Travellers Funny Quotes

The time to enjoy a European trip is about three weeks after unpacking. ~ George Ade

The impulse to travel is one of the hopeful symptoms of life. ~ Agnes Repplier

Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to. ~ Bill Hicks

A dear friend of my early childhood has worked as an anthropologist in Papua New Guinea for much of her life, and from the tiny island where her main work has been focused, she has brought me many funny and beautiful stories over the years. ~ Michael Leunig

Temperance pursed her lips, her eyes firmly fixed on the growing mound of chopped turnip roots. "Do you think anyone really likes turnips?"

"Temperance…"

Temperance poked the tip of her knife into a white cube and held it up. "They are very filling, of course, but really, when was the last time you heard someone say, 'Oh, I'm so very fond of turnips'? ~ Elizabeth Hoyt

I hope it hurts," she said vehemently. "Perhaps that will teach you not to be running about on rooftops! What possessed you to do such a thing?"
Sir Ross gave her a narrow-eyed glance. "For some reason the suspect didn't want to come down to the ground so that I could catch him more easily. ~ Lisa Kleypas

I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it. ~ Milton Jones

Here." He spread his legs wider and patted the floor between them. "You'll be warmer, and I promise I won't grope you or anything."

Yes, because getting groped by a handsome, charming man hours after getting dumped by a workaholic iceberg was such a repulsive notion. ~ Meg Maguire

Scottish Play Doe was born at 4:13 a.m. on September 6th. The ink was barely dry on his father's new tattoo. ~ Adam Rex

When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. ~ Norm MacDonald

Conversations about films are always funny. I would say a majority of people want to talk about what were the more obvious successes; the big box office films. Other people wanting to be more sensitive to you want to talk about the ones that maybe didn't make a lot of money, but they think you might have a special feeling about. And then other people sometimes want to help you by suggesting that you should have done this or that in the movie, that that would have helped you a great deal in whatever capacity. ~ Walter Hill

He liked three kinds of films: pretty bathing girls with bare legs; policemen or cowboys and an industrious shooting of revolvers; and funny fat men who ate spaghetti. ~ Sinclair Lewis

Xav sprinkled olive oil on his lettuce. 'Lola was very particular that it all had to fit properly.'
'Lola?' squeaked Diamond. I wanted to warn her not to rise to the bait Xav was dangling in front of her but it was too late.
Xav added some Parmesan and pepper. 'Suspicious, Diamond? You should be. This is a bachelor party I'm organizing, not a school outing, and it is going to tick all of Trace's boxes. Lola is either a very efficient water sports instructor or an exotic dancing girl; I'll leave it your imagination.'
I rolled my eyes at Diamond. 'Myabe she's both. I mean the guys will really go for that, I guess. Don't worry,Di, Luigi and his crew will not disappoint us girls.' Luigi was in fact Contessa Nicoletta's little bespectacled chef with whom I had been consulting about the menu for Friday, but the Benedicts weren't to know that. 'He has promised to provide something suitably spicy for our tastes. ~ Joss Stirling

It's funny, you can get over the win pretty quick and get ready for the next opponent. When you lose, it just eats at you ... What could we have done? What should I have done? All those things. Just part of playing professional sports and sports in general. ~ Tony Romo

Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs."
"I was curious! ~ Molly Harper

She's smart, she's funny and she's not afraid to take risks. Not to mention that she's beautiful, sexy and charming. You know it, I know it, and soon everyone else will know it. The only person who doesn't know it is her because of archaic fuckheads like yourself telling her otherwise. ~ Karina Halle

Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows. ~ Al Unser

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist. ~ Bo Burnham

And write what you love - don't feel pressured to write serious prose if what you like is to be funny. ~ Cassandra Clare

The Rolling Stones suffered a great loss with the death of Ian Stewart, the man who had for so many years played piano quietly and silently with them on stage. ~ Andy Peebles

I would make a poor princess,' she said.
'Why?'
'Have you ever wished to be a princess?' Ash challenged her.
'That depends,' Kaisa said.
'On what?'
'On whether I'd have to marry a prince,' she said and her tone was lighthearted, inviting Ash to share her smile. ~ Malinda Lo

You've forgotten your little car,' she called, as I swept through the door that Nathan held open for me.
'Why, does that need a bloody badge too?' I said, and followed them into the lift. ~ Jojo Moyes

There's a funny fool. I have a riddle for you, Shagwell. Why do you care if she screams? Oh, wait, I know." He shouted "SAPPHIRES," as loudly as he could.
Cursing, Rorge kicked at his stump again. Jaime howled. I never knew there was such agony in the world, was the last thing he remembered thinking. It was hard to say how long he was gone, but when the pain spit him out, Urswyck was there, and Vargo Hoat himself. "Thee'th not to be touched," the goat screamed, spraying spittle all over Zollo. "Thee hath to be a maid, you foolth! Thee'th worth a bag of thapphireth!" And from then on, every night Hoat put guards on them, to protect them from his own.
Two nights passed in silence before the wench finally found the courage to whisper, "Jaime? Why did you shout out?"
"Why did I shout out 'sapphires,' you mean? Use your wits, wench. Would this lot have cared if I shouted 'rape'?"
"You did not need to shout at all."
"You're hard enough to look at with a nose. Besides, I wanted to make the goat say, 'thapphireth. ~ George R.R. Martin

While at the University of Chicago a couple of friends and I went to dinner at some restaurant in China Town night. Oblivious to the fact that my idiocy can be heard outside of a five-foot radius, I started in with the "You been here four hour. You go now," routine. Ha ha, we all laugh because infantile racism is funny. A little while later I walked back to the bathroom, and as I went down the hall to the "Male Room," I passed this rickety open door. I peered in to see two little Chinese kids looking at me, holding their eyes wide open with their fingers (to give a Caucasian look), and saying: "Hot Dogs! Baseball! Hot Dogs! Baseball!" I laughed so hard, I almost didn't make it to the bathroom. You win this round, Chinese kids. ~ Tucker Max

I grew up on the beach and played side-out scoring all my life, but rally scoring is better for our sport. There is pressure on every play. You can't make a mistake, but that also means your opponent can't make a mistake. It makes the matches more exciting to watch. ~ Holly McPeak

Yeah. I talked to their chief and she told me something pretty scary."
"What?" he asked. I took a deep breath, and tried not to stutter.
"She told me that a storm is coming-"
"It does look like it might rain." Dean noted, cutting me off.
I rolled my eyes, "Not a literal storm, dumbass, ~ Sara Massa

She's not pretty. Little, funny Fernie. She's not pretty. Poor Fernie. ~ Amy Harmon

I think that life is very dark at times and there are things that are very funny about that. ~ Brett Gelman

Comedy is very important, yes. For one thing, it keeps you sane. But it's not really a conversion. I mean, it's marginally a conversion, because if people tune in or go to a nightclub or even watch television, and hear that a lot of other people are laughing at something you thought was not funny, at least it'll force you to reconsider. ~ Tom Lehrer

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you. ~ Steven Wright

I got an E-Trade account. Turns out I can turn $1,000 into $420 in less than a week. Sure, I had to pay some fees ... ~ Mike Birbiglia

Sometimes WRONG is worth the FUNNY! ~ Billy Gardell

Improv is more than just spitting out a bunch of funny stuff that's unrelated to the material. You have to stay in character, you have to react and respond as the character you're trying to play. You have to service the story, and I think improv training has helped with my listening, responding, and my audition technique. It's sounds so silly, but it's true. Because not only do you improvise during the audition, but once you get the part, they'll say, "Throw away everything. Just improv this scene. Do whatever you want." Someone could panic if they're not used to doing something like that. ~ Wendi McLendon-Covey

I like people who love books and movies and art and want to talk about it all the time, because that's basically what I want to talk about. Intellectuals that are funny. ~ Greta Gerwig

The difference between you and the funny person on TV is that they acted on their ideas. ~ Rob Manuel

It is curious how fatal it is, either to a situation or to an individual, or even to a name, if in an evil moment it becomes funny. ~ Margaret Deland

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck chlamydia? ~ Sarah Mlynowski