Lily Tomlin Quotes

I always wanted to be something, but now I see I should have been more specific. ~ Lily Tomlin

I worry about kids today - because of the sexual revolution, they're going to grow up and never know what "dirty" means. ~ Lily Tomlin

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. ~ Lily Tomlin

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. ~ Lily Tomlin

The best mind altering drug is the truth. ~ Lily Tomlin

Sometimes i worry about being a success in a mediocre world. ~ Lily Tomlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. ~ Lily Tomlin

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing. ~ Lily Tomlin

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? ~ Lily Tomlin

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company. ~ Lily Tomlin

We're all in this together – by ourselves. ~ Lily Tomlin

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? ~ Lily Tomlin

So if you've had a good time tonight, or if you've had a good time any night, for gosh sake's why not drop a dollar in the mail to me? ~ Lily Tomlin

When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don't feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one. ~ Lily Tomlin

9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn't really happened, but it has come closer. ~ Lily Tomlin

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? ~ Lily Tomlin

Many times I sit back and say, 'I can't believe that this is my life!' Other times, I feel self-satisfied. I mean, there's a lot to be proud and thankful for but, nonetheless, it's just a life! ~ Lily Tomlin

The larger picture is really to swing people's awareness of what really is moral. ~ Lily Tomlin

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. ~ Lily Tomlin

Remember we're all in this alone. ~ Lily Tomlin

Nobody is here without a reason ... I always had a different sensibility. I like a huge range of comedy - from broad and farcical, the most sensitive, the most understated - but I always
wanted my comedy to be more embracing of the species rather than debasing of it. ~ Lily Tomlin

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all. ~ Lily Tomlin

You don't really need to get married, but marriage is awfully nice. Everybody I know who got married, they say it really makes a difference. They feel very, very happy about it. ~ Lily Tomlin

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up. ~ Lily Tomlin

When we speak to God, we call it prayer; when God speaks back, we call it psychosis! ~ Lily Tomlin

If beauty is truth, why don't women go to the library to have their hair done? ~ Lily Tomlin

There's nothing sadder than getting to the end of your life and saying, 'I didn't do it right'. ~ Lily Tomlin

But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money. ~ Lily Tomlin

If you have a dog or a cat, you know how developed they can be. How sensitive, how aware. They suffer. We all do. ~ Lily Tomlin

I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They'd eaten each other. ~ Lily Tomlin

To act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. You know you can't go back next week and fix it. Whereas in a live audience you know it's so in the moment and you just go with what's happening. First of all you never have to see it again so you don't know if you were really fulfilling it or not. ~ Lily Tomlin

Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought. ~ Lily Tomlin

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then
we elected them. ~ Lily Tomlin

I'm not a religious person. I don't have any desire. To me it's imitative of a conventional culture. I'm all for it for anybody. I totally have a free and open feeling about how other humans want to live their lives. It's just not something that has any real significance for me. ~ Lily Tomlin

I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. ~ Lily Tomlin

Just remember, we're all in this alone. ~ Lily Tomlin

I never thought of myself as any kind of a film star, as many films as I've made - and I've made some really fun movies with good people. I've always been paired with someone because I'm not really box office, in that carrying-a-picture sense. I've always been busy, but not in the spotlight. ~ Lily Tomlin

You can't expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it's a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way. ~ Lily Tomlin

Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest? ~ Lily Tomlin

I feel some part of me can wake up and be very existential and the next day wake up and be sort of in love with the universe. ~ Lily Tomlin

What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains. ~ Lily Tomlin

Wouldn't it be great if we all grew up to be what we wanted to be? The world would be full of nurses, firemen, and ballerinas. ~ Lily Tomlin

I was on a show called '12 Miles of Bad Road' with Lily Tomlin - it was an incredible HBO show. We shot 6 episodes, previewed it before the finale of 'The Sopranos;' it was written up as a 'Great New Show on HBO,' and then the whole thing was canned. Gone. Disappeared. That's when I realized anything can happen in this business. ~ Eliza Coupe

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. ~ Lily Tomlin

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. ~ Lily Tomlin

I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves ... I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we
can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness. ~ Lily Tomlin

Maybe if people started to listen, history would stop repeating itself. ~ Lily Tomlin

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific. ~ Lily Tomlin

Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain. ~ Lily Tomlin

I try to be cynical, but it's so hard to keep up. ~ Lily Tomlin

Reality is nothing more than a collective hunch. ~ Lily Tomlin

I grew up idolizing Madeline Kahn and Lily Tomlin and Carol Burnett, Ruth Gordon, Rosalind Russell, Amy Irving, women who were stylish and real actresses who did real work and could not be replaced with anyone else. You cannot cast anyone else in Madeline Kahn's roles. ~ Jenny Slate

People hire me to create some kind of archetype or some culture type, or something. I guess they accept whatever I come up with. ~ Lily Tomlin

Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry. ~ Lily Tomlin

In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone ~ Lily Tomlin

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less. ~ Lily Tomlin

My space chums think my unique hookup with humanity could be evolution's awkward attempt to jump-start itself up again. They're thinking just maybe, going crazy could be the evolutionary process trying to hurry up mind expansion. Maybe my mind didn't snap. Maybe it was just trying to stretch itself into a new shape. The cerebral cortex trying to grow a thumb of sorts. ~ Lily Tomlin

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? ~ Lily Tomlin

We're giving jobs to people who would otherwise be out of work if we weren't exploiting cheap labor. ~ Lily Tomlin

What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch. ~ Lily Tomlin

To me, "sexual freedom" means freedom from having to have sex. ~ Lily Tomlin

Infinity is just time on an ego trip. ~ Lily Tomlin

I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war. ~ Lily Tomlin

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining. ~ Lily Tomlin

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up. ~ Lily Tomlin

Growing up in Michigan was fine ... until I realized where I was. ~ Lily Tomlin

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. ~ Lily Tomlin

Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use. ~ Lily Tomlin

What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring. ~ Lily Tomlin

I was always empathetic with animals. It's a terrible and self-involved point of view that we do something because someone else is exploitable. ~ Lily Tomlin

I always wondered why somebody didn't do something about that. And then I realized I was somebody. ~ Lily Tomlin

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain. ~ Lily Tomlin

It's a more ridiculing, divisive humor today. ~ Lily Tomlin

Sexual freedom and liberation has to be of your own making. I'm stunned when I hear about friends' children, ten or twelve years old giving blow jobs. I just don't like the girls being used or exploited in that way. It's just indiscriminate sexual relating. It's just the isolated things. ~ Lily Tomlin

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. ~ Lily Tomlin

Having a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It's just a matter of timing. It's like you've marked your territory. ~ Lily Tomlin

When I was 9 or 10, I had a ten-cent business: I would walk your dog for a dime, go to the store for a dime, empty your garbage for a dime - and then I could use the money to buy tricks at the magic store. ~ Lily Tomlin

Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it? ~ Lily Tomlin

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. ~ Lily Tomlin

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down. ~ Lily Tomlin

I wonder what it would be like if we all became what we wanted to be when we grew up? I mean, imagine a world filled with nothing but firemen, cowboys, nurses and ballerinas. ~ Lily Tomlin

No matter how cynical I get, I can't keep up. ~ Lily Tomlin

I had that picture made the day after I took it," he says. "It's been in my apartment for months now, because you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen and I wanted to look at it every single day."
~ Colleen Hoover

Lily Brown writes with and against things in poems that are coiled up tight as springs (or snakes). A believer in the power of the line, she writes, 'I think the plastics/and sink them' then 'Where is the sand/man hiding the dirt.' These terse, biting poems will make you look around and wonder. ~ Rae Armantrout

They sat in silence until the howl of a distant coyote made her shiver. "He sings for his mate," Cade reassured her. "Does he think the sound of his loneliness will attract her?" Lily asked wryly. "I'm sure it is the beauty of his song." His voice contained almost a hint of a chuckle. "I'm sure that's what he thinks." Her scoffing hid an undertone of bitterness, and Cade was silent for a while. "Men often hide their fears with actions," he finally said. By ~ Patricia Rice

Two soulmates can never be apart, maybe in distance, but not in heart! ~ Lily Amis

It is terrifying," said Adrian. "And weird, for lack of a better word. And part of you knows ... well, part of you knows something's not right. That your thinking's not right. But what do you about that? All we can go on is what we think, how we see the world. If you can't trust your own mind, what can you trust? What other people tell you? ~ Richelle Mead

I am Loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing! ~ Chris Tomlin

The night folded around them with a sweetness and poignancy heightened by the new pale stars that prickled silver fire in the water of the lily ponds, by the scented winds, and by the nearness of each other. ~ Pauline Gedge

So, for the most part, I really like when I read a scene that scares me and makes me sweat a little bit, thinking about doing it. That's usually a good sign to me. ~ Lily Rabe

Dear Lily
Don't think me silly,
but I forget what time you said.
Are we meeting at two thirty?
It's gone right from my head.
Did you say Monday or Thursday?
I have quite forgotten what day.
Was it late lunch, or afternoon tea?
Tell me, what did you say?
I think I would like to do Tuesday.
Let's go for a lovely lunch.
Or, if you prefer we could even
go early, and settle for brunch.
A lovely Bistro or Cafe Bar,
or maybe a country pub.
I don't really mind that much,
as long as we get some grub.

Dear Maisie,
Are you going crazy?
We didn't set a date.
You needed to check your diary.
I think you are losing it, mate.
But since you are free on Tuesday,
and that day suits me fine.
Could we meet, about twelve…ish?
Its early I like to dine.
You mentioned the pub, or Bistro,
or some fancy Cafe Bar.
Not sure I like the sound of that,
and I'm not coming in the car.
If the weather is bright and sunny,
we could always dine al fresco.
Failing that, we could just go
get a cake and a cuppa in Tesco. ~ Mrs A. Perry

I don't have an exact moment when I decided I wanted to be an actress - it kind of was just really a part of my growing up. ~ Lily James

All at once the hard, cold earth seemed to explode. The brown surface of the world dissolved and in its place was an impossible, an inconceivable, an unbelievable profusion of color: green grass and purple and red flowers; sprays of lily; white baby's breath that covered the hills; nodding fields of bright yellow daffodils; rich purple moss. The trees burst forth with new leaves. The weeping willow tree was a mass of tiny pale green leaves, thousands of them, which whispered and sighed together as the wind moved through its branches. There were fat heads of lettuce in the fields, and cucumbers lying like jewels among them, and enormous red tomatoes surrounded by thick, knotted vines.

And for the first time in 1,728 days, the clouds broke apart and there was dazzling blue sky, and light beyond what anyone could remember.

The sun had come out at last. ~ Lauren Oliver

Boehme makes such leaps, such contradictions, such confusions of thought. It is as though he wishes to vault directly into heaven upon the strength of his logic, but his logic is deeply impaired." She reached across the table for a book and flung it open. "In this chapter here, for instance, he is trying to find keys to God's secrets hidden inside the plants of the Bible- but what are we to make of it, when his information is simply incorrect? He spends a full chapter interpreting 'the lilies of the field' as mentioned in the book of Matthew, dissecting every letter of the word 'lilies,' looking for revelation within the syllables... but Ambrose, 'the lilies of the field' itself is a mistranslation. It would not have 'been' lilies that Christ discussed in his Sermon on the Mount. There are only two varieties of lily native to Palestine, and both are exceedingly rare. They would not have flowered in such abundance as to have ever filled a meadow. They would not have been familiar enough to the common man. Christ, tailoring his lesson to the widest possible audience, would more likely have referred to a ubiquitous flower, in order that his listeners would comprehend his metaphor. For that reason, it is exceedingly probable that Christ was talking about the anemones of the field- probably 'Anemone coronaria'- though we cannot be certain... ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

The focus of our family life was homework and what was for dinner; getting to ballet rehearsal and getting my brother to soccer. ~ Lily Rabe

When I worked with Bill Nighy on 'Wrath of the Titans,' he said to me, 'There's one thing you can promise me, and that's never, ever, ever read your reviews.' ~ Lily James

She seems to be having a pretty good time despite her worrying. That's Lily. ~ Dashiell Hammett

I work every day. I was flying the other day. and I was like, where am I flying? I have no idea, I work so much. ~ Lily Aldridge

Lily, the caretaker's daughter, was literally run off her feet. Hardly had she brought one gentleman into the little pantry behind the office on the ground floor and helped him off with his overcoat, than the wheezy hall-door bell clanged again and she had to scamper along the bare hallway to let in another guest. It was well for her she had not to attend to the ladies also. ~ James Joyce

It's important to still look like yourself on your wedding day, so I didn't do anything drastic. ~ Lily Aldridge