Humourous Quotes

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Quotes About Humourous

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Vimes stuck his helmet under his arm, smoothed back his hair, and knocked. He'd considered asking Sargent Colon to accompany him, but had brushed the idea aside quickly. He couldn't have tolerated the sniggering. Anyway, what was there to be afraid of? He'd stared into the jaws of death three times; four, if you included telling Vetinari to shut up. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
One girl raved about a nice voicemail a guy had recently left her. I kindly requested she play it and heard this gem: 'Hey, Lydia. It's Sam. Just calling to say what's up. Gimme a ring when you get a chance.'

THAT WAS IT.

I pleaded to know what was so great about this. She sweetly recalled that 'he remembered my name, he said hi, and he told me to call him back.'

Never mind the fact that what she described was the content of LITERALLY EVERY VOICE MAIL IN HISTORY. Name, hello, please call back. Not really a boatload of charm on display. To fail this test, a guy would have to leave a message that said: 'No greeting. This is man. I don't remember you. End communication. ~ Aziz Ansari
Humourous quotes by Aziz Ansari
Who's possessing who now, Casper? ~ Rick Riordan
Humourous quotes by Rick Riordan
Recession should be added to the list of natural calamities ~ Subhasis Das
Humourous quotes by Subhasis Das
Tallow walked into Bat and Scarly's office to find Bat slumped on a chair with his head on the workbench, turned away from the door, while Scarly softly sharpened on old straight razor on a worn strop, watching her partner intently.
"I don't think he needs his eyebrows, do you? I mean, they don't serve an immediate function or anything," she whispered. ~ Warren Ellis
Humourous quotes by Warren Ellis
I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas
Humourous quotes by Fakeer Ishavardas
Damn it!" I rubbed my eyes. My head hurt from staring at the laptop screen the whole day. "I've got to put this down for a while."
"Yes, put it down. Social networking is for the anti-social, yes?," Eat'em shut my laptop and stood on it as I slid it onto the cluttered coffee table. "Keystrokes are a sign of the solipsistic lonely sort. Self-imposed solitary confinement, yes! You can't rip all them ones and twos from the screen, Jacob. ~ Chase Webster
Humourous quotes by Chase Webster
That spot was taken," Kara sat up to look at them. Stylized, short, black hair with bangs. Piercing blue eyes. Proper posture. Lean. It was Oliver.

"I don't think a bag counts as a person," he smiled down at her. ~ Alexis Tiger
Humourous quotes by Alexis Tiger
My eyes bulged out of my head as I saw what rested between his hips. "Good Lord!" I said without thinking. A forked penis will do that to a girl. He glanced down at the appendage and smiled knowingly. "Once you go demon you never go back. ~ Jaye Wells
Humourous quotes by Jaye Wells
And Laurie looks exactly the same, but I'm kind of hazy, and my brain wants to substitute Daniel Craig, and what the fuck kind of fantasy is this, where I'm played - in my own head - by somebody else? ~ Alexis Hall
Humourous quotes by Alexis  Hall
In love, one always begins in deceiving oneself, and one always ends in deceiving others. ~ Oscar Wilde
Humourous quotes by Oscar Wilde
A good plot should have a strong middle and a spectacular end. But under no circumstances should it have a beginning. ~ A.M. Dean
Humourous quotes by A.M. Dean
I want him when you're done with him," Rach pipes up, sending me a teasing grin.
"You'll be waiting a while," I reply, accepting a glass of champagne from Ky. "Like eternity. ~ Siobhan Davis
Humourous quotes by Siobhan Davis
Welcome," she said flatly. "You are aware that the dildo iron maiden is bring your own didos?"

We held up our bag of dildos.

"And that there are no actual spikes or blades of any type allowed in the iron maiden?"

"Did somebody really try that?" Drix asked.

BellaSade nodded tiredly. She gestured to the open chamber. "As you can see, the iron maiden has steps inside so that you can impale yourself on different dildos on different levels. Any projections near the eyes or ears must be no longer that four inches and completely blunt. This is the signal hole. " She indicated a large hole in the side of the iron maiden. "If you need to safe signal use that. That--" she pointed to another large hole in the back -- "is the grope hole. Please do not signal through the grope hole or grope through the signal hole. ~ J.A. Rock
Humourous quotes by J.A. Rock
All I want is for my kids to have a good sense of humour. They don't have to be funny, just need to be able to recognise how hilarious I am. ~ Ade Bozzay
Humourous quotes by Ade Bozzay
What we've got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. ~ Stephen King
Humourous quotes by Stephen King
Listen, I'm sorry to bother you when you're obviously busy with, uh, important things, " B. J. Says. He sounds sarcastic. "But you remember a few months ago, when we scored that pot for Brian Turner?"
"Sort of, " I say, wondering if it would be going too far to call B. J. "pookie" or "schmooper. " I want Courtney to be jealous, but I also don't want her thinking I'm a pussy. Which is really fucked up, since, you know, I'm the one that broke up with her. ~ Lauren Barnholdt
Humourous quotes by Lauren Barnholdt
His name was Mr. Quan and he was the concierge, which explained the black suit and the lavender shirt but not the oversized bow tie in chrome-yellow silk. Perhaps nothing could. ~ Carsten Stroud
Humourous quotes by Carsten Stroud
Look, sir, I know Angua. She's not the useless type. She doesn't stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
Optimism was for children. Once you reached adulthood then you had to join the rest of the world as a realist - life was a bag of shit you were expected to pay for. ~ NikNak
Humourous quotes by NikNak
People think common sense is common - but it's not. ~ Don Cherry
Humourous quotes by Don Cherry
If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out. ~ Mark Twain
Humourous quotes by Mark Twain
But it is infamous that they have not told you!' declared Eustacie. 'Je n'en reviendrai jamais!'
'If it's all the same to you, miss, I'd just as soon you'd talk in a Christian language,' said Mr. Stubbs. ~ Georgette Heyer
Humourous quotes by Georgette Heyer
It was possible she'd been too focused on her need for another cocktail to realize we were witnessing one of the portents of the apocalypse. "The Luidaeg is singing Disney songs. ~ Seanan McGuire
Humourous quotes by Seanan McGuire
Patrick Kenzie asking a bemused waitress for a newspaper in smalltown USA. 'It's like a homepage without a scroll button? ~ Dennis Lehane
Humourous quotes by Dennis Lehane
I've grown old with this century; there's not much left of either of us. ~ Penelope Lively
Humourous quotes by Penelope Lively
The decker these ***holes brought with them is top tier, but I'm going to stomp his jelly beans so hard his kids will be born crooked. ~ Amie Kaufman
Humourous quotes by Amie Kaufman
He has big hands too, I say, swigging cider. I should know. Big beautiful hands. I daresay big feet as well.
You mean that ... ? Philomena asks.
Fanny whispers in her ear, and she giggles.
I do find unclothed men interesting, I must admit.
Which one do you think has the best arse? I ask before I can stop myself. ~ Janet Mullany
Humourous quotes by Janet Mullany
Where is he? Bridgerton!" he bellowed.
Three chestnut heads swiveled in his direction. Simon stomped across the grass, murder in his eyes.
"I meant the idiot Bridgerton."
"That, I believe," Anthony said mildly, tilting his chin toward Colin, "would refer to you. ~ Julia Quinn
Humourous quotes by Julia Quinn
Silk stockings. With garters. Well, they were out. There were a lot of things he'd do for Sybil, but if garters figured anywhere in the relationship they weren't going to be on him. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
Is that you, Sergeant Angua?" said a voice in the gloom. A lantern was open, and lit the approaching face of Constable Visit. As he drew near, she could just make out the thick wad of pamphlets under his other arm.
"Hello, Washpot," she said. "What's up?"
" ... looks like a twist of lemon ... " said a damp voice from the shadows.
"Mister Vimes sent me to search the bars of iniquity and low places of sin for you," said Visit.
"And the literature?" said Angua. "By the way, the words "nothing personal" could have so easily been added to that last sentence. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
They keep telling me the coolest people are crazy - so I'm not worried. ~ Zanib Mian
Humourous quotes by Zanib Mian
But as human happiness is of a very short duration, so in those days were human fashions upon which it entirely depends. ~ Jonathan Swift
Humourous quotes by Jonathan Swift
Lyre: Ash, my friend, you have a lot to learn about women.
Ash: Why force it out of her if she doesn't want to talk about it?
Lyre: Because women like to stew about sh*t that could otherwise be sorted in no time. If you'd just talked to her a couple of cycles ago, she wouldn't have had this time to get worked up about it. Then, you could have focused on getting her worked up in other ways. ~ Annette Marie
Humourous quotes by Annette Marie
Men from children nothing differ. ~ William Shakespeare
Humourous quotes by William Shakespeare
Happy enough to smile like a man getting a hand job from a shake weight enthusiast. ~ Edward Lorn
Humourous quotes by Edward Lorn
His eyes had that hooded quality that brought a flush to my cheeks. "That's a great list."
"What about you?" I asked. "What do you want to do when this is all over?"
"For real?" When I nodded, he lowered his head, dropping a quick kiss on the tip of my nose. "I can't believe you even have to ask that. I plan to be wherever you are."
My lips immediately curved into one of those big, funny-looking smiles as my heart swelled in my chest like an old-school cartoon character's. I was waiting for my eyes to turn into exaggerated hearts that popped out. "That is...that is the perfect answer."
"That's because I am perfect."
"Well, that wasn't the perfect answer," I said drily. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout
Humourous quotes by Jennifer L. Armentrout
Another priest said,"Is it true you've said you'll believe in any god whose existence can be proved by logical debate?"
"Yes."
Vimes had a feeling about the immediate future and took a few steps away from Dorfl.
"But the gods plainly do exist," said a priest.
"It Is Not Evident."
A bolt of lightning lanced down through the clouds and hit Dorfl's helmet. There was a sheet of flame and then a trickling noise. Dorfl's molten armour formed puddles around his white-hot feet.
"I Don't Call That Much Of An Argument," said Dorfl calmly, from somewhere in the clouds of smoke. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
... But don't be late, Troy, or I'll ... " She hesitated and laughed, not entirely happily. "I don't suppose I'll ever need to worry about you again, will I? I don't suppose I've ever needed to worry over a magician."
"There are always car accidents," Tabitha declared cheerfully. "A car could come around the corner and ... wallop! You'd need a terrific magician to get out of that one ... "
"Or eagles dropping tortoises," Troy added, looking amused. "That happened in Ancient Greece, you know. An eagle dropped a tortoise on some dramatist and killed him."
"No eagles or tortoises here," said Tabitha, "but a bit could fall off a plane. ~ Margaret Mahy
Humourous quotes by Margaret Mahy
I'm not bloody well going to have it, understand?" Vimes shouted, shaking the ape back and forth.
"Oook," the Librarian pointed out, patiently.
"What? Oh. Sorry." Vimes lowered the ape, who wisely didn't make an issue out of it because a man angry enough to lift 300 pounds of orangutan without noticing is a man with too much on his mind. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
Oh, good grief," said Vimes. "Look, it's quite simple, man. I was expected to go "At last, alcohol!", and chugalug the lot without thinking. Then some respectable pillars of the community" - he removed the cigar from his mouth and spat - "were going to find me, in your presence, too - which was a nice touch - with the evidence of my crime neatly hidden but not so well hidden that they couldn't find it." He shook his head sadly. "The trouble is, you know, that once the taste's got you it never lets go."
"But you've been very good, sir," said Carrot. "I've not seen you touch a drop for -"
"Oh, that," said Vimes. "I was talking about policing, not alcohol. There's lots of people will help you with the alcohol business, but there's no one out there arranging little meetings where you can stand up and say, "My name is Sam and I'm a really suspicious bastard. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
The fastest way to a man's heart is by tearing a hole through his rib cage_T-Shirt ~ Darynda Jones
Humourous quotes by Darynda Jones
You know us naturist types.. when we party we party hard! ~ Lee Taylor
Humourous quotes by Lee Taylor
Writing is all about tents: sometimes you're competent, sometimes you're eloquetent. ~ Kevin Focke
Humourous quotes by Kevin Focke
He wants to put ranch dressing on your Hidden Valley ~ Sarina Bowen
Humourous quotes by Sarina Bowen
You see," said Colon, "thieves are organized here. I mean, it's official. They're allowed a certain amount of thieving. Not that they do much these days, mind you. If you pay them a little premium every year they give you a card and leave you alone. Saves time and effort all around."
"And all thieves are members?" said Angua.
"Oh, yes," said Carrot. "Can't go thieving in Ankh-Morpork without a Guild permit. Not unless you've got a special talent."
"Why? What happens? What talent?" she said.
"Well, being able to survive being hung upside down from one of the gates with your ears nailed to your knees," said Carrot. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
(backpacker having conversation with Lizzie the Australian main character)
Backpacker: 'What's the drinking age in Australia?'
'eighteen'
'is that enforced'
Lizzie thought for a second before answering seriously, 'yes, they make us drink ~ Catherine Deveny
Humourous quotes by Catherine Deveny
I was scared and nearly choking when I bravely asked, 'Are you a pros-ti-tute?' I actually said it like that. I knew I was asking a question that might get me beaten up, and I had to force the three syllables to stumble off my tongue and bounce around innocently on the stainless-steel draining board while I waited for her reply. ~ Eskay Teel
Humourous quotes by Eskay Teel
Had a cold hummus with pita bread,
Under a delicious food, yellow or red.
Might just have the appetite to cook
Urgent dinner by hook or crook.
So that's just a humus humor spread. ~ Ana Claudia Antunes
Humourous quotes by Ana Claudia Antunes
Winder's mind felt even fuzzier than it had done over the past few years, but he was certain about cake. He'd been eating cake, and now there wasn't any. Through the mists he saw it, apparently close but, when he tried to reach it, a long way away.
A certain realization dawned on him.
"Oh," he said.
YES, said Death.
"Not even time to finish my cake?"
NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
My wife said never to judge her until I walked a mile in her shoes. That's how I found out I like wearing high heels. ~ Jerry Snider
Humourous quotes by Jerry Snider
Shit – I was going to do it, I didn't want to do it, yet now she's said I don't have to do it, yet wants me to do it again, I don't actually know if I want to do it anymore. ~ Jimmy Tudeski
Humourous quotes by Jimmy Tudeski
Uh, I'm thankful for you all, even if you get on my nerves sometimes," Carmine said. "Oh, and orgasms ... definitely thankful for those. ~ J.M. Darhower
Humourous quotes by J.M. Darhower
The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas
Humourous quotes by Fakeer Ishavardas
Dead people are just great. Meet me when you are. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas
Humourous quotes by Fakeer Ishavardas
As I was walking to my car, a crow that was sitting on a wall suddenly scooped down and did number two on my head. Luckily I was holding a newspaper on my head at that time because sun was very strong and I didn't want to become tanned. So thanks god my blow-dried hair didn't get spoiled. People say it is a good amen when a bird does potty on you, but I am sorry, what's so good about your head being used as a toilet? ~ Moni Mohsin
Humourous quotes by Moni Mohsin
Percy stormed over to the magical cooler. No one tried to stop him. He knocked open the lid and rummaged throught the ice. There had to be one. Please. He was rewarded with s silver-and-red can of soda. He brandished it at the dolphin warriors as if spraying them with bug repellent. "Behold!" Percy shouted. "The god's chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke! ~ Rick Riordan
Humourous quotes by Rick Riordan
I shall destroy capitalism! Do you hear! I shall destroy every single capitalist! And I shall start with you, you dog, if you don't help us with the bomb!'
Allan noted that the had managed to be both a rat and a dog in the course of a minute or so. And that Stalin was being rather inconsistent, because now he wanted to use Allan's services after all.
But Allan wasn't going to sit there and listen to this abuse any longer. He had come to Moscow to help them out, not to be shouted at. Stalin would have to manage on his own.
'I've been thinking,' said Allan.
'What,' said Stalin angrily.
'Why don't you shave off that moustache?'
With that the dinner was over, because the interpreter fainted. ~ Jonas Jonasson
Humourous quotes by Jonas Jonasson
I am rather ashamed to admit that my knowledge of the Ice Age in Canada is very little, mostly because much of it was under ice until about 10,000 years ago. I am very sure we still had beavers. I am also equally sure we still had Tim Horton's, a prehistoric edifice which has a coffee blend that can only be described as fossilized. ~ Michelle Franklin
Humourous quotes by Michelle Franklin
Do i look like a beautiful blond with big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice-cream?
No. no, you don't.
Then why are you telling me all this bullshit just so you can fuck me. ~ Quentin Tarantino
Humourous quotes by Quentin Tarantino
When in a frying pan, thank your stars. You will reminisce about it moments later, when you fall in the fire. ~ Prashant Yadav
Humourous quotes by Prashant Yadav
People can't really sympathize with you properly when you've woken them up ~ Maureen Johnson
Humourous quotes by Maureen Johnson
Oi, stop looking at my nethers. Be a gentleman, look away. When a gal's in a predicament you should 'elp 'er out ~ James Minter
Humourous quotes by James Minter
A few days earlier, Adriana and I had been browsing books at the local library. I happened to turn around and look at her ... and that was it. The man who "loved to laugh" in Mary Poppins had nothing on us. ~ Gina Marinello-Sweeney
Humourous quotes by Gina Marinello-Sweeney
If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be. ~ Mark Twain
Humourous quotes by Mark Twain
There ain't enough happens in soccer. It's like watching twenty-two hair models kick a ball around for what seems like six months and then one of them falls over and the ball goes in the goal. ~ Warren Ellis
Humourous quotes by Warren Ellis
Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court. ~ Lois Greiman
Humourous quotes by Lois Greiman
I do hope we shall meet again. Perhaps we could have a reading club of some sorts. I 've read that one." She leaned in. "Have you reached the part where Mr. Darcy proposes?"
Asriel narrowed his gaze on Cross. "She did that on purpose."
Pippa shook her head. "Oh, I did not ruin it. Elizabeth refuses." She paused. "I suppose I did ruin that. Apologies. ~ Sarah MacLean
Humourous quotes by Sarah MacLean
And, er, these stories about you..."

"Oh, all true. Most of them. A bit of exaggeration, but mostly true."

"The one about the Citadel in Muntab and the Pash and the fish bone?"

"Oh, yes."

"But how did you get in where half a dozen armed and trained men couldn't even - ?"

"I am a little man and I carry a broom," said Lu-Tze simply. "Everyone has some mess that needs clearing up. What harm is a man with a broom?"

"What? And that was it?"

"Well, the rest was a matter of cookery, really. The Pash was not a good man, but he was a glutton for his fish pie."

"No martial arts?" said Lobsang.

"Oh, always a last resort. History needs shepherds, not butchers."

"Do you know okidoki?"

"Just a lot of bunny-hops."

"Shittake?"

"If I wanted to thrust my hand into hot sand I would go to the seaside."

"Upsidazi?"

"A waste of good bricks."

"No kando?"

"You made that one up. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
You think!" cried Mama. "She's just a-looking after your backside and mine." But at least her arms let up. Shioni could breathe again.
"It'd take five of her to look after your backside."
Mama seemed to find his rudeness amusing. A beaming smile lit up her round face like the sun leaping above the hills of Abyssinia in the morning. "Better a plump, well-padded rump, than the rear end of a skinny goat like you, eh? ~ Marc Secchia
Humourous quotes by Marc Secchia
There are a number of rules that should be observed when one meets royalty, ranging from what one can say and when, to where one should stand, when one can sit, even where one should look. Sindy bobbed a nervous curtsy and, before being introduced, blurted out an invitation to come inside whilst looking John directly in the eye. ~ F.D. Lee
Humourous quotes by F.D. Lee
You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines. ~ S.A. Tawks
Humourous quotes by S.A. Tawks
I've nothing against people. Just a***oles. But then, most people are. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas
Humourous quotes by Fakeer Ishavardas
Sir," said the guard from behind me. "I'd appreciate it if you left your club here."
I paused and looked over my shoulder, He had a gun. His hand wasn't exactly resting on it, but he'd tucked his thumb into his belt about half an inch away.
"It isn't a club," I said calmly. "It's a walking stick."
"Six feet long."
"It's traditional Ozark folk art."
"With dents and nicks all over it."
I thought about it for a second. "I'm insecure?"
"Get a blanket. ~ Jim Butcher
Humourous quotes by Jim Butcher
In short, not only was it surprising to be greeted in person with such enthusiastic words, but it was doubly surprising when the person reciting these words displayed the same kind of disengagement as, say, the checkout clerk who utters the words 'Have a nice day' while her expression indicates that it's really a matter of total indifference to her whether you drop dead in the parking lot outside ten seconds from now. ~ David Foster Wallace
Humourous quotes by David Foster Wallace
Some perv lured you here via a magical website? ~ A.G. Howard
Humourous quotes by A.G. Howard
Tallow was nervously aware that his name was on the worse cold-case dump CSU had ever seen. He was not looking forward to having them look at him and judge by eye exactly how much his organs might be worth on the black market. ~ Warren Ellis
Humourous quotes by Warren Ellis
You know a few shiftless persons in need of biological levity. You men of negotiable constancy like gold, don't you? ~ Michelle Franklin
Humourous quotes by Michelle Franklin
I suddenly remembered that Murray Gell-Mann and I were supposed to give talks at that conference on the present situation of high-energy physics. My talk was set for the plenary session, so I asked the guide, "Sir, where would the talks for the plenary session of the conference be?"

"Back in that room that we just came through."

"Oh!" I said in delight. "Then I'm gonna give a speech in that room!"

The guide looked down at my dirty pants and my sloppy shirt. I realized how dumb that remark must have sounded to him, but it was genuine surprise and delight on my part.

We went along a little bit farther, and the guide said, "This is a lounge for the various delegates, where they often hold informal discussions." They were some small, square windows in the doors to the lounge that you could look through, so people looked in. There were a few men sitting there talking.

I looked through the windows and saw Igor Tamm, a physicist from Russia that I know. "Oh!" I said. "I know that guy!" and I started through the door.

The guide screamed, "No, no! Don't go in there!" By this time he was sure he had a maniac on his hands, but he couldn't chase me because he wasn't allowed to go through the door himself! ~ Richard P. Feynman
Humourous quotes by Richard P. Feynman
Vimes stared. It was true about the dogs. There didn't seem to be quite so many mooching around these days, and that was a fact. But he'd visited a few dwarf bars with Carrot, and knew that dwarfs would indeed eat dog, but only of they couldn't get rat. And ten thousand dwarfs eating continuously with knife, fork, and shovel wouldn't make a dent in Ankh-Morpork's rat population. It was a major feature in dwarvish letters back home: come on, everyone, and bring the ketchup. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
I'm sorry," I said, "did you just say elections are about hope? ~ Noah Hawley
Humourous quotes by Noah Hawley
Stop fretting and eat your Madeira Cake.. ~ Diane Samuels
Humourous quotes by Diane Samuels
Vimes was already lost. Oh, there was the sun, but that was just a direction. He could feel it on the side of his face.
And the camel rocked from side to side. There was no real way of judging distance, except by haemorrhoids. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
Kimaria smirked and placed her hands behind her back. "Come now. It doesn't have to come to that. Violence is so beneath us."
"No, it isn't," said Helianthus at once.
"Well . . . it is beneath me," the high queen said and touched a hand to her chest. "Unlike you, I am civilized. I wear shoes and I have a last name." They watched as she eased into a chair. She crossed one leg over the other, folded her arms, and regarded them calmly. "Aren't you the least bit curious as to how I snatched the famed Nineveh Atvaris from our dark past? You can't be that boring. ~ Ash Gray
Humourous quotes by Ash Gray
Most girls swoon when I talk to them. So quit ignoring me."
"So go talk to them," Kara slammed her locked shut and walked away. ~ Alexis Tiger
Humourous quotes by Alexis Tiger
He quite liked dentists' waiting rooms. Waiting for dentists was good. Waiting for them was so much better than having them stick metal spikes in your mouth. ~ Jackson Radcliffe
Humourous quotes by Jackson Radcliffe
Fuck the pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the moment my back was turned, they attacked my wife. I owe them nothing. ~ Ilona Andrews
Humourous quotes by Ilona Andrews
The matron glanced at the old man and suppressed a smile. "He is absolutely miserable."
"I enjoy miserable. It gives one a contrast to all the delectabilities of life. But is he housebroken, inpala? He is rather rumpled. He will look well on my ship, but will he wash well? Do professors fray as a general rule? I will not have my ship looking ragged."
"They do tend to fade after a few years of hard use. ~ Michelle Franklin
Humourous quotes by Michelle Franklin
While you're singing something romantic, I can't get the lyrics to 'Love and Marriage' out of my head, and that tune always reminds me of the jingle from Jeopardy. ~ E.A. Bucchianeri
Humourous quotes by E.A. Bucchianeri
When he was a boy he'd read books about great military campaigns, and visited the museums and looked with patriotic pride at the paintings of famous cavalry charges, last stands and glorious victories. It had come as rather a shock, when he later began to participate in some of these, to find that the painters had unaccountably left out the intestines. Perhaps they just weren't very good at them. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
I shall fear not. According to the Testament of Mezerek, the fisherman Nonpo spent four days in the belly of a giant fish," said Constable Visit.
The thunder seemed particularly loud in the silence.
"Washpot, are we talking miracles here?" said Reg eventually. "Or just a very slow digestive process? ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
The point of tantric sex was supposedly to harness sexual energy to awaken higher consciousness. It was just like yoga, but way more fun. ~ Jackson Radcliffe
Humourous quotes by Jackson Radcliffe
Even the ones you don't like, you like better in Paris. ~ Janice Macleod
Humourous quotes by Janice Macleod
I have seen many a face that was more good-looking - never one that looked half so good. ~ Dinah Maria Mulock Craik
Humourous quotes by Dinah Maria Mulock Craik
One day we found them. They must of been holding a gook convention or something, cause it seem like the same sort of deal as when you step on a anthill and they all come swarming around. ~ Winston Groom
Humourous quotes by Winston Groom
Oh, I'm dying,' I like moaned. 'Oh, I have a ghastly pain in my side. Appendicitis, it is. Ooooooh.' 'Appendy shitehouse,' grumbled this veck. ~ Anthony Burgess
Humourous quotes by Anthony Burgess
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit. ~ Phyllis Diller
Humourous quotes by Phyllis Diller
I do not really think Charlie knows much more about politics, history, or economics than I do. Like myself he was hit by a make-up towel almost before he was out of diapers. ~ Buster Keaton
Humourous quotes by Buster Keaton
A streak of green fire blasted out of the back of the shed, passed a foot over the heads of the mob, and burned a charred rosette in the woodwork over the door.
Then came a voice that was a honeyed purr of sheer deadly menance.
"This is Lord Mountjoy Quickfang Winterforth IV, the hottest dragon in the city. It could burn your head clean off."
Captain Vimes limped forward from the shadows. A small and extremely frightened golden dragon was clamped firmly under one arm. His other hand held it by the tail. The rioters watched it, hypnotized.
"Now I know what you're thinking," Vimes went on, softly. "You're wondering, after all this excitement, has it got enough flame left? And, y'know, I ain't so sure myself ... "
He leaned forward, sighting between the dragon's ears, and his voice buzzed like a knife blade: "What you've got to ask yourself is: Am I feeling lucky? ~ Terry Pratchett
Humourous quotes by Terry Pratchett
We're like superheroes! ~ Matthew Head
Humourous quotes by Matthew Head
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