Trey Parker Quotes

Sean Penn's really the only one stupid enough to put anything down on paper.

I hate puppets so much.

A lot of people don't realize this, but probably the one person that gets made fun of in 'South Park' more than anybody is my dad. Stan's father, Randy - my dad's name is Randy - that's my drawing of my dad; that's me doing my dad's voice. That is just my dad. Even Stan's last name, Marsh, was my dad's stepfather's name.

I don't even know where Russia and Mexico are.

I don't want to say never, but I hope I don't become that 'take me seriously now' guy.

My fear is that, as soon as I get married and have kids that I'll kind of do what a lot of people do and suddenly start making, 'Now I'm gonna make films for kids.' I really hope I don't do that.

When I was a kid, to me, the Evergreen Players were the big time.

There is nothing we can't do. So it's just the fact that we're doing topics like that that other people, especially network TV, won't touch, that we're satirists.

I love life ... Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like ... It makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness.

We made this really dumb decision to put on the cover nothing from South Park but just a real life photo of a piece of pooh dressed up like Mr. Hankey, and a lot of people didn't, they didn't even know what it was.

Even from the very beginning, I didn't put any money in the stock market.

I was a big Broadway fan for a while.

No, writing musicals is the hardest thing in the world. And it was really funny, because I remember when the South Park movie came out, there were some critics that said, 'Well it's obvious that in order to get it to be 90 minutes they filled some time with music.'

So much of what you see now in Hollywood is written and directed by committee, and you can see it.

When I was in sixth grade there was a talent show, and I wrote my first sketch, 'The Dentist.' I played the dentist, and I had my friend play a patient. It was sort of what can go wrong at the dentist, and I just remember I had lots of fake blood and everything.

I just realized that there are going to be a lot of painful times in life, so I better learn to deal with them in the right way.

I have no desire to ever talk to Sean Penn.

I bought a house for my mom, I bought a house for my dad, I bought a house for my sister.

When you were a teenager in Colorado, the way to be a punk rocker was to rip on Reagan and Bush and what they were doing and talk about how everyone in Colorado's a redneck with a gun and all this stuff.

When you sit down and write a song, you kind of have the idea for the song, and you sit there at the piano and you kinda just write it. And then of course later there's some dinking around with it and changing some stuff.

The truth is, marijuana probably isn't going to make you kill people. Most likely isn't going to fund terrorists, but pot makes you feel fine with being bored and it's when you're bored that you should be learning a new skill or some new science or being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you're not good at anything.

Even if you're not Christian, just from being in our culture you know Jesus and resurrection and redemption.

That was a misconception among a lot of people - that Mormons are polygamist. No, they're not. I mean they obviously have that in their history, and there are some fundamentalists.

I would let my kids watch this stuff way before I'd let them watch something like 'Full House' that I think would make them stupid.

You can't make experimental work by copying past work.

People have a lot of different beliefs, and at the end of the day, we all have deeply held beliefs that probably don't make sense to anyone else.

It's been a fascinating thing because we didn't really know how to write when we started South Park at all. It's been like, we've just sort of grown up a bit and it's amazing to just see how, if you take Butters and Cartman and put them in any scene, it works.

It's funny because I think a lot of it is simply ... We've never considered ourselves satirists, but because we're on Comedy Central and because we're South Park on Comedy Central, we can do any topic we want.

Hippies, hippies ... they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play frisbee!

I was always a very happy, optimistic person.

There's a lot of people who, a cigarette is about the only vacation they have.

I find Mormons adorable. I love Disneyland and old musicals, and, to me, Mormonism fits right in with all of that.

The basis of all reasoning is the mind's awareness of itself. What we think, the external objects we perceive, are all like actors that come on and off stage. But our consciousness, the stage itself, is always present to us.

Kim Jong Il: Hans Brix? Oh no! Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans!
Hans Blix: Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, but your guards won't let me enter certain areas.
Kim Jong Il: Hans, Hans, Hans! We've been frew this a dozen times. I don't have any weapons of mass destwuction, OK Hans?
Hans Blix: Then let me look around, so I can ease the UN's collective mind. I'm sorry, but the UN must be firm with you. Let me in, or else.
Kim Jong Il: Or else what?
Hans Blix: Or else we will be very angry with you ... and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.

I miss you more than Michael Bay missed the mark
When he made Pearl Harbor.
I miss you more than that movie missed the point
And that's an awful lot, girl.
And now, now you've gone away
And all I'm trying to say, is:
Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you.
I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school
He was terrible in that film.
I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part
He's way better than Ben Affleck.
And now, all I can think about is your smile
and that shitty movie, too.
Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you.
Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?
I guess Pearl Harbor sucked
just a little bit more than I miss you.

Before the church responded, a lot of people would ask us, 'Are you afraid of what the church would say?' And Trey and I were like, 'They're going to be cool.' And they were like, 'No, they're not. There are going to be protests.' And we were like, 'Nope, they're going to be cool.' We weren't that surprised by the church's response. We had faith in them.

A scotch buzz is the best buzz in the world.

So we're considering doing a new Christmas album, because there's been Christmas episodes since then, and maybe finally do the version of 'The Most Offensive Song Ever' with lyrics intact.

Me and Matt love to argue, but in general our sense of humor is pretty much alike.

It's all based on saying the shocking thing. We used to have a great time going to Hollywood parties and saying 'I think George Bush is doing a great job.' We'd clear out the room. I used to love it.

Careful?! Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a coat hanger while I was still in womb?

I would never kill somebody, unless they pissed me off.

It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't stay here, or else it'll choke on the sweet air of freedom.

Bargaining makes you come up with the best ideas.

What we're always looking for is weird social issues and weird connections to make. Luckily for them, there's no shortage of material.

When you're watching 'Armageddon,' and the Aerosmith song starts ... Super funny.

My first serious girlfriend, when I was 16, was Mormon. I went to her house for 'family home evening,' and I was like, 'Why aren't you people ignoring each other and watching television?'

The problem is we moved to LA ... The only way to be punk rock in L.A. is to be a Republican.

Most people I know are not hard-core religious people. They are what I would call 'lightly religious.' So I don't buy the notion that we can't laugh about religion in America.

I can feel myself dying inside.

You know, and it really doesn't have a lot to do with the movie. That's the trick to doing a good musical is that, if you take that music number out, there's less to the movie there. You would miss it.

I've never met a Mormon I didn't like. They're really nice people. They're so Disney. They're so Rodgers and Hammerstein.

If somebody actually came to me and said, 'O.K., this is it: write your last 'South Park' episodes,' I'd be like, 'No, no, no.'

I've gotten to a point where I wouldn't direct someone else's material. It would only be something totally original.

I think you could take any Bruckheimer movie and do it with puppets, and it would be screamingly funny.

If you're famous, you suck, just for being famous. People in England totally get that; Americans don't.

The story of Jesus makes no sense to me. God sent his only son. Why could God only have one son and why would he have to die? It's just bad writing, really. And it's really terrible in about the second act.

The most punk-rock thing you can do in L.A. is to say 'George Bush is fucking awesome' instead of talking about how lame it is that he's fighting for oil.

Kyle, every boy pays for kisses. Do you know what I am saying? If you've got a girl, and she kisses you, sooner or later you're paying for it. You've gotta take her out to lunch, take her to a movie, and then spend time listenin' to all her stupid problems. Look, look at Stan right there. [Kyle turns to see Stan, who's listening to Wendy over at the merry-go-round] Why he's gotta sit there and listen to her stupid motherfuckin' problems 'cause she kisses him. If you ask me, that's a lot more than the five dollars my company charges.

I spend shockingly little time thinking about real-world stuff.

Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable.

I think people that have a brother or sister don't realize how lucky they are. Sure, they fight a lot, but to know that there's always somebody there, somebody that's family.

We have it, we're lucky enough that we've created a show where it's not about ... a family, or a kid, it's about a town.

Out of all the ridiculous religion stories - which are greatly, wonderfully ridiculous - the silliest one I've ever heard is, 'Yeah, there's this big, giant universe, and it's expanding, and it's all going to collapse on itself, and we're all just here, just 'cuz. Just 'cuz.' That to me, is the most ridiculous explanation ever.

Any job is a job. If you have to be doing something, then you're probably not enjoying it.

Jerry Bruckheimer creates comedy, he just doesn't realize because he's a turd.

The Republicans didn't want the government to run your life, because Jesus should. That was really part of their thing: less government, more Jesus. Now it's like, how about more government and Jesus?

I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids.

I've started confiding in people, other artists mostly, that I hate making 'South Park,' and I always have. It's super stressful. I'm always miserable.