Roseanne Roseannadanna Quotes

[Roseanne Roseannadanna line:] It's always something. ~ Gilda Radner

One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa. ~ Roseanne Barr

A lot of people in television who've had successful shows claim the 'Roseanne' show as their starting place, and I'm really proud of that. ~ Roseanne Barr

I wish I'd done a tenth year of the 'Roseanne' show. ~ Roseanne Barr

My husband says, 'God, Roseanne, I can't remember the last time we had sex.' Well, I can, and that is why we ain't doing it. ~ Roseanne Barr

The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment 'Roseanne' dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous! ~ Roseanne Barr

This is my mind. I am the strongest person here. ~ Roseanne A. Brown

Women are cursed, and men are the proof. ~ Roseanne Barr

Everything here must be done twice as no one can do it right the first time. ~ Roseanne Barr

The past devours those naive enough to forget it. ~ Roseanne A. Brown

You're only seventeen, you're too young to have a meatloaf recipe ... go get something pierced. ~ Roseanne Barr

A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer. ~ Roseanne Barr

Most of the books call Her a He, but I am able to ascertain what is meant, despite that semantic error.. ~ Roseanne Barr

...to aid even one person is to save an entire world. ~ Roseanne A. Brown

If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm so much more famous than I am financially successful. ~ Roseanne Barr

This bugs me the worst. That's when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. He comes in: "Hey, Roseanne! Roseanne! Do we have any Cheetos left?" Like he can't go over and lift up the sofa cushion himself. ~ Roseanne Barr

The people we lose never truly leave, but that only we get to define how they stay. ~ Roseanne A. Brown

I know how to do anything, I'm a mom. ~ Roseanne Barr

I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I've done my job. ~ Roseanne Barr

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are. ~ Roseanne Barr

Once you know something, you can't un-know it. ~ Roseanne Cheng

Putting measures like gay marriage on ballots for elections only hurts the gay rights cause and elects more conservative politicians. ~ Roseanne Barr

School yourself in all occasions to keep perfectly cool; maintain a perfect control of temper, come what will: one that can govern himself can govern others. ~ Roseanne Montillo

My husband is almost as heavy as I am. We were married in adjoining churches. ~ Roseanne Barr

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. ~ Roseanne Barr

I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S. ~ Roseanne Barr

Without democracy in our homes, we will never have it in the world. ~ Roseanne Barr

Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house. ~ Roseanne Barr

I hold to nothing but envisioning international peace and utopia. We all have many more things in common than not. ~ Roseanne Barr

Suddenly, people had three phone numbers but never answered their phones. ~ Roseanne Barr

I have more money than God, but not as much as Oprah. ~ Roseanne Barr

Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging emotional nature ... ~ Roseanne Barr

I am an observant Jew! Now my secret is out. ~ Roseanne Barr

I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job. ~ Roseanne Barr

There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind. ~ Roseanne Barr

My real life is funnier than anything on TV. ~ Roseanne Barr

Your body is your instrument, you play it expertly. ~ Roseanne Barr

I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas. ~ Roseanne Barr

Diets are a temporary solution to a permanent problem. ~ Roseanne Barr

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles. ~ Roseanne Barr

My children love me. I'm like the mother they never had. ~ Roseanne Barr

Maybe your right. Maybe I should blame myself… Who the hell needs that? ~ Nana Mary Roseanne

Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm funnier now because I'm braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before. ~ Roseanne Barr

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?' ~ Roseanne Barr

There's nothing like a hardship song to set my toes a-tappin. ~ Roseanne Barr

There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference. ~ Roseanne Barr

Imitation is the sincerest form of show business. ~ Roseanne Barr

I gave Joss Whedon and Judd Apatow their first writing jobs, as well as many other untried writers who went on to great success. ~ Roseanne Barr

I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with. ~ Roseanne Barr

The pain you have endured does not justify the pain you inflict on others. ~ Roseanne A. Brown

Two things do me in: one's chocolate cake, the other's hypocrisy. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm just into spirituality. I believe that in a previous life I used to be Shirley MacLaine. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm kosher except for times where I eat pork and shellfish. ~ Roseanne Barr

In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology. ~ Roseanne Barr

I avoided reality for most of my life. But once you deal with it, it's kind of cool. ~ Roseanne Barr

Honestly, a lot of the human etiquette I learned in life I learned from, like, thank-you notes and dating Jimmy Kimmel. ~ Roseanne Barr

I consider myself to be apretty good judge of people ... That's why I don't like any of them. ~ Roseanne Barr

I don't really want to hang out with politicians. I'd rather go straight to hell, and not collect $200. ~ Roseanne Barr

I think I should be here alone to rethink the world - I do. I want these lesser humans gone. ~ Roseanne Barr

I like facts and data because they help me think clearly, beyond the cultural messages that I ingest unwittingly, and sometimes find myself regurgitating almost unconsciously. ~ Roseanne Barr

There isn't any New Man. The New Man is the old man, only he whines more. ~ Roseanne Barr

Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil. ~ Roseanne Barr

We're not meant to be parents when we're 50. ~ Roseanne Barr

I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird? ~ Roseanne Barr

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy. ~ Roseanne Barr

I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.' ~ Roseanne Barr

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself. ~ Roseanne Barr

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like a doughnut. ~ Roseanne Barr

I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines. ~ Roseanne Barr

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house. ~ Roseanne Barr

I try to tell people to keep having hope. It's always what you don't know and don't expect that's gonna be so great. ~ Roseanne Barr

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight. ~ Roseanne Barr

You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park. ~ Roseanne Barr

Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness ... it's just been a really great thing in my life. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way. ~ Roseanne Barr

The small things are the fuses to get the bigger things to explode. ~ Roseanne Cheng

To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian. ~ Roseanne Barr

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it. ~ Roseanne Barr

Being hated and hunted and blamed for your own suffering makes people kind of testy, nervous, and on edge, and often fundamentalist and extreme. Bombs get thrown only when people cannot honestly talk together. ~ Roseanne Barr

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. ~ Roseanne Barr

Here is my personal opinion about prostitution. If men knew how to do it, they wouldn't have to pay for it. ~ Roseanne Barr

No government in the Middle East is innocent. Wars make the stock market go up, so no one in America is innocent either, nor anyone anywhere where capitalism reigns. ~ Roseanne Barr

I loved work and I loved pouring myself into the work, you know. It was the real life that I had trouble with. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm on the mirror diet. You eat all your food in front of a mirror in the nude. It works pretty good, though some of the fancier restaurants don't go for it. ~ Roseanne Barr

I got, like, Diane Keaton's manager, and she was very connected; she had power. And she was like, "Your star is in tears on this comedy. Do you even notice that at all?" ~ Roseanne Barr

You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.' ~ Roseanne Barr

The most out-there thing I'm saying is, 'Don't have babies. Don't get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool. ~ Roseanne Barr

I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. ~ Roseanne Barr

The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians. ~ Roseanne Barr

Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian. ~ Roseanne Barr

ACORN is organizing to make sure the job of rebuilding New Orleans is done by the people of New Orleans and truly benefits the communities who have been hurt the most. ~ Roseanne Barr

As long as your abuser has you scared, you will stay in the cycle of abuse. Thinking of solutions helps you to escape. ~ Roseanne Barr

Everything that's written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don't think there's anything I can do to stop it. ~ Roseanne Barr