Despicable Minions Funny Quotes

The problem with having evil minions is that minions are stupid. ~ Larissa Ione

I shall draw forth thy bones one by one ere I send thee to the devil. So that for all time thy shapeless body shall serve a a carpet for all the minions of Hell. ~ Steven Brust

My mind absorbs things in a funny way. I'm on planes quite a bit and I always take stacks and stacks of magazines and I go through them and tear pages out and fold them up, and they get stuck at the bottom of my backpack or whatever. ~ Marc Jacobs

She committed suicide by putting her extremities down the garbage disposal-first one arm and then, kind of miraculously if you think about it, the other arm. ~ David Foster Wallace

Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing. ~ Dave Barry

Who says you only get one? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three ... and so on.
Nesta ~ Cathy Hopkins

This will not do,' he said to himself. 'If I go on like this I shall become a crazy fool. This must stop! I promised the doctor I would not take tea. Faith, he was pretty right! My nerves must have been getting in a queer state. Funny I did not notice it. I never felt better in my life. However it is all right now, and I shall not be such a fool again.'
Then he mixed himself a good stiff glass of brandy and water and resolutely sat down to his work. ~ Bram Stoker

Woman: You certainly know the way to a man's heart.
Mae West: Funny, too, 'cause I don't know how to cook. ~ Mae West

No angel, I undress to impress ~ Becca Fitzpatrick Finale

There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up. ~ Kristen Chandler

We often laughed at others in our house, and I picked up the craft of being polite while people were present and laughing later if there was anything to laugh about. ~ Muriel Spark

It's because his wife left him. That's why he's acting funny. She left him the other night. While she was putting her bags into the taxi he was outside on the footpath begging her to stay. On his knees! Why are men so embarrassing?
Bev ~ Louis Nowra

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity. ~ Natasha Leggero

The young woman was crying, in the way that grownups cry, keeping it inside as much as they can, and hating it when it still pushes out at the edges, making them ugly and funny-looking on the way. ~ Neil Gaiman

You. Me. Exorcist.
-Bones ~ Jeaniene Frost

There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery - Cassel Sharpe ~ Holly Black

No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married. ~ Benjamin Disraeli

Looking back now, it's funny to think we got so worked up, because usually the Sales were a big disappointment....But the point was, I suppose, we'd all of us in the past found something at a Sale, something that had become special...and so however much we tried to pretend otherwise, we couldn't ever shake off the old feelings of hope and excitement. ~ Kazuo Ishiguro

Funny always makes the bad things go away. ~ Candace Bushnell

High school is life's way of giving you a record low to judge the rest of your life by. I know this because no matter how shitty it got, I could always look back and say, "At least I don't have my arm stuck up a cow's vagina." In fact, that's kind of become my life's motto. ~ Jenny Lawson

I pointed to a low bowl filled with what purported to be stew, but then Noah said, "Are you going
to point, or are you going to eat?"
"I just like to know what I'm putting in my mouth before I swallow."
Noah arched an eyebrow, and I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. ~ Michelle Hodkin

I see young quarterbacks just coming into the league, and they're throwing screens and layoffs right away. As funny as this might sound, I really learned a lot by going downfield, even in tight coverage. ~ Peyton Manning

I always thought of this as God's country. ~ Jack Granatstein

What I do know is I've got a brain filled with jokes I can't forget - like a tumor the size of a grapefruit inside of my skull. And I know that eventually even dog shit turns white and stops stinking, but I have this permanent head filled with crap I've been trained my whole life to think is funny. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

I firmly believe that if the whole material medica, as now used, could be sunk to the bottom of the sea, it would be better for mankind-and all the worse for the fishes. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

What is serious in laughing, worrying, grieving, mourning, concerning about anything which is temporary? Well, it is funny, actually, when you know life isn't immortal. ~ Bhavik Sarkhedi

Why not? If you're not going to let me see you naked, we might as well be girlfriends."
"You're a twisted little man."
"Come on, Stretch, share with the class."
"No!" I laughed.
"Prude."
"Perv."
"Schoolmarm."
"Some other word that essentially means perv. ~ Molly Harper

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason so few engage in it. ~ Henry Ford

When I hear a great musician, I can feel his life inside the music. ~ John McLaughlin

I always feel I do it too slow, but then others do it faster. ~ Eugene Ormandy

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.
~ Jonathan Swift

I may not have been completely honest about that."
"You? Less than truthful? I'm shocked, Nikolai. Shocked and horrified. ~ Leigh Bardugo

Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work. ~ Chris Rock

Now, can I help you with something? I'm new, but I'll do my best to figure out how to get what you need."
...
"That's good to hear, Abby, since I need your breasts for a few minutes. ~ Cherise Sinclair