Scary Humor Quotes

I walk home by myself all the time , " Regan snapped at him
"That's different " Levi smiled at her warmly "You don't rock that Little Red Riding Hood vibe. You're scary ~ Rainbow Rowell

Since when did you bring a gun?" Navidson asks, crouching near the door.
"Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ~ Mark Z. Danielewski

That's funny. You would think after being followed and shoved into a dark alley by a stranger, you would be at least a little shaken. Don't tell me, you are a black belt just waiting for the perfect moment to strike." He laughed soundlessly. "I mean your words do sound brave but your eyes and the fact that you're trembling like a scared little kitten say something else entirely." Even though the alley was submerged in darkness and shadows, it was obvious there was a devilish grin stretched across his face ... ~ Nicole Rae

I don't know how to phrase this exactly but what the fuck? ~ Lev Grossman

I'm not 17 anymore. I still have some of the same sort of anger, but I have a sense of humor about it ... a sense of being constructive with that anger. ~ Dave Pirner

I make love with a focus and intensity that most people reserve for sleep. ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I guess we're even,Sadie.First,Walt and I rushed off to save you in London.Then,you and Walt rushed off to save me.The only one who got shafted on both deals was Walt.Poor guy gets hauled all over the world pulling us out of trouble ~ Rick Riordan

Ling offered him the last slice of melon. "Sorry. I ate everything. I'm starving. I could eat a horse. And I love horses. Beautiful creatures. But I'd eat one whole. Raw."
"I'd settle for eggs and bacon," Gabriel said. ~ G.L. Breedon

He'd died. Plain and simple. And it pissed him off. Left him frustrated and disappointed. Where had all , the guardian angel crap they'd fed him in catechism gone to? He'd seen no angels, seraphim, archangels or pearly gates. No one to show him the ropes now that he was dead. What the hell was he supposed to do? ~ Deborah Leblanc

A young man who asks too much about clothing will find himself the subject of unflattering rumors. ~ Lemony Snicket

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. ~ George Carlin

Look on the bright side," said Simon, "If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I'm not sure the rest of you qualify anyway. ~ Cassandra Clare

We Slytherins are brave, yes, but not stupid. For instance, given the choice, we will always choose to save our own necks. ~ J.K. Rowling

Conspiracies existed, to be sure; many of them, and many were dark indeed. But fiendish? Fiendishness required brains. Nine times out of ten, conspirators behaved like buffoons and wound up exposing themselves out of sheer, bumbling incompetence. ~ Eric Flint

He lost himself somewhere on the harmless side of lunacy, slightly south of innocuous but definetly north of demented. ~ Tony Vigorito

This advice from a college freshman carrying a cane?"

"It's a walking stick, I'll have you know."

"Same difference."

"Hardly. It's fashion. ~ Danika Stone

It was like a great bee come home from some field where the honey is full of poison wildness, of insanity and nightmare, its body crammed with that over-rich nectar and now it was sleeping the evil out of itself. ~ Ray Bradbury

The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life. ~ Garrison Keillor

Oh, man," Xavier groaned. "See what you've done
now I'm stressing."
"You can't! You're the stable one!"
Xavier laughed and I realized his distress had been feigned to illustrate a point. He wasn't worried in the slightest.
"Just relax. Go and run a bath or have a shot of brandy."
"Okay."
"That second bit was a joke. We both know you can't hold your liquor. ~ Alexandra Adornetto

With Sky, I can make the scary stuff disappear. We walk through the neighborhood after dark, and our shadows stand on top of each other, stretching across the whole street. We kiss, and I feel that if my shadow could stay inside of his, then he could eclipse everything that I don't want to remember. I can get lost in the things about him that are beautiful. ~ Ava Dellaira

Bob Davis has his hair differently this year, short with curls like Randy Jones wears. I think you call it a Frisbee. ~ Jerry Coleman

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. ~ E.B. White

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p. ~ Frank Carson

Life feels like a game of Snakes and Ladders, but without any ladders. ~ David Moody

If only 'humor' was better received..the World would be more fun! ~ Abha Maryada Banerjee

He seemed only ... annoyed. Annoyed, and sweaty, and hot.
"Yeah, well," he said, "the next time you decide to sneak out of our magically warded apartment through a door that shouldn't really exist, leave a note. ~ Cassandra Clare

Hello toes," I say. They're good toes. I like that they're long and slender and not the slightest bit stubby. I wiggle them, ten unstubby waves that say, "And hello to you, Human Host!"
Except they're toes. I'm talking to my toes. Maybe I'm not bored ... maybe I'm lonely? ~ Lauren Myracle

The musical equivalent of St Pancras Station.
(on Elgar) ~ Thomas Beecham

I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40. ~ Roy Bean

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs. ~ Tina Fey

B, hows your aim? ~ Quinn Loftis

Hens embarrass me; owls disturb me; if I am with an eagle I always pretend that I am not with an eagle; and so on down to swallows at twilight who scare the hell out of me. But pigeons have absolutely no effect on me. ~ James Thurber

When friends become overfriendly - smell fish! ~ Adhish Mazumder

Nanahara: Where are you going, Boss?
Yashiro: To the convenience store. Whenever I buy all the condoms they have in stock and bring it to the cashier, the part-timer there makes a funny face.
Nanahara: ... That's an interesting hobby. ~ Kou Yoneda

Privately he called them a couple of puffed-up, dressed-up, made-up, stuck-up, brainless parakeets. ~ Shirley Hughes

And so Harry became proficient in the task of cleaning up vomit. ~ Julia Quinn

Be kind to dragons, for thou art crunchy when toasted and taste good with ketchup. (Sebastian) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

Read it with sorrow and you will feel hate.
Read it with anger and you will feel vengeful.
Read it with paranoia and you will feel confusion.
Read it with empathy and you will feel compassion.
Read it with love and you will feel flattery.
Read it with hope and you will feel positive.
Read it with humor and you will feel joy.
Read it with God and you will feel the truth.
Read it without bias and you will feel peace.
Don't read it at all and you will not feel a thing. ~ Shannon L. Alder

Shakespeare used the word 'flush' to indicate plenty of money. Well, just remember there was only one Shakespeare, and he was the only one that had a right to use that word in that sense . You'll never be a Shakespeare, there will never be such another - Nature exhausted herself in producing him. ~ Joseph Devlin

Not to be rude, but it was all pointless," I noted from across the room. Four eyes narrowed at me. "What? I said 'not to be rude'. That's like saying 'God bless them' right after you say bad things about someone. It means it doesn't count! ~ Molly Harper

I have read of a gentleman who owned a so fine house in London, and when he went for months of summer to Switzerland and lock up his house, some burglar came and broke window at back and got in. Then he went and made open the shutters in front and walk out and in through the door, before the very eyes of the police. Then he have an auction in that house, and advertise it, and put up big notice; and when the day come he sell off by a great auctioneer all the goods of that other man who own them. Then he go to a builder, and he sell him that house, making an agreement that he pull it down and take all away within a certain time. And your police and other authority help him all they can. And when that owner come back from his holiday in Switzerland he find only an empty hole where his house had been. This was all done en règle; and in our work we shall be en règle too. We shall not go so early that the policemen who have then little to think of, shall deem it strange; but we shall go after ten o'clock, when there are many about, and such things would be done were we indeed owners of the house. ~ Bram Stoker

There's scary stuff in 'Raiders of the Lost Ark.' There's some really nasty skeletons and dead bodies. ~ Colin Trevorrow

I'd say you've many a tale to tell. You're not as green as yer cabbage is painted, I'd say. ~ Louise Couper

It's frightening and unnerving to watch a stone melt. ~ Andy Goldsworthy

Why would you come to Italy to see Spanish steps? That's like going to China for Mexican food, isn't it? ~ Rick Riordan

Lusty blacksmiths and naughty princesses. Now that's scary ~ Simon Holt

Jerry took a large slice of wheaten bread, spread with golden butter, and bit into it with her small white teeth. It was a natural gesture - she was very hungry indeed - but to Sam, there was something symbolic about it. Jerry was like bread, he thought. She was like good wholesome wheaten bread, spread thick with honest farm butter; and the thought crossed his mind, that a man might eat bread forever and ever, and not tire of it, and it would never clog his palate like sweet cakes or pastries or chocolate eclairs. ~ D.E. Stevenson