Seinfeld Peterman Quotes

A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Jumping up and down like a Mexican jumping bean on crack. ~ Robyn Peterman

Like most athletes, I like to go home and relax. I try not to bring the game home with me. I might play some video games that are, let's just say, for mature audiences only. And I might get some flak for this, but I like to watch 'Seinfeld.' Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine. ~ Nick Ferguson

I looked exactly like the female version of George Costanza when I was in sixth grade… I insisted on dressing myself in monochromatic outfits. All my shirts had an animal performing an action on them. I had a pink sweater with penguins knitting to match my pink ribbed leggings. A hunter green shirt with dogs painting. ~ Olive B. Persimmon

Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Cry when you get a Golden Globe. Then you can get an Oscar nomination. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

I don't return fruit. Fruit's a gamble. I know that going in. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Boy, I miss the days they made toys that could kill a kid. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

I think that giant American corporations should start asking themselves if the things they make are really, I mean really, better than the ordinary. Clearly people want things that make their lives the way they wish they were. ~ John Peterman

I was a big TV kid.When I was a kid, I would go home at 3:00 and watch TV straight through to the end of Letterman at 1:30 in the morning.I was obsessed with comics.And I would watch Jerry Seinfeld and Jay Leno and study them as if it was Tolstoy. ~ Judd Apatow

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station? ~ Jerry Seinfeld

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it? ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld has an interesting theory. He goes, '20 pounds up or down, and you lose your funny.' ~ Jason Alexander

Then I will skin it and suck all the blood out of it unless it's a Troll. Trolls taste like ass. We tried two of the randy bastards just to make sure and we will not be imbibing Troll again any time soon, ~ Robyn Peterman

I love you, Essie. Before you came into my life, I had considered ending myself. Three hundred years is a long time to be alone. You've given me hope, a career as a drag queen and a dysfunctional family. I am supremely grateful. Bite me." And ~ Robyn Peterman

Economy is essential to all good art. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

I'm not really in touch with those 'Seinfeld' lads except Jason Alexander. ~ Wayne Knight

Seinfeld told his writers that nine was his lucky number, so he just had to go out with his ninth season. ~ Jennifer Keishin Armstrong

Anyone who would laugh at a recital is probably some sort of lunatic anyway. I mean, only a sick, twisted mind could be that rude and ignorant. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I'm like Grace Jones to them. "This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where's the wife jokes, where's the fat jokes?" ~ Jerry Seinfeld

For me, it's a purity thing about the joke itself. It's a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that's a legitimate item you have there. For me, it's nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It's just not what I'm in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Don't know. Never let a wolf near my neck." He grinned and gave me a quick hug. "I love you, Essie. Before you came into my life, I had considered ending myself. Three hundred years is a long time to be alone. You've given me hope, a career as a drag queen and a dysfunctional family. I am supremely grateful. Bite me."
And because I trusted him ... I did. ~ Robyn Peterman

People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

There's a tremendous power and energy in sharing your life with another person. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

No, no. It's not your fault. Books, books, I need my books. Have you re-read those books yet, by the way? - Jerry ~ Seinfeld

Have you ever seen that guy who has the record for fattest man in the world? Bob Hughes, the fattest man in the world ... 1400 pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, the man has let himself go. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

I have no illusions about having another 'Seinfeld' in my life. ~ Jason Alexander

I was young enough to certainly realize the excitement of how popular 'Seinfeld' was. ~ Tim DeKay

I grew up with 'Friends' from day one and, like, 'Seinfeld' and 'Frazier,' those sorts of shows, but for sure, 'Friends' was it for our family. Like, we would watch every Thursday night at eight o'clock; I couldn't wait. ~ Kaley Cuoco

During the week, my days are consumed with school commitments, play-dates and work for Baby Buggy, a nonprofit I started, which collects kids' gear for parents in need. So on weekends, I look forward to uninterrupted time with my family. ~ Jessica Seinfeld

Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

And Seinfeld is so quick: we crank out one show a week, and the hours are very reasonable. ~ Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I wouldn't call myself a standup in the presence of Jerry Seinfeld or Chris Rock, but I do my share of it and it has been and remains part of my activity and I like it. ~ Alan Thicke

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Ask not what I can do for you. Ask what you can do for me ~ Jerry Seinfeld

I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know more about the craft of stand-up than ever before. I thought it would seem trite. Kind of like if you know more about magicians, you wouldn't love them. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

They say - "they" being the great philosophers, or possibly the cast of Seinfeld - that breaking up is like pushing over a Coke machine. You can't just do it, you have to set the thing in motion, rock it back and forth a few times. ~ Jennifer Weiner

For the love of everything evil," Satan yelled and threw his hands in the air. "What's this crap about everyone doubting me? This is not good for my ego. I'm the fucking Devil - the King ~ Robyn Peterman

I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people: they're hanging in there with the chop sticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

You don't have to stay where you are; you can make a change. ~ Melissa Peterman

To me, in retrospect, it was amazing that 'Seinfeld' was a show that had such mass appeal. At first it was a disaster in the ratings, but then it became a cultural phenomenon. I don't know if that's possible anymore, but I don't try for that. ~ Bill Lawrence

When the 'Seinfeld' show said it was going to be a show about nothing, everybody said it couldn't - wouldn't work. It did. 'Thor' is about something, about that character finding his destiny, but it's not doing what was expected ... and yet it's doing very well. ~ J. Michael Straczynski

If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, pretending to fight? ~ Jerry Seinfeld