Photobucket Funny Quotes

Jen put her hands on her hips and pinned Sally with the famous 'you're going to spit it out or I'm going to rip it out of you' look. "You talked?" Jen asked sarcastically. "Sally," she cleared her throat then continued, "you have a mate. A guaranteed husband. A sure thing. Not to mention he's hot, funny, sweet, and he has a dimple. You talked?" She repeated. This time Jen's voice was skeptical. Before Sally could defend herself, however, her door opened slowly, calculatingly.
"I know you weren't describing me Jennifer. So who is this male who has caught your eye so descriptively? Please do tell, so that I can rip him to pieces." Decebel's power filled the room and Sally took an involuntary step away from the very angry Alpha. ~ Quinn Loftis

I own and operate a ferocious ego. ~ Bill Moyers

The most noteworthy thing about gardeners is that they are always optimistic, always enterprising, and never satisfied. They always look forward to doing something better than they have ever done before. ~ Vita Sackville-West

How have the dates been treating you?'
'Disgusting,' I said.
'Ah, too bad.'
'Each its own little death.'
'Funny,' he said. 'You're like a little death.'
'What?' I asked.
'You are. You're ... gloomy yet charming. I like it.'
'Well, no one has said that before.'
'You're gently death-ish. You know about death, you're aware of it, and most people aren't anymore. But you're not a killer. You're a soft darkness. ~ Melissa Broder

One right doesn't remedy a thousand wrongs.'

'You should write a book of quotes. ~ Catherine Doyle

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them? ~ Leo Durocher

And she says, "Then let's just take the effing road and get ourselves to Haven."
I smile, a little. "You said effing," I say. "You actually said the word effing. ~ Patrick Ness

The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies. ~ Dennis Miller

Stealing, you'll go far in life. Actually, there is something funny about getting away with it. ~ Mike Judge

What I hope to do in the States is to break up this stereotyping of Muslims and Arabs. I mean, we are basically the only sub-culture that is not represented in Hollywood. And it's funny because everybody is talking about the Muslim world and the Arab world, and we are not represented. ~ Bassem Youssef

When I think about books, I touch my shelf. ~ Unknown

Frowning, he asked, "Are you a guy or a girl?"
"I'm a god," the trickster said airily. ~ Rachael Arsenault

In a recent Valentine's Day posting on her fan website, Britney Spears says that - oh, who cares? ~ Amy Poehler

You are dear to yourself in the morning and it is the morning now. It is very private to have such a love for yourself. Closer, closer to the curtain. How funny, your face is right right against the curtain now. How funny to know what side of it you are on! You are asleep! How wonderful to pay attention. ~ Jenny Slate

I love funny people, and when I'm with funny people, or people who are amusing in their weirdness, I love it. Because that to me is funny, as opposed to someone who stops and says, 'Hey let me tell you a joke.' ~ Paul Feig

With a hand full of beer and a heart full of cheer, I'm as Irish as I can get, but add good times and some quick funny lines… and gold I make leprechauns sh!t. Sláinte! - Jess ~ Jon Bendera

It's a funny word, persistence. It means not giving up, but it also means just passing on through time. ~ Questlove

It's so funny, because right now I'm very tired and my brains a little dead, I tend to get very focused and serious. So, I'm probably coming off a lot more like Scully right now. ~ Gillian Anderson

And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club. ~ Dennis Miller

One of my fears is that I'm suddenly not going to be funny, but still think I am. That's like my nightmare that I can wake up in a cold sweat from. ~ Judd Apatow

Wiping her eyes, she steeled herself for what was to come, a bonanza of images celebrating their relationship, recording the silly, funny and even the angry moments. Viren with his love of photography ensured that each occasion, big or small had a reminder. ~ Inderpreet Uppal

I thought LeBron James was just going to be another addition to help me score ~ Ricky Davis

He does manage the bookstore, which is currently my favorite place on earth." Her eyes glazed over. "All those books. If I married him, I could probably work there the rest of my life. Nothing would make me happier."
"What about love?" Ve asked.
"Oh," Harper said solemnly. "I love books. ~ Heather Blake

I'm driving home to change," Win said. "Then I'm dining at Merion." Mainliners never ate; they dined. "Care to join me?" "Sounds good," Myron said. "Wait a second." "What?" "Are you properly attired?" "I don't clash," Myron said. "Will they still let me in?" "My, my, that was very funny, Myron. I must write that one down. As soon as I stop laughing, I plan on locating a pen. However, I am so filled with mirth that I may wrap my precious Jag around an upcoming telephone pole. Alas, at least I will die with jocularity in my heart." Win. "We have a case," Myron said. Silence. Win made this so easy. "I'll tell you about it at dinner." "Until then," Win said, "it'll be all I can do to douse my mounting excitement and anticipation with a snifter of cognac." Click. Gotta love that Win. Myron hadn't driven a mile when the cellular phone rang. Myron switched it on. It was Bucky. "The kidnapper called again. ~ Harlan Coben

Killing demons is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. Annr, guard, Zearlach city. ~ Taylor Grace

I wrote a pilot for myself. It's about a Latina actress trying to make it in Hollywood. It's pretty funny. ~ Melonie Diaz

The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside. ~ Jerry Coleman

Some vampires wouldn't react if you shoved a rosary down their pants, though I wouldn't recommend testing the theory. ~ Molly Harper

The funny thing was that the sisters were hardly nubile, creamy-skinned Lolitas blushing on the bough. In fact, one of them looked like she'd beaten herself with a tire iron during a smallpox-induced hallucination, and the other looked like a close-up photo of a wolf spider. ~ Diablo Cody

But it was this tough little character part that I was playing, a very funny little guy that I invented over a weekend, because I realized I was not contributing to the humor of this thing. And I had to do something. ~ Dabney Coleman

However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive. ~ Oscar Wilde

Sex is Number 1 of my Top-10 joys in retirement. Number 2 is reading How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free. I forgot the other eight. ~ Ernie J Zelinski

When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool. ~ Noel Fielding

Sure the body count in this movie bothers me, but what are you gonna do? It's what everybody likes. At least it's not an awful body count - it's a fun body count. ~ Bonnie Bedelia

Becka was almost good looking enough to be on a reality dating show, but not funny looking or sad enough to be on one of the makeover shows. ~ Kelly Link

She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch. ~ Nenia Campbell

The funny thing is, though I write mysteries, it is the one genre in adult fiction I never read. I read Nancy Drew, of course, when I was a kid, but I think the real appeal is as a writer because I'm drawn to puzzly, complicated plots. ~ Elise Broach

The Zionist Tulsa Jew who's pugnacious is a reality. I grew up around it. And I think it's really, really funny and surprising and unlikely. ~ Edward Norton

These Korean shopkeepers seem pretty angry at me for not being Korean. ~ Stephen Schneider

The letters I really love are from young actresses who were worried they had to fit a certain look. They say I've opened it up. And I don't just mean plus-size girls. You can push things now. With all the great performances in 'Bridesmaids', it changed how people see funny women. ~ Melissa McCarthy