Humor Books Quotes

There can be funny moments during sad stories ~ Ammon Shea

The whiter the bread, the quicker you're dead. Stick with barley and spelt. ~ Ken O'Neill

Ta-ta?" she asked Jack, once Jessica was out of earshot. "I can't believe you went out with a woman who uses that interjection."
"I can't believe I'm 'going out' with a woman who uses the word 'interjection. ~ Jennifer Shirk

The answer to all of life's problems are out there somewhere its just a question of finding the right book ~ Tammy Blackwell

Careful," he chided with a grin. "First you talk marriage and now you're telling me what to eat. You're sounding more and more like a real girlfriend every day. Just remember, this is still our first date, so keep your hands to yourself tonight. I'm not one of those guys. ~ Jennifer Shirk

I climbed into Misery and called Uncle Bob. "We hooking up?"
"Why does everything out of your mouth make me sound incestuous?"
"Um, I wasn't aware that it did. Perhaps you have a guilty conscience."
"Charley."
"Is there something you need to get off your chest? Besides that skank I saw you with the other day? ~ Darynda Jones

If it ain.t broke, don't fix it! ~ Neale McClintock

Facebook has been spreading across the continents faster than a highly contagious Asian bird flu! ~ Gemini Adams

I'm a novelist first, and I wrote a bunch of books, and everything I write, I just find people are more interesting when there's an element of humor to it. ~ Jonathan Tropper

He had been inspired to start a career in the porn industry after reading the incredible tale of a Japanese man who avenged the death of his sister by going down on her best friend for seven days and seven nights. ~ Mark Jackman

Comedians love people to point and laugh at them, naturists don't. ~ Roy Station

I had mostly been writing humor books, and my instinct is generally to go for the joke. ~ Jory John

I ought to warn you, dear, he can get rather wild when he's hungry ~ Wilkie Martin

Surely not, there's no way, not jail… Right? ~ Joan Rylen

I read books all the time, I'm always reading. I'm not like somebody that reads really fast or a lot or anything, but I always have a book that I'm reading. ~ Christopher Owens

Fucking morning people, they just don't understand what it a chore it is for us normal people to not want to leave our warm beds and face the miserable sun. ~ Katelin LaMontagne

I tried to freshen up a room, so I held a Certs in front of a fan. ~ Mitch Hedberg

I know time fly's Hell I'll be dead before I know it ... ~ Stanley Victor Paskavich

I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday." ~ Steven Wright

I'm a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you're supposed to feel all kinds of things. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

Americans mythologized competition and credit it with saving us from socialist bread lines. ~ Peter Thiel

I fell deeply in love with the books of Kurt Vonnegut Jr. They parented me, and gave me a sense of what it was to be a decent person, without any of the usual hypocritical rhetoric. They fired my imagination and opened me up... they gave me the soul nutrients I needed... He taught me that it was fun and beautiful to be humble, and that human beings are no more important than rutabagas. That we've got to love with all we are, not for some reward down the line, but purely for the sake of being a loving person, and that creativity was the highest part of ourselves to engage... His humorous detachment from the world's insane and egotistical violence - "So it goes" - my first hint of a spiritual concept. ~ Flea

Humor reminds you, when you're flattened by sorrow, that you're still human. ~ Elizabeth McCracken

I try to write stories that will attract younger readers and make them feel part of a wider readership. I do not feel able to write books that are about, or even for, teenagers; and I am inclined to be suspicious of books which 'target' them. ~ Mal Peet

Can't you do something for her?" his nephew finally asked, when several moments passed and her screaming and
didn't stop.
"I already have. I didn't kill her," Lucian said dryly, then added, "Slow down. You're as bad as taxi drivers."
"And you're a backseat driver," Thomas muttered, then cursed under his breath. "Surely there are some drugs or something we could give her to settle her down?"
Lucian glanced at him with interest. "Do you have any?"
Thomas blinked. "No."
"Hmm." He sat back in his seat. "Neither do I."
Thomas stared for a moment, glanced back at the woman in the back of the car, then said, "Her screaming is rather loud, don't you think? Just a bit distracting for those of us trying to concentrate."
"Yes, it is," Lucian agreed, and reached into his pocket for his earplugs. He popped them into his ears and closed his eyes, the shrieking in the car considerably muffled. He'd have killed the woman before the plane had landed without the earplugs. They were a blessing. ~ Lynsay Sands

You may not see bravery written on her face, but through her life, you can notice bravery. She conquers big battles. A warrior in her own unique way. She is none either than a woman of virtue. ~ Gift Gugu Mona

It's just kind of seemed like a funny way to explore action movies, I guess. I mean, I'm a big fan of them always. It's always people who are very equipped to deal with the situations that they're thrown in. So, the notion just seemed funny, because it's, like, basically stoners are kind of the last guys in the world who are equipped to deal with that. And the humor possibilities just seemed somewhat endless. ~ Seth Rogen

Sit in a room and read
and read and read. And read the right books by the right people. Your mind is brought onto that level, and you have a nice, mild, slow-burning rapture all the time. ~ Joseph Campbell

For the truth is, there are times when we are too weary to remain attentive and thankful under the improving eye, kindly but severe, of the seers. There are times when we do not wish to be any better than we are. We do not wish to be elevated and improved. At midnight, away with such books! As for the literary pundits, the high priests of the Temple of Letters, it is interesting and helpful occasionally for an acolyte to swinge them a good hard one with an incense-burner, and cut and run, for a change, to something outside the rubrics. Midnight is the time when one can recall, with ribald delight, the names of all the Great Works which every gentleman ought to have read, but which some of us have not. ~ H.M. Tomlinson

You are not educated if all you have achieved is the study of ten books. ~ Sai Baba

Fine buildings, fine pictures and books and everything that is beautiful are certainly signs of civilization. But an even better sign is a fine man who is unselfish and works with others for the good of all. To work together is better than to work singly, and to work together for the common good is best of all. ~ Jawaharlal Nehru

I can't shake the feeling that all these conspiracy theorists are in on it. ~ Wynne McLaughlin

Mia, I told you how I feel. I'm an asshole and I don't say or show how I feel very often, so how about you just fucking enjoy it. -Christopher Mason ~ Sadie Grubor

True friends are like our favorite books on a shelf in our home that we look at everyday and continue to read over and over till we learn all we can about them. We never get rid of them, we just keep them to share and cherish our whole life. Some we share with many people but there are those that become our exclusive favorites that we keep in a small group, separated from all the others to learn from and enjoy forever ! Original quote form Doug Prentice ~ Doug Prentice

She has a bookshelf for a heart, and ink runs through her veins, she'll write you into her story with the typewriter in her brain. Her bookshelf's getting crowded. With all the stories that's she's penned, of all the people who flicked through her pages but closed the book before it ended. And there's one pushed to the very back, that sits collecting dust, with its title in her finest writing, 'The One's Who Lost My Trust'. There's books shes scared to open, and books she doesn't close. Stories of every person she's met stretched out in endless rows. Some people have only one sentence while others once held a main part, thousands of inky footprints that they've left across her heart. You might wonder why she does this, why write of people she once knew? But she hopes one day she'll mean enough for someone to write about her too. ~ E.H.

I appreciate all the trouble you went to in order to ensure my survival."
"Purely selfish, I assure you."
"Because you need me to oversee your household?"
"Because I need you to marry. Men tend to frown at the notion of marrying someone who isn't breathing. ~ Lorraine Heath

Richelle Mead delivers sexy action and tongue-in-cheek hellish humor-if damnation is this fun, sign me up! ~ Lilith Saintcrow

I wanted all my life to give my world into other arts - books, plays, movies - but I didn't want to sell out. ~ Philippe Petit

I used to be very disciplined about only buying three books ahead of what I was reading, but my husband corrupted me, and now I'm dozens ahead of myself! ~ Gretchen Rubin

With one out in the first, Dave Roberts looks a lot better than the last time he pitched against the Padres! ~ Jerry Coleman

It's like talking to the Mad Hatter about tea. ~ Rainbow Rowell

How mean to buy only as many books as one will actually have time to read. ~ Alain De Botton

(About a cookbook ... )
- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor ... but they ends up Tarts. ~ Terry Pratchett

I can't decide if you're a fool, Vin thought toward it, or if you simply exist in a way that makes you incapable of considering some things. ~ Brandon Sanderson

I had read four thousand pages of letters by Lawrence and I wanted thousands of pages more... I wanted them not to end. And yet, at the same time that I was wishing they would not come to an end, I was hurrying through these books because however much you are enjoying a book, however much you want it never to end, you are always eager for it to end. However much you are enjoying a book you are always flicking to the end, counting to see how many pages are left, looking forward to the time when you can put the book down and have done with it. At the back of our minds, however much we are enjoying a book, we come to the end of it and some little voice is always saying, "Thank Christ for that! ~ Geoff Dyer

I am more famed in Heaven for my works than I could well conceive. In my brain are studies & chambers filled with books & pictures of old, which I wrote and painted in ages of Eternity before my mortal life; and whose works are the delight & study of Archangels. Why, then, should I be anxious about the riches or fame of mortality? ~ William Blake

I sighed, because that's what unrequited love made you do. Sigh with self-pity. ~ Sariah Wilson

Some things can be fixed. Some things are just too broken. ~ Susan Vaught

Mr. Dallstrom is a bald, scarecrow of a man with a poochy stomache. Think of a pregnant Abraham Lincoln. ~ Richard Paul Evans

We told each other what movies we were currently watching and what books we were reading. ~ Ernest Cline

For a long time all I wanted for Christmas were books about outdoor survival. I was convinced that the woods were calling me. I camped a lot, I took classes. At 18, I told myself if I don't live in the woods by myself by the time I'm 25, I have failed. ~ Chris Evans

We got boobies!" the kid me said, gawking at my chest. "I'm really glad we got boobies. Finally. ~ P.C. Cast

Those beloved, frumpish books gave off a smell that permeated the ward - like flannel pajamas that hadn't been changed for a month, or like Irish stew. ~ Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

The elderly man, flushed with pleasure, was recounting in voluble fashion his experiences and impressions. His wife joined in periodically, with meticulous corrections involving completely unimportant points; these being given and taken in the best of humor. ~ Isaac Asimov

They are not testing comics for drugs. If our job is dependent on that, there would be three working comics in the country, and two of them would have puppets. ~ Marc Maron

When you celebrate, there is sure to be cake."
Florence Ditlow, in "The Bakery Girls. ~ Florence Ditlow

It's funny, you know, they're always telling me to be a man, take it like a man, act like a man, like they're afraid if they don't keep reminding me I'll grow up to be a centaur or a dining room table, like they know, somehow, that I'm not a man, like it's a spell they can cast, if they say it enough I'll be tricked into being a man forever."
... "Yes." Tamburlaine nodded. "They always say: be a lady, speak like a lady, behave like a little lady, that's not very ladylike, is it, dear?"
"Well, I won't be a man, or take anything like one or act like one!" The troll inside him rubbed his hands gleefully, crackling with anticipation.
"Come on, then ... Don't let's be men, or ladies either. Don't let's act like them or behave like them or speak like them! ~ Catherynne M Valente