Sarcastic Flirting Quotes

What are you two doing flirting with this nerd? I told you, you are supposed to be in charge of the 50 dancing girls I had set up for Miz's celebration. ~ Alex Riley

Women have got it all wrong now. They give it up too soon, and the men don't respect them. And before you tell me I don't have a clue, let me tell you something. By the time I let my future husbands climb into my bed, I'd made them work for it. And you know what? By the time they left it the next morning, they were begging for me to marry them. ~ Rose Wynters

You know, I'm not really any good at working out when people are flirting with me. And I think I'm too flirtatious with people I'm trying not to flirt with! What I am good at is making people feel uncomfortable. I don't want to but it always ends up happening! ~ Josh Hartnett

Deliberate with caution, but act with decision and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firmness. ~ Charles Caleb Colton

Seriously? You tried to ride a bucking horse?"
"You did the same thing."
He nodded. "But you're..."
"Female? You noticed." She grinned at him and realized she was flirting about the same time he did. ~ B. J. Daniels

Just FYI," I told Phin, "he was flirting with you."
She looked at me, then at Mark's departing form. "Oh. That explains a lot. I'm good at a lot of things, but flirting isn't one of them. Especially with someone I find extremely attractive."
"Here's a tip ... Don't overthink it. It's more of an instinct than an intellect thing."
"Right," she said. "Pheromones."
With a sage nod, she followed Mark. ~ Rosemary Clement-Moore

You drink milk out of the carton while in your underwear?" Alex laughed.
"You've never done that? Gotten up in the middle of the night and wanted a snack?"
"Yes, but I wouldn't bother to put on my underwear."
He watched my face as his words sank in.
"What do you ... oh." I frowned. "Wouldn't that be cold? ~ Nichole Chase

Relax, princess. If your prince arrives, I'll vacate. Just keeping you company. Besides, he should know better than to leave a beautiful girl waiting on him; someone else might swoop in and steal his prize."
This man is insufferable. "I'm neither a princess nor a prize, nor a girl if you want to be specific about it."
"I notice you didn't mind my calling you beautiful." The waitress comes over and asks what he would like. I begin to tell her he isn't staying, but he talks right over me. "The three-wine flight and a slice of the chestnut cream cake, please." Damn his eyes! That was the dessert I was most interested in: layers of chestnut cream, apricot glaze, and dark chocolate ganache. ~ Stacey Ballis

To boast that one never flirts is actually a kind of flirtation. ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld

Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you're able to persecute. ~ Jonathan Kellerman

Yeah, he's in pain except between the first and ninth innings ~ Dave Bristol

Things that matter are not easy. Feelings of happiness are easy. Happiness is not. Flirting is easy. Love is not. Saying you're friends is easy. Being friends is not. ~ David Levithan

If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say – except to go soar with the freakin' eagles. ~ Ryan Lilly

I didn't intend it to come out sarcastically, but I guess that's just where my tone of voice automatically goes these days. ~ M.A. George

Now, Mr. Shaughnessy, remember what happened the last time your wife got jealous of your flirting? She exchanged your denture cream for hemorrhoidal ointment. ~ Leslie Kelly

[T]he term 'nonhuman' grates on me, since it lumps millions of species together by an absence, as if they were missing something. Poor things, they are nonhuman! When students embrace this jargon in their writing, I cannot resist sarcastic corrections in the margin saying that for completeness's sake, they should add that the animals they are talking about are also nonpenguin, nonhyena, and a whole lot more. ~ Frans De Waal

What a relief, Nadya thought; in that light he would not be able to tell that she had been crying.
"You mean if it weren't for the blackout you wouldn't have come?" Dasha took up Shchagov's tone, flirting unconsciously, as she did with every unmarried man she met.
"By no means, never. In bright light women's faces are deprived of all their charm; it reveals their spiteful expressions, their envious glances, their premature wrinkles, their heavy cosmetics."
Nadya shuddered at the words "envious glances" - it was as if he had overheard their argument.
Shchagov went on:" If I were a woman, I would make it a law that lights be kept low. Then everyone would soon have a husband."
Dasha looked disapprovingly at Shchagov. He always talked that way, and she didn't like it. All his phrases seemed memorized, insincere. ~ Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Not only the portraits on the walls, but also the shelves in the library were thinned out. The disappearance of certain books and brochures happened discretely, usually the day after the arrival of a new message from above. Rubashov made his sarcastic commentaries on it while dictating to Arlova, who received them in silence. Most of the works on foreign trade and currency disappeared from the shelves – their author, the People's Commissar for Finance, had just been arrested; also nearly all old Party Congress reports treating the same subject; most books and reference-books on the history and antecedents of the Revolution; most works by living authors on problems of birth control; the manuals on the structure of the People's Army; treatises on trade unionism and the right to strike in the People's State; practically every study of the problems of political constitution more than two years old, and, finally, even the volumes of the Encyclopedia published by the Academy – a new revised edition being promised shortly.
New books arrived, too: the classics of social science appeared with new footnotes and commentaries, the old histories were replaced by new histories, the old memoirs of dead revolutionary leaders were replaced by new memoirs of the same defunct. Rubashov remarked jokingly to Arlova that the only thing left to be done was to publish a new and revised edition of the back numbers of all newspapers. ~ Arthur Koestler

It didn't get much more patriotic than sex in a Chevy on the Fourth of July. God bless America. ~ Kate Meader

Daemon was suddenly in front of me. I took an involuntary step back. "Do you think I didn't enjoy kissing you? That I haven't thought about it every second since then? And I know you have. Just admit it."
In the pit of my stomach, tight coils thrummed. "What is the point of this?"
"Have you?"
"Oh, for crap's sake, yes, I have. I do! Do you want me to write it down for you? Send you an e-mail or a text? Will that make you feel better?"
Daemon arched a brow. "You don't need to be sarcastic. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

And then, from behind me: "I thought about you. Every day."
I froze, my hand still holding the canvas flap.
Cal's voice was slightly hoarse as he continued. "Three weeks is a long time to wonder where someone is. All that time, I thought maybe I'd done the wrong thing, telling you to find the Brannicks.
I turned around then. I wanted to make a joke, or say something sarcastic, anything that would cut the tension enveloping us. Instead, I said, "I thought about you, too. ~ Rachel Hawkins

For me and my entire generation, we took on this kind of sarcastic, ironic, snarkiness because it seemed the most extreme reaction to the earnestness of hippies. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

The characters are so flat and the dialogue so dull you expect it to be one of those movies whose existence is justified by a big final twist. But it's three days after the screening, and still no twist. Maybe it's coming in the mail? ~ Kyle Smith

People are totally overusing LOL and a wink - and I'm very guilty of using the wink - that's probably my favourite emoticon to use because 'I'm being sarcastic, don't misinterpret; don't misconstrue; I'm just kidding.' Again, for as many benefits as it has, also picking up the phone and having a conversation speaks volumes. ~ Carly Pope

Hooray for me, I'm so very lucky. Not only do I have the biggest piece of cake, it's a corner piece with a sugar-paste flower on top, and everyone else is sick with envy. ~ Lisa Kleypas

So tell me about your eldest daughter. I assume you will say she is blond, blue-eyed,and beautiful beyond compare."
"Ranulf,you are far too cynical."
"You have said so before.So speak. Tell me of your temptresses and how their beauty can ensnare my men with a mere glimpse."
"And for that last sarcastic remark, I shall describe them in detail,and maybe someday you,too,will have daughters and understand the fear that lurks in my aged heart. ~ Michele Sinclair

Try not to breathe," I tell Lira. "It might get stuck halfway out."
Lira flicks up her hood. "You should try not to talk then," she retorts. "Nobody wants your words being preserved for eternity."
"They're pearls of wisdom, actually."
I can barely see Lira's eyes under the mass of dark fur from her coat, but the mirthless curl of her smile is ever-present. It lingers in calculated amusement as she considers what to say next. Readies to ricochet the next blow.
Lira pulls a line of ice from her hair, artfully indifferent. "If that is what pearls are worth these days, I'll make sure to invest in diamonds."
"Or gold," I tell her smugly. "I hear it's worth its weight."
Kye shakes the snow from his sword and scoffs. "Anytime you two want to stop making me feel nauseated, go right ahead."
"Are you jealous because I'm not flirting with you?" Madrid asks him, warming her finger on the trigger mechanism of her gun.
"I don't need you to flirt with me," he says. "I already know you find me irresistible."
Madrid reholsters her gun. "It's actually quite easy to resist you when you're dressed like that."
Kye looks down at the sleek red coat fitted snugly to his lithe frame. The fur collar cuddles against his jaw and obscures the bottoms of his ears, making it seem as though he has no neck at all. He throws Madrid a smile.
"Is it because you think I look sexier wearing nothing?"
Torik lets out a withering sigh and pinche ~ Alexandra Christo

Are we all agreed? Excellent. Then Peabody had better retire to her bed; she is clearly in need of recuperative sleep, she has not made a sarcastic remark for fully ten minutes. ~ Elizabeth Peters

Your perception is riveting, Amal," he says in a bored and sarcastic tone, dropping the note down on my desk. "It's comforting to know that there are people in my class who have the maturity and intelligence to make derogatory comments about other people's external appearances."
Now what am I supposed to say to that?
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
Friggin' mind reader. ~ Randa Abdel-Fattah

As we hop out of the truck and head towards the entrance, I tell Cole that it's okay and let him know that he's not the first straight guy that I've been with.
He asked, "You've been with other STRAIGHT guys?"
"Yeah. So don't worry. You don't ever have to do ANYTHING that you don't wanna do. And we can do whatever you want ANYTIME you want. Or NEVER do it again. Alright?"
He laughed, "I KNEW that you were a little whore."
I chuckle with delight. ~ Giorge Leedy

Damn it, Elliot, do you ever make kissing easy?' he said, cupping his nose.
'Maybe you should learn not to be such a tease and get to it a little quicker,' I shot back.
'So, I've got to get to the kissing before you start thinking too hard about something else?'
'Something like that,' I said, reaching to check his nose. He winced.
'You'll heal in a minute,' I said with a smirk. ~ Kimberly Sabatini

Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

I do trust you though. I think if someone tried to take me, you'd at least fight them for me a little…" I watched his face for a moment before narrowing my eyes. "Wouldn't you?"

That had his other eye popping open, his cheeks still slightly pink, but everything else about him completely alert. "You know I would."

Why that pleased me so much, I wasn't going to overanalyze.

"If someone tried to take you, I know aikido, some jiu-jitsu, and kickboxing," I offered him up. "But my dentist says I have really strong teeth, so I'd be better off trying to bite someone's finger or ear off instead."

Aaron's eyebrows climbed up his forehead almost comically. "Like a little Chihuahua," he suggested, the spoon going into his mouth with a sly grin.

I winked at him, immediately regretting it. I didn't want it to come across like I was flirting. "I was thinking more of a piranha. I've only had one filling in my entire life," I told him, wishing each word coming out of my mouth wasn't coming out of it.

If he thought I was being awkward or a flirt, he didn't make it known. "Or a raptor."

"A lion."

"A tiger."

"Did you know a jaguar has twice the strength in its bite than a tiger does?"

Aaron frowned as he took another bite of his oatmeal. "No shit?"

"No. Two thousand pounds per square inch. They're the only big cat that kills their prey by biting its head, through bone and ever ~ Mariana Zapata

Watching movies (Titanic, Flirting with Disaster, Mannequin, Thelma and Louise, Rushmore, The Goonies, She's Having a Baby, it mattered very little) was a kind of prayer: She knew the characters as well as she knew herself, as well as she knew anything there was to know, and she could chart and rechart their movements and secrets and misunderstandings endlessly, reflecting in any number of new permutations on all of it, each time. Again and again. They were acquaintances - people she'd known her whole life and understood well, people incapable of letting her down by changing or disappearing or offering up the unexpected. The League of Their Own tears were purely for catharsis. When she was done she would reemerge, reborn. She would make new mistakes. Or maybe none at all. Okay, ~ Elisa Albert

Want some help with help with that stick in your ass, love?"
"No. It's quite comfortable, thank you."
"It should be. It's been in there for years." Nix winked at Will. "I hope you'll forgive my wife. She's a bit antisocial."
"And water's a bit wet. ~ S.W. Vaughn

Oh, don't mind me," came an extremely sarcastic voice near the wall. "You two go ahead and make out–I'll just sit here and bleed quietly. ~ Julie Kagawa

What kind of woman tells all her secrets?" my mother continued, flabbergasted and disappointed in me. "Especially anything that has to do with your body making babies! I know a woman who had no ovaries when she got married. Her husband found out only years later that they couldn't have children. The two of them are happy together still; they live in a big house, and have a cute dog. ~ Inna Swinton

You know, you have to be an optimist, a pessimist, sarcastic and pleasant all at the same time to be a photographer. ~ Rondal Partridge