Gail Carriger Quotes

Monsters came in all shapes and sizes, and very few of them were actually supernatural. She ~ Gail Carriger

She'll never let him go."
"Which she?"
"Either she."
"I think you'll find he's got a mind of his own these days."
"Oh, you think so, do you? That's a manifold problem. I don't like men who won't listen to my mind over theirs. ~ Gail Carriger

Alexia found herself surrounded and embraced by a room of such unmitigated welcome and personality that it was akin to being yelled at by plum pudding. ~ Gail Carriger

Sometimes I can even pick up messages intended for other aethographors." He frowned a moment. "Story of my life, if you think about it. ~ Gail Carriger

Truth be told, even with Sophronia's arm muscles, vampires could hurl her a great deal farther than Sophronia could hurl vampires. A great tragedy of life, no doubt. The ~ Gail Carriger

Alexia had found pregnancy relatively manageable, up to a point. That point having been some three weeks ago, at which juncture her natural reserves of control gave way to sentimentality. Only yesterday she had ended breakfast sobbing over the fried eggs because they looked at her funny. The pack had spent a good half hour trying to find a way to pacify her. Her husband was so worried he looked to start crying himself. ~ Gail Carriger

Highland werewolves had a reputation for doing atrocious and highly unwarranted *things*, like wearing smoking jackets to the dinner table. ~ Gail Carriger

Madame Lefoux acted as midwife. In her scientific way, she was unexpectedly adept at the job. When the infant finally appeared, she held it up for Alexia to see, rather proudly, as though she'd done all the hard work herself. 'Goodness,' said an exhausted Lady Maccon, 'are babies customarily that repulsive looking? ~ Gail Carriger

Everyone's secrets are coming to light tonight, thought Sophronia, wondering how she had missed this little facet of inter-teacher dynamics. ~ Gail Carriger

Alexia figured, delightedly, that this meant he did, in fact, tend to traipse around his private apartments in the altogether. Marriage was becoming more and more of an attractive prospect. ~ Gail Carriger

Ever since her trip with Alexia to Scotland, Mrs. Tunstell had rather a taste for foreign travel. Alexia blamed it on the kilts. ~ Gail Carriger

Unless Sophronia missed her guess, the poor lad was already developing romantic feelings toward her friend. Many of the sooties probably were. Dimity was so pretty and chattery, she quite overpowered the average male. Many gentlemen were unable to cope with abundant chatter, which is why they so often married it. ~ Gail Carriger

Alexia sighed. "It is times like this I wish I could talk to my mother."
"Good gracious, what good would that do, madam?" Floote was moved to speak by the outrageousness of Alexia's statement.
"Well, whatever she said, I could simply take the opposite point of view. ~ Gail Carriger

I am entirely capable."
"Of what, waddling up to someone and ruthlessly bumping into them? ~ Gail Carriger

I am rather fond of ladybugs. They are so delightfully hemispherical. ~ Gail Carriger

As for genre, my adult books are usually filed under science fiction / fantasy, although some stores put them into romance, and few have stuck them into horror. I consider all my books a mix of steampunk and urban fantasy. ~ Gail Carriger

Alexia," she hissed to her friend, "there are knees positively everywhere. What do I do? ~ Gail Carriger

My dearest girl,' said the vampire finally, examining Lord Maccon with an exhausted but appreciative eye, 'such a banquet. Never been one to favor werewolves myself, but he is very well equipped, now, is he not?'
Miss Tarabotti gave him an arch look. 'My goodies,' she warned.
Humans,' chuckled the vampire, 'so possessive. ~ Gail Carriger

Dewan ex machina ~ Gail Carriger

Gavin tried not to stare at the lobster. He decided not to inquire further. Whatever Jack's reasoning, best to accept that crustaceans were necessary to his view of the world. ~ Gail Carriger

I like certain subgenres within science fiction and fantasy, and one of those is urban fantasy, and another is steampunk. ~ Gail Carriger

I believe the defining moment was when certain persons, who shall remain nameless, objected to my fuchsia silk striped waistcoat. I loved that waistcoat. I put my foot down, right then and there; I do not mind telling you!" To punctuate his deeply offended feelings, he stamped one silver-and-pearl-decorated high heel firmly. "No one tells me what I can and cannot wear!" He snapped up a lace fan from where it lay on a hall table and fanned himself vigorously with it for emphasis. ~ Gail Carriger

Most likely Pistons," said Pillover in a resigned tone of voice. "You told them about the ball. They like to go to events uninvited, put gin in the punch, and steal all the spoons. Stylish shenanigans like that."
"Charming," said Sophronia. ~ Gail Carriger

Coming to the ball, Mr. Plumleigh-Teignmott?"
"Ball? If you insist." Pillover slid off his trunk, and Roger jumped down to help him load it into the cart.
"Ball?" said one of the Pistons with interest. "We like balls."
Dimity gave them her best, most haughty look. "Yes, but are you certain they like you? ~ Gail Carriger

I've brought you Byron--always makes things better. ~ Gail Carriger

Excellent. Ignorance is most undervalued in a student. ~ Gail Carriger

That's a very murky position," objected Felix.
"So's the weather. But this is England, we must learn to live with uncertainty. ~ Gail Carriger

The tea, once it arrived, had its customary effect - engendering comfort and loosening the tongue. That's tea for you, thought Sophronia, the great social lubricant. ~ Gail Carriger

Very well, Miss Temminnick. Tell me a little about yourself. Are you well-educated?" Sophronia considered this question seriously. "I don't believe so." "Excellent. Ignorance is most undervalued in a student. And have you killed anyone recently?" Sophronia blinked. "Pardon?" "Oh, you know, a knife to the neck, or perhaps a cleverly noosed cravat?" Sophronia said only, "Not my preferred diversion." "Oh, dear, how disappointing. Well, don't you fret. We shall soon find you some useful hobby. ~ Gail Carriger

A lady is never disreputable in public, unless intended for manipulation of sympathies. ~ Gail Carriger

Just a short visit, enough for a mild dismemberment? ~ Gail Carriger

My petal.
Westminster's toy had tea issues. Thank Biffy and Lyall. Toodle pip.
A. ~ Gail Carriger

Pretty as a pineapple," pronounced ~ Gail Carriger

He has been mad for you these many months, ever since you prodded him in the nether regions with a hedgehog. ~ Gail Carriger

The Pistons were partly distracted by this short but excitingly fiery chase, and partly distracted by a new threat in the form of a small but enraged Dimity. Dimity, bless her heart, was reciting one of Mademoiselle Geraldine's longest lectures on proper behavior at a dance, finger shaking in autocratic fury, Lord Dingleproops notwithstanding. ~ Gail Carriger

Can't you tell from the hair and the cheekbones? Humans don't grow that beautiful. Not outside of Denmark, anyway. ~ Gail Carriger

Well, my love," said Alexia with prodigious daring to Lord Maccon, "shall we?" The earl started to move forward and then stopped abruptly and looked down at her, not moving at all. "Am I?"
"Are you what?" She peeked up at him through her tangled hair, pretending confusion. There was no possible way she was going to make this easy for him.
"Your love?"
"Well, you are a werewolf, Scottish, naked, and covered in blood, and I am still holding your hand."
He sighed in evident relief. "Good. That is settled, then. ~ Gail Carriger

He could not stand Alexia Tarabotti, even if her lovely brown eyes twinkled when she laughed, and she smelled good, and she had a particularly splendid figure. ~ Gail Carriger

Lyall understood a broken heart, but it could not be allowed to rumple perfectly good shirtwaists. ~ Gail Carriger

She hasn't caught a slight fatality, has she? ~ Gail Carriger

No, Lord Maccon was riproaring, tumble down, without a doubt, pickled beyond the gherkin. ~ Gail Carriger

The Rakshasa," said Percy pedantically, "are a different breed altogether from our vampires. Much in the same way that poodles and dachshunds are different breeds of dog. Rakshasas are reviled in India. Their position as tax collectors is an attempts by the crown to integrate them in a more progressive and mundane manner."
Rue said, "Oh, how logical. Because we all know ordaining someone as a tax collector is the surest way to get them accepted by society. ~ Gail Carriger

Werewolves had to obey the laws of physics just like everyone else. The ~ Gail Carriger

Ah, no, deployment was delayed after you left. Technical difficulties."
"Oh?"
"Yes, it was technically difficult to leave a heartbroken Alpha. ~ Gail Carriger

Miss Wigglesworth gave him an assessing look out of her remarkable blue eyes.
"You're a libertine? How very unique."
She gave a small fake yawn. She was, in that heartbeat, so perfect and so pure and so very dangerous indeed that all he could do was frighten her away.
"Have you been listening at keyholes, Lazuli? I assure you, they have always been willing, even when I ask that they pretend otherwise."
She blushed deep pink at that – an appealing thing, the blood high under her cheeks, warm and subtle and alive. He wanted to delve into her, with teeth and body until she was ravaged and supine and wrecked and bleeding and his. She did not, as he had expected, break away from him mid-step. The blush was there, to be sure, but she was made of sterner stuff. Any true innocent would be repulsed by the intent in his tone. A woman without experience would fear the implication of his preferences – the certain acknowledgment that there was wolf, nothing but wolf, underneath all his icy indifference. Faith was intrigued. She tilted her head and looked hard at him, her lovely eyes flinty.
"So, you're just a beast who enjoys the chase, nothing else?"
"Exactly so."
She threw it all at him. Like a piece of warm fresh meat, cut and dripping temptation, enough to make him salivate, to bait her trap.
"You can't catch me."
The waltz ended. ~ Gail Carriger

To be stupid was one thing; to be stupid and evil yielded up untidy consequences. ~ Gail Carriger

There is an art to irritation that only few of us can achieve. ~ Gail Carriger

Virgil to Percy: "Well, sir, no offense, but you're rather shaky with all things moral and ethical yourself."
Percy thought he ought to be even more affronted, but he found this to be more like a compliment than not. It implied that he never allowed his scientific analysis of a situation to be troubled by how the rest of the world thought it ought to be. ~ Gail Carriger

Running away was hardly a romantic pursuit. Except when one was running to Gretna Green. ~ Gail Carriger

It'll all end in tears and oil. ~ Gail Carriger

Tunstell, this is your Alpha speaking. Do as I tell you. You must regurgitate now.
Regurgitation is an involuntary action. You cannot simply order me to do it," replied Tunstell in a small voice.
"I most certainly can. Besides which, you are an actor."
Tunstell grimaced. "I've never had cause to vomit onstage. ~ Gail Carriger

Her heart was beating a marathon somewhere in the region of her throat, her skin felt hot and stretched taut over her bones, and she was damp in places she was tolerably certain unmarried gentlewomen were not supposed to be damp in. ~ Gail Carriger

The mechanimal sat back on his haunches and sent a puff of smoke at her, tail wagging back and forth hopefully. ~ Gail Carriger

An old saying of Mr. Tarabotti (Alexia's father):
There's no such thing as fate -- there's only werewolves, and there's no such thing as coincidence -- there's just vampires. Everything else is open to interpretation. ~ Gail Carriger

As if being a former vampire drone in a werewolf household were not shocking enough, the maid then opened her mouth and proved that she was also, quite reprehensibly, French. ~ Gail Carriger

She filed the image away as an excellent and insulting question to ask the earl at an utterly inappropriate future moment. ~ Gail Carriger

Spin the parasol three times and repeat after me: I shield in the name of fashion. I accessorize for one and all. Pursuit of truth is my passion. This I vow by the great parasol. ~ Gail Carriger

I mean to say, really, I am near to developing a neurosis - is there anyone around who doesn't want to study or kill me?"
Floote raised a tentative hand.
"Ah, yes, thank you, Floote."
"There is also Mrs Tunstell, madam," he offered hopefully, is if Ivy were some kind of consolation prize.
"I notice you don't mention my fair-weather husband."
"I suspect, at this moment, madam, he probably wants to kill you."
Alexia couldn't help smiling. "Good point. ~ Gail Carriger

Alexia had spent long hours wondering over that mustache. Werewolves did not grow hair, as they did not age. Where had it come from? Had he always had it? For how many centuries had his poor abused upper lip labored under the burden of such vegetation? ~ Gail Carriger

How did we go from tea to death so quickly?" wondered Quesnel. "Sometimes," said Prim darkly, "there is a very fine line between the two." "There's ~ Gail Carriger

Alexia blinked stupidly at the Beta from around the earl's upper arm. Her heart was doing crazy things, and she still could not locate her kneecaps. She took a deep breath and put some serious attention into tracking them down. ~ Gail Carriger

A rescuer appeared out of the forest.
"You screamed, madam?"
"Why, Lord Mersey, what are you doing here?"
"Following you, of course. Spot of bother?"
"Little bit of one, yes."
The young man looked with interest at Sophronia's opponents, one holding a collapsed Dimity, one bleeding from a gash to the arm, and the third bleeding from a wound to the back.
"My dear Ria, you hardly need my help."
"Hardly. ~ Gail Carriger

Sophronia felt bound to object. "I, for one, should prefer not to shoot at someone I like."
"Admirable scruples, Miss Temminnick. Get over them. For you will do it anyway. ~ Gail Carriger

I pretty much will do anything for a laugh. ~ Gail Carriger

Cats liked to occupy liminal spaces: both inside and outside, both tame and wild, both yawn and meow. ~ Gail Carriger

She moved with such purpose it was as though she walked with exclamation marks. ~ Gail Carriger

Miss Tarabotti pinched him for such blatant innuendo. It did not matter where she pinched, as the earl was a bare canvas of pinchability. ~ Gail Carriger

Tea is her answer to everything. I once broke my arm and she tried to give me Lapsang Souchong ~ Gail Carriger

You, sir, are a bad scientist! ~ Gail Carriger

Sidheag, you think like a predator.' The Lady of Kingair glowed in pleasure. 'Thank you very much, Sophronia. What a nice thing to say. ~ Gail Carriger

What did you do?" "Well, you see, there was this pot of tea, simply sitting there ... " He trailed off.
"Useful thing, tea," commented Lyall thoughtfully. ~ Gail Carriger

She boasted the general battle-ax demeanor of an especially strict governess. This was the kind of woman who took her tea black, smoked cigars after midnight, played a mean game of cribbage, and kept a bevy of repulsive little dogs.
Alexia liked her immediately. ~ Gail Carriger

Ah, to be young and agile again,' said Primrose.
'We were never that young,' replied Rue.
'More to the point, we were never that agile,' said Prim with a soft smile. ~ Gail Carriger

Could that technique, she wondered, be legitimately referred to as a "parassault"? ~ Gail Carriger

Too many things were going on in her head at once, and it was causing her eyes to leak. ~ Gail Carriger

Lord Maccon, might we have words on the proper tying of a cravat? For my sanity's sake?
Lord Maccon was nonplussed. Professor Lyall, on the other hand, was pained. "I do what I can." Lord Akeldama looked at him, pity in his eyes. "You are a brave man. ~ Gail Carriger

But Alexia's scent was something else, something ... not meat. She smelled warm and spicy sweet, like some old-fashioned Italian pastry his body could no longer process but whose taste he remembered and craved. ~ Gail Carriger

Felix looked as if he had been given some kind of caped weasel - part gift, part insult, part utter confusion. Thank you, I think. ~ Gail Carriger

I don't want my writing to be work to read. My main goal is completely shameless entertainment. I want people to smile and giggle and enjoy the book. I'm not trying to save the world through literature. ~ Gail Carriger

There was a pleasantness to the air and a spirit about the town that did not come from its color, but from some inner, tasty citrus quality. It made Alexia wonder fancifully if cities could have souls. ~ Gail Carriger

Really, Channing," remonstrated Alexia, "did you have to eat the man's dog? I am convinced you will experience terrible indigestion. ~ Gail Carriger

So this pesto I enjoy so much is really an infamous Italian antisupernatural weapon? ~ Gail Carriger

Hail a cab, please, Floote. I am going out."
"Are you certain that is wise, Miss? "
"To be wise, one might never leave one's room at all ~ Gail Carriger

Nice prong," said Sophronia after a moment.
Felix grinned and waggled his eyebrows lasciviously. "Thank you for saying so."
Sophronia was instantly suspicious. "You mean that isn't a ballistic exploding steam missile fire prong?"
"No such thing, my dear Ria, but it certainly sounds wicked, doesn't it?"
"Then what is it?"
He handed the evil-looking object over. "Ah, a portable boot-blackening apparatus with pressure-controlled particulate emissions, and attached accoutrement to achieve the highest possible shine. For the stylish gentleman on the go. ~ Gail Carriger

What have I done thins time? he paused to ask before continuing with his oral expedition about her body: her husband, the intrepid explorer. ~ Gail Carriger

The sofa clattered back into motion and came after her but was confined to the shed. It stopped in the doorway, glaring at her and shaking threatening tassels--if an object without eyes can be said to glare. Sophronia felt sorry for the chaise longue, but she wasn't going to risk being caught in order to mollify a gaudy piece of furniture. ~ Gail Carriger

This is the time for obscure Italian mathematicians ~ Gail Carriger

They never could entirely control preternaturals. It's your pragmatism. Your kind cannot be persuaded by faith; pure logic must be applied. ~ Gail Carriger

The greatest unwritten law of the supernatural set was that one simply didn't steal someone else's human. ~ Gail Carriger

After every unladylike action, there must be an equal and opposite reaction. Consider the necessary, analyze the consequences, clean up the mess. ~ Gail Carriger

In the end you'll have to cede to Lord Mersey. He's too much of a peer, you understand? And a bit of a prick as well. ~ Gail Carriger

With his wife's imperious face peering down at him, Lord Maccon took a moment to wonder why he had thought to crave such a woman in his life. Alexia bent over and nibbled at his chest. Ah, yes, initiative and ingenuity. ~ Gail Carriger

Such poopitations of the heart as you would not believe. ~ Gail Carriger

Captain Niall, having apparently resigned himself to losing his quarry, was savaging her horsehair petticoat into teeny, tiny shreds.
Really, what did my poor petticoat do to offend? ~ Gail Carriger

In a desperate bid to reestablish civilized talk and decorum, Miss Hisselpenny said, quite loudly, I see they are bringing in the fish course. What a pleasant surprise. I do so love fish. Don't you Mr., uh, Dubh. It is so very, um, salty. ~ Gail Carriger

It seems to me that Halloween is the perfect time to get all over steampunk. ~ Gail Carriger

He also grew a very large and scruffy beard, with which she was far less delighted.
"A man's virility is in his beard," he insisted.
To which Alexia replied, "And a woman's is in her décolletage. Yet you don't see me allowing mine to get out of control, now do you?"
"If wishes were balloons," was his only response. ~ Gail Carriger

It was their vampire teacher's custom of late to administer decidedly oddball lessons. Which is to say, more oddball than an ordinary lesson with a vampire in a floating dirigible espionage school. ~ Gail Carriger

Oh, do shove off, Lady Bling. I was thinking some rather important thoughts before you interrupted me. ~ Gail Carriger

Lord Maccon, being Lord Maccon and good at such things, then changed, right there in the Thames, from dog-paddling wolf to large man treading water. He did so flawlessly, so that his head never went under the water. Professor Lyall suspected him of practicing such maneuvers in the bathtub. ~ Gail Carriger