Humorous Conversation Quotes

Justin frowned. "Do I have to stay in the nursery? With the the babies?"
"Darling, you're four years old - "
"Almost five!"
Phoebe's lips quirked. There was a wealth of interest and empathy in the gaze she bent on her small son. "You may stay in my room, if you like," she offered.
The child was appalled by the suggestion.
"I can't sleep in your room," he said indignantly.
"Why not?"
"People might think we were married!"
West concentrated on a distant spot on the floor, struggling hold back a laugh. When he was able, he took a steadying breath and risked a glance at Lady Clare. To his secret delight, she appeared to be considering the point as if it were entirely valid. ~ Lisa Kleypas

We should do something," I said.
"Can the something be play blind-guy video games while sitting on the couch?"
"Yeah, that's just the kind of something I had in mind."
So we sat there for a couple hours talking to the screen together, navigating this invisible labyrinthine cave without a single lumen of light. The most entertaining part of the game by was far trying to get the computer to engage with us in humorous conversation:
Me: "Touch the cave wall."
Computer: "You touch the cave wall. It is moist."
Isaac: "Lick the cave wall."
Computer: "I do not understand. Repeat?"
Me: "Hump the cave wall."
Computer: "You attempt to jump. You hit your head."
Isaac: "Not jump. HUMP."
Computer: "I don't understand."
Isaac: "Dude, I've been alone in the dark in this cave for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL."
Computer: "You attempt to ju - "
Me: "Thrust pelvis against cave wall."
Computer: "I do not - "
Isaac: "Make sweet love to the cave."
Computer: "I do not - "
Me: "FINE. Follow left branch."
Computer: "You follow the left branch. The passage narrows."
Me: "Crawl."
Computer: "You crawl for one hundred yards. The passage narrows."
Me: "Snake crawl."
Computer: "You snake crawl for thirty yards. A trickle of water runs down your body. You reach a mound of small rocks blocking the passageway."
Me: "Can I hump the cave now?"
Computer: "You cannot jump ~ John Green

I love this time of day,' Josh says-talking to me, he's talking to me!-and I try to think of the right thing to say.
'I love you' sounds a little intense for the conversation.
'Can we make out?' sounds like something Jackson would say, and even if I am thinking it, I never want to sound like Jackson. Ever.
'Me too,' is what I come up with.
Brilliant, right? ~ Elizabeth Scott

I thought of you when I read this quote from "The Advisor Playbook: Regain Liberation and Order in your Personal and Professional Life" by Duncan MacPherson, Chris Jeppesen, Michael Lane -

"If you think about a twenty-minute conversation with a great client, you talk about their Family, Occupation, Recreation and Money. ~ Duncan MacPherson

It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A. B. Spottsworth to make the obituary column. He thought the lion was dead, and the lion thought it wasn't ~ P.G. Wodehouse

If "fast" and "slow" animals had parties, writes the evolutionary biologist David Sloan Wilson, "some of the fasts would bore everyone with their loud conversation, while others would mutter into their beer that they don't get any respect. Slow animals are best described as shy, sensitive types. They don't assert themselves, but they are observant and notice things that are invisible to the bullies. They are the writers and artists at the party who have interesting conversations out of earshot of the bullies. They are the inventors who figure out new ways to behave, while the bullies steal their patents by copying their behavior. ~ Susan Cain

Need I remind you that this Selection was your idea?"
She sighed.
"Listen to your daughter," Dad said. "Very smart girl. Gets it from me."
"Don't you want some more sleep?" she asked flatly.
"No, I'm feeling very refreshed," he said. I wasn't sure if it was because he wanted to continue the conversation or if he felt he needed to keep his attention on Mom. Either way, he was clearly lying.
"Dad, you look like death punched you in the face."
"You must get that from me, too."
"Dad! ~ Kiera Cass

hey man, i am tankianann and i like to research ~ Tan Kian Ann

For never has there been, in modern times, such a Homeric world, where so much value is pinned onto the utterance of name! Entire conversations, entire lives, are devoted to the act of naming people, and in Pakistan the affluent would be totally devoid of talk if they were unable to take names in vain. Caste and all its subclassifications are recreated every day in the structure of a conversation that knows which names to name ... ~ Sara Suleri

What Must-See T.V. was all about was one network, one night, for one decade. And a third of the country would come and watch Must-See T.V. And you didn't dare go to work the next day, because if you hadn't watched, you would be left out of the conversation, that water-cooler conversation. ~ Warren Littlefield

You took your clothes off?"
"You didn't notice?"
"No! Jeez Louise, I don't even know you."
"If you look under the covers, you'll know me better."
"I don't want to know you better!"
"That's a big fib," Diesel said. ~ Janet Evanovich

Is not a problem looking for a quick fix. Life is a conversation and you need places to have it. The virtual provides us with more spaces for these conversations and these are enriching. But what makes the physical so precious is that it supports continuity in a different way; it doesn't come and go, and it binds people to it. You can't just log off or drop out. ~ Sherry Turkle

I've always worried a lot. And frankly I'm good at it." The late Erma Bombeck, one of the funniest women ever. ~ Catherine Robertson

We are all interested in the future for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. ~ Ed Wood

There was no way to have a civilized conversation with that guy. It's like he was raised by giraffes or something. ~ H.M. Ward

I don't date Nicole." "You don't what?" I ask dumbfounded. "I don't date." "Dragon, everyone dates." "I don't." I don't really know how to respond. It seems unreal, but I can tell he is completely serious. "Like ever?" "That's what I said, Mama." "How can you tell if you like a girl if you don't even know her?" I ask and something about this conversation hurts me. "I fuck her. ~ Jordan Marie

I went to interview a man with a high reputation for wisdom, because I felt that here if anywhere I should succeed in disproving the oracle and pointing out to my divine authority 'You said that I was the wisest of men, but here is a man who is wiser than I am.' Well, I gave a thorough examination to this person... and in conversation with him I formed the impression that although in many people's opinion, and especially in his own, he appeared to be wise, in fact he was not. Then when I began to try to show him that he only thought he was wise and was not really so, my efforts were resented both by him and by many of the other people present. However, I reflected as I walked away: 'Well, I am certainly wiser than this man. It is only too likely that neither of us has any knowledge to boast of; but he thinks that he knows something which he does not know, whereas I am quite conscious of my ignorance. At any rate it seems that I am wiser than he is to this small extent, that I do not think that I know what I do not know... [A]s I pursued my investigation at the god's command,... my honest impression was... that the people with the greatest reputations were almost entirely deficient, while others who were supposed to be their inferiors were much better qualified in practical intelligence. ~ Socrates

Who was she in high school? Little Miss Nobody. She could have embroidered it on her sweaters, tattooed it across her forehead. And in small letters: i am shit, i am anonymous, step on me. please. She wasn't voted Most Humorous in her high school yearbook or Best Dancer or Most Likely to Succeed, and she wasn't in the band or Spanish Club and when her ten year reunion rolled around nobody would recognize her or have a single memory to share. ~ T.C. Boyle

Our conversations are never easy, but as I-we-get older, we are finding that our conversations must bespoken. A need burns inside us to share with others what we are feeling Beyond a certain age, sincerity ceases to feel pornographic. It is as though the coolness that marked out youth is itself a type of retrovirus that can only leave you feeling empty. Full of holes. ~ Douglas Coupland

Step one: The CEO or owner has to open the door. The only way to do that is to admit that they don't know how. It's a moment of vulnerability. It's only one moment, but I've seen CEOs put it off for decades. All it is is this: "Hey guys, I really want to make this a great place to work. And, as you know, I've tried a lot of things over the years. But the truth is, even though the business has gotten better in some ways, when it comes to the culture - how people feel about coming to work here - I know it hasn't changed in the ways you need it to. I don't know how to change it but I want to start a new conversation with you about it. Okay? ~ Jonathan Raymond

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland. ~ Josh Billings

Finished our conversation yet." "We haven't?" Ben asked, lowering to the bench ~ Melissa Cutler

Hey." Erik was now eye level with Cara's breasts and thoroughly enjoying the view. Maybe he should try and strike up a conversation. "Come here often?"
"Are you talking to my breasts again?" Cara huffed in exasperation.
"Oh… do that again, the huffing thing."
Cara grabbed a fistful of the hair on his clearly undamaged head and yanked so Erik was forced to sit up and make actual eye contact with her. "I can't tell if you're brain damaged or if you've always been like this. ~ Jane Cousins

I refuse to give readers an uplifting faux experience engineered to comfort them and perpetuate the sociopolitical and economic status quo."
"Who died and made you Bertolt Brecht? ~ Chuck Palahniuk

Excellent."
As soon as Bergman left earshot Vayl said, "I am going to buy you some pom-poms and a short pleated skirt-"
Hey, if Bergman needs a cheerleard, that's what he's getting."
Vayl tipped his head to one side and smiled wickedly. "I was just thinking perhaps I need a cheerleader as well."
Cassandra got up. "If that's where this conversation is headed, I'm leaving."
She wants some pom-poms too," I told Vayl.
I do not! ~ Jennifer Rardin

There was a very small crowd - minuscule compared to the crowd that he gathered later - at a private home in Los Angeles. And we were standing on the back patio, waiting for him. And he came through the house, saw me and immediately put his hand up in the Vulcan gesture. He said, 'They told me you were here.' We had a wonderful, brief conversation and I said, 'It would be logical if you would become president.' ~ Leonard Nimoy

Nim Xik: To start his day off this badly was actually encouraging, he thought. Maybe this would finally be the worst day of his life. ~ Dan LaBash

I don't believe that." She seems like suck a force,this reasonable girl who kills with a turn of her fingers. She would have left all this behind, if she had the chance. "I honestly don't remember," she sighs "I don't think I was strong in life. Now it seems like I loved every moment, that every breath was charmed and crisp." she clasps her hands comically to her chest and breaths in deep through her nose, then blows it out in a huff. "I probably didn't. For all my dreams and fancies, I can't recall being ... what would you call it? Perky? ~ Kendare Blake

I heard endless conversations between my parents when I was going to sleep about how we would survive, how we would continue. All of them were about trying to make me better. ~ Maria Sharapova

Well, what did you have for lunch?" I snapped. "Surely that's not top secret superhero information."
"Steak with mashed potatoes and a side salad," Striker replied. "And a piece of chocolate cheesecake for dessert."
I gave up on conversation after that. I was too jealous of the cheesecake to continue. ~ Jennifer Estep

If he died now, Grainier probably wouldn't know it until they came into the light of the gas lamps either side of the doctor's house. After they'd moved along for nearly an hour without conversation, listening only to the creaking wagon and the sound of the nearby river and the clop of the mares, it grew dark. ~ Denis Johnson

There is speaking well, speaking easily, speaking justly and speaking seasonably: It is offending against the last, to speak of entertainments before the indigent; of sound limbs and health before the infirm; of houses and lands before one who has not so much as a dwelling; in a word, to speak of your prosperity before the miserable; this conversation is cruel, and the comparison which naturally arises in them betwixt their condition and yours is excruciating. ~ Jean De La Bruyere

The newspaper is a lecture. The Web is a conversation. ~ James Lileks

After you've taken so much trouble to set up recorder, you ask me now? ~ E.L. James

In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways. Our symptotes no longer out of phase, We shall encounter, counting, face to face. ~ Stanislaw Lem

Aaron sketched up a tattoo design for me. We'll start on it soon, but he thinks I can't handle all the pain in one sitting, so he's breaking it into parts."
"What's the tattoo of and where will it be?" he asked, glancing over my breasts.
"A fallen angel and it won't be on my boobs, Judd."
Laughing at my tone, he didn't seem to hear the first part. I saw when the words registered. "Why fallen?" he asked, his gaze harder now.
Holding his gaze, I refused to back down. "You know."
"Fuck you for thinking that makes you fallen."
"Fuck you for thinking you know what I am."
Judd suddenly laughed. "What?"
Grudgingly, I smiled. "Whatever. You're irritating me."
"Where's the tat going to be? Something around your heart shaped ass maybe?"
"Heart shaped?"
Judd wiggled his eyebrows at me. "I love that damn ass of yours. Shit, this morning when you walked over to get your clothes, I about jizzed myself."
"Yummy. Best breakfast conversation ever. ~ Bijou Hunter

Sorrow spoken lends a little courage to the speaker. ~ Walter Wangerin Jr.

Apply this simple rule to your conversations: If you wouldn't write it down and sign it, don't say it. ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

(Wataru referring to his conversation with Asaka) That conversation was a bit bad for one's heart... ~ Satoru Kannagi

My character Milly in 'The Boy Who Could Fly' was a very strong part. There were dramatic moments, and there were humorous moments, too. The whole story with Eric Underwood's character was just wonderful, and the messages behind the script were very important to me. ~ Lucy Deakins