Garry Shandling Quotes

I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms. ~ Garry Shandling

Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is. ~ Garry Shandling

Some people think the world will end in 2012. I think we've got until 2014. I'm an optimist. ~ Garry Shandling

That's what we were exploring on 'Larry Sanders' - the human qualities that have brought us to where we are now in the world: the addiction to needing more and wanting more and talking more. We were examining the labels put on success - is it successful to be on TV every day, to be famous, to have a paycheck? ~ Garry Shandling

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over. ~ Garry Shandling

I'd like to do more acting. ~ Garry Shandling

I once saw an elaborate landscape in a gallery, drawn in pencil, that took my breath away. Then I realized the artist probably didn't have enough confidence to use a pen. ~ Garry Shandling

I keep my scrapbooks in the car. When I come to a stoplight, I start looking through my past. Sometimes I wish the red lights were longer. ~ Garry Shandling

Garry Shandling has always been a pioneer of ... meta entertainment. He's always been a defender of the creative right to use the frame as part of the painting. ~ Dan Harmon

I started boxing for exercise, and on the very first day, the trainer got in the ring with me and said, 'Whoever controls the breathing in the ring controls the fight.' I immediately passed out. ~ Garry Shandling

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show. ~ Garry Shandling

Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name? ~ Garry Shandling

I don't like this reality television, I have to be honest;I think real people should not be on television; It's for special people like us, people who have trained and studied to appear to be real ~ Garry Shandling

Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me. ~ Garry Shandling

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some reflection of my real feeling about relationships, because I do have commitment issues. My friends tell me I have intimacy problems, but they don't know me, so who cares what they think? ~ Garry Shandling

I don't talk about my hair anymore because I've matured. I matured and realized it doesn't matter what you look like. It's what kind of hair you have inside that counts. ~ Garry Shandling

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it. ~ Garry Shandling

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship. ~ Garry Shandling

I may discuss love, and I don't mind if two men fall in love, fine. Two women, fine. But I flinch when I think of two Jewish women getting together and having a child because the idea of having two Jewish mothers makes my head explode. I have one; I couldn't handle two. ~ Garry Shandling

I've always liked and appreciated storytellers like Garry Shandling and Bill Cosby - more long-form comedy. So starting in San Francisco, watching all these great comics - Patton Oswalt, Dave Chappelle - you get to see them a bunch, and you go, 'Wow, this is where I need to be.' ~ Al Madrigal

I was working with Peter Tolan, who was my writing partner on those two [Rescue Me and The Job], and he did The Larry Sanders Show with Garry Shandling, and he always said that the second season is better because you know the actors. ~ Denis Leary

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right. ~ Garry Shandling

I remember learning to drive on my dad's lap. Did you guys ever do that? He'd work the brakes. I'd work the wheel. Then I went to take the driver's test and sat on the examiner's lap. I failed the exam. But he still writes to me. That's the really nice part. ~ Garry Shandling

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest. ~ Garry Shandling

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman. ~ Garry Shandling

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with. ~ Garry Shandling

My second or third year in the engineering department, I got very frustrated, and I sat down with myself and had a soul-searching conversation with myself and said, 'What I'd really like to do is see if I can write comedy.' ... I moved to L.A. stone cold. Didn't know anybody; didn't know how to go about it. Really started from scratch. ~ Garry Shandling

I was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skills by watching guys like Garry Shandling, Robin Williams, Jay Lena and more. ~ Bill Engvall

First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on. ~ Garry Shandling

I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe it would be fun occasionally. It's hard for me to have fun and I'm a serious thinker and a searcher and funny from the front. ~ Garry Shandling

I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I don't know that I would put the puppets on when I was pitching a show. This was the head of the studio putting a puppet show on. And I'll tell you, he wasn't bad. ~ Garry Shandling

I like to talk on the cell when I do interviews. That way, I double my chances of getting brain cancer: from the cell phone, and from the questions. ~ Garry Shandling

I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present. ~ Garry Shandling

I feel that everything I do in my life I can do in a shorter time than most men can. It's the quality, not the quantity. ~ Garry Shandling

I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out. ~ Garry Shandling

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell ~ Garry Shandling

To be thrown onto the stand-up stage is an experience that you cannot fathom until you're actually there, because there's no place to go, and everyone is looking at you and you can't even see them because of the lights. And yet you have to manage to start talking and be funny on top of it. ~ Garry Shandling

The art of boxing is seeing spaces and being able to take shots. The hitting and being hit have to become one. Your reactions have to be so in the moment. There's no time to think. ~ Garry Shandling

Yes, I'm a nice man and I enjoy babies. I'm a sensitive guy. I held a baby the other day and it was the first time either of us cried. ~ Garry Shandling

I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms and go, "I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like." ~ Garry Shandling

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style. ~ Garry Shandling

There's a good chance that if you're talking to me when I'm snoring, it means I'm bored. ~ Garry Shandling

I had no idea who I was when I started. I was frightened to death and had no natural performing skills. ~ Garry Shandling

Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, "Are you just going to sit around like that all day?" ~ Garry Shandling

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much. ~ Garry Shandling

I'm proud of Larry Sanders and proud of every single person who went on that journey. It's a very special show to me, and I've learned a lot of lessons from it. I need to find something where I can learn some more lessons, and then I'll do that project. ~ Garry Shandling

I don't think I'm severely politically active. I care deeply, and I have my strong personal beliefs. I think America is dancing on thin ice. But I think it's bigger even than a political issue. I wonder about the evolution of the human race and spirit and what our goals and reasons for living are. ~ Garry Shandling

Losing can persuade you to change what doesn't need to be changed, and winning can convince you everything is fine even if you are on the brink of disaster. ~ Garry Kasparov

The photograph should be more interesting or more beautiful than what was photographed ~ Garry Winogrand

One does not succeed by sticking to convention. ~ Garry Kasparov

We've been saying Putin is a dictator for years who doesn't care about the law. ~ Garry Kasparov

We have to stop the propaganda, the shameful propaganda used by Kremlin to rehabilitate these old types. ~ Garry Kasparov

Comic-strip artists generally have very modest ambitions. Day to day, we labor to fit together all these little moving parts - a character or two, a few lines of dialogue, framing, pacing, payoff - but we certainly don't think of them adding up over time to some larger portrait of our times. ~ Garry Trudeau

Arthur Schlesinger admits that JFK "succumbed to the fake omniscience of insiders". Prolonged immersion in the self-contained, self-justifying world of clandestinity and deception erodes the reality principle. ~ Garry Wills

You see something happening and you bang away at it. Either you get what you saw or you get something else
and whichever is better you print. ~ Garry Winogrand

I was born and raised in the Bronx and my grandfather and my brother Garry were huge Yankees fans. One of my first memories is of them listening to a game on the radio and screaming at the radio. My brother would cry when they lost, and when I was really little, I didn't know why he was crying. ~ Penny Marshall

There are fixed rules in chess, and no one knows how the game will end. ~ Garry Kasparov

Putin recognized that if he could get enough money, everything would be under control. ~ Garry Kasparov

I don't have anything to say in any picture. My only interest in photography is to see what something looks like as a photograph. I have no preconceptions. ~ Garry Winogrand

I try not to second-guess editors; they're the clients, and I have no expectation that my strip is going to make it into every paper every day. ~ Garry Trudeau

I didn't feel that there was much goodness in me. ~ Garry Disher

Comic strips are like a public utility. They're supposed to be there 365 days a year, and you're supposed to be able to hit the mark day after day. ~ Garry Trudeau

I am not all knowing.
Therefore, I will not even attempt to be.
I need to be loved.
Therefore, I will be open to loving children.
I want to be more accepting of the child in me.
Therefore, I will with wonder and awe allow children to illuminate my world. ~ Garry L. Landreth

We cannot seem to help ourselves they said. Thus, the hominid spark of intelligence flares, burns everything around it, and fades. Some humans will survive the great conflagration. Thus, begins an endless cycle of destruction spiraling downward until our species is gone. We can hope that before the sun begins to become unstable (it is about half way there now) evolution can produce a new and better intelligence that will have sufficient breadth and depth to understand the ecological consequences of its actions. ~ Garry Rogers

You go to a theater now and you literally see parents watching the movie and they suddenly cover their kid's ears. I figured I'd make one movie where they didn't have to do this. ~ Garry Marshall

The Putin regime is and always has been about one thing: money. Specifically, about how to move it into the bank accounts of Putin's ~ Garry Kasparov

Russian Parliament today is a bunch of puppets that just fall in with the instructions from Kremlin. ~ Garry Kasparov

In assembling this group of portraits of women, I'm aware that I'm treading on dangerous ground. When I was in college, I learned to be distrustful of men's depictions of women. I remember seeing Garry Winogrand's book Women Are Beautiful in the school library and being shocked that it hadn't been defaced for its blatant objectification of women. But looking back, maybe I was too harsh. Whether one photographs men or women, it is always a form of objectification. Whatever you say about Winogrand, his depiction was honest. ~ Alec Soth

The only successor to President Putin is President Putin himself and we could of course dream about President Putin stepping down voluntarily and picking out successor which would be probably as bad as him. ~ Garry Kasparov

Accountability is the essence of democracy. If people do not know what their government is doing, they cannot be truly self-governing. The national security state assumes the government secrets are too important to be shared, that only those in the know can see classified information, that only the president has all the facts, that we must simply trust that our rulers of acting in our interest. ~ Garry Wills

We should try to keep our mothers in the home and that's where the whole Reform platform hangs together. ~ Garry Breitkreuz

It is better to have a bad plan than no plan. ~ Garry Kasparov

Professional happiness is the tonic of longevity. ~ Garry Fitchett

Learning to listen to your 'will' and what it loves - and then translating what you hear into a practical formula for action - is the only path to authenticity. ~ Garry Fitchett

I may play some exhibition games so I don't want to quit the game of chess completely. I just decided and it's a firm decision not to play competitive chess anymore. ~ Garry Kasparov

I was born in Ballaghadreen, but I grew up in Galway, and when I went to the University College of Galway, I became involved in the drama society there and started directing plays. ~ Garry Hynes

But evil does not die, just as history does not end. Like a weed, evil can be cut back but never entirely uprooted. It waits for its chance to spread through the cracks in our vigilance. It can take root in the fertile soil of our complacency, or even the rocky rubble of the fallen Berlin Wall. ~ Garry Kasparov

The odd thing about 'Cripple of Inishmaan' is it's never actually been performed on the island. ~ Garry Hynes

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom. ~ Alan King

Sometimes the best defence is the best defence. ~ Garry Kasparov

The primary problem is to learn to be your own toughest critic. You have to pay attention to intelligent work, and to work at the same time. You see. I mean, you've got to bounce off better work. It's matter of working. ~ Garry Winogrand

He convinced me - Fred Freeman - to go to Hollywood and we went to Hollywood to write sitcoms. Joey Bishop actually paid my way to Hollywood. ~ Garry Marshall

Chess is mental torture. ~ Garry Kasparov

The best chess masters of every epoch have been closely linked with the values of the society in which they lived and worked. All the changes of a cultural, political, and psychological background are reflected in the style and ideas of their play. ~ Garry Kasparov

If you aren't paranoid before you arrive in this city, give it a few weeks and you will soon notice it creeping in, dripping into your subconscious like a leaky tap. The trick is not to give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about you, and if you are in the right frame of mind this can be an easy trick to perform but if not you'll soon notice that for a city full of people who do a great Stevie Wonder impersonation when it comes to the homeless and beggars and casual violence towards others, wearing the wrong kind of shoes or a cheap suit brings out a sneering, hateful attitude that can have weaker minded individuals locked in their houses for weeks before harassing their doctors for prescriptions of Prozac and Beta blockers just to make it out the front door. ~ Garry Crystal

When you consider that only an estimated 15 percent of the US population plays chess, its cultural prominence is extraordinary. It ~ Garry Kasparov

Grandmaster games are said to begin with novelty, which is the first move of the game that exits the book. It could be the fifth, it could be the thirty-fifth. We think about a chess game as beginning with move one and ending with checkmate. But this is not the case. The games begins when it gets out of book, and it end when it goes into book..And this is why Game 6 [between Garry Kasparov and Deep Blue] didn't count ... Tripping and falling into a well on your way to the field of battle is not the same thing as dying in it ... Deep Blue is only itself out of book; prior to that it is nothing. Just the ghosts of the game itself. ~ Brian Christian