Potty Quotes

Larry woke up with a hangover that was not too bad, a mouth that tasted as if a baby dragon had used it for a potty chair ~ Stephen King

I allow myself to not feel the need to be some sort of wonder woman. You can't do everything at once and tear your hair out when you miss your baby using a potty for the first time, although my son was obviously very sad that his mum was not there on his big day. ~ Catherine Zeta-Jones

You have so much going on. It comes off like a ... "
"Static?" I suggested.
"Exactly!" He snapped his fingers and pointed at me. "You need to tune it, get your frequencies in check, like a radio."
"I would love to.Just tell me how."
"It's not a matter of turning a dial. You have no on or off switch." He walked around in a large lazy circle. "It's something you have to practice. It's more like being potty-trained. You have to learn when to hold it and when to release."
"That's a pretty sexy analogy," I said. ~ Amanda Hocking

One year, I'd completely lost my bearings trying to follow potty training instruction from a psychiatric expert. I was stuck on step on, which stated without an atom of irony: "Before you begin, remove all stubbornness from the child." ... I knew it only could have been written by someone whose suit coat was still spotless at the end of the day, not someone who had any hands-on experience with an actual two-year-old. ~ Mary Blakely

I do believe babies are born potty-trained. They're born knowing and are able to give subtle signals that become very prominent if you reinforce them. ~ Mayim Bialik

I sat belonely

I sat belonely down a tree,
humbled fat and small.
A little lady sing to me
I couldn't see at all.

I'm looking up and at the sky,
to find such wondrous voice.
Puzzly puzzle, wonder why,
I hear but have no choice.

'Speak up, come forth, you ravel me',
I potty menthol shout.
'I know you hiddy by this tree'.
But still she won't come out.

Such softly singing lulled me sleep,
an hour or two or so
I wakeny slow and took a peep
and still no lady show.

Then suddy on a little twig
I thought I see a sight,
A tiny little tiny pig,
that sing with all it's might.

'I thought you were a lady'.
I giggle, - well I may,
To my suprise the lady,
got up - and flew away. ~ John Lennon

Unfortunately, she didn't think to sit back down on her potty again before the urine started running down her legs.
"Uh oh," she said letting it all out.
"I see that she's not all of the way there yet," Trey remarked.
"Nope. She does much better with Doodee than with Pee-pee it seems. ~ Andrea Smith

I'd learned how to handle a gun before I was fully potty trained. ~ Diane Kelly

A miniature dancing bear that had to go potty. Scooping him up, Grace ran for the front door, getting him outside just in time for him to race to the closest tree and lift a stumpy leg. Toby, still in his Star War's pj's, trotted across the yard to join him in anointing the tree. ~ Jill Shalvis

As I was walking to my car, a crow that was sitting on a wall suddenly scooped down and did number two on my head. Luckily I was holding a newspaper on my head at that time because sun was very strong and I didn't want to become tanned. So thanks god my blow-dried hair didn't get spoiled. People say it is a good amen when a bird does potty on you, but I am sorry, what's so good about your head being used as a toilet? ~ Moni Mohsin

You've never potty-trained a toddler, have you, Johanna? It's like working as a ball boy at Wimbledon, but with shit. And it goes on for months. With people crying at you. ~ Caitlin Moran

A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators. ~ Dave Barry

How can one explain all the time and thought that goes into raising a child, all the opportunities for mistakes, all the chances to recover and try again? How does one break the news that nothing permanent can be formed in an instant
children are not weaned, potty trained, taught manners, introduced to civilization in one or two tries
as everyone imagined. ~ Mary Blakely

I'd hoped the language might come on its own, the way it comes to babies, but people don't talk to foreigners the way they talk to babies. They don't hypnotize you with bright objects and repeat the same words over and over, handing out little treats when you finally say "potty" or "wawa." It got to the point where I'd see a baby in the bakery or grocery store and instinctively ball up my fists, jealous over how easy he had it. I wanted to lie in a French crib and start from scratch, learning the language from the ground floor up. I wanted to be a baby, but instead, I was an adult who talked like one, a spooky man-child demanding more than his fair share of attention.
Rather than admit defeat, I decided to change my goals. I told myself that I'd never really cared about learning the language. My main priority was to get the house in shape. The verbs would come in due time, but until then I needed a comfortable place to hide. ~ David Sedaris

You're afraid he'll leave you and you'll fall apart. You don't know that you can get along without him and you're afraid to find out because then your whole potty theory will come tumbling down. You'll have to stop thinking of yourself as weak and dependent and you hate that. ~ Erica Jong

The bathrooms - that usually would be a porta-potty - were wrapped in a fabric that was neutral to match the fort ... the same materials that were used to cover the bathroom, we said, 'Let's just use that [to cover a bar at the reception], because this is all we have to make the bar look better.' Which it did, in the end. ~ Kanye West

I don't know what they are protesting at Occupy Wall Street but I'm on their side. But 10,000 protestors and one Porta Potty? ~ David Letterman

Before I was a year old I walked and talked and I was even potty trained. When I started going to school I think I got on everyone's nerves because I used to ask adult questions rather than settle for the stuff usually fed to kids. ~ Sharon Stone

Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty ~ Julia Roberts

Washington is like playing the Super Bowl, only there are no timeouts, no potty breaks, and the arena is filled with the media. In government, you have to learn to put yourself second in a big way. But I am a business person at heart. I like to be in charge. ~ Desiree Rogers

A book without potty humor is like a banana split without hot fudge. It can still be good, I suppose, but you kinda get the feeling that something is missing. ~ Dav Pilkey

There was another time when Mike was really foul mood and we had to make a pit stop so he could use a porta potty. Mike went to use the porta potty and we were waiting inside the RV. It was joe's idea, but we all got out and started to rock the thing back and forth. We didn't mean to, but we ended up tipping the porta potty over while Mike was in it! Then we attacked him with air freshener ~ Chester Bennington

In the range of things toddlers have to learn and endlessly review
why you can't put bottles with certain labels in your mouth, why you have to sit on the potty, why you can't take whatever you want in the store, why you don't hit your friends
by the time we got to why you can't drop your peas, well, I was dropping a few myself. ~ Mary Blakely

Chloe, wake up. I really, really, really need to pee."
I moan and sink deeper into Jorge's arms, pulling my hand back.
"Chloe, wake up. I'm dying here. I have to pee."
Ugh, why won't that voice go away? I crack my eyes open and see Ringo by the bed prancing around doing the doggy version of a potty dance.
Ringo starts prancing toward the bedroom door. "Thank goodness. I've got to go. ~ Katya Armock

My names John Bonham, I'm a drummer and I'm potty about cars. ~ John Bonham

That's not true, Gran." Meg had to stand up for herself if no one else was going to. "I love the outdoors." Not, but there was no way she was going to sound like a wuss. "Why, remember that time your parents took you camping when you were ten? You went potty in the woods and accidentally sat on a wasps' nest. ~ Miranda Liasson

Lovers of small numbers go benignly potty,
Believe all tales are thirteen chapters long,
Have animal doubles, carry pentagrams,
Are Millerites, Baconians, Flat-Earth-Men.

Lovers of big numbers go horribly mad,
would have the Swiss abolished, all of us
Well-purged, somatotyped, baptised, taught baseball:
They empty bars, spoil parties, run for Congress. ~ W. H. Auden

Leo grabbed the neasrest thing he could find- a Porta-Potty seat- and threw it at the face. Leve me alone! ~ Rick Riordan

that he learns what has to be done faster and effectively. Below are some guidelines that will help you potty train with no problems ~ John Scout

Too, some of my teachers helped me to navigate those books, showed me the maps and paths and secret decoder rings - people like Linda Kintz and Forest Pyle and Mary Wood and Diana Abu Jaber. They didn't treat me like a messy writer girl in combat boots who had infiltrated the smart people room. They treated me like I deserved to be there, potty mouth and all, they helped make a space for me to rage and ride my own intellect. That's why I'm saying their names out loud. ~ Lidia Yuknavitch

Leo scratched his head. Well, I dunno about enchiladas- "Enceladus" Piper corrected. Whatever. But Old Potty Face mentioned another name. Porpoise Fear, or something? ~ Rick Riordan

I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA. ~ Doug Stanhope

Whatever," Winslow snorted. "The first team that got judged, from the Italian place on East Thrity-Sixth? They came back in here looking like whipped dogs. Come on, I Know i'm not the only one here about to wet myself."
There was a short pause while they all looked at Win, and the way he was sort of dancing in place.
"Dude," Danny finally said, "Maybe you just need to pee. ~ Louisa Edwards

Life itself is too great a miracle for us to make so much fuss about potty little reversals of what we pompously assume to be the natural order. ~ Robertson Davies

NEED is an overused word. A swirling human figure erupted from the sand - Leo's least favorite goddess, the Mistress of Mud, the Princess of Potty Sludge, Gaea herself. ~ Rick Riordan

But Old Potty Face mentioned another name. ~ Rick Riordan

This writing thing, it ain't like that hip hop shit, City. For li'l niggas like you," he told me, "this writing thing is like a gotdamn porta potty. It's one li'l nigga at a time, shitting in the toilet, funking up the little space he get. And you shit a regular shit or a classic shit. Either way," he said. "City, you gotta shit classic, then get your black ass on off the pot." He actually grabbed my hand. "You probably think I'm hyping you just for the money. It ain't just about the money. It's really not. It's about doing whatever it takes for you to have your voice heard. So I don't know what you're writing in that book you always carrying around, but it better be classic because you ain't gonna get no two times to get it right, you hear me? ~ Kiese Laymon

I muttered a swear word to myself. After I heard Angel cussing like a sailor when she stubbed her toe, my new resolution was to watch my language. All I needed was a six-year-old mutant with a potty mouth ~ James Patterson

Did you just tell that man you went potty on yourself?"
"You. Shut. Up,"I hissed back furiously and chucked the scrubs at his head. "Hurry up before they find out I didn't wet myself. You seriously owe me. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

In an ideal society, mothers and fathers would produce potty- trained, civilized, responsible new citizens while government and corporate leaders would provide a safe, healthy, economically just community. ~ Mary Blakely

I may have a potty mouth, but I do not get caught in illicit sexual encounters in Marriotts, for fuck's sake. I guess I could be open to a Ritz-Carlton or a Four Seasons, but a Marriott, no fucking way! Yet here I am. And there's nowhere else I'd rather be. What spell has this boy cast on me? I ~ Rachel Cohn

The basic idea that incentives can be used to motivate behavior is a powerful one. It works for employees, and it has a clear place in parenting, as anyone who has tried to potty-train a recalcitrant toddler with sticker rewards knows. ~ Emily Oster

I was, like, forty at birth. When I wasn't even a year old, I spoke, I was potty trained, I walked and talked. That was it. Then I started school and drove everybody crazy because they realized I had popped out as an adult. I had adult questions and wanted adult answers. ~ Sharon Stone

Awesome. Seth Walters was one of my very favorite people on the planet. It always gave me the warm fuzzies when he was around, and based on Mr. Shaw's expression, I wasn't the only one who thought he was only slightly less nasty than a port-a-potty at a Burning Man festival. ~ April White

Stay out of this, buddy. You're lucky I'm not booking you for that F-word you let slip. America doesn't tolerate that kind of potty-mouthing. ~ Benjamin R. Smith

One thing I've very quickly learned is that if you wake up every morning worrying about what's in the press, you would go completely and utterly potty. ~ Nick Clegg

Jason wasn't sure what to expect at the end--a dungeon, a mad scientist's lab, or maybe a sewer reservoir where all Porta-Potty sludge ends up, forming an evil toilet face large enough to swallow the world. ~ Rick Riordan

And we were in our thirties. Well into the Age of Boredom, when nothing is new. Now, I'm not being self-pitying; it's simply true. Newness, or whatever you want to call it, becomes a very scarce commodity after thirty. I think that's unfair. If I were in charge of the human life span, I'd make sure to budget newness much more selectively, to ration it out. As it is now, it's almost used up in the first three years of life. By then you've seen for the first time, tasted for the first time, held something for the first time. Learned to walk, talk, go to the bathroom. What have you got to look forward to that can compare with that? Sure, there's school. Making friends. Falling in love. Learning to drive. Sex. Learning to trade. That has to carry you for the next twenty-five years. But after that? What's the new excitement? Mastering your home computer? Figuring out how to work CompuServe? "Now, if it were up to me, I'd parcel out. So that, say, at thirty-five we just learned how to go on the potty. Imagine the feeling of accomplishment! They'd have office parties. "Did you hear? The vice president in charge of overseas development just went a whole week without his diaper. We're buying him a gift." It'd be beautiful. ~ Phoef Sutton

Go take out the trash, Potty Mouth.'
She laughed and headed into the kitchen. 'Pissed!' she shouted as she walked through the dining room. 'Shit! Damn! ~ Kody Keplinger

Some of the wrong people die. Be ready for it. This isn't Curious George Uses the Potty. ~ William Goldman

Rogue turned to her, his face no longer quite so hard. A curl of smoke rose from the pistol in his hand. Rotten apples fell from the tree, splatting at her feet. "Poor little girlie," he said, and there did seem to be potty in his voice. "I told you you'd get your fingers bit. ~ Lena Coakley

Less than forty-eight hours until G-Day, when Gaea the Princess of Potty Sludge would awaken in all her dirt-faced glory. ~ Rick Riordan

Zoey: Holy crap, Aphrodite! Could you not sneak up and scare me?
Aphrodite: No one was sneaking and holy crap is that a curse? Cause if it is i'm afraid i'm going to have to wake up the potty mouth police and have them make an arrest. So Stark's not dead yet.
Zoey:Gosh, thanks for the update. You just made me feel so much better.
Aphrodite:Don't be a pain in my ass while i'm trying to be nice. ~ P.C. Cast

I gotta go to the bathroom," Emby mumbles. "You should have thought of that before you left," says Hayden, putting on his best mother voice. "How many times do we have to tell you? Always use the potty before climbing into a shipping crate. ~ Neal Shusterman

She closes her eyes. I can't believe he peed in that potty. ~ Wendy Mass

Potty Sludge! Dirt Face! THIS IS FOR MY MOTHER, ESPERANZA VALDEZ!" His ~ Rick Riordan

The advantage is I have my family with me all the time. When your daughter takes her first steps or says her first words and your son is going through potty training, I'm not missing any of those things. ~ Larry Dixon

Gordon Gekko was right: greed is good. Because, the potty-trained Republicans have now stepped forward - like the Koch brothers - to say, 'You know what? You yokels stop talking about defaulting on the debt, because I'm going to lose a fortune!' ~ Bill Maher

Damien Hirst is the Elvis of the English art world, its ayatollah, deliverer, and big-thinking entrepreneurial potty-mouthed prophet and front man. Hirst synthesizes punk, Pop Art, Jeff Koons, Marcel Duchamp, Francis Bacon, and Catholicism. ~ Jerry Saltz

Multitask? What do I look like, a fucking secretary?" My temper flared before I could bite it back. Erica wasn't the only one with a big mouth. I was constantly in danger of writing checks my ass couldn't cash, the bearer of a lifelong disease of potty mouth that no amount of soap in this world could properly cleanse. ~ J.A. Saare

Here Katy. I have a cooler trick than Finn's. I can show you how to write poop on a calculator . . . now that's awesome." I pulled the calculator from her little hands and proceeded to teach her some potty humor every kid should know.
Finn grabbed it from my hand and punched in some numbers and passed it back. When I turned it upside down it read "hILLBILLI." Well, I definitely was that. ~ Amy Harmon

A woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity. ~ Janet Evanovich

I have to pick up my kids. I have to register them for school. I have to pack their lunches and get their Hep B shots and wash their hands. They must be spotted on the stairs and potty trained and broken of the binkie. And if that relentless work runs right alongside gauging the risks of bladder surgery on a seventy-four-year-old, well, what did you think was gonna happen? What did you think being an adult was? ~ Kelly Corrigan

Jessica?"
"Oh, uh… sorry, François. I had to go to the bathroom."
"What? Why?"
Crud. Vampires didn't have to potty. "To get my… lotion. I have dry hands. ~ Michele Bardsley

I don't intimidate you at all, do I? (Acheron)
Well, when you chased me through Kyrian's house, I did wet my pants a bit. Guess I'm not housebroken after all. My mom will be so disappointed after all she went through to potty train me. But once you let me live ... your big mistake ... now I know you think I'm too cute and fluffy to kill. (Nick) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon