Put me to what Thou wilt, rank me with whom Thou wilt; put me to doing, put me to suffering; let me be employed for Thee or laid aside for Thee, exalted for Thee or brought low for Thee; let me be full, let me be empty; let me have all things, let me have nothing; I freely and heartily yield all things to Thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Thou art mine, and I am Thine. So be it. And the covenant, which I have made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven. Amen. ~ Methodist Church