Irony Sarcasm Quotes

Dear friend…'

The Witcher swore quietly, looking at the sharp, angular, even runes drawn with energetic sweeps of the pen, faultlessly reflecting the author's mood. He felt once again the desire to try to bite his own backside in fury. When he was writing to the sorceress a month ago he had spent two nights in a row contemplating how best to begin. Finally, he had decided on "Dear friend." Now he had his just deserts.

'Dear friend, your unexpected letter – which I received not quite three years after we last saw each other – has given me much joy. My joy is all the greater as various rumours have been circulating about your sudden and violent death. It is a good thing that you have decided to disclaim them by writing to me; it is a good thing, too, that you are doing so so soon. From your letter it appears that you have lived a peaceful, wonderfully boring life, devoid of all sensation. These days such a life is a real privilege, dear friend, and I am happy that you have managed to achieve it.

I was touched by the sudden concern which you deigned to show as to my health, dear friend. I hasten with the news that, yes, I now feel well; the period of indisposition is behind me, I have dealt with the difficulties, the description of which I shall not bore you with. It worries and troubles me very much that the unexpected present you received from Fate brings you worries. Your supposition that this requires professional help is absolutely correct. ~ Andrzej Sapkowski

It's sarcasm, Josh."

"Sarcasm?"

"It's from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren't really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it."

"Well, if the village idiot named it, I'm sure it's a good thing."

"There you go, you got it."

"Got what?"

"Sarcasm."

"No, I meant it."

"Sure you did."

"Is that sarcasm?"

"Irony, I think."

"What's the difference?"

"I haven't the slightest idea."

"So you're being ironic now, right?"

"No, I really don't know."

"Maybe you should ask the idiot."

"Now you've got it."

"What?"

"Sarcasm. ~ Christopher Moore

The over-weight and out of shape guy who owned the house had apparently decided that having a half-million dollar house meant that he couldn't afford to hire someone to clean out his gutters. Now he was dead with what looked to me like a broken neck after the ladder had slipped. He'd taken the plunge into his fancy landscaping - complete with rock garden. But hey, his fucking gutters were clean. ~ Diana Rowland

We met at a local restaurant.
She tweeted from her Smartphone ,"Socializing is so liberating compared to being hung on Social media all the time".
I liked her tweet and asked for the Bill. ~ Ketan Waghmare

Whatever doesn't kill them, makes them make reality TV shows ... ~ Glen Duncan

Im.' The monosyllable was heavy with contempt. 'E's a twat.'
'Is he?'
'Yeah, 'e is. Ask Kieran.'
She gave the impression that she and Kieran stood together, sane, dispassionate observers of the idiots populating Lula's world. ~ Robert Galbraith

They were all on his side. Hi boat sank. ~ Ljupka Cvetanova

If your career doesn't work out, write a book about it. ~ Marcy Sheiner

It would be the last thing he did if he beat my dog. ~ Holly Hood

He was the hardest person to figure out I had ever met, which was saying something. I knew girls, after all.... ~ Chris O'Guinn

He's crazy," Bruno said, twirling a finger in circles around the side of his head and whistling to indicate just how crazy he thought he was. "He went up to a cat on the street the other day and invited her over for afternoon tea." "What did the cat say?" asked Gretel, who was making a sandwich in the corner of the kitchen. "Nothing." explained Bruno. "It was a cat. ~ John Boyne

And involuntarily I compared the childish sarcasm, the religious sarcasm of Voltaire with the irresistible irony of the German philosopher whose influence is henceforth ineffaceable. ~ Guy De Maupassant

It's bad enough barging into Guild property, but we'll get into really serious trouble if we shoot anyone. Lord Vetinari won't stop at sarcasm. He might use' - Colon swallowed - 'irony. ~ Terry Pratchett

The irony of life is like a brothel without prostitutes--but don't you worry, prostitutes don't need of a brothel, to exercise their profession. ~ Efrat Cybulkiewicz

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm. ~ Christopher Moore

The eye-roll is a 10.5 on the Ritcher. The Big One. California has slipped into the ocean. ~ Jandy Nelson

But there was no going back to that idyllic time when only one god wanted to kill me. ~ Kevin Hearne

Was he being what Daffy called "ironical"? She had once told me that the word meant the use of veiled sarcasm: the dagger under the silk. "The smiler with the knife!" she had hissed in a horrible voice. ~ Alan Bradley

The funny thing is if in England, you ask a man in the street who the greatest living Darwinian is, he will say Richard Dawkins. And indeed, Dawkins has done a marvelous job of popularizing Darwinism. But Dawkins' basic theory of the gene being the object of evolution is totally non-Darwinian. ~ Ernst W. Mayr

It's so frustrating that everybody rags on eighties music, when there's a lot of terrific stuff out there," he said. "There's no irony to it. It's not afraid to just be happy or enthusiastic or earnest. Or to have melody. Sure, you can blame it for being naive, but isn't that refreshing next to the whiny navel-gazing that came after it? ~ Amanda DeWees

In them was not the savage blankness of the reptile species. Instead there was something far worse - burning, unquenchable rage mixed with the self-mocking irony of great intelligence. ~ Whitley Strieber

VLADIMIR: Moron!
ESTRAGON: Vermin!
VLADIMIR: Abortion!
ESTRAGON: Morpion!
VLADIMIR: Sewer-rat!
ESTRAGON: Curate!
VLADIMIR: Cretin!
ESTRAGON: (with finality). Crritic!
VLADIMIR: Oh!
He wilts, vanquished, and turns away. ~ Samuel Beckett

They want to hold a seance and go dressed as bunnies."
"What kind of bunnies?" he asked suspiciously.
"Playboy, I think. Whatever that means."
"That sounds about right." Xavier laughed. "But don't let them talk you into anything you don't feel comfortable with."
"They're my friends."
"So what?" He shrugged. "If your friends walked off a cliff, would you do it too?"
"Why would they walk off a cliff?" I asked in alarm. "Is someone having problems at home?"
Xavier laughed. "It's just an expression."
"It's silly," I told him. "Do you think I should go as an angel? Like in the film version of Romeo and Juliet?"
"There would be a certain irony in that," Xavier said, smirking. "An angel posing as a human posing as an angel.
I like it. ~ Alexandra Adornetto

To agree to a marriage is to consent to a mutual act of transformation, to promise to ensure that the versions of yourselves that you will become will remain in harmony, though you yourselves can never stay the same. ~ Dexter Palmer

In this century wars will not be fought over oil, as in the past, but over water. The situation is becoming desperate. The world's water is strained by population growth. There is no more fresh water on earth than two thousand years ago when the population was three percent of its current size.
Even without the inevitable droughts, like the current one, it will get worse as demand and pollution increase.
Some countries will simply run out of water, sparking a global refugee crisis. Tens of millions of people will flood across international borders. It means the collapse of fisheries, environmental destruction, conflict, lower living standards." She paused for a moment. "As people who deal with the ocean you must see the irony. We are facing a shortage on a planet whose surface is covered two-thirds with water. ~ Clive Cussler

But apparently yoiu don't need dot-com wealth to ruin an area for its low-income residents. The Pioneer Press quotes Secretary of HUD Andrew Cuomo ruing the "cruel irony" that prosperity is shrinking the stock of affordable housing nationwide: "The stronger the economy, the stronger the upward pressure on rents. ~ Barbara Ehrenreich

My heart swells," she mimicked. She snapped out of her caricature, and said sternly, "Woman don't like to be on the receiving end of sarcasm."
"They only like to give it," he drawled. ~ Julia Quinn

We marched. Gates opened and closed. We continued to march between the barbed wire. At every step, white signs with black skulls looked down on us. The inscription: WARNING! DANGER OF DEATH. What irony. Was there here a single place where one was NOT in danger of death? ~ Elie Wiesel

I just want you that's it. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want you ~ Sara Quin

You ought to be ironical the minute you get out of bed. You ought to wake up with your mouth full of pity. ~ Ernest Hemingway,

Don't sound so surprised. I have sensible moments, you know. ~ Elizabeth Peters

There's a large strain of irony in our human affairs ... Interwoven with our affairs is this wonderful spirit of irony which prevents us from ever being utterly and irretrievably serious, from being unaware of the mysterious nature of our existence. ~ Malcolm Muggeridge

Sometimes life kicks you in the teeth with an irony that a self-respecting fiction writer would be ashamed to invent. ~ David Morrell

Postmodern irony and cynicism's become an end in itself, a measure of hip sophistication and literary savvy. Few artists dare to try to talk about ways of working toward redeeming what's wrong, because they'll look sentimental and naive to all the weary ironists. Irony's gone from liberating to enslaving ... The postmodern founders' patricidal work was great, but patricide produces orphans, and no amount of revelry can make up for the fact that writers my age have been literary orphans throughout our formative years. ~ David Foster Wallace

Two fundamental literary qualities: supernaturalism and irony. ~ Charles Baudelaire

When she was eighteen years old she had almost drowned in the Kennebec River, not because of the pummeling current, but because she couldn't come up with a casual phrase with which to call for rescue. "Help!" was such a cliche. By the time she was willing to scream, she had no breath left, and it was just blind luck that somebody saw her gasping and floundering and pulled her to shore. "Why didn't you say something?" they wanted to know, and she said, "I'm not a screamer." "Jesus," said one of them, "couldn't you have made an exception this one time?" "Apparently not," she said. ~ Jincy Willett

Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night? ~ Kresley Cole

Irony is the attendant of hope and the fuel of hope is innocence. ~ Paul Fussell

Do you care for any contemporary authors?" Matthew inquired. "I adore Jane Austen." Matthew nodded. "I find her portrait of British society so accurate and yet so dreadful." "I agree. It must be awful to be so bound by what society expects," Lisbeth answered. "I am so glad to have been born in America, where one has freedom. ~ Laila Ibrahim

Normally ghosts didn't scare him. (Assuming, of course, Gaea hadn't encased them in shells of stone and turned them into killing machines. That had been a new one for him.) ~ Rick Riordan

I lost the most precious thing a man can have: my faith in my fellow man. I laughed and I wept at God's irony, at the absurd way he had chosen to demonstrate to me that I was an instrument of Good and Evil. ~ Paulo Coelho

I don't like being kidnapped. Or manipulated."
"I've done neither, silly. Though I'd like to hear about your other kidnap incidents. The aspects that put you off the experience. ~ Roberta Pearce

Great. Relationship advice from one of America's most wanted. ~ Leslea Wahl

Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee and Tom Tancredo - those were the three guys who said they do not believe in evolution. The irony will be on them when their campaigns die off in favor of stronger, fitter campaigns. ~ Bill Maher

The irony of a director going to film festivals is you never get to see any of the films. ~ Tom Hooper

Why fall? Let's rise in love together; and while we're at it, let's come up with lamer quotations. ~ Ahmed Mostafa

Users are a double-edged sword. They can help you improve your language, but they can also deter you from improving. So choose your users carefully, and be slow to grow their number. Having users is like optimization: the wise course is to delay it. ~ Paul Graham

How does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant.
Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall.
Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it. ~ Eoin Colfer

Lack of certification hardly proves inteligence ~ Cassandra Clare

As usual I was working the graveyard shift - an irony I reveled in - at an emergency call center. What other shift would a vampire feel comfortable working? ~ Pat Henshaw

Well, child? Aren't you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature?
I don't think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself! ~ Terry Pratchett

Well,'said Ernest, 'by some strange coincidence I know this story.'
Boddichek was not good at irony. 'I knew that there was that possibility,' he said, 'but we have a great new way to treat it, and I thought you might want to reread it before taking a meeting.'
'Reread it?' said Mayday. 'We are talking about Cinderella, and the wicked stepmother and the Ugly Sisters and Buttons the page and the Fairy Godmother, "Cinders, you shall go to the ball but be sure you're home by midnight or you'll turn into pumpkin"?'
'Hey, you know it pretty well,' said young Casey with admiration in his voice. 'But I've found a new directionality for this story.'
'Do you mean direction?' asked Mayday.
'I guess I do.'
'Then', snapped Mayday, 'why don't you fucking say so? ~ Jonathan Lynn

I'll need a house key," she said as she followed him into the house.
"Why?"
The question so stupefied her that she stopped in her tracks and stared at him. "So I can get in when you aren't here," she explained as slowly and carefully as if he were just now learning English.
In response he said, "Let me show you something," in almost exactly the same tone she'd used. He pulled the door shut with a bang. "See that round thing? We call it a doorknob, and we use it to open the door. Pay attention, now. See how I put my hand on the doorknob? Turn it to the right, and - " Slowly he demonstrated, and triumphantly thrust the door open. "I'll be damned if the door doesn't open! That's how you get in when I'm not here."
Ohhh, bonus points for both the demonstration and the sarcasm; she knew great smart-ass-ness when she saw it, and this was championship.
"Correction," she cooed. "That's how it used to work. From now on you'll need a key, because I will be locking the door while I'm here alone during the day, and if I go to Battle Ridge for supplies I'll lock the door when I leave. I hope you have two keys, otherwise you'll be knocking on the door to be let into your own house." Then, because she couldn't help herself, she smirked at him.
He crossed his arms and leaned a broad shoulder against the doorframe. His expression hadn't lightened, but a glint in those green eyes suddenly gave her the impression he was almost enjoying himself. ~ Linda Howard

rise and fall of fame,
starts with your name;
no matter how fair you played the game,
but it takes a second to put you in blame. ~ Subhralin Thakuria

LEO: We're the last to leave.

BARKEEP: Ahuhrumhuh...koff, koff, humn...

LEO: Do you think he wants us to leave?

KAREN: No, no, probably just a bit of sarcasm gone down the wrong way. ~ Dave McKean

The irony of life is that those who wear masks often tell us more truths than those with open faces. ~ Marie Lu

I recalled with some discomfort that the man driving the vehicle had invented the sport of volcano boarding, presumably as a way of solving, in one deft move, the problems of the insufficient riskiness of both snowboarding and hanging out on the slopes of active volcanoes. Although I was not sure that I wanted to live forever, I was sure that I didn't want to go down in a blaze of chintzy irony, plunging into a ravine strapped into the passenger seat of a thing called the Immortality Bus. ~ Mark O'Connell