Humorous Situations Quotes

Thanks for the help," said Nathaniel with a sigh.

Timothy shook his head. "I didn't do anything, That was all you."

Arthur turned around and threw his dagger into a Kalathite soldier coming through the chamber doors.

"Great reunion. Talk about it later," said Arthur as he went to get his dagger out of the soldier's face. ~ Lara Lee

Miss Granger, you foolish girl, how could you think of tackling a mountain troll on your own? Five points will be taken from Gryffindor for this," said Professor McGonagall. "I'm very disappointed in you."
Hermione left. Professor McGonagall turned to Harry and Ron.
"Well, I still say you were lucky, but not many first years could have taken on a full-grown mountain troll. You each win Gryffindor five points. ~ J.K. Rowling

Others collected round the coach, and gave vent to various surmises; some held that she had fallen asleep; some, that she had burnt herself to death; some, that she had got drunk; and one very fat man that she had seen something to eat which had frightened her so much (not being used to it) that she had fallen into a fit. ~ Charles Dickens

I drew pictures for and about the soldiers because I knew what their life was like and understood their gripes. I wanted to make something out of the humorous situations which come up even when you don't think life could be any more miserable. ~ Bill Mauldin

just when I start to think Facebook is okay, I get 25 FarmVille requests". ~ Anonymous

Everyone sort of assumes that when faced with life-and-death situations, you will panic. But almost everyone who's actually experienced something like that will tell you that panic is a luxury you cannot afford. ~ Taylor Jenkins Reid

America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its name to "America" ~ Mike Harding

We have all spent many years building up a conditioned view of life. There is "me" and there is this "thing" out there that is either hurting me or pleasing me. We tend to run our whole life trying to avoid all that hurts or displeases us, noticing the objects, people, or situations that we think will give us pain or pleasure, avoiding one and pursuing the other. Without exception, we all do this. We remain separate from our life, looking at it, analyzing it, judging it, seeking to answer the questions, "What am I going to get out of it? Is it going to give me pleasure or comfort or should I run away from it?" We do this from morning until night.

We have to see through the mirage that there is an "I" separate from "that." Our practice is to close the gap. Only in that instant when we and the object become one can we see what our life is. ~ Charlotte Joko Beck

You are an old pig!'one of them said to the other. 'And that is worse than being a young one. ~ Ivan Turgenev

Stand-up comedy is a lot about amplifying emotions and situations; movie acting has a lot to do with mellowing things down and making them subtle. The transition was almost terrifying because of the magnitude of change. ~ Vir Das

Though she doesn't remember any trauma, she said that her parents told her she cried on a daily basis and her grandmother resorted to passing out candy so the kids would play with her. Though it was a humorous moment, Mila said, "I know, God bless her. She's an amazing, amazing woman." ~ Mila Kunis

Indeed I did have a relationship with Miss Lewinsky that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong ~ William J. Clinton

In real-life situations, however, risks frequently increase without any corresponding increase in the payoff: ~ Albert O. Hirschman

We must learn by experience to avoid either trains of thought or social situations which for us (not necessarily for everyone) lead to temptations. Like motoring-don't wait till the last moment before you put on the brakes but put them on, gently and quietly, while the danger is still a good way off. ~ C.S. Lewis

Hell is paved with good samaritans. ~ William Holden

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield. ~ Erma Bombeck

Sometimes we're born into situations, he'd said. We have to decide if we're gonna be a part of it or if we're gonna put an end to it. ~ Suzanne Johnson

I sometimes end up in dangerous situations, and I come back to you broken and messed up, and you worry about me when I'm gone. It's like marrying a policeman. ~ Audrey Niffenegger

When I get to Heaven I just know I'm going to forget my toothbrush. ~ Stanley Victor Paskavich

How come I have too many things to do all the time ... ?? ~ Hiroko Sakai

Lord, when things happen that are troublesome and disturbing to me, help me to see the bright side of all of it. Help me to look above my circumstances to Your goodness, mercy, and love. Help me to focus on the power of Your mighty hand and the way You can touch, change, and transform my problems. Turn whatever seems frightening or negative to me into something positive and great. Make these situations work for good in my life and turn them into a blessing as only You can do. ~ Stormie O'martian

As a quarterback, you try to manage the game. It's not just throwing the ball. You have to manage the running game and getting out of bad situations and there are a lot of things to it. That's what I'm trying to do. ~ Eli Manning

We old roosters must be cautious. Don't try to outwit your arteries. ~ S.J Perelman

Don't paint a nasty picture of your exes. We'll justifiably wonder what made you stay in those heinous situations in the first place. ~ Liz Vassey

If you look at yourself right now, sometimes the outside situations decide what kind of person you are, isn't it? Right now, if someone in front of you acts nasty, you will act nastier than him. Not necessarily, just an example, okay? (Laughter). Somebody gets angry with you, you get angry with him. Sometimes your chemistry takes over, sometimes your hormones take over, something else takes over, so many forces are ruling you in a compulsive way. These moments you are not really a human being. You are many things in human form.

There are certain moments when you are very conscious, when you are fully aware of what you are doing, only in those moments do you truly function as a human being. If you were fully aware and conscious of what you are doing with this moment, the way you function in this world and within yourself would be very different, isn't it? If you were very consciously creating every process of life in you, you would definitely make yourself into a very blissful and ecstatic being. Whenever you are in a state where you are very happy and joyful, you are a wonderful person for everybody around you. ~ Sadhguru

Sometimes it is good to be in uncomfortable situations because it is in finding our way out of such difficulties that we learn valuable lessons. ~ Idowu Koyenikan

It has long been recognized by public men of all kinds ... that statistics come under the head of lying, and that no lie is so false or inconclusive as that which is based on statistics. ~ Hilaire Belloc

He has been mad for you these many months, ever since you prodded him in the nether regions with a hedgehog. ~ Gail Carriger

Not everyone has to like you. Not everyone has taste. ~ Karen Salmansohn

God allows our circumstances to change, so we can learn to love Him in all situations. Our love for God is based on an unchanging Jesus. ~ Alisa Hope Wagner

Like you pointed out, I'm not your type. You're a nice lady, you know, once you've been fed and wined, but you're not my type either. We're just people in really fucked-up situations, and we need some help dealing with those situations," he said "What we're talking about here ... it's preservation. I need it as much as you do. ~ Kate Canterbary

Money comes from prosperity. Prosperity is a feeling of having it all, being in the flow. This feeling attracts corresponding situations and opportunities. And this is eventually experienced physically as money and wealth. Prosperity is an inside job. Success is the person you become, not a point you chase after. ~ David Cameron Gikandi

I am convinced that the moment is coming when, with its message of eternal, universal values, it will come to the aid of our society. For in these words: "Thou shalt not kill; Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself," lie those very moral principles that will enable us to survive even the most critical situations. ~ Boris Yeltsin

The ark was like a portable computer hard drive and Noah was a one-man Geek Squad, and he dumped God's most important files onto it before he zorched the virus-ridden computer that was the world. ~ BikeSnobNYC

Some years ago I was at a committee meeting where one of the group suddenly launched upon one of the other members an astounding onslaught of abuse, vilification, and loathing from which only failing breath and imminent seizure caused him to desist. It was in fact my first experience of academic debate. The chairman, visibly shaken by the vehemence of this tirade, offered the right of reply to the person attacked, who then spoke as follows: "Mr Chairman, I did not say what I said with the specific and deliberate intention of reducing my colleague to spluttering apoplexy; that this has in fact happened I can only regard as a bonus."
From that meeting I took away an important recognition - the lurking Bonus Factor In Otherwise Unpromising Situations. ~ Brian Matthews

Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others ~ Yana Toboso

The most successful people in the most impossible situations are the ones that are sure they're gonna get out of it, and they go on thinking that, even if they die trying. ~ Lori Lansens

The Leftist does not have time on his side. He's always in a rush. He produces speed everywhere so as to force you into hysterics or into a daze. But it's not the kind of speed that propels you far away so that you find yourself stunned at having covered so much ground, stunned by the change of perspective and of thinking. Instead, it's the haste of the monkey scratching at the same spot till a sore develops. That kind of animal will go on in public monologue to no end, rambling about the difficulty of being together; he will change the world without touching himself and keep running after a certain month of May; he will continue to live his sexuality divorced from thought, and thoughtlessly if possible, in obscure situations where identity and groundwork are not risk and desire is not exposed. ~ Guy Hocquenghem

I guess I should say a little bit about my method - I really am a fence sitter. I *loathe* Science and am always keen to attack it in most situations, though not here, because I love Reason and I'm perfectly aware of the difference. I also know what a concept means like Rules of Evidence. I'm not sure that's a concept as widely circulated in these circles as it needs to be - in other words, how *do* you tell shit from shinola? That's very critical. I think reason can only take us a certain distance, and then we have to go with the divine imagination, but with all safety systems fully in operation, or the divine imagination will lead us into complete paranoia. ~ Terence McKenna

I like situations that push a character to the edge. ~ Claire Cameron

Instead, over the past thirty years, in the world of action and adventure sports, in situations where asses really were on the line, the bounds of the possible have been pushed further and faster than ever before in history. We've seen near-exponential growth in ultimate human performance, which is both hyperbolic paradox and considerable mystery. Somehow, a generation's worth of iconoclastic misfits have rewritten the rules of the feasible, not just raising the bar but often obliterating it altogether. And this brings up one final question: Where-if anywhere-do our actual limits lie? ~ Steven Kotler

Abstract reason, formerly the servant of practical human reasons, has everywhere become its master, and denies poetry any excuse for existence.
Though philosophers like to define poetry as irrational fancy, for us it is practical, humorous, reasonable way of being ourselves. Of never acquiescing in a fraud; of never accepting the secondary-rate in poetry, painting, music, love, friends. Of safeguarding our poetic institutions against the encroachments of mechanized, insensate, inhumane, abstract rationality. ~ Robert Graves

I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life. ~ Jerome K. Jerome

The idea that 'Life' contains situations more interesting and more romantic than all the romances ever written. ~ Marcel Proust