Humor Evolution Quotes

It's almost impossible to prevent Chavs from breeding, but when a Chav reproduces evolution is halted and devolution commences. Chavs truly are the missing link of society ~ Karl Wiggins

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. ~ Steven Wright

Since when did you bring a gun?" Navidson asks, crouching near the door.
"Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ~ Mark Z. Danielewski

I'll drive like my grandma. I'll drive like your grandma."
"You wouldn't say that if you knew my gramma. ~ Kami Garcia

I love you too, now let's make this birth our bitch. ~ Toni Aleo

You can think of a thread as an actual, physical piece of thread that strings together a sequence of instructions. In my mind, the instructions are marshmallows, because marshmallows are delicious. ~ Daniel Higginbotham

Is he talking Latin?' said the Yeoman.
'No,' said Hubert, 'but I'll be damned if it's the English my mother taught me. ~ Geraldine McCaughrean

Jase turned his head to me, brows raised. "If I liked guys - you know, swung that way, I'd get naked after that."
I blinked. Um.
"And I'd put a ring on that," Cam added, moving to where Avery sat. ~ J. Lynn

Never trust a German to get a sauce right. Their solution to everything is just add more butter. ~ Kate Quinn

I sometimes get hassled for using the term "fat" but I also use the term "crazy" to describe myself and I'm fine with that because I'm taking those words back. I'm also taking "sexy" back because, frankly, Justin Timberlake has had it too long and he doesn't even need it. ~ Jenny Lawson

I use a lot of humor in my writing. But it's completely black humor. ~ Kurt Vile

What women want is still what it's always been: either you or, more likely, not you. ~ David Mitchell

I'm perfectly miserable; but if you consider me presentable, I die happy. ~ Louisa May Alcott

I'm constantly searching for ways to do better because I believe life is an evolution. It's not about reaching an end goal and hanging up your hat ... It's about continually growing. ~ Bobbi Brown

The real drive to understand the self, though, comes not from the need to develop treatments, but from a more deep-seated urge that we all share: the desire to understand ourselves. Once self-awareness emerged through evolution, it was inevitable that an organism would ask, ― Who am I? Across vast stretches of inhospitable space and immeasurable time, there suddenly emerged a person called Me or I. Where does this person come from? Why here? Why now? You, who are made of star-dust, are now standing on a cliff, gazing at the starlit sky pondering your own origins and your place in the cosmos. ~ V.S. Ramachandran

You can't take this speck of dust in this midst of all this incredible panorama of birth and complexifying and say ... this is the only place that [life] happens. It's like turning your back on the whole idea of growth and evolution. ~ Gene Roddenberry

Man is not the only animal known to practice cannibalism. He is, however, the only animal capable of arranging it on a plate so it is pleasing to the eye."

The adage 'It's only fun until someone loses an eye' isn't true...
The fun quotient is exactly the same- your viewpoint is skewed. ~ David Raffin

Humor is the pensiveness of wit. ~ Robert Aris Willmott

In a totally sane society, madness is the only freedom. ~ J.G. Ballard

Royce nodded. "Invest in crossbows. Next time stay hidden and just put a couple bolts into each of your target's chests. All this talking is just stupid."
"Royce!" Hadrian admonished.
"What? You're always saying I should be nicer to people. I'm trying to be helpful. ~ Michael J. Sullivan

I stared up at the sky and raised my middle finger, just in case God was watching. I don't like being spied on. ~ Annabel Pitcher

And the minibar in my hotel room was mysteriously emptied."
"By arcane forces beyond the understanding of normal human beings?" asked Myfanwy as she sifted through the in-box. It was the sort of question you learned to ask automatically when you worked with the Checquy.
"No, it was me," admitted Shantay without a shred of embarrassment. ~ Daniel O'Malley

When I asked my da how ye knew which was the right woman, he told me when the time came, I'd have no doubt. And I didn't. When I woke in the dark under that tree on the road to Leoch, with you sitting on my chest, cursing me for bleeding to death, I said to myself 'Jamie Fraser, for all ye canna see what she looks like, and for all she weights as much as a good draft horse, this is the woman. ~ Diana Gabaldon

Can you be serious for two words?"
"Not without effort. ~ Steven Brust

I admit I get the occasional headache," I said. "I admit some of my hangovers are epic. But usually all it takes for me to bounce back is a sauna, cold-plunge pool, steam bath, massage, and wasabi to clear the sinuses". ~ George Gurley

And suddenly, without the slightest volition on my part, there was the most crashing discharge of wind, like the report of a mortar. My horse started; Cardigan jumped in his saddle, glaring at me ... Be Silent! snaps he, and he must have been in a highly nervous condition himself, otherwise he would never have added, in a hoarse whipser: Can you not contain yourself, you disgusting fellow?
Flashman at the start of the Charge of the Light Brigade. ~ George MacDonald Fraser

So you're getting back together with her? Just like that? Muriel asks.
"Not 'just like that'..." "How then?" Muriel enjoys playing devil's advocate. "For starters, it will have to be long distance for a while..." She doesn't let up. "For a while? Have you booked the U-Haul already? ~ Harper Bliss

His eyes warmed, even as his brows drew together. "So are you saying we have your cooperation? That you'll agree to be our queen?" "I'm saying that you're guaranteed not to have my cooperation if you don't help me. ~ Kimberly Derting

It became sort of a snowball effect, with guys trying to deal in their own way with 9/11, whether it was drinking or whatever, ~ Denis Leary

And that is the story of the boy who cried "Dragon!"
Of course, when dragons sit around the campire at night or tuck their children into bed, they tell the story of the dragon who cried "Boy! ~ Mike Resnick

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044. ~ Eugene Mirman

Matter is, in its constituent elements, the same as spirit; existence is one, however manifold in its phenomena; life is one, however multiform in its evolution. ~ Annie Besant

Nd it is generally understood that a party hardly ever goes the way it is planned or intended. This last, of course, excludes, those dismal slave parties, whipped and controlled and dominated, given by an ogreish professional hostess. These are not parties at all but acts and demonstrations, about as spontaneous as peristalsis and as interesting as it's end product. ~ John Steinbeck

I can see why we need fellows who know how to light fires," Bluth said. "But I don't see why we need people to use fancy words."
"Shhhh," Shallan said. "Don't say that so loudly. If the lighteyes hear, they might stop wasting their time making up new words, and instead start interfering with the business of honest men. ~ Brandon Sanderson

I HAVE MADE THIS FOR YOU.
She reached out and took a damp square of cardboard. Water dripped off the bottom. Somewhere in the middle, a few brown feathers seemed to have been glued on.
'Thank you. Er ... what is it?'
ALBERT SAID THERE OUGHT TO BE SNOW ON IT, BUT IT APPEARS TO HAVE MELTED, said Death. IT IS, OF COURSE, A HOGSWATCH CARD.
'Oh ... '
THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A ROBIN ON IT AS WELL, BUT I HAD CONSIDERABLE DIFFICULTY IN GETTING IT TO STAY ON.
'Ah ... '
IT WAS NOT AT ALL COOPERATIVE.
'Really ... ?'
IT DID NOT SEEM TO GET INTO THE HOGSWATCH SPIRIT AT ALL. ~ Terry Pratchett

It was terrible music to dance to; all you could really do was nod and hunch to the music. The girls all looked like they were listening to the same sad story. Yes, yes, yes, that's awful. Yes, yes, yes. ~ Rainbow Rowell

Everything in Australia is trying to kill you, haven't you heard? Half of the ten deadliest snakes in the world live in Queensland. And then there are the poisonous spiders and the jellyfish. Not to mention the crocs and the great white sharks. Another point in favor of New Zealand. Very benign place, En Zed. ~ Rosalind James

Me and Matt love to argue, but in general our sense of humor is pretty much alike. ~ Trey Parker

I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family. ~ George W. Bush

The earl shook his head, exhibiting a degree of frosty offense that could only be achieved by an aristocrat whose wishes had just been gainsaid. "I've never heard of a man being so eager to confess to the parent of a girl he's just ruined," he said sourly. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. ~ Homer Simpson

I won't snatch, harm, or scare to death people with you or use checking up on you as an excuse to cause trouble. You're worse than my mother, Rachel."
"Mine, too," Jenks muttered. ~ Kim Harrison