Sexual Humor Quotes

Gabrielle chuckled, her dark eyes twinkling. "So he's been after you, has he? Poor Etta, pursued by a sun priest offering to pleasure - "
"Every nook and cranny," Marietta interrupted dryly and Gabrielle tipped her head back with a throaty laugh. ~ Michelle O'Leary

At that moment, in the temple of her lovers' tangled limbs, Lea felt the presence of the Divine close by, immanent and imminent - everywhere and everywhen - and it was a sublime feeling, one that made her feel infinitely powerful and infinitely small, both at the same time.

A good fuck can make even an agnostic see God - a fact that explained Lea's parents' fascination with Tantra, something about which Lea thought as little as possible. ~ K.D. West

In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope. ~ Nenia Campbell

Just for the record, the way to a man's heart isn't through his stomach, but through the best fucking blow job ever. You want a man to be your bitch? Perfect your craft. ~ Devon Ashley

As Jack began to climb the stairs, Fiona looked up at her new home. Five stories of stately mansion
rose above her head. Heavy molding around the large windows and doors bespoke a quality and
craftsmanship that was obvious even in the dim night. "Good God! It's massive!"
Jack paused with his foot on the last step. "I do wish you'd keep those comments until we are in bed,
love. I would appreciate them all the more there. ~ Karen Hawkins

Maybe I'm some sort of perverted cartoon-sexual. ~ Rainbow Rowell

I recounted. I rechecked.
Are you going to cock? ~ David Levithan

On closer notice of her apron, he said, "Is that-?"
"The Mad Hatter," she said. "I told you, I have a collection."
"You collect aprons?"
"Since I was little and my mom taught me to bake." When he smiled, she arched a brow. "Some find it charmingly quirky."
"You never wore any to Gateau."
"Shocking, I know. Because I'm certain the staff would have greatly appreciated the humor in them."
His smile twitched wider at that. "You have a point, I suppose. I must say, this dry side of you is surprisingly appealing. What does it say?" He nodded toward her apron front.
She lifted her arms away so he could read the script that accompanied the copy of an original pen and ink art rendering of the Hatter seated at a long table, holding a teacup aloft.
"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO HAVE A TEA PARTY," he read out loud, then smiled at her. "I rather agree. You make a charming and somewhat more quirky Alice than I'd have expected. I seem to recall Alice spent the better part of her time being irritated and flustered, too. Perhaps if I'd come bearing tea and crumpets, with a bewildered, bespectacled white rabbit clutching a pocketwatch in his paw, you'd have been more willing to give me the time of day. ~ Donna Kauffman

Prison is like high school with knives. ~ Raegan Butcher

He reached out, opened the glove compartment, and took out a gun. It was a Smith & Wesson .38 five-shot special. It looked a lot like my gun.
"I stopped by your apartment this morning and picked this up for you," Ranger said. "I found it in the cookie jar."
"Tough guys always keep their gun in the cookie jar."
"Name one."
"Rockford."
Ranger grinned. "I stand corrected. ~ Janet Evanovich

I'm not the one going for a biology degree. I'm just a philosophy major who eats people. ~ Scott Westerfeld

Now, this one might be a little stringy, but then again, it's fiddle player."
That isn't fiddle player, it's piccolo player."
How can you tell?"
It's PIPING hot!"
Then blow on it first! ~ Stephen Sondheim

She thought the best way to feed her child was to use a slingshot. - Wiley Cantrell ~ Nick Wilgus

As the world confronts the challenges of globalisation, the
entertainment Industry and a web saturated with explicit sexual
content, is increasingly making it difficult for young people to make
informed decisions about sex ~ Oche Otorkpa

Though Simon imagined that Jace ran the gamut of facial expressions when he was alone with Clary, his default one around other people was a fierce sort of blankness. "He looks," Simon had once said to Isabelle, " like he's thinking about something deep and meaningful, but if you ask him what it is, he'll punch you in the face." "So don't ask him," Isabelle had said, as if she thought Simon was being ridiculous. "No one says you two need to be friends. ~ Cassandra Claire

Any moral ethic worth examining must be universal. That is if something is right or wrong for me, it must also be right or wrong for you. This is a system of ethics that applies universally to all individuals regardless of culture, nationality, race, sex, religion, sexual orientation, wealth, or any other distinguishing feature. Otherwise, we would have difficulty judging human action. ~ Daniel Alexander Brackins

Sexual harassment on the job is not a problem for virtuous women. ~ Phyllis Schlafly

I've got everything ready to go," I said once he was finally awake and dressed.
All the tenderness and vulnerability was gone from his face when he said, "Go where?"
"America?"
His eyes narrowed. "This is America."
"This is Canada."
"Which is in North America."
Silly Canadians wanting be part of the Cool Kids Club. ~ Tammy Blackwell

Be careful what you tell me. You could end up in my next novel. ~ P.C. Zick

Love is where it's at. I'm not speaking of sexual love. I'm talking about where you love each other, want to do the best for each other and just just are happy you found each other. ~ Ray Price

Humor is probably the most significant characteristics of the human mind. Far more significant than reason. In fact, reason is actually a very cheap commodity. ~ Edward De Bono

Tell me what good touch is and what is bad for I am young and I have no dad. -Jenifer ~ Durgesh Satpathy

Courtesy of their tempers, both were now dressed in the Captain Asshole costume - which included, for no extra charge, the cape of disgrace, the booties of shame, and keys to the Fuck Up mobile. ~ J.R. Ward

The sexual regions constitute a particularly vulnerable spot, and remain so even in man, and the need for their protection which thus exists conflicts with the prominent display required for sexual allurement. This end is far more effectively attained, with greater advantage and less disadvantage, by concentrating the chief ensigns of sexual attractiveness on the upper and more conspicuous parts of the body. This method is well-nigh universal among animals as well as in man. ~ Havelock Ellis

Here lies one who knew how to get around him men who were cleverer than himself ~ Andrew Carnegie

Trust me, baby, you weren't that good. I was just a better actress than you were actor. (Zephyra to Stryker)
Ew! No offense, Mum, I don't want to know who you've slept with. Kill the sexual bantering and him before I go deaf from it. (Medea) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

He didn't know when he was going to get the chance to play WoW again. And it was damn important to do his bit to save all life on Azeroth while he could. ~ Thea Harrison

All thoughtful persons perceive that the ideas of the morality of sexual relations upheld by the religions and laws of the Western nations are in our time undergoing a radical transformation. ~ Ellen Key

In the addiction recovery community, we recognise that addicts can starve themselves of receiving social, sexual or emotional nourishment. Sex and love addicts starve themselves of a healthy, personal relationship and, consequently, deliberately avoid wholesome relationships with other human beings. We're getting quite deep now, but there are many papers and books published on sexual and emotional anorexia. I have also suffered from emotional anorexia. It's no myth! ~ Christopher Dines

She came through the door the moment my beer arrived. Fortyish, salon-blonde, spray tan, fake boobs and real diamonds. Anywhere else it would be a bimbo alert, but in Florida it was just protective coloration. ~ C.I. Dennis

I didn't approve of murder on general principles. Not even of people who seemed to go around begging for it. ~ Josh Lanyon

Careful," he chided with a grin. "First you talk marriage and now you're telling me what to eat. You're sounding more and more like a real girlfriend every day. Just remember, this is still our first date, so keep your hands to yourself tonight. I'm not one of those guys. ~ Jennifer Shirk

I had always wondered why people wanted to be rich and famous. If you could be rich and anonymous, that would be fun. To be famous and not rich, the way we were, was the least fun. It takes time and effort to be famous, and if they offer you fame without the money, don't take it. It's a scam. ~ Alan Alda

Marriage is the legal method devised to end love without pain. ~ Tom Morrison

My parents and I always put great emphasis on telling stories that appeal to a child's sense of humor. ~ Mike Berenstain

They hammered on the outer gate and called, but there was at first no answer; and then to their surprise someone blew a horn, and the lights in the windows went out. A voice shouted in the dark: 'Who's that? Be off! You can't come in. Can't you read the notice: No admittance between sundown and sunrise?' 'Of course we can't read the notice in the dark,' Sam shouted back. 'And if hobbits of the Shire are to be kept out in the wet on a night like this, I'll tear down your notice when I find it. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

He was rewarded with a silver-and-red can of soda. He brandished it at the dolphin warriors as if spraying them with bug repellant.
"Behold!" Percy shouted. "The god's chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!"
The dolphin-men began to panic. They were on the edge of retreat. Percy could feel it. ~ Rick Riordan

Out on the moors,
The lonely moors,
I roll around in sheep poo.
Heathcliff, it's youuuuu,
I hate you, I love you tooooo.
Let me in, I'm here, it's meeeee,
Catheeeeeeee.
Look out of your windooooow. ~ Louise Rennison