Aim Humor Quotes

Aim at the ground, you'll never miss. ~ Kristine Thomas

B, hows your aim? ~ Quinn Loftis

You just put that sword away, sir, please," said the voice of Lance-Constable Vimes.
"You will not shoot me, you young idiot. That would be murder," said the captain calmly.
"Not where I'm aiming, sir. ~ Terry Pratchett

The lord giveth and most women piss it away. Perhaps this is why they lack the equipment to aim. ~ Paula Wall

Warrington's aim's so pathetic I'd be more worried if he was aiming for the person next to me. ~ J.K. Rowling

If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport. ~ Laura Davenport

The aim of civilization is to enable us to get enjoyment out of everything. ~ Leo Tolstoy

I feel like all my stars have aligned, and Uranus wants to knock me out of orbit. ~ Robin Alexander

I like 'fresh fruit flan'," said the donkey. "Three excellent words."
"I don't have one," said Noah immediately before the question could even be asked, and the donkey opened his eyes wide in suprise, and for a moment Noah wondered whether he might even consider eating him. ~ John Boyne

I guess we're even,Sadie.First,Walt and I rushed off to save you in London.Then,you and Walt rushed off to save me.The only one who got shafted on both deals was Walt.Poor guy gets hauled all over the world pulling us out of trouble ~ Rick Riordan

You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar. ~ Zach Galifianakis

You know you're having a bad week when you call 911, the paramedics come to your house, and one of them notices you've rearranged your furniture. ~ Cherie Kephart

What's he want to howl like that for when I'm playing?" George would exclaim indignantly, while taking aim at him with a boot. "What do you want to play like that for when he is howling?" Harris would retort, catching the boot. "You let him alone. He can't help howling. He's got a musical ear, and your playing makes him howl. ~ Jerome K. Jerome

It's a very important skill set for an actor to be able to bring the humor into any moment, whether you're doing drama or comedy. ~ Nathaniel Buzolic

She's trying to sabotage all the magic holding this island together. But that would create a catastrophe for all of Hawaii."
"Well, that does it," Koko huffed. "As of today, she's off my Christmas card list. ~ Laurence Yep

My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about! ~ Erma Bombeck

I hated Shallow Grave, that movie made me angry. And I hated Happiness. I generally hate movies that use extreme violence or gratuitous shock value in place of having a heart. For example: movies that combine extremely sadistic violence with humor I find offensive. ~ Jesse Michaels

You can't climb up to the second floor without a ladder. When you set your aim too high and don't fulfill it, then your enthusiasm turns to bitterness. Try for a goal that's reasonable, and then gradually raise it. ~ Emil Zatopek

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil.
And that no one knows the truth. ~ Molly Ivins

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? ~ Steven Wright

There's no grander sight in the world than that of a person fired with a great purpose, dominated by one unwavering aim. ~ Orison Swett Marden

Um," Doc said in a mild voice, "medically speaking, I'm not sure that was the most helpful thing for his condition."
"But I feel better," Jared answered, sullen.
Doc smiled the tiniest smile. "Well, maybe a few more minutes of unconsciousness won't kill him. ~ Stephenie Meyer

What's proper workplace etiquette for picking up computer and tossing out window? Open window first or break glass? ~ Abigail Roux

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim ~ David Icke

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. ~ Mark Twain

It turns out your not dyslexic, your just really really stupid. ~ Frankie Boyle

So on the fifth time, I was determined to get it right. I backed out extra far to get a better angle, and that's when it happened. The thud. I turned around and didn't see anyone, so I panicked, thinking I had hit the car next to me or something. I continued to back out of the spot and threw the car in drive and was looking for a better spot so that I could inspect the car for the damage. I pulled over in the next lot and got out. That's when I saw him."
"You ... dragged him?" I ask. I'm trying to hold back the laughter.
"Over two hundred yards. After I hit him the first time, I kept backing up, and his pant leg got hung up in the bumper. I broke his leg. ~ Colleen Hoover

The brain, as busy as it can be, is actually very lazy...It sees what it expects to see ~ James R. Doty

Monsters are getting more uppity, too ( ... ) I heard where this guy, he killed this monster in this lake, no problem, stuck its arm up over the door ( ... ) and you know what? Its mum come and complained. Its actual mum come right down to the hall next day and complained. Actually complained. That's the respect you get. ~ Terry Pratchett

Do you think that people ever really do believe they will die, that the world will just go along as always without them? I wonder if we aren't all a little surprised at the moment of crossover, if we don't look back over our shoulders saying, Now hold on. ~ Elizabeth Berg

Reality was one step out of line, a cardigan with the buttons done up wrong. ~ Haruki Murakami

I'm pretty much the definition of an American Hero. ~ A.D. Aliwat

Some guys say it with flowers," Tucker said. "I bring you arson reports. ~ Josh Lanyon

There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up. ~ Kristen Chandler

If we cannot defeat the assassin, then we must remove his reason for attacking. If we can capture or eliminate his employers, then perhaps we can invalidate whatever contract binds him. Last we knew, he was employed by the Parshendi."
"Great," Ruthar said dryly. "All we have to do is win the war, which we've only been trying to do for five years. ~ Brandon Sanderson

Of course, you always think about how it will be read. I always aim for a reading in one sitting. ~ Joan Didion