Pixie Humor Quotes

Change back to your ugly self before I change your face for you, Logan said, Silver Frost. ~ Kailin Gow

The talked about their messed-up, dysfunctional families, carefully respecting boundaries, never probing too deep in any one sitting. And they always ended up laughing. Even when the subject matter was intense or macabre, Henry's sick and twisted and often politically incorrect sense of humor was infectious ... Gloria laughed more in these first weeks at Oxford then she remembered laughing almost anywhere. ~ Andrea Kayne Kaufman

Ow! Shit!" She yelped, dropping the wand on the floor and clapping her hand over her eye, the one into which she'd just smooshed a nice glob of viscous black goo. She fumbled for a wash cloth, wet it, and scrubbed at her watering eye. Years of exposure to her foul-mouthed brothers came pouring out all at once. "Piece of shit god damn son of a bitch! ~ Kendra Leigh Castle

Leave it to women to be cryptic rather than straightforward ~ Kaye Dacus

For a tiny instant Faith wondered whether it would benefit the doctor's investigation if he experienced a cliff fall first-hand. ~ Frances Hardinge

The great Sea God,Poseidon, could not be more pleased with himself.Although he had lost to the young Goddess, he had really won.In theory,his manhood now belonged to Aphrodite,but whenever he visited her cave,he was made to feel even more of a king than in his own palace.All the lovely Goddesses of Olympus came to pay homage to his phallus & would, afterwards, help him to empty his sperm sacs. ~ Nicholas Chong

Academics love the semicolon; their hankering after logic demands a division which is more emphatic than a comma, but not quite as absolute a demarcation as a full stop. ~ Victor Klemperer

Blahblah new porn series, blahblah hot men, blahblah new hot boytoy from France, blahblah hair products imported from France with the boytoy, blahblah super gay lifestyle. ~ Santino Hassell

Proceed with caution when you befriend a writer, for if you fall out of their good graces they have the delightful capability of doing any number of dastardly things to you upon the written page. ~ Bonnie Daly

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded. ~ Terry Pratchett

Um, she'll take your number if you're single ~ J.L. McCoy

I looked at the map of India on the wall. Every 14-year-old should know the exact location of Calcutta. It wouldn't do to go around without the faintest clue of where Calcutta was. ~ Nicole Krauss

It's a fact that every minute you hold a child, it triples in mass. ~ Drew Magary

The book didn't want to be copied?
I should introduce it to the house that doesn't want any occupants. ~ A.W. Exley

I believe in irony. And if V-Day has taught me anything, it's that if you go out with artistic, outrageous irony and humor, people are drawn to it. ~ Eve Ensler

Meanwhile, back at reality..."- G.Lucas ~ Robert Lynn Asprin

I mean that it's all right to go to bed with an asshole but don't ever have a baby with one. ~ David Gilmour

Those who can, do; those who can't, teach; those who can't teach, police grammar on the Internet. ~ Ruadhan J. McElroy

Someone's coming," Sicarius said. "They heard we have raccoon vomit for breakfast," Akstyr muttered. ~ Lindsay Buroker

Body language translation: hell yes, dipshit ~ Shay Rucker

I have to be a ginger for 3 weeks. ~ Katy Perry

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody's perfect so I stopped practicing. ~ Steven Wright

I hardly seem yet," returned Charles Darnay, "to belong to this world again."
"I don't wonder at it; it's not so long since you were pretty far advanced on your way to another. ~ Charles Dickens

The only thing worth having in an earthly existence is a sense of humor. ~ Lincoln Steffens

What wine goes with Captain Crunch? ~ George Carlin

You really don't know a person until you spend some time in their panties. ~ Lois Greiman

As an author I'm in my head all day and I worry that I lose touch with reality. But then my dog pees on my shoe and I know I've found it again. ~ Michelle M. Pillow

Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with. ~ Dave Barry

You're not the only one in this relationship who loves a
challenge," he says. "And just so you know for the future, I like my double-chocolate chip
cookies warm and soft in the middle ... and without magnets glued to them. ~ Simone Elkeles

I wanted to stay this way forever.
Which, it turns out, was exactly five more minutes. ~ Kami Garcia

He worried that too much alone time was a bad thing. Socializing was therapeutic and was a cure for most mental issues in the world. Of course, I argued so was a double dose of Adderall, a personal phone call from Jesus and electric shock therapy. However, soon after, my cell phone died and the jumper cables for my car went missing. ~ Shannon L. Alder

I can see how I could write a bold account of myself as a passionate man who rose from humble beginnings to cut a wide swath in the world, whose crimes along the way might be written off to extravagance and love and art, and could even almost believe some of it myself on certain days after the sun went down if I'd had a snort or two and was in Los Angeles and it was February and I was twenty-four, but I find a truer account in the Herald-Star, where it says: "Mr. Gary Keillor visited at the home of Al and Florence Crandall on Monday and after lunch returned to St. Paul, where he is currently employed in the radio show business ... Lunch was fried chicken with gravy and creamed peas". ~ Garrison Keillor

Once you realize that the vast majority of people see and know very little, you will rarely be affected when someone speaks ill or well of you. ~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Humor is an excellent method of keeping a tight rein on unproductive displays of emotion. ~ Elizabeth Peters

I can't wait to be eighty. So I can shock people by saying "rim job" in casual conversation. ~ Lena Dunham

That guy with the silver hair, he's your dad, right?" Amber questioned, surveying the scene.
"Yes," I said, reluctant to say anything but, considering what was happening, figured was the least of my worries.
"Ooo la la. He's, like, totally diesel. Look at those arms." She went on, admiring my dad to a sickening degree.
"All right, jailbait, back off. It's practically incest."
She sucked air through her teeth. "I know," she said regretfully. "But a girl can dream. And I have a feeling he's going to be starring in a lot of them. ~ Brandi Salazar

I resent you - " Robespierre said. His words were lost. "The People," he shouted, "are everywhere good, and if they obstruct the Revolution - even, for example, at Toulon - we must blame their leaders."
"What are you going on about this for?" Danton asked him.
Fabre launched himself from the wall. "He is trying to enunciate a doctrine," he shrieked. "He thinks the time has come for a bloody sermon."
"If only," Robespierre yelled, "there were more vertu."
"More what?"
"Vertu. Love of one's country. Self-sacrifice. Civic spirit."
"One appreciates your sense of humor, of course." Danton jerked his thumb in the direction of the noise. "The only vertu those bastards understand is the kind I demonstrate every night to my wife. ~ Hilary Mantel

No witch has ever claimed to own the Elder Wand. Make of that what you will. ~ J.K. Rowling

I felt this awful obligation to be charming or at least have something to say, and the pressure of having to be charming (or merely verbal) incapacitates me. ~ Peter Cameron

I've been chased, shot, cut, beaten, and dragged a hundred leagues in the blink of an eye. I need a drink. ~ Jessica Khoury

In the real world, in the grand scheme of life, this year is going to count for exactly nothing. These are the friendships that don't last and the choices that don't count. All those things we freak out about now, like who's going to be class president and are we going to win the game this weekend- there's going to be a time when we can't remember caring about them. In exactly three hundred and sixty five days from right now, wearing your letter jacket will make you look like the lamest of losers. ~ Jen Klein

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am. ~ Gustave Eiffel

I really can't say which of the American classics you should read. In fact, I think about as much of the notion of "classic" as you do, but at least the literary critics who compile those lists have a good sense of humor. How else can you explain them adding Mark Twain's wonderful books to their lists, given his view that "a classic is something everybody wants to have read, but no one wants to read"? Unless it's some kind of disguised jibe, but they surely can't be that petty.
Though I don't think that justice is the main argument against classics list. Or rather, in a way it's clearly a question of justice, but not against those who don't make it. No, the books I feel sorry for are the ones they add to these lists. Take Mark Twain again. Once, when Tom was young, he came to me complaining that he had to read Huckleberry Finn for junior high. Huckleberry Finn! Our critics and educators have got a lot to answer for when they manage to make young boys see stories about rebellion and adventure and ballsiness as a chore. Do you understand what I mean? The real crime of these lists isn't that they leave deserving books off them, but that they make people see fantastic literary adventures as obligations. ~ Katarina Bivald