Humor Akwardness Quotes

The long flight from Georgia to England had been pretty uneventful. Exceept that Cal had sat next to me.
Which was fine. Really.
It wasn't like I'd been hyperaware of his presence and jumped the three times his knee bumped mine. And adter that third time, he definitely hadn't shot me a kind of disgusted look and said, "Chill out, will you?"
And when Jenna gave us both a quizzical look, we hadn't snapped, in unison, "Nothing!" Because all of that would have been weird, and Cal and I weren't weird. We were cool. ~ Rachel Hawkins

Anyone ever lost in the wild knows that nature wants you dead. ~ David Mamet

He was never angry when she made mistakes. He complimented and encouraged her. He shared his own mishaps with a sense of humor that made her less annoyed with her own incompetence. He gave her hope that she could learn, and pride when she did. ~ Francine Rivers

I am an artist you know ... it is my right to be odd. ~ E.A. Bucchianeri

You might have announced in front of the entire football team and cheerleading squad that I
fictitiously liked what your hands did to me, but I just made you come with one finger, so tell me now who has the skills. ~ Georgia Cates

On this matter I'm inclined to agree with the French, who gaze upon any personal dietary prohibition as bad manners. ~ Charles Dickens

The Death Eaters can't all be pure-blood, there aren't enough pure-blood wizards left," said Hermione stubbornly. "I expect most of them are half-bloods pretending to be pure. It's only Muggle-borns they hate, they'd be quite happy to let you and Ron join up"
"There is no way they'd let me be a Death Eater!" said Ron indignantly ... "My whole family are blood traitors! That's as bad as Muggle-borns to Death Eaters!"
"And they'd love to have me," said Harry sarcastically. "We'd be best pals if they didn't keep trying to do me in. ~ J.K. Rowling

Always think backwards before moving forwards ~ Benny Bellamacina

Let me be the ring leader in your guilt gang-bang. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

That's cold, Ems. You know you're supposed to save your lunches for me."
"And like I told you last time, my lunches want to see other people. ~ Melyssa Winchester

The soy is seeping through the material like a BP oil slick in a Louisiana swamp. ~ Poppet

The problem with having evil minions is that minions are stupid. ~ Larissa Ione

I have met countless people who do not have a single droplet of common sense ~ Kelly Skeete

Are you guys busy?" Juniper asked.
"Well," I said, "we're in the middle of this game against a bunch of monsters and we're trying not to die."
"We're not busy," Annabeth said. ~ Rick Riordan

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. ~ Dave Barry

I paid you five thousand instead and promised the balance only if you made the match. As it turns out, this is your lucky day because I've decided to write you the full check, whether the match comes from you or from Portia. As long as I have a wife and you've been part of the process, you'll get your money." He toasted her with his beer mug. "Congratulations."

She put down her fork. "Why would you do that?"

"Because it's efficient."

"Not as efficient as having Powers handle her own introductions. You're paying her a fortune to do exactly that."

"I'd rather have you."

Her pulse kicked. "Why?"

He gave her the melty smile he must have been practicing since the cradle, one that made her feel as though she was the only woman in the world. "Because you're easier to bully. Do we have a deal or not?"

"You don't want a matchmaker. You want a lackey."

"Semantics. My hours are erratic, and my schedule changes without warning. It'll be your job to cope with all that. You'll soothe ruffled feathers when I need to cancel at the last minute. You'll keep my dates company when I'm going to be late, entertain them if I have to take a call. If things are going well, you'll disappear. If not, you'll make the woman disappear. I told you before. I work hard at my job. I don't want to have to work hard at this, too."

"Basically, you expect me to find your bride, court her, and hand her over at the al ~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Morning, I soon discovered, was one o'clock for Auntie Mame. Early Morning was eleven, and the Middle of the Night was nine. ~ Patrick Dennis

After all, religion has been around a lot longer than Darwinism. ~ George W. Bush

Some people have lives; some people have music. ~ John Green

I'll make Goyle do lines, it'll kill him, he hates writing," said Ron happily. He lowered his voice to Goyle's low grunt and, screwing up his face in a look of pained concentration, mimed writing in midair. "I ... must ... not ... look ... like ... a ... baboon's ... backside. ~ J.K. Rowling

She had no idea how long they kissed - and kissed - but she didn't think about stopping until she ran out of air. Breathing hard, she slowly opened her eyes and stared directly into his.
They'd heated. Darkened. And something else. He wasn't looking so relaxed now. In fact, he was looking the opposite of relaxed. He looked ... feral.
And she was his prey. ~ Jill Shalvis

Every town you go to, they tell you what's special about their town. What they're number one at ... This guy comes up and says, 'D'you know that we're the home of the world's largest frying pan?'
' ... Really! That is great 'cause I'm writin' a new book called Things I Don't Care About. ~ Tim Hawkins

Life is way too short, so try to enjoy every minute of it with a sense of humor! ~ Christina Scalise

Running ain't no bad thing. Leastways if you run in the right direction. ~ Mark Lawrence

When two or three people come together in the name of Neverland then I will be there amidst them or if I am too busy or have a better offer, then I will send a proxy or you can just have the tantrum without me, whatever. (King James Version: Gospel of St. Peter (of Pan)Verse: Blah Paragraph: Blah, blah ~ Daniel Prokop

Saw a man walking a dog the other day with the legs cut off," said Molly. (...)
"The man or the dog?"
"Maybe the day. ~ Tony Daniel

You look tired," Rachel told Jason.
"I wish I could jog and sleep at the same time."
"Can't you?" Ferrin asked, joining them at the little cascade. "I always imagined that you could sleep rolling down a mountainside in a barrel."
"I probably could today," Jason conceded. ~ Brandon Mull

It was astoundingly difficult to woo a lady who thought he was either trying to purchase a chicken or a few tomatoes from her, or ask her for directions. ~ Colette Moody

When I see Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity baying across the television screen, I find it hard to take them seriously. I assume that they must be saying what they do primarily to boost book sales or ratings, although I do wonder who would spend their precious evenings with such sourpusses. ~ Barack Obama

I loved so many things about him: that his fingers were always stained with paint or charcoal; his casual sense of humor and that he was loyal, to the end - even when I had lied so many times. He pursed his lips, highlighting his high and prominent cheekbones. ~ Rebecca Maizel

I wish happiness was some edible food easily available in stores... Oh wait, it is. ~ Hk

We always had the greatest arguments over sex and fishing. ~ Douglas Adams

Тo me, the future doesn't seem real. It's just this magical place where I can put my responsibilities so that I don't have to be scared while hurtling toward failure at eight hundred miles per hour. ~ Allie Brosh

Let's be detectives when we grow up," suggested Douglas.
" No," said William. " It's more fun bein' the man that comes along an' finds out all about it when the detectives have stopped tryin'. I'm goin to be one of that sort. I'm goin' to go on readin' myst'ry tales all the time from now till I'm grown up an' then I bet there won't be any way of killin' folks that I won't know all about so I'll be able to catch all the murd'rers there are an' I bet I'll be famous an' they'll put up a stachoo to me when I'm dead."
" I bet they won't," said Ginger, irritated by William's egotism. " You'll prob'ly get murdered yourself before you've tound out anythin' at all an' then Douglas an' Henry an' me' 11 find out who did it an' get famous. ~ Richmal Crompton

So they wanted to take Tansy to a different doctor and her husband refused", Ryland said. "I wonder why he would do that." He frowned and leanede close to Kadan, sniffing. "Cinnamon?"
"Shut the hell up", Kadan said and pushed past him.
Ryland took another whiff and gave a low whistle."You smeel yummy. I'm getting hungry. Maybe cinnamon buns".
Kadan flipped him off rudely.
Nico stood waiting by the front door. As always he was their backup. He frowned when the two Ghostwalkers got close. "What the hell is that smell?"
"Kadan's new spicy cologne".
"Go to hell Rye", Kadan said ans shot him a look thaty should have withered him on the spot. "Both of you can go to hell".
"I think his blood sugar's dropping", Ryland explained. "Must have been all the cinnamon candy he got tonight". ~ Christine Feehan

I heard her family might be moving to Anchorage.
Seriously? I would die if I had to move there.
I don't know, with all the UV rays here, it seems like Anchorage might actually provide a longer life span. You don't need as much sunblock, so it's a more economical choice as well. ~ Richelle Mead

We need not invite the Devil to our table; he is too ready to come without being asked. The air all about us is filled with demons ... ~ Martin Luther

A loud whine cut through the day's quiet and Josie looked out the window to find a man wearing some kind of jetpack attached to a vacuum cleaner. Oh no. A leaf blower. The easiest way to witness the stupidity and misplaced hopes of all humanity is to watch, for twenty minutes, a human using a leaf blower. With this machine, the man was saying, I will murder all quiet. I will destroy the aural plane. And I will do so with a machine that performs a task far less efficiently than I could with a rake. ~ Dave Eggers

Yes, we'll yell, 'Help, help us, goose girl, and bring the terrifying legion of warrior geese'. ~ Shannon Hale

Preferring actual ignorance to the appearance of it, he did not ask. ~ Sheri S. Tepper

Just think of the acclaim! The feelings of satisfaction! The vastly increased dating opportunities! ~ Chris Baty

Love is like the human appendix. You take it for granted while it's there, but when it's suddenly gone you're forced to endure horrible pain that can only be alleviated through drugs. ~ Reverend Jen

Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty. ~ Phyllis Diller