Hippogriffs Humor Quotes

Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises. ~ Ambrose Bierce

I've got two neptunes here," said Harry after a while, frowning down at his piece of parchment, "that can't be right, can it?"
"Aaaaah," said Ron, imitating Professor Trelawney's mystical whisper, "when two neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born, Harry ... "
Seamus and Dean, who were working nearby, sniggered loudly, though not loud enough to mask the excited squeals from Lavender Brown- "Oh Professor, look! I think I might've gotten an unexpected planet! Oooh, which one's that, Professor?"
"It is Uranus, my dear," said Professor Trelawney, peering down at the chart.
"Can I get a look at Uranus too, Lavender?" said Ron. ~ J.K. Rowling

You have to stop letting me do this," he bit off, half-angrily.
"If you'll stop leaning on me so that I can get my hands on a blunt object, I'll be happy to…!"
He kissed the words into oblivion. "It isn't a joke," he murmured into her mouth. His hips moved in a gentle, sensuous sweep against her hips. He felt her shiver.
"That's…new," she said with a strained attempt at humor.
"It isn't," he corrected. "I've just never let you feel it before." He kissed her slowly, savoring the submission of her soft, warm lips. His hands swept under the blouse and up under her breasts in their lacy covering. He was going over the edge. If he did, he was going to take her with him, and it would damage both of them. He had to stop it, now, while he could. "Is this what Colby gets when he comes to see you?" he whispered with deliberate sarcasm.
It worked. She stepped on his foot as hard as she could with her bare instep. It surprised him more than it hurt him, but while he recoiled, she pushed him and tore out of his arms. Her eyes were lividly green through her glasses, her hair in disarray. She glared at him like a female panther.
"What Colby gets is none of your business! You get out of my apartment!" she raged at him.
She was magnificent, he thought, watching her with helpless delight. There wasn't a man alive who could cow her, or bend her to his will. Even her drunken, brutal stepfather hadn't been able to force her to do something she didn't want to do ~ Diana Palmer

Hello? Hello, Mom. No, of course you didn't wake me. Don't you know? I often engage in Monday morning orgies In fact, as you called, I was just enjoying an especially thorough rogering from two men named Paolo and Butch. ~ Diana Peterfreund

I could shove this swizzle stick through his heart, Min thought. She would'nt do it, of course. The stick was plastic and not nearly pointed enough on the end. ~ Jennifer Crusie

Look, I have a huge penis --Jake Wethers ~ Samantha Towle

If you had a daily printout from the brain of an average twenty-four-year-old male, it would probably go like this: sex, need coffee, sex, traffic, sex, sex, what an asshole, sex, ham sandwich, sex, sex, etc ~ Kate White

LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME I-
Oh, uh, hello
I did not expect an answer
I did not expect an entrance
I did not expect this room to be so unbelievably dull
So, uh, goodbye ~ Francesco Marciuliano

Young people with terminal illnesses develop a whimsical, slightly sarcastic sense of humor about it to put everyone else at ease and to serve as shining examples of grace in the face of colossally fucked-up events. ~ Jonathan Tropper

I'm feeling full of tiny princes, bustling to get out into the world and start plotting against one another. ~ Christopher Moore

I really would like to know how you managed to snag that one," she adds, watching Isaac approach us from the parking lot. "Does he have a brother? Seriously
I'll take his second cousin. ~ J.A. Redmerski

The batteries in his radio died and came back so often they could have had regular roles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. ~ Nevada Barr

It would be an idyllic tropical paradise if not for the malaria, the insects, the constant diarrhea and resulting hemorrhoids, and the fact that the people are dirty and smell bad and eat each other and use human heads for decoration. ~ Neal Stephenson

If you really love someone you shouldn't have to think about anything. You should want to say it. It's not difficult. ~ Katie Klein

He opened the door wider. "He's waiting." He gave me what was probably meant to be a significant wink, but a corner of his mouth moved more than his eye did and the result was a fairly startling face. ~ Dashiell Hammett

Sometimes the peanut; sometimes the shell. ~ Anonymous

V.L.A.D.: Vampire League Against Discrimination. ~ Carrie Vaughn

Due to man's curiosity, he will always get in trouble. ~ P.G. Meyer

Nobody is excused from the excellence trend. Babies are not excused. Starting right after they get out of the womb, modern babies are exposed to instructional flashcards designed to make them the best babies they can possibly be, so they can get into today's competitive preschools. Your eighties baby sees so many flashcards that he never gets an unobstructed view of his parents' faces. As an adult, he'll carry around a little wallet card that says "7x9=63," because it will remind him of mother. ~ Dave Barry

<> Me, too ... Huh, maybe I do like Tom Cruise. But I hate feeling pressured to find him attractive. I don't. ~ Rainbow Rowell

Did you learn to drive - by playing Mario Kart - "
"I've never put a Mario in a cart and I never will. ~ Eva Morgan

11 pm: Heart's pounding, hands shaking. Have these knots in my stomach. But drinking isn't an option. Maa is sleeping with me. Baba in Lalitaji's room. And she on the sofa.
Want to step into the toilet, take one swig, and then go directly to sleep. How the hell will Maa know? I mean she's sleeping like a log. No, no, shouldn't. What if she wakes up? She's a light sleeper, after all.
11.30 pm: No wine. Or vodka. Terrible, terrible night. When will they go back to Kolkata and let me be?
11.32 pm: Chhi . . .Chhi . . . How selfish am I? My parents, one with a heart condition, spent thousands on flight tickets and landed in Chennai. Why? Because they wanted to spend time with their widowed daughter. And what does the daughter want? To sneak into the toilet and take one good swig of wine. Shame on her!
Okay, now I'm being over-dramatic. ~ Chitrangada Mukherjee

Working to my potential.' It's like every teacher I have has some sort of manual to use when talking to me. She finished with, 'You have so much going for you,' which was the dumbest thing anyone, even Laurie, has ever said to me. ~ Elizabeth Scott

Hey, do you mind not squeezing my head off. I remember how powerful those thighs are. ~ Megan I. Tennant

And so the cycle of innocence found, lost, found again, and finally

lost is complete. Just as a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut… and a thighmaster is neither a thigh nor a master… so our hero learned that

Netflix and Chill means neither Netflix nor Chill.

And if you're just learning this for the first time, welcome to the end of your innocence. ~ Philip Rivera

Don't be disgusting.
Don't dare me. I majored in disgusting at Gulag Community College. Lucrezia Borgia taught cooking, and Madame Defarge taught knitting. Emperor Nero taught violin and also led the cheerleading squad. I skipped all my classes and failed with distinction. ~ Gregory Maguire

Gross. That girl is a slutty, slutty skank bag. ~ Shealy James

[Rincewind] drew his sword and, with a smooth overarm throw, completely failed to hit the troll. ~ Terry Pratchett

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones. ~ Walt Whitman

If you're at a party with more than five people named Chad, get the fuck out right away. ~ Eugene Mirman

What's that around your neck?" asked Emily.
"It's a golden star." Said Reed.
"What did you get it for?"
"Chemistry class."
"What's the star for?" the shadow asked, Usually stars represent a straight A student.
"You get it for having greatness. But Emily doesn't know what that is." He said, answering the shadows question and looking at Emily.
"Greatness, what's greatness?" Emily asked, all wide eyed, and clueless looking
"It's when you do really awesome stuff, and people recognize you for it."
"Oh, no" Emily laughed ."No, I don't know what that is. ~ Rumi Antoinette

No one's an angel - especially if he's a man ~ Ken Follett