Discworld Humor Life Quotes

In Ankh-Morpork even the shit have a street to itself," said Detritus, awe and wonder in his voice. "Truly, this a land of opportunity. ~ Terry Pratchett

I hope your only rocky road is chocolate. ~ Amanda Mosher

Don't live in the virtual world, get out there and buy yourself a laptop ~ Benny Bellamacina

Always think backwards before moving forwards ~ Benny Bellamacina

Real love is on the inside. It's somebody you have a common ground with, you share the same values, you share the same interests, you share the same humor, you share all those things that are things that will last you the rest of your life. ~ George Lucas

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

But most of all I feel my brain, up there taking in blood and looking out on the world and noticing humor and light and smells and dogs and every other thing in the world - everything in my life is all in my brain, really, so it would be natural that when my brain was screwed up, everything in my life would be. ~ Ned Vizzini

Yes, life is full of awkward moments! For example, that time you keep dazing off while staring at the same person you found yourself staring at five minutes ago. *gulp* So glad staring is still not illegal. Or, at least I'm glad for my own benefit. ~ Mary Kate

The elderly man, flushed with pleasure, was recounting in voluble fashion his experiences and impressions. His wife joined in periodically, with meticulous corrections involving completely unimportant points; these being given and taken in the best of humor. ~ Isaac Asimov

Yes, it's your fault I'm alive. ~ Suzanne Collins

Strive for more. More zombies, more fighting, more profit. ~ Jesse Petersen

I used to have pink hair," I told Seven.
"I used to have a real job," he answered.
"What happened?"
He shrugged. "I dyed my hair pink. What happened to you? ~ Jodi Picoult

It was a Guild of Assassins, after all. Black was what you wore. The night was black and so were you. And black had such style, and an Assassin without style, everyone agreed, was just a highly paid arrogant thug. ~ Terry Pratchett

The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went there. This is the position of the universe with regards to human life. ~ Martin Amis

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor. ~ Steven Wright

I shall not attempt here to describe my marriage. Some impression of it will doubtless emerge. For the present story, its general nature rather than its detail is important. It was not a success. At first I saw her as a life-bringer. Then I saw her as a death-bringer. Some women are like that. There is a sort of energy which seems to reveal the world: then one day you find you are being devoured. Fellow victims will know what I mean. Possibly I am a natural bachelor. ~ Iris Murdoch

Four years ago the clocks started turning back. I open my eyes and see nothing. I feel nothing below or above me. I feel the absence of things. The absence of my flesh, my bones, my body, my mind. All that is left is awareness. I see nothing but the absence of colour. It's not a black darkness. It's simply nothing. The interior of a black hole. I recall news of a black hole lingering along the edges of our solar system. All that time ago. Four years ago. When the clocks started turning back. I hear nothing. Until there is a something. A small thing. A voice. I listen. There are more voices. The sounds are human. How long has it been since I've heard a human? The sounds scratch along my now present attention. They carve into my hearing. They are horrid, wretched things. Voices screaming. Growing loud and desperate. How many voices? Billions. This is the birth of our species. We are born screaming. It's all we know to do. We have screamed for eternity. Within this empty space. ~ F.K. Preston

What life is to humor, humor is to life. ~ Krishna Sagar

You are allowed to float around having no damned idea what you want to do with yourself with no actual time frame in which you need to figure it out. ~ Brittany Gibbons

Which means
"That you were absolutely, unequivocally, undeniably, one-hundred-percent right," he said, again with the kissing. "You know, a woman waits her whole life to hear those words." I sighed ~ Molly Harper

Giving is the only way of taking part ~ Benny Bellamacina

In life there are heads and there are tails however when one starts to excrete thoughts out of the latter and proceed to relieve yourself out of the former than you've become too full of yourself. ~ Ryan Cayne

The body of the last Flealouse contained the flesh of everything that had ever lived. It was content. ~ Alasdair Gray

It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all. ~ Jimmy Carr

Life is meaning less when you realized that you are about to die. Till then, everything negative however trifle they may be, depress you. ~ Ankur Basu Roy

тот что нас не убивает нас не интересует. 'That which cannot kill us does not interest us.' Exhaling poison, he explains, 'Nice sentiment shared by thieves and Bratva. ~ Tanya Thompson

This is supposed to be a surprise - a huge, life-changing surprise that could make or break our future. Or my kneecaps if George decides he really does hate me. ~ Tara Sivec

The photo had been taken at the opening of JB's fifth, long-delayed show, 'Frog and Toad,' which had been exclusively images of the two of them, but very blurred, and more abstract than JB's previous work. (They hadn't quite known what to think of the series title, though JB had claimed it was affectionate. 'Arnold Lobel?' he had screeched at them when they asked him about it. 'Hello?!' But neither he nor Willem had read Lobel's books as children, and they'd had to go out and buy them to make sense of the reference.) ~ Hanya Yanagihara

No truth on this goddamn planet ever made its way out of your mouth. If truth was hanging out of your nose you'd blow that goddamn truth bugger into a snot rag and toss it into a fire pit ~ Vera Jane Cook

Life is too short to skip the sprinkles. ~ Pandora Spocks

You're a princess on roller skates. People like you skate through life on shiny gold blades to full orchestral music with the wind at you back. Everything comes easy to skaters ... Everyone loves you ~ Shelley Coriell

In a book, even the real bastards can't hurt you. And you can never loose a friend you make in a book. When you get to a sad part, no one's there to see you cry. Or wonder why you don't cry when you should. ~ Dean Koontz

Write your dream obituary and live that life! ~ Tami Holzman

There was a pause. Finally, dubiously, Jack said, "I'm sorry, but it sounded like you just confessed to being able to talk to bones. Why have we never heard this before?"
"Because I was there when you said you could raise the dead. I saw how everybody reacted, and I enjoy having a social life at this school," said Christopher. ~ Seanan McGuire

Smartass Disciple: Three years! I've listened you preaching just for this silly truth?
Master of Stupidity: Who said I was preaching? Who said anything about the truth? ~ Toba Beta

It is a great thing to start life with a small number of really good books which are your very own. ~ Arthur Conan Doyle

Mom has reorganized the kitchen so that the one room that was everyone's room is foreign to me. My visits are punctuated with me whipping around, angrily demanding, "Where are the forks, WHY DID YOU MOVE THE FORKS?" and she has to calmly open the drawer on the other side of the kitchen as if she moved it just to ruin my life. I just found out where she puts the bowls and their new location feels like such a personal attack that I can barely talk about it without raising my blood pressure. ~ Scaachi Koul