Paramedic Humor Quotes

I'll just stay ten feet away from him at all times so I don't accidentally trip and fall and land lips first on his mouth. ~ J.L. McCoy

Madmen and fools see everything through the medium of humor. ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld

A friend comes over with a Ouija board.
It spells out: Bourbon. Where's the band?
Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can't
have fun. ~ Kelli Russell Agodon

Hindsight isn't a super power. ~ SE Zbasnik

Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count. ~ Kin Hubbard

The big difference between my mom and me
besides the fact that she is dead normal and I'm a magic-handling freak
is that she's the real thing. She may have a slight problem seeing other people's points of view, but she's honest about it. She's a brass-bound bitch because she believes she knows best. I'm a brass-bound bitch because I don't want anyone getting close enough to find out what a whiny little knot of naked nerve endings I really am. ~ Robin McKinley

People who live in brick houses shouldn't throw wrecking balls ~ Josh Stern

In my family, there was not an abundance of wealth, but there was an abundance of love. So there was always humor, and there was joy and there was comfort and there was this environment just to have a good time. ~ Lauryn Hill

In ten years, you'll be on a stamp /
where anyone at all can lick you. ~ Margaret Atwood

I flipped the good doctor the bird.
Snorting, Gideon caught my hand and pulled me back down the hall.
"What is it with you and giving people the finger?"
"What? It's a classic. ~ Sylvia Day

I remembered that Beethoven's symphonies had sometimes been given names ... they should have call [the Fifth] the Vampire, because it simply refused to lie down and die. ~ Alan Bradley

There's never enough time for all the naps you want. ~ Carolyn V. Hamilton

Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT. ~ Richard Kadrey

Doing nothing sometimes hurts more than doing something. Life doesn't come with a guarantee, which is just as well, because most guarantees are bullshit. ~ Nora Roberts

Did I miss the denial, anger, and bargaining phases, or did you leap straight to depression? ~ Kat Lowe

Lederman is also a charismatic personality, famous among his colleagues for his humor and storytelling ability. One of his favorite anecdotes relates the time when, as a graduate student, he arranged to bump into Albert Einstein while walking the grounds at the Institute for Advanced Study at Princeton. The great man listened patiently as the eager youngster explained the particle-physics research he was doing at Columbia, and then said with a smile, That is not interesting. ~ Sean Carroll

When you do find humor in trying times, one of the first and most important changes you experience is that you see your perplexing problems in a new way - you suddenly have a new perspective on them. ~ Allen Klein

In a girl I look for honesty above all, someone who I can carry on a conversation with, someone who has a good sense of humor, someone who's true to herself, and to top it, someone who can get ready for a date in less than ten minutes. ~ Erik Von Detten

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way. ~ Alan Perlis

I've got major skills and can definitely hold my own. ~ Robin Bielman

The idea of being strong for someone else having never entered their heads, I find myself in the position of having to console them. Since I'm the person going in to be slaughtered, this is somewhat annoying. ~ Suzanne Collins

I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? ~ Steven Wright

Some comics get drunk before a show. I don't. When I get drunk, I don't want to stand in front of a bunch of people that I don't know. That does not sound comfortable. Why have all these people gathered? And why am I elevated and not facing the same way as everyone else? And what is this electric stick in my hand? I want a chair too! ~ Mitch Hedberg

Mari managed to fall asleep now and then, only to awaken with a start of fear that she had been making noise. "Do I snore when I'm sleeping?"she finally whispered to Alain.
He didn't answer.
"Alain? Are you awake?"
"Yes," he's reply finally came. "I just do not know which answer would be right."
"Just tell me!"
"Sometimes."
"Sometimes?" Mari moved her eyes enough to glance at Alain. "Loud or soft?"
"Sometimes."
"Does it ever bother you?"
Alain hesitated again. "Sometimes."
"Are you going to give me any plain yes or no answers to this?"
"Not if I can avoid doing so," he replied. ~ Jack Campbell

You'd make an enemy out of me over a human?" The word "human" might as well have been "rodent. ~ Nalini Singh

All humor aside, a 2 to 3-gallon pot still is an ideal size for a hobbyist. A three-gallon still will produce approximately one bottle of 50 percent to 55 percent whiskey, per batch. ~ Bryan Davis

Since I didn't have a spork handy, I leaned over the sink and scooped up a palmful of cold water and pressed it against my face. There had to be a better option than a violent sporking. There had to be a way to get rid of my dad. ~ Devon Monk

The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it. ~ Scott Adams

You can handle any and all of these sixteen routes, from the highest paved road in the Pyrenees to the flat woods through the Medoc. It all depends on your lungs, thighs, patience and proper selection of grandparents. ~ Walter Judson Moore

I thought of several alec smart remarks, but you should humor crazy people when you're at their mercy; it's a rule. ~ Laurell K. Hamilton

But-" Maia, still looking at Alec and Magnus, broke off and rasied her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at - and stared.
Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people - Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike - were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes widen, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth.
Maia looked perplexed. "Wait a second," she said. "Do we all have to do that, too? ~ Cassandra Clare

Mind you, I'm a fine one to talke. I mean, I killed myself and just look at me now: I'm a qualified pilot, I can escape from a cockpit in five metres of water and I'm halfway up a mountain with a nutty gymnast who wants to chuck herself off the edge. ~ Steve Voake

You know you're having a bad week when you call 911, the paramedics come to your house, and one of them notices you've rearranged your furniture. ~ Cherie Kephart

You're in a rather odd mood today."
I'm soaking wet, Eloise."
No need to snap at me about it, I didn't force you to walk across town in the rain."
It wasn't raining when I left,". There was something about a sibling that brought out the eight-year-old in a body.
I'm sure the sky was gray,"
Clearly, she had a bit of the eight-year-old in her as well. ~ Julia Quinn

In both Surfing the Himalayas and Snowboarding to Nirvana, I have tried to transmit as best I could the spirit of humor, and the sense of humor of the monks I have encountered. ~ Frederick Lenz

I was 'normal' once; it lasted about five minutes. ~ Marla Buchanan

Always drink upstream from the herd. ~ Will Rogers

She'd have married Jane to a tree stump if it had been allowed. ~ Cynthia Hand

People in Russia adapt to misery by a deep, deep humor. ~ Ian Frazier

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality. ~ Tracy Morgan