Mouth Wired Shut Funny Quotes

Always walk towards open doors. And if they slam shut in your face, kick that sucker in and keep going. ~ Richard Gere

Alice opened the door when I rang. She had on green pyjamas and held a hairbrush in one hand. She looked wearily at Quinn and spoke wearily: "Bring it in."
I took it in and spread it on a bed. It mumbled something I could not make out and moved one hand feebly back and forth, but its eyes stayed shut. ~ Dashiell Hammett

Oh for Christ sakes. Ay carrumba, chimichanga. I have no idea what you're saying, but shut your pretty pie hole. ~ Cristin Harber

I woke up in the hospital. Doctor Cunningham was bending over me. I thought, "We have to stop meeting like this," but didn't even try to say it out loud.
"You've lost blood and had your stitches redone. Do you think you can stay in here long enough for me
to actually release you this time?"
I think I smiled. "Yes, Doctor."
"Just in case you got any funny ideas about leaving, I've doped you up with enough pain killers to make you feel really good. So sleep, and I'll see you in the morning."
My eyes fluttered shut once, then opened. Edward was there. He bent over me and whispered, "Crawling through bushes on your belly, threatening to cut off a man's balls. Such a hard ass."
My voice came faintly even to me. "Had to save your ass."
He bent over me and kissed on my forehead. ~ Laurell K. Hamilton

Girls are better at this sort of labour, often called 'emotional labour', not because there's anything in the meat and matter of our living cells that makes us naturally better but because we're trained for it from birth. Trained to make other people feel good. Trained to serve the coffee, fill in the forms, organise the parties and wipe the table afterwards. Trained to be feisty, if we must, but not strong. To be bubbly, not funny. You must at no stage appear to have a body that functions in a normal human way, that pisses and shits and sweats and farts and falters. Decorate the prison of your body. Make yourself useful. Shut up and smile. ~ Laurie Penny

I explained my opinion of the ship's logic. "That is a strange designation," said the ship. "While I have certain organic elements incorporated into my substructure and decentralized DNA computing components, I am not - in the strictest sense of the term - a biological organism. I have no digestive system. No need for elimination, other than the occasional waste gas and passenger effluvium. Therefore, I have no anus in either real or figurative terms. Therefore, I hardly believe I could qualify to be called an ... " "Shut up," I said. ~ Dan Simmons

Shut up. You Matter. That's it. ~ Nora Roberts

Is he about to kiss me? Did he eat garlic too or was I the only one? 'Cause if Ric didn't eat garlic then my breath's gonna stink and he'll think ... Oh for fuck sake, shut up internal dialogue! ~ Zathyn Priest

Just shut up and talk. - Shella ~ Krista Alasti

Bastian looked at the book.
'I wonder,' he said to himself, 'what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures, deeds and battles. And sometimes there are storms at sea, or it takes you to strange cities and countries. All those things are somehow shut in a book. Of course you have to read it to find out. But it's already there, that's the funny thing. I just wish I knew how it could be.'
Suddenly an almost festive mood came over him.
He settled himself down, picked up the book, opened it to the first page, and began to read ... ~ Michael Ende

You're lucky you're good in
bed."
"Oh." He grabbed at my foot. "I think you keep me around for other reasons."
I slanted him a look out of the corner of my eye. "Right now, for the life of me I can't think what those reasons are."
Braden tugged harder on my foot, raising his fingers towards it. "Take it back or the foot getsit."
Oh hell no! I yanked at my appendage.
"Braden, no."
Deaf to my warning, he started to tickle me,his grip tightening as I laughed breathlessly and
kicked out, trying to get free.
He wouldn't stop. Ruthless!
"Braden," I panted hysterically, attempting to shove at him with my arms but struggling as he continued his war on my feet. I laughed harder,
ribs aching, and then… horror.
I broke wind.
Big time.
Braden immediately let go of my feet, his loud, rumbling laugh filling the room, laughter that only deepened when I lost balance, from kicking out
at him and then being abruptly let go, and fell off the couch with an undignified thud.
Mortified as he collapsed against the couch
belly laughing at my fart then fall, I grabbed a cushion and launched it at him from my position on the floor.
Of course this only made the idiot laugh
harder. I warred between feeling humiliation at farting in front of him, something you just didn't do in
company, and laughing, since his was so
infectious. "Braden!" I whined. "Shut up. It's not funny," I huffed, my lips caught i ~ Samantha Young

I started down but Sam caught my arm and knelt down himself to look.
"For crying out loud," he said. "It's a racoon."
"Poor thing," I said.
"It could be a rabid baby-killer," Cole told me primly.
"Shut up," Sam said pleasantly. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

All the girls joined in.
'I was thirteen last April and it rained on my birthday and I didn't even get to wear anything special -'
'We turned ten - just two months ago -'
'I usually get a book for my birthday - but - this year -'
'You forgot my birthday, too.'
'And mine.'
The girls looked miserable. The King opened his mouth, then shut it.
'Sir!' whined Lord Teddie. 'You forgot my birthday, too!'
Bramble gave a surprised laugh, then slapped her hand over her mouth, as though shocked at letting it out. The tension broke. The girls laughed sheepishly, and Lord Teddie beamed. He probably did not have many ladies think him funny. ~ Heather Dixon

SHUT UP," Carot Top say, the cocane now taking effect. "This isnt Poetry 101. People want to laugh. Your suposed to be a 'King' of Prop Comedy. But youve been acting more like a jester of prop comedy. ~ Seinfeld 2000

I made a sad little noise. If my dick had been capable of noise, it would have made sad sounds, too.
Thank God it wasn't, or that motherfucker would have never shut up. ~ Adrienne Wilder

Had there been a lunatic asylum in the suburbs of Jerusalem, Jesus Christ would infallibly have been shut up in it at the outset of his public career. That interview with Satan on the pinnacle of the Temple would alone have damned him, and everything that happened after could but have confirmed the diagnosis. ~ Havelock Ellis

Sugar, what the fuck did I say about games? I don't fuckin' play them. You ain't gonna make a scene about somethin' you don't know. Get out to my bike, shut your mouth and we'll talk."
"I hate you when you're bossy," I say, before spinning on my heel.
"You fuckin' love me, you moody little shit. ~ Bella Jewel

Scott still stares at Sid, then turns to Alice and hands her the Scotch. "We're going to go see Joanie today," he says.

Alice grins. "And Chachi?" she asks.

Sid bursts out laughing and Scott turns back to him, then places a hand on his shoulder, which makes me fear for his life. "You be quiet, son," Scott says. "I could kill you with this hand. This hand has been places."

I shake my head and look at both Sid and Alex.

Scott lifts his hand off Sid's shoulder and turns again to his wife. "No, Alice. Our Joanie. Our daughter. We're going to give her anything she wants." He glares at me. "Think about what she would want, Alice. We're going to get it for her and bring it to her. Bring it right to her bed."

"Joanie and Chachi," Alice chants. "Joanie and Chachi!"

"Shut up, Alice!" Scott yells.

Alice looks at Scott as though he just said "Cheese." She clasps her hands together and smiles, staying in the pose for a few seconds. He looks at her face and squints. "Sorry, old gal," he says. "You go ahead and say whatever you want."

"It was funny," Sid says. "All I was doing was laughing. She has a good sense of humor. That's all. Maybe she knows she's being funny. I think she does."

"I'm going to hit you," Scott says. His arms hang alongside him, the muscles flexed, veins big like milk-shake straws. I know he's going to hit Sid because that's what he does. I've seen him hit Barry. I, too, h ~ Kaui Hart Hemmings

Yeah? ... Oh, hell no, I got Pidge here with me. We're just gettin' ready to go to bed ... Shut the fuck up, Trent, that's not funny ... Seriously? What's he doin' in town" He looked at me and sigued. "All right. We'll be there in half an hour ... You heard me, douchebag. Because I don't go anywhere without her, that's why. Do you want me to pound your face when I get there?" Travis hung up and shook his head. I raised an eyebrow. "That is the weirdest conversation I've ever heard. ~ Jamie McGuire

Jake became excruciatingly aware of her, there, right behind him. The small grunts and groans as she placed each foot carefully on the slick ground reverberated in his gut. He wanted to turn around and tell her to shut the hell up.
She sounded as though she was having sex.
Good sex. ~ Cherry Adair

Shut. Up," June squealed. "You have a date with that guy?" She giggled and covered her mouth. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! Tell me everything."
"I can't do both," I pointed out. ~ Robin Benway

You've always been there for me. Always. Even when I ... " V
"Even when you what?" B
"You know." V
"What?" B
"Fuck. Even when I was in love with you. Or some shit." V
Butch clasped his hands to his chest. "Was? Was? I can't believe you've lost interest." He threw one arm over his eyes, all Sarah Bernhardt. "My dreams of our future are shattered - " B
"Shut it, cop." V
Butch looked out from under his arm. "Are you kidding me? The reality show I had planned was fantastic. Was going to pitch it to VH1. Two Bites Are Better Than One. We were going to make millions ." B
"Oh, for the love. ~ J.R. Ward

Because sometimes I was tired of feeling so much and I just wanted to shut down and not feel anything. But I guess I wasn't wired that way. All I could do was write about it. Get it out of my head and onto something like paper that I could manage easier. ~ Jon Skovron

I can't wait for him to visit me again. He's just so handsome, don't you think?" she asked.
I paused. "Yeah, he's cute."
"Come on, America! You have to have noticed those eyes and his voice..."
"Except when he laughs!" Just remembering Maxon's laugh had me grinning. It was cute but awkward. He pushed his breaths out, and then made a jagged noise when he inhaled, almost like another laugh in itself.
"Yes, okay, he does have a funny laugh, but it's cute."
"Sure, if you like the lovable sound of an asthma attack in your ear every time you tell a joke."
Marlee lost it and doubled over in laughter.
"All right, all right," she said, coming up for air. "You have to think there's something attractive about him."
I opened my mouth and shut it two or three times. I was tempted to take another jab at Maxon, but I didn't want Marlee to see him in a negative light. So I thought about it.
What was attractive about Maxon?
"Well, when he lets his guard down, he's okay. Like when he just talks without checking his words or you catch him just looking at something like...like he's really looking for the beauty in it."
Marlee smiled, and I knew she'd seen that in him, too.
"And I like that he seems genuinely involved when he's there, you know? Like even though he's got a country to run and a thousand things to do, it's like he forgets it all when he's with you. He just dedicates himself to what's right in front of him. I like that.
Kiera Cass

For lo! the board with cups and spoons is crowned.The berries crackle, and the mill turns round ... At once they gratify their scent and taste.And frequent cups prolong the rich repast ... Coffee (which makes the politician wise And see through all things with his half-shut eyes). ~ Alexander Pope

The Klingon snarled something that sounded horribly like Christy's pissed-off texts and everyone shut up. "First Spiner's Q and A, then Nimoy's tribute while Data gets his kicks with the Orion woman. Then signed pictures for Brett and D4C. We all convene at the panel about the ethics of the temporal prime directive. Q is making an appearance and revealing their agenda. Agreed?"
All nodded.
Christy opened her mouth, but closed it again, shaking her head. Good, because no amount of translation was going to suffice. ~ Elle Aycart

Emma says after I was born I cried for days. She said I'd never shut up which is funny really because Dad says I never shut up now so maybe that's what happens, you get born and act the same your whole life. ~ Steven Herrick

You think I'm wasting my time, " I accuse his flawless profile. "You think Sammy's dead."
"How could I know that, Cassie?"
"I'm not saying you know that. I'm saying you THINK that."
"Does it matter what I think?"
"No, so shut up."
"I wasn't saying anything. YOU said
"
"Don't ... say ... anything."
"I'm not."
"You just did."
"I'll stop."
"But you're not. You say you will, then you just keep going."
He starts to say something, then shuts his mouth so hard, I hear his teeth click. ~ Rick Yancey

From upstairs Molly shouted down, "You try carrying a baby for nine months while chemicals and hormones run through your body making you nutso and fat and swollen and then push an eight-pound lump of squalling human out through an opening big enough to fit a straw in and see if you don't react from time to time. Until then, shut your trap. ~ Faith Hunter

I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like shut up, shut up, shut upblah blah blah blah blaaaaah. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

She was sad and lost and alone in the dark," Cecil said. "She needed somebody to hold her."
"And you think she's going to get tired of that?"
"You did," Cecil said. "You shut me right out."
"It was your decision, not mine," Dave said. "You are the dearest thing in life to me. You're bright and funny and gentle and decent and full of life. And I will never get tired of you, and neither will Chrissie. It's not up to her anyway. You're the adult. Tell her the truth
that it was an act of kindness that got out of hand."
"I can't hurt her like that," Cecil said.
"It will hurt more the longer you let it go on. ~ Joseph Hansen

You know, the sound of a 45 rpm record being played at 33 rpm. But as soon as I remembered that this is a CD and not vinyl, I could only marvel at the fact that these guys are so gol-darned HEAVY [author's emphasis]."25 In an interview with the now-defunct influential extreme hardcore band Lärm, a band member recalls an incident in which the band's definition of music collided with a sound engineer's more mainstream ditto: "The sound check of our first concert ever was funny, the PA guy kept asking us when we were actually going to play a song…we already played three, we said.He shut down the PA and left… ~ Christopher J. Washburne

When I entered and shut the door, the Darkling gave me a small bow. "How are you, Alina?"
"I'm fine," I managed.
"She's fine!" hooted Baghra. "She's fine! She cannot light a hallway, but she's fine."
I winced and wished I could disappear into my boots.
To my surprise, the Darkling said, "Leave her be."
Baghra's eyes narrowed. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
The Darkling sighed and ran his hands through his dark hair in exasperation. When he looked at me, there was a rueful smile on his lips, and his hair was going every which way. "Baghra has her own way of doing things," he said.
"Don't patronize me, boy!" Her voice cracked out like a whip. To my amazement, I saw the Darkling stand up straighter and then scowl as if he'd caught himself.
"Don't chide me, old woman," he said in a low, dangerous voice. ~ Leigh Bardugo

I shut my eyes and concentrated on the sun, and on feeling it warm my skin. On pleasure. Hedon. The Greek god. Or idol, as he should probably be called seeing as I was on hallowed ground. It's pretty arrogant, calling all other gods, apart from the one you've come up with, idols. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Every dictator's command to his subjects, of course. The funny thing was that Christians couldn't see it themselves. They didn't see the mechanism, the regenerative, self-fulfilling, self-aggrandising aspect which meant that a superstition like this could survive for two thousand years, and in which the key--salvation--was restricted to those who were fortunate enough to have been born in a space of time which was a merest blink of the eye in human history, and who also happened to live on the only little bit of the planet that ever got to hear the commandment and were able to formulate an opinion about the concise sales pitch ("Paradise?"). ~ Jo Nesbø

Six minutes isn't sex," I hear him
saying as my eyes crash shut. "Six
minutes is a boiled egg. ~ Sophie Kinsella

[Razo] knocked, peered inside, then jumped and shut the door, quiet as brushing two feathers together. He smiled at his own stealth, then swaggered right into a chair, banging it against the wall.
You oaf. He cut short his swagger and began to move with exaggerated sneakiness. ~ Shannon Hale

The main thing with people of that sort," said Holmes, as we sat in the sheets of the wherry, "is never to let them think that their information can be of the slightest importance to you. If you do, they will instantly shut up like an oyster. If you listen to them under protest, as it were, you are very likely to get what you want. ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

There was a part of my brain that wanted to ask if his wife had a beard, verify my theory. I told that part of my brain to shut up. ~ R.R. Virdi