Humor And Irony Quotes

Let me not be sentimental, let the distance in time give me humor and irony and a shrewd, if loving, eye. ~ Sylvia Plath

In order to avoid sentimentality and to be able to write the screenplay with the kind of humor and irony necessary to keep the story moving, I needed to distance myself as much as I could from the characters, to try to get to a point where I could view them objectively. ~ Hirokazu Koreeda

Caricatures are an important part of our culture of debate. They should defuse political spats through humor and irony. It is about making a strong statement but softening it with a wink. So Danes do not get too upset about caricatures. None of us is interested in insulting Muslims. ~ Anders Fogh Rasmussen

She didn't say, you didn't say, nobody said! ~ Jimmy Tudeski

A wise man once said NOTHING ... He just let her vent, nodded his head and live happily ever after! ~ Tanya Masse

You'd have to suit me first...and you do not. You must reform your ways, and you have not, and you must know me first, and you will not, and you must believe in love, and you cannot. ~ Gayle Eden

Grabbing Jeremy's lapels, Nick pulled him closer, grasping him not with fingers but with claws. His face inches away from Jeremy's, his eyes burning red, his fangs sharp and gleaming, he screamed, "BECAUSE YOU'RE MINE! NO ONE THREATENS WHAT'S MINE AND WALKS AWAY!" His growl rumbled through the room, ratcheting down into the subsonic. "I WILL BURN DOWN WHOLE ARMIES BEFORE I LET THEM TAKE YOU FROM ME!"...

"Jesus, big brother," said Toby. "I know vampires are territorial when it comes to their mates, but you're way out in front for the possessive macho bullshit award."

Nick sighed. "I know. I've got to work on that. ~ Arshad Ahsanuddin

Well. I think it's safe to say that, in my absence, the power grabbing and backstabbing and political intrigue has officially reached an all-time Otherworld high.
~ Lesley Livingston

Humor won't save you; it doesn't really do anything at all. You can look at life ironically for years, maybe decades; there are people who seem to go through most of their lives seeing the funny side, but in the end, life always breaks your heart. Doesn't matter how brave you are, or how reserved, or how much you've developed a sense of humor, you still end up with your heart broken. That's when you stop laughing. In the end there's just the cold, the silence and the loneliness. In the end there's only death. ~ Michel Houellebecq

The future is what's wrong with the world today. There's too much future and not enough past! ~ Archie Bunker

Well, now that I'm thoroughly and diligently queer, I expected more manly love-talk, you know? Not like Pretty Baby and feeding you grapes and stuff," he snorted.
"Uh, you mean like, hey you bastard I don't have a beer and nobody's sucking my dick, what's wrong with this picture? ~ Z.A. Maxfield

Spooky Twisties:

All things Spooky, here begin
They lay and wait, in books within.
They sometimes pass, in open space.
Then leave and go, without a trace.
Some appear on the spot.
Some we know, others not.
Sometimes we are afraid to say,
"leave us now", or beg to stay.
At times they leave a sign beyond,
A gentle breeze, or note from song.
Be not afraid, to read story's close.
For in the dark, your spirit goes. ~ Terri Bertha

Depending on your own background and life experiences, this may or may not be new to you, but after an eight-to-twelve-hour day, white office workers often don't feel like they've spent enough time with each other. Therefore, they are prone to organizing pseudo-official company activities such as bowling or happy hour. ~ Baratunde R. Thurston

Seymour looked around the Tucson McDonald's. There were white people and Mavajos; there were people who preferred their Quarter Pounders with cheese and those who didn't care for cheese at all; and there were those who desperately wish that McDonald's would introduce onion rings to its menu. ~ Sherman Alexie

Edwin is prepared to believe that a glass exists. And further, that this glass holds liquid. ~ Patrick E. McLean

She was plump, with dyed red hair and a face so caked with cosmetics that the floor of the Amazon jungle probably saw more natural light ... ~ John Connolly

Twenty-five minutes ago, I was blissfully invisible. No laughing. No evil grins. No drama. And now? It couldn't be more dramatic. I've got a stepsister masquerading as Cinderella, the chauvinistic villagers think I'm the ugly stepsister, and the boy coming to my side is more likely to snag a prince than I am. ~ Kelsey Macke

Daemon arched a brow. "You don't wanna play, Barf, because we can do that nifty freeze thing and play, right here and now." Oh, for the love of backwoods babies everywhere, this wasn't necessary. I wrapped my fingers around Daemon's tense arm. "Come on," I whispered. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

She glanced down at the contents of her plate. Just tell him what it is. Simple. Look at it and say what it is. "Sloppy Joe," she managed.
"Hmm," he said, sounding doubtful. "May he rest in peace. ~ Kelly Creagh

I wasn't a class clown, because my parents were very strict and because nuns in general have no sense of humor. I mean zero, zip, nada. I wasted some of my best stuff on those old hags! Look at these knuckles - those are ruler marks, and they're still visible all these years later. But I could usually get out of trouble at home if I could get my mom laughing. That's a huge ace up your sleeve as a kid. ~ Dan Alatorre

Are you guys busy?" Juniper asked.
"Well," I said, "we're in the middle of this game against a bunch of monsters and we're trying not to die."
"We're not busy," Annabeth said. ~ Rick Riordan

It's all right, darling. I can't stand people who are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at seven in the morning. Give me a girl who only gets going after ten! ~ Elizabeth Jane Howard

Women; the supreme masters of the bait and switch.
D'Artagnan Bloodhawke ~ D'Artagnan Bloodhawke

Let's not call physical comedy falling down and pratfalls. All humor is physical, no matter how you dish it out. It's timing, like a dancer or an athlete would have. ~ Chevy Chase

She didn't need anyone. At Wheeler, even when she stood out with her pink hair and quilter army-surplus jacket and combat bots, she did this without apology. It was a great irony that the very fact of a relationship with her would diminish her appeal, that the moment she came to love me back and depend on me as much as I depended on her, she would no longer be a truly independent spirit. No way in hell was I going to be the one to take that quality away from her. ~ Jodi Picoult

The men began to trade tales of atrocities, first stories they had heard, then those they'd witnessed, and finally the things that had happened to themselves. A litany of personal humiliation, outrage, and anger turned sicklelike back to themselves as humor. They laughed then, uproariously, about the speed with which they had run, the pose they had assumed, the ruse they had invented to escape or decrease some threat to their manliness, their humanness. All but Empire State, who stood, broom in hand and drop-lipped, with the expression of a very intelligent ten-year-old. ~ Toni Morrison

And at this very moment, like a miracle, the rail-bus appeared. We waved our arms frantically, hardly daring to hope that it would stop. It did stop. We scrambled thankfully on board.
That is the irony of travel. You spend your boyhood dreaming of a magic, impossibly distant day when you will cross the Equator, when your eyes will behold Quito. And then, in the slow prosaic process of life, that day undramatically dawns - and finds you sleepy, hungry and dull. The Equator is just another valley; you aren't sure which and you don't much care. Quito is just another railroad station, with fuss about baggage and taxis and tips. And the only comforting reality, amidst all this picturesque noisy strangeness, is to find a clean pension run by Czech refugees and sit down in a cozy Central European parlor to a lunch of well-cooked Wiener Schnitzel. ~ Christopher Isherwood

Face it girls. I'm older and I have more insurance. ~ Fannie Flagg

Mama is funny. She has a great sense of humor and loves a good joke. Loves a practical joke, too. ~ Reba McEntire

Some people tell me that they like what I do, which is great, of course. The perfect irony and truth is that I need them much more than they need me. ~ Henry Rollins

Don't let your girlfriend cut your hair! ~ Stephen Colbert

The culture of irony is the culture of postmodernism, which I would furiously want to denounce. We have to act ethically and politically. Irony is a defensive position, against reality. It always knows what to think about reality. The idea of commitment and engagement is central to me, which is not ironic. ~ Simon Critchley

I grew up under Roman rule, although I didn't see many Romans until I was ten. The Romans mostly stayed in the fortress city of Sepphoris, an hour's walk north of Nazareth. That's when Joshua and I saw a Roman soldier murdered, but I'm getting ahead of myself. For now, assume that the soldier is safe and sound and happy wearing a broom on his head. ~ Christopher Moore

I distrust all dead and mechanical formulas for expressing anything connected with human affairs and human personalities. Putting human affairs in exact formulas shows in itself a lack of the sense of humor and therefore a lack of wisdom. ~ Lin Yutang

A good story should provoke discussion, debate, argument ... and the occasional bar fight. ~ J. Michael Straczynski

I didn't set out to do a gay comic, but given the current political and religious climate in this country, I feel it is important as a gay person, and a Christian, to create stories with humor and honesty. ~ Paige Braddock

Psychologists have shown the irony of the process of thought control: the more energy you put into trying to control your ideas and what you think about, the more your ideas end up controlling you. ~ Nassim Nicholas Taleb

He cleared his throat, very carefully, to bring the stillness to a more bearable level without breaking the unwritten rule that governs both churches and freshly fallen blankets of snow. ~ Anna Mattaar

The Aunts put their arms about one another so that their faces were cheek to cheek, and from this doublehead they gazed up at Steerpike with a row of four equidistant eyes. There was no reason why there should not have been forty, or four hundred of them. It so happened that only four had been removed from a dead and endless frieze whose inexhaustible and repetitive theme was forever, eyes, eyes, eyes. ~ Mervyn Peake

My toes curled against the soft leather sofa pf my flip-flops and my throat felt scratchy as i forced the words out. "I'm ... I'm new."
There! I did it. I spoke.
Take that, everyone! Words were totally my bitch. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

And I thought kitty liter was the unlawful practice of discarding small felines along the roadside. ~ Robert J. Morrissette

and he stopped going to church entirely, because there seemed no point now in even contemplating prayer for his soul. Besides, the parish church near Kilmartin dated to 1432, and the crumbling stones certainly couldn‟t takea direct strike of lightning.
And if God ever wanted to smite a sinner, he couldn‟t do better than Michael Stirling.
Michael Stirling, Sinner.
He could see it on a calling card. He‟d have had it printed up, even - his was just that sort of black sense of humor - if he weren‟t convinced it would kill his mother on the spot.
Rake he might be, but there was no need to torture the woman who‟d borne him. ~ Julia Quinn

There's a boy who they call Pony! He's always acting gross and horny! He thinks he's got a lot down there, but he sure wears tiny underwear! ~ Cecily Von Ziegesar

Old-time ranchers planted cheatgrass because it would green up fast in the spring and provide early forage for grazing cattle," Oyster says, nodding his head at the world outside.

This first patch of cheatgrass was in southern British Columbia, Canada, in 1889. But fire spreads it. Every year, it dries to gunpowder, and now land that used to burn every ten years, it burns every year. And the cheatgrass recovers fast. Cheatgrass loves fire. But the native plants, the sagebrush and desert phlox, they don't. And every year it burns, there's more cheatgrass and less anything else. And the deer and antelope that depended on those other plants are gone now. So are the rabbits. So are the hawks and owls that ate the rabbits. The mice starve, so the snakes that ate the mice starve.

Today, cheatgrass dominates the inland deserts from Canada to Nevada, covering an area over twice the size of the state of Nebraska and spreading by thousands of acres per year.

The big irony is, even cattle hate cheatgrass, Oyster says. So the cows, they eat the rare native bunch grasses. What's left of them...

"When you think about it from a native plant perspective," Oyster says, "Johnny Appleseed was a fucking biological terrorist."

Johnny Appleseed, he says, might as well be handing out smallpox. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

(from the author Q&A)
Q. After you wrote the book, however much time has passed, do you think back and wish you could write more, or that you could somehow create more of their world?
A. I never wish I could go back and write more, no. I spent a long, long time trying to write the book that became The Fault in Our Stars and to be completely honest with you, I am entirely happy that the story is no longer my problem and is now your problem. ~ John Green