Motivational Humorous Quotes

There is no time to waste in life and there is no cut and paste as well, only copy and paste – you can only emulate others ~ Bernard Kelvin Clive

But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake. ~ Derek Landy

We, human beings don't always need an intelligent mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens. Supportive relationships are very much needed. Know that, the small acts of kindness can be as powerful as very big donations. ~ Jyoti Patel

I would rather say that I messed something up, than that I was to afraid to try! ~ D.M. Pariso

When going for a run, I pick fresh air, openness, and scenery of the outdoors over a treadmill every time. ~ Robert Cheeke

I have no intention of raising taxes ~ William J. Clinton

If you want to know whether or not you have had a successful life, think about what people would say about you at your own funeral. ~ Lindsey Rietzsch

All pressure is self-inflicted. It's what you make of it or how you let it rub off on you. ~ Sebastian Coe

Hanni, I'm going to have to watch you carefully. You may break a lot of hearts in London."
"What am I to break?" she asked with that lovely innocent smile.
"Hearts. Lots of Englishmen will fall in love with you."
"I hope so," she said. "I'm gonna be hot sexy dame. You can give me tips. ~ Rhys Bowen

Expect it, believe it, trust yourself and the process, and allow it to come to you. ~ Mike Basevic

The more we do, the more we can do. ~ William Hazlitt

I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out. ~ George Carlin

$100,000 donors buy access to Congress and the White House. We believe it's long past time to clean up Washington. ~ William J. Clinton

We're not reinventing the wheel. We're just rolling it down our own path. ~ D.R. Pedraza

I was sitting on the couch in the living room, pouring through an old sci-fi novel I'd found in one of the ruins, and I could hear the water bubbling as he cooked. The spaghetti smelled good, but I knew he'd probably put something crazy in it like popcorn or marshmallows, so I ignored my rumbling belly. ~ Ash Gray

History narrates stories about great men from the past,write your story now and make history ~ Mohammed Sekouty

During periods of discontinuous, abrupt change, the essence of adaptation involves a keen sensitivity to what should be abandoned - not what should be changed or introduced. A willingness to depart from the familiar has distinct survival value. ~ Peter Drucker

You're FAT - and don't try to sugarcoat it, because you'll just eat that, too. ~ Phillip C. McGraw

the vehicle depends upon its fuel to operate effectively ~ Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

A massage is just like a movie, really relaxing and a total escape, except in a massage you're the star. And you don't miss anything by falling asleep! ~ Elizabeth Jane Howard

You need to relax and be yourself, not whoever it is you're trying to be in your mad little head. I bloody don't, though. I'm me and I'm good at it. ~ Nick Harkaway

Never quit, Rikki. No one can beat you if you don't quit. ~ Robert Ferrigno

Nobody knows you better than you do. ~ Robert Cheeke

Abuse is not only physically. You can abuse someone emotionally and verbally. There is no abuse that is big or small, most important or less important, most serious or less serious, because every abuse is wrong and must stop. ~ De Philosopher DJ Kyos

Thank you so much for breaking my heart because you got me four Grammys. ~ Sam Smith

You were a warrior, you are a warrior, you will always be a warrior! ~ Jerry Gladstone

A true joy in life should be knowing that you have touched the heart of another human being ~ Steven Aitchison

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. ~ Mitch Hedberg

Observation:

Thanks to technological advances, avid readers seem to be replacing DTBAD (Dead Tree Book Acquisition Disorder) with an alphabet soup of more more modern-day hoarding behaviors: EBAD (E-Book Acquistion Disorder), EGAD (Electronic Gadget Acquisition Disorder), and ABAD (Audiobook Acquisition Disorder). Of course, there's also MYBAD (Movie and YouTube Acquisition Disorder: the hoarding or obsessive viewing of digital films and videos, some based on books). If any of these syndromes describes you, take heart: there's probably an app for that! - 8/9/2013 ~ Lisa Tolliver

Most people never feel secure because they are always worried that they will lose their job, lose the money they already have, lose their spouse, lose their health, and so on. The only true security in life comes from knowing that every single day you are improving yourself in some way, that you are increasing the caliber of who you are and that you are valuable to your company, your friends, and your family. ~ Tony Robbins

It is impossible to go as high as you are capable of going, if you are carrying the burden of hate, revenge and bitterness. ~ Zig Ziglar

He was lying there on his death bed, and he asked for her as his last wish.
She came with tears in her eyes. He held her hand and said with a smile," I wish I died daily", And then a flat line. ~ Nishikant

I had to spend countless hours, above and beyond the basic time, to try and perfect the fundamentals. ~ Julius Erving

We should do something," I said.
"Can the something be play blind-guy video games while sitting on the couch?"
"Yeah, that's just the kind of something I had in mind."
So we sat there for a couple hours talking to the screen together, navigating this invisible labyrinthine cave without a single lumen of light. The most entertaining part of the game by was far trying to get the computer to engage with us in humorous conversation:
Me: "Touch the cave wall."
Computer: "You touch the cave wall. It is moist."
Isaac: "Lick the cave wall."
Computer: "I do not understand. Repeat?"
Me: "Hump the cave wall."
Computer: "You attempt to jump. You hit your head."
Isaac: "Not jump. HUMP."
Computer: "I don't understand."
Isaac: "Dude, I've been alone in the dark in this cave for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL."
Computer: "You attempt to ju - "
Me: "Thrust pelvis against cave wall."
Computer: "I do not - "
Isaac: "Make sweet love to the cave."
Computer: "I do not - "
Me: "FINE. Follow left branch."
Computer: "You follow the left branch. The passage narrows."
Me: "Crawl."
Computer: "You crawl for one hundred yards. The passage narrows."
Me: "Snake crawl."
Computer: "You snake crawl for thirty yards. A trickle of water runs down your body. You reach a mound of small rocks blocking the passageway."
Me: "Can I hump the cave now?"
Computer: "You cannot jump ~ John Green

I'm a motivational speaker. ~ Young Jeezy

Stones Come And Go, The Big Fish Eat The Little Fish And I Keep On Battling. ~ Ahmed Abdulrahman

You pay for that," he told Ian as he hopped off the hood. "You pay for that, now."
Ian and Peter ignored him, circling around the car. The passenger jumped out and ran off at a sprint, as if the very hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. The taxi driver watched him go and stamped his foot in rage. "You pay for him, too," he yelled at the men, seething in anger. ~ Rose Wynters

It is your intent that enforces the outcome of your life. ~ Shah Asad Rizvi

Dress for success. Image is very important. People judge you by the way you look on the outside ~ Brian Tracy

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera. ~ Mark Twain

There are those who hold first rankers and there are those who are heroes. ~ Amit Kalantri

He who coordinates his thoughts with his actions controls his own destiny." ~ Amunhotep El Bey ~ Amunhotep El Bey

Luck? Sure. But only after long practice and only with the ability to think under pressure. ~ Babe Didrikson Zaharias

In my own experience, both personally and professionally, I've learned that you don't wait to confront reality. It doesn't get easier. It doesn't get better. And, in some cases, if you don't get the relevant information from people and act quickly, you start losing options. You're into damage control. ~ Stephen Covey

A great tree develops over time and can tell stories not only those of happiness, but also those that contain pain from what it has seen over the years, and as a result is the wise ancient tree that it is today. As the seasons change, the tree naturally goes through changes as well: where the leaves turn yellow and orange in the fall, falling by the Winter, returning in the Spring, and with full set of new leafs by the Summer. Love is no different in that there will be times when we are fully naked in the Winter, and left to wonder about Spring when it seemed so easy to love, yet the wise tree knows that no winter will last forever no matter how cold it may be. ~ Forrest Curran

I think there's a point in everyone's life where they realize that despite their best efforts, they have no choice but to surrender. That carrying on will only bring them more pain or heartache. I don't think there's any way that we can avoid these moments. But I just want you to know that I'm not quite there yet. ~ Tessa Clare

You carry on no matter what are the obstacles. You simply refuse to give up - and, when the going gets tough, you get tougher. And, you win. ~ Vince Lombardi