Jennifer Crusie Quotes

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Then she turned away before anybody caught her slack-jawed with admiration. He was not the one, that was her DNA talking, looking for a high-class sperm donor. Every woman in the room with a working ovary probably looked at him and thought, This one. Well, biology was not destiny. The amount of damage somebody that beautiful could do to a woman like her was too much to contemplate. She took another drink to cushion the thought, and said, "He's pretty."

"No," Liza said. "That's the point. He's not pretty. David is pretty. That guy looks like an adult."

"Okay, he's full of testosterone," Min said.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Then she turned away before
Any instructions?" Carpenter said. "Yeah," Shane said. "Shoot anybody who looks at Agnes funny. And anybody else you don't like. I'm getting tired of this shi*." "Somebody needs a hug," Carpenter said. "Humor," Shane said. "Har.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Any instructions?
Do not be seduced by those big-box come-ons, full of "complete sets" of extraneous cookware. A complete set is whatever you need, and maybe all you need is a wok and a hot place to grill your bacon. In a pinch, I can do it all with my good heavy nonstick frying pan. Besides the obvious braising, browning, and frying, I can make sauces and stir-fries in it, toast cheese sandwiches and slivered almonds, use the underside to pound cutlets, and in a pinch probably swing it to defend my honor. If I could find a man that versatile and dependable, I'd marry him.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Do not be seduced by
Be sober, be vigilant because your adversary the Devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Be sober, be vigilant because
Emilio appeared with wine before Cal could say anything, and Min beamed at him, grateful for the rescue. "Emilio, my darling. I forgot to mention cake boxes. Two hundred cake boxes."
"Already on it," Emilio said. "Nonna said you'd need them. She said to get four-inch-square boxes for three-inch-square cakes."
"I'm getting the boxes," Min said, nodding. "Sure. Great. Fine. Your grandmother is an angel and you are my hero. And of course, a genius with food."
"And you are my favorite customer." Emilio kissed her cheek and disappeared back into the kitchen.
"I love him," she told Cal.
"I noticed," Cal said. "Been seeing him behind my back, have you?"
"Yes," Min said. "We've been having conversations about cake."
"Whoa," Cal said. "For you, that's talking dirty.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Emilio appeared with wine before
You've lived in America for twenty years. Eat badly, damn it.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: You've lived in America for
It's a good thing he broke up with you because now you're free for when the right man finds you. Your prince is on his way."
"Right. I'm sure he was on his way but a truck hit him.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: It's a good thing he
Nothing but good times ahead.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Nothing but good times ahead.
Why are you offering me ten thousand dollars a month for babysitting? You didn't pay the nannies that. It's ridiculous. For ten thousand a month, you should not only get child care, you should get your house cleaned, your laundry done, your tires rotated, and if I were you, I'd insist on nightly blow jobs. Did you think I wouldn't notice that you're still trying to keep your thumb on me?
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Why are you offering me
Have you talked to North?" he said.
"Yes," she said. "I asked him to get us cable."
"I wish you weren't talking to him."
"I'd talk to Satan to get cable," Andie said.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Have you talked to North?
So I've been sexy all these years? Why hasn't anybody noticed?" "Because you dress like you hate your body," Cal said. "Sexy is in your head and you don't feel sexy so you don't look it.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: So I've been sexy all
I had you pictured dead in a pool of blood in front of the fireplace. And now you show up alive, and I want to kill you myself. (Zack)
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: I had you pictured dead
You know, I'm not even sure how we ended up living together."
"I am," Jake said, turning back to the lake. "Sex. It's a powerful force, my boy, and women use it."
"Is that why you gave them up?" Will asked, sympathetically. "Did paranoia drive you to celibacy?
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: You know, I'm not even
Wonder of wonders, the box had Elvis. Immediately the bar seemed a better place. She fed in coins and then punched the keys for "Hound Dog." Too bad Elvis had never recorded one called "Dickhead.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Wonder of wonders, the box
We're going to need a bigger dock
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: We're going to need a
Tomorrow we go back to normal?"
"Sure," Mab said. "It'll be like none of this happened. Except I'll still be pregnant, and you'll still be making dragons, and Glenda will still be pretending that Dreamland is Cancun, and Weaver will still own the only green velvet demon in captivity. Other than that, perfectly normal."
"I just meant no demons trying to kill us," Cindy said. "My baseline for normal is a lot lower than yours.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Tomorrow we go back to
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Gwen Goodnight
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: If you can't be a
Values aren't buses," she said shortly. "They're not supposed to get you anywhere. They're supposed to define who you are. And I'd rather be touchy-feely than morally bankrupt.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Values aren't buses,
One of the biggest problems this country has is that people think a law is a law only if they agree with it. And if they don't, it's all right to kick guys like Joe out of the service and bomb abortion clinics because there's a higher law at work.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: One of the biggest problems
You don't believe in unconditional love. Neither does Alex. So you both threw away the best thing you ever had because you didn't believe in each other or yourselves.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: You don't believe in unconditional
Look, I'm not ready for you," Min said. "I'm not prepared. I don't have any defenses when you're around. I make these plans and I mean it, I really do, and then I kiss you because I'm crazy about you which would be fine if I didn't fall in love with you but there that is, just standing there, and you know it, you know you've got me.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Look, I'm not ready for
Well, you won't unless you come to lunch with me," Cal said. "I'm holding it for ransom. There's a gun
to its heel right now."
"I have lunch at my desk," Min began, and thought,Oh, for crying out loud, could I beany more
pathetic ?
"Emilio is experimenting with a lunch menu. He needs you. I need you.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Well, you won't unless you
A lot of really big trees had died to make that desk. His mother had probably gnawed them down, used her nails to saw the boards, and finished the decorative cutwork with her tongue.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: A lot of really big
No carbs" her mother called after her as she went into the dressing room "And no butter"
"I know you stole me from my real parents" Min called back. "They'd let me eat butter
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: No carbs
But I'm not calm. It's all a lie." Quinn held Katie closer, breathing faster. "It's just that when everybody else is screaming, somebody has to be mature and unemotional, so I have these brain-dead moments where I don't react the way any sane human being would. I stay completely calm and ignore my feelings and compromise and make everything work again. And I'm not going to do that anymore. From now on, I'm going to be Zoe. Screw calm. Somebody else is going to have to do mature because I'm going to be selfish and get what I want.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: But I'm not calm. It's
North is a powerful man, and you're still connected to him." Flo frowned. "Probably sexual memory, those Capricorns are insatiable. Well, you know. Sea Goat. And of course, you're a Fish. You'll end up back in bed with him."
Andie slammed the car door. "You know what I'd like for Christmas, Flo? Boundaries. You can gift me early if you'd like.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: North is a powerful man,
This is making me crazy. I hate relying on other people to save me, I hate being clingy, I hate it, and every time you show up, I lean on you. - Matilda Scarlet Veronica Betty Vilma Goodnight
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: This is making me crazy.
Life is more than great sex and a nice car."
"Well, yeah. But not a lot more.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Life is more than great
The thing about women is that they got liberated too fast. They never learned to be straightforward about life because they had to sneak around for about a thousand years tricking men into doing things they wanted. So they manipulate you instead of telling you what they want, so you never know where the hell you are. And then they get mad at you and bitch.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: The thing about women is
People should be more careful about what they read to their kids," Park said. "Some of this stuff sounds dangerous.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: People should be more careful
If she'd just kept her mouth shut, she would have been perfect, but no ...
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: If she'd just kept her
You have to open up to the world and learn optimism ... Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimisim.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: You have to open up
I'm fine," Kate said. "In fact, since my last two dates were so awful, things can only get better."
"Bad deduction," Jessie said. "If that were true, I'd be dating Harrison Ford by now.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: I'm fine,
I'm stuck in the old me, and I don't know how to get out. I just know the old me isn't the real me anymore.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: I'm stuck in the old
You know who you remind me of? The kid cop in Lethal Weapon 3. You know, the one who says, 'it's my twenty-first birthday today', and right away you know he's dead meat?
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: You know who you remind
Say it," she said, and he said, "I love you. I'll always love you. Forever. It's a life sentence. Now put the damn ring on.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Say it,
I even yelled at you last night." Phin eased up. "For which I apologize."
"It was kind of nice," Sophie said. "At least you know I was there."
"Oh hell, Spohie, I always know you're there." Phin rolled twords her on one hip, and Sophie felt felt a flare of hope, but he was just digging something out of his back pocket. "Here." He weld out an emerald-cut diamond ring the size of her head. "Marry me, Julie Ann. Ruin the rest of my life."
"Hello." Sophie gasped at the ring. "Jeez, that thing is huge. Where did you get it?"
"My mother gave it to me," Phin said sounding bemused.
Then the other shoe dropped. "Marry you?" Sophie said, and the sun came out and the birds to sing and the river sent up a cheer. Marriage was probably out- Liz as a mother-in-law was too terrifying to complete , and Phin would never get elected agian if he was married to a pornographer- but suddenly everything else was looking pretty good.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: I even yelled at you
Mitch woke up the next morning the way he always did: badly.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Mitch woke up the next
Infatuation lasts anywhere from six months to three years, and you can't know you've found the right person until you've worked your way through it. You quit
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Infatuation lasts anywhere from six
Everything will be fine. Nothing but good times ahead.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Everything will be fine. Nothing
Kate picked up her coffee cup, frowning when she saw it was empty. "Did you drink my coffee?"
"Yes. I was feeling aggressive.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Kate picked up her coffee
she was just…beaming at me, and I thought she'd won the lottery or something, her smile was that big. I asked what happened, and she said…" Park swallowed again. "She said, 'You're here."' He blinked at Tess. "'You're here.' That's all it was. That big goofy smile just because I was there. Nobody ever smiled like that at me before.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: she was just…beaming at me,
Exciting wasn't turning out obe as easy as she'd thought it would be, but it was definitely worth pursuing.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Exciting wasn't turning out obe
His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: His sentences didn't seem to
Four fabulous days and three glorious nights. More than that, Victoria thought. Fabulous days and glorious nights for the rest of my life.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Four fabulous days and three
Hello. I like you naked. Never wear clothes again.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Hello. I like you naked.
Sometimes stories are just previews of coming truths.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Sometimes stories are just previews
Okay, Shane," Agnes said as Brenda's clock gonged midnight. "I got Joey in the kitchen, a cop in the front hall, a dead body in the basement, and you in my bedroom. Where do you want to start?
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Okay, Shane,
No, this wasn't just about sex, but for the next hour or so, it was going to be mostly about sex.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: No, this wasn't just about
You could forgive a lot if somebody was there to take care of things until you grew up.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: You could forgive a lot
He hung up and smiled at Cal. "That was Min. She wants chicken marsala. You can deliver it to her."

"What?" Cal said, dumbfounded.

"You know the way. It's probably on your way home."

"It's not on my way home, it's not on anybody's way home except God's, the damn place is vertical. What gave you the idea I'd do this?
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: He hung up and smiled
Once you know the truth, it's always obvious
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Once you know the truth,
Of course it hurt you neanderthal! See that? Thats blood. If theres blood, theres pain. Its like smoke and fire.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Of course it hurt you
Mab: You know, Bill, you should see an optometrist about that rolling-eye problem. Makes you look rude and patronizing.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Mab: You know, Bill, you
It doesn't matter," Min said. "That's what I'm trying to tell you, it doesn't matter what you do or say. I'm going to love you till the end of time."
Cal looked at her, stunned.
"I know," Min said. "It's really un-PC. I just thought you should know that you can't screw this up."
"I can't?" Cal said, wanting to believe her.
"No," Min said. "Which doesn't mean I'm not going to tell if you make me mad again. I will shout and slam doors. I just won't be on the other side of the door when I slam it. You've got me for life."
He lost his breath and put his forehead against her shoulder. "God, I love you.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: It doesn't matter,
When we do it again," he told her, his hands hot on her, "it'll be where I want,when I want,with spotlights if I want."
"I don't think so", she said and he kissed her again and she thought, Oh, hell, wherever you want, and kissed him back.
"Whatever I want," he whispered in her ear.
"Okay," she whispered back.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: When we do it again,
Sophie held the [hand]cuffs higher, hopint to instill some sense of shame, if not in him, then at least in herself. One look at him and she wanted him again. "I found them in the bed."
"That makes sense," Phin said. "That's where I lost them."
"I'd ask what you were doing with them," Sophie said, trying not to sound bitchy, "but I probably don't want to know, do I?"
"Sure you do. It was exciting and different and depraved." Phin nodded toward the stairs. "Go put them someplace we can find them, and I'll show you later.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Sophie held the [hand]cuffs higher,
Say, 'Thank you, Phin.' "
"Oh, please."
"Say, Thank youvery much, Phin. "
"I don't think so."
"Say, 'You are a great lover, Phin.' "
"I'm out of here.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Say, 'Thank you, Phin.'
Would she hit a dog to get great sex?
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Would she hit a dog
I adored you," North said. "I just didn't tell you. You were the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. Nothing else like you in my world before or since. I was crazy about you. I still am. Ten years later you walk into my office and I see you and it's like the first time, I can't think, I can't talk, I just need you with me. It makes me crazy, but now that I've got you back ... You're everything, Andie. I should have told you that before.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: I adored you,
Drink to me! I just realized that I've slept with everyone at this table! ~Nell
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Drink to me! I just
Values aren't buses ... They're not supposed to get you anywhere. They're supposed to define who you are.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Values aren't buses ... They're
Don't even think about it."
"Well, when can I walk by myself?"
"When you get your driver's license."
"You always, always say that." Dillie scowled at him. "That's when everything happens."
"It's going to be a busy day," Phin agreed.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Don't even think about it."Well," title="Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Don't even think about it."
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I'm a feminist," Quinn said. "We get irrational urges.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: I'm a feminist,
When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: When Eve ate the apple
Can we go to work now? Because we're about a minute away from breaking out the
ice cream and talking about our feelings, and I don't think we can come back from that.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Can we go to work
There was something about having a plan for dinner, a recipe in hand, that made her feel much less hostile about food.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: There was something about having
Heartache often drives us to consume things we wouldn't otherwise, such as an entire pint of Caramel Pecan Perfection high-fat ice cream, covered in ganache, the crack cocaine of frozed dairy. Twelve hundred calories per pint, six hundred and eighty of which are fat calories, but is only dulls the pain for the moment, there's that carb fog while you're standing at the sink shoving it in your face, and then it's over and you feel ... used. Like a cheap pickup the Dove people seduced and abandoned in your kitchen, leaving you with sticky hands and an empty cup and a still-broken heart, except now you're mad at Dove, too.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Heartache often drives us to
The first rule in life is 'everybody lies.' Remember that and you'll get a lot further.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: The first rule in life
The attendant opened the door, and the faint barking Nina had heard before became frantic and shrill. Nina stepped into the concrete cell block and stopped, blown out of her self-absorption by the row of gray metal cages where dogs barked to get her attention. She let her breath out, horrified. "Oh, God, this is awful." "Spay your pets." The attendant stopped in front of the next to last cage. "Here you go." She jerked her head again. "Perky." Nina
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: The attendant opened the door,
[ ... ] And those women with the camera looked loose.
Excellent, Phin thought. At last, some good news.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: [ ... ] And those
It was possible to love someone and hate him at the same time.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: It was possible to love
Infatuation doesn't last because it's conditional and conditions change, but if it's real love, it turns into mature, unconditional love, and new chemicals are released in the brain, Endorphins that make you feel warm and peaceful and satisfied and content whenever you're with the one you love ... And miserable when you're without him because if he's not there, the brain won't produce chemicals.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Infatuation doesn't last because it's
Really, The smart thing to do was to stop dating and get a cat.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Really, The smart thing to
nfatuation lasts anywhere from six months to three years, and you can't know you've found the right person until you're worked your way through it.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: nfatuation lasts anywhere from six
Jake ignored him and went on. "If I ever do hook up with anybody again - and I sincerely doubt that I will, so wipe that hopeful look off your face - it will be with someone who thinks that being with somebody who mows lawns is her idea of heaven on earth and who will do exactly what I tell her to do and love it."
"I think Donna Reed is dead," Will said.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Jake ignored him and went
Every species has a dinner date as part of courting ritual. A woman who won't let you pay for dinner is rejecting your courtship. She may think she's playing fair, or that she's being a feminist, but a very deep level, she knows that she's crossing you off her list of possibilities.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Every species has a dinner
No more pep talks about believing in toads," Liza said.
"Don't they turn into princeses when you kiss them?" Bonnie said.
"Thats frogs," Liza Said. "Entirely different species.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: No more pep talks about
If you haven't failed, you're not trying hard enough.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: If you haven't failed, you're
There never were any women who liked to cook for men everyday. There were only women who cooked for survival and pretended to like it. And now there are men who cook for survival. Like you. Think of this as survivalist training. Very macho.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: There never were any women
Christ, I'm in a Doris Day movie
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Christ, I'm in a Doris
The problem wasn't that Stephen was a fathead and Virginia was a gossip. It was that Stephen was a driven fathead with a large conservative following and Virginia talked to everyone.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: The problem wasn't that Stephen
Zach had brought her a dog.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Zach had brought her a
I believe things will work out for us if we just believe in ourselves.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: I believe things will work
What i'm trying to tell you," Min said, "is that im going to grow up to be one of those chubby old ladies. It's in my genes. Like self raising flour. i'm going to pouf."
"thats going to work out well for me," Cal said. "because i'm going to grow up to be one of those horny old men who chases chubby old ladies around the couch.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: What i'm trying to tell
Hell, your kid is fucking my wife, and your wife is fucking me. [ ... ]
Not that she's any good, Zane said, looking at Georgia, and when she made a little cry of protest, he added, Hell Georgia, even Jell-O moves when you eat it.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Hell, your kid is fucking
He picked up the biscuit box and said, "Come on, Marlene. Back into hiding in case somebody comes looking for you, although only God knows why anybody would."
"Marlene?" Nell said.
"I'm not calling anything SugarPie," Riley said. "That's obscene.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: He picked up the biscuit
What about the check?" Suze said.
"Pay it," he called back. "This is your party."
"I don't like him," Suze said to Margie.
Margie slid out of the booth. "Think of him as a growth experience."
"Oh, good, I've been wanting one of those," Suze said and tossed a twenty on the table. It was too much, but she was in a hurry to steal a dog.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: What about the check?
If you can look at somebody and say, 'I never loved you, you were a mistake,' that's one thing. But if you look at him and say, 'You were everything and I poisoned it because I wouldn't stand up for myself,' that's hard. That's too hard ...
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: If you can look at
Books provide a handy shorthand when Rory's mostly MIA father, Christopher, is first introduced to viewers. Christopher's offer to buy Rory the Compact Oxford English Dictionary she covets is sincere; his lack of ability to follow through on his good intentions is Christopher in a nutshell.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Books provide a handy shorthand
The reason you can't lose weight is that you're not supposed to lose weight, you're not built that way, and if you did manage through some stupid diet to take the weight off, you'd be like that chicken mess you just made. Some things are supposed to be made with butter. You're one of them.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: The reason you can't lose
After you die, you're going to hell for being a dishonest bastard, and you'll burn for eternity."
The guy snatched his hand back. "I don't believe in Hell."
"Most people don't until they get there." Mab smiled at him. "Of course, if you stop lying and cheating, you can probably redeem yourself. If not, have them put marshmallows in your coffin. There's a bight side to everything, I always say.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: After you die, you're going
I've been spending a lot of time out of here, Harry said. Thank God I don't have a date tonight. This would not be in easy smell to explain.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: I've been spending a lot
She pushed him onto the couch and straddled him ...
Min swallowed "the thing is, im going to spread. Hips, thighs-"
"Not till nine-thirty," Cal said trying not to picture her.
"-waist," Min said then stopped. "What? nine-thirty? Not till my forties, probably, i think i can fight it off that long, but then-"
"What?" Cal said.
"Im going to get fat," Min said, and he blinked. "Er. Im going to get fatter." she frowned at him. "what did you think i meant?"
"for future reference," he said starting to laugh. "if you're sitting half naked on my lap and you tell me you're going to spread-"
"No! I would never say that!" she said.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: She pushed him onto the
Does it ever occur to you not to sleep with women?"
"No," Riley said.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Does it ever occur to
I like my afterglow with you in motion. I measure time by how your body sways.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: I like my afterglow with
Mason was leaving her for a fifty-four-year-old woman who didn't moisturize
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Mason was leaving her for
So I know you must have a plan and this wolf - "
"Beast," Min said.
" - frog, whatever, can't fit your plan."
"He's not a frog," Min said. "I kissed him and he did not turn into a prince."He turned into a god. No,
he didn't . "Look, I'm never going to see him again, so everybody can relax.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: So I know you must
Who was the moron on the phone?"
"Carl Avery," Kate said. "A long-standing client and potential felon.
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: Who was the moron on
•The key to fighting is never to fight unless the cause is so great that you couldn't bear not to defend it and the losses you are going to suffer are things that you could afford to lose. If you do fight, the thing to remember is that it is going to hurt because that is what happens in a fight and you might as well reconcile yourself to it in the beginning and then it will not matter when it happens
Jennifer Crusie Quotes: •The key to fighting is
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