56 Homer Simpson Quotes

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. ~ Homer Simpson

Stop thinking about fun and have it
Homer Simpson ~ Matt Groening

[Ned Flanders]: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party.
[Homer Simpson]: No, Flanders. Its a meeting of gay witches for abortion, you wouldn't be interested. ~ Matt Groening

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.
Homer Simpson ~ Matt Groening

I was as good as resisting Griff Shipley as Homer Simpson was at resisting a donut. ~ Sarina Bowen

To quote Homer Simpson, alcohol is the cause and solution to all of life's problems. I don't think there's anything wrong with drinking and drug use, if people can do it and not hurt themselves. But it got to the point where I was really hurting myself. ~ Moby

Trying is the first step towards failure ~ Homer Simpson

When judging modernity, it is all too tempting to take the viewpoint of a twenty-first-century middle-class Westerner. We must not forget the viewpoints of a nineteenth-century Welsh coal miner, Chinese opium addict or Tasmanian Aborigine. Truganini is no less important than Homer Simpson. ~ Yuval Noah Harari

I'm going old school. Adult comedy but you can have your kids in the room. Kind of Andy Griffith meets Bill Cosby meets Bob Newhart. Also my character isn't an idiot as all the rest of the sitcoms recently have the dad character like Homer Simpson. ~ Henry Cho

If we can learn to embrace the Homer Simpson within us, with all our flaws and inabilities, and take these into account when we design our schools, health plans, stock markets, and everything else in our environment, I am certain that we can create a much better world. This is the real promise of behavioral economics. ~ Dan Ariely

It was on this trip that Faye acquired a new suitor by the name of Homer Simpson. ~ Nathanael West

Why don't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks? ~ Homer Simpson

Television: teacher, mother, secret lover.' HOMER SIMPSON ~ Marion Appleby

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. ~ Homer Simpson

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? ~ Homer Simpson

It is true that from a behavioral economics perspective we are fallible, easily confused, not that smart, and often irrational. We are more like Homer Simpson than Superman. So from this perspective it is rather depressing. But at the same time there is also a silver lining. There are free lunches! ~ Dan Ariely

Self-control problems can be illuminated by thinking about an individual as containing two semiautonomous selves, a far-sighted "Planner" and a myopic "Doer." You can think of the Planner as speaking for your Reflective System, or the Mr. Spock lurking within you, and the Doer as heavily influenced by the Automatic System, or everyone's Homer Simpson. The Planner is trying to promote your long-term welfare but must cope with the feelings, mischief, and strong will of the Doer, who is exposed to the temptations that come with arousal. Recent research in neuroeconomics (yes, there really is such a field) has found evidence consistent with this two-system conception of self-control. Some parts of the brain get tempted, and other parts are prepared to enable us to resist temptation by assessing how we should react to the temptation.1 Sometimes the two parts of the brain can be in severe conflict - a kind of battle that one or the other is bound to lose. ~ Richard H. Thaler

It was crushingly disappointing as a fan of The Simpsons to discover that it's just you in a room speaking into a microphone. I thought I was going to become friends with Homer Simpson, but unfortunately none of them are real. ~ Russell Brand

I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth.
Homer Simpson ~ Matt Groening

All hobbies suck, but if you keep at it, you might find at the end that you've managed to kill some precious time. ~ Homer Simpson

I have an immature, Homer Simpson-like tendency to giggle when I say the words 'seminal fluids' in public. ~ Stephenie Meyer

I promise I'll do anything for you, especialy if it's easy.
Homer Simpson ~ Matt Groening

Homer is a character in the Level pack for Lego Dimensions. He is a Wave 1 level pack character and is the first character who was confirmed as a help character ingame. Abilities Super Strength Big Transform Sonar Smash Bart Simpson (71211 Fun Pack) Bart is a character in the Fun pack for Lego Dimensions. He is one of the only characters that can't actually speak and one of his abilities is to point and confuse an enemy. Abilities Mini Access Target Krusty the Clown (71227 Fun Pack) Krusty the Clown is a character in the Fun pack for Lego Dimensions. He is one of only two characters who can grow plants to solve some puzzles ingame. Abilities Growth Water Spray Hazard Cleaner Portal ~ EpicGameGuides

I like to quote Homer Simpson: 'I'm like a chocoholic except for alcohol.' I come from a long line of alcoholics. It's funny because when I first started making records, I was at the tail end of a period of sobriety, so I somehow got this reputation as Captain Sober. ~ Moby

More proof that trusting the Feds to protect our information is like hiring Homer Simpson to guard the donuts. ~ Robert X. Cringely

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, To Kill A Mockingbird, and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! - Homer Simpson ~ Matt Groening

Never! Never, Marge. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called 'City Fathers' who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson? ~ Matt Groening

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.
Homer Simpson ~ Matt Groening

There is no substitute for victory" Oscar Wilde
"I didn't say that--wouldn't have. Maybe it was Vince Lombardi" O.W.

"Not I, either. Try Count von Schlieffen" Vince Lombardi

"What's the big deal. I said it---I think. Doh!" Homer Simpson

"Imposter. 'Twas I." Homer the original (Greek guy) ~ James J. Bloom

When will people learn? Democracy doesn't work!
(Homer Simpson) ~ Matt Groening

I'm not popular enough to be different ~ Homer Simpson

This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!
Homer Simpson ~ Matt Groening

Trying is the first step toward failure ~ Homer Simpson

You see, Marriage is like a Coffin, and each Kid is another Nail. ~ Matt Groening

At an early age I sucked up the milk of Homer, Virgil, Horace, Terence, Anacreon, Plato and Euripides, diluted with that of Moses and the prophets. ~ Denis Diderot

They took Einstein to the process department, where they had a Ford set up on a scaffolding. He and Mrs. Einstein sat in it and the cameramen filmed them while, unbeknownst to the Einstein's, projecting an aerial film of New York, Niagra Falls, Chicago, and Los Angeles behind them. Then they developed this film of the Einstein's flying over America in a Ford and showed it. Einstein stared at it and kept saying in German, "My god, what have they done? I don't understand." My father said, "Relativity he understands!"
-Jack Warner, Jr. ~ Jean Stein

There was something frantic in their blooming, as if they knew that frost was near and then the bitter cold. They'd lived through all the heat and noise and stench of summertime, and now each widely opened flower was like a triumphant cry, "We will, we will make seed before we die." ~ Harriette Simpson Arnow

No season now for calm, familiar talk. ~ Homer

Sing, O Muse, of the man of many devices, who wandered full many ways after he had sacked the sacred citadel of Troy. Many were the men whose cities he saw and whose mind he learned, aye, and many the woes he suffered in his heart upon the sea, seeking to win his own life and the return of his comrades. Yet even so he saved not his comrades, though he desired it sore, for through their own blind folly they perished - fools, who devoured the kine of Helios Hyperion; but he took from them the day of their returning. Of these things, goddess, daughter of Zeus, beginning where thou wilt, tell thou even unto us. ~ Homer

Milwaukee used to be flush with good jobs. But throughout the second half of the twentieth century, bosses in search of cheap labor moved plants overseas or to Sunbelt communities, where unions were weaker or didn't exist. Between 1979 and 1983, Milwaukee's manufacturing sector lost more jobs than during the Great Depression - about 56,000 of them. The city where virtually everyone had a job in the postwar years saw its unemployment rate climb into the double digits. Those who found new work in the emerging service industry took a pay cut. As one historian observed, 'Machinists in the old Allis-Chalmers plant earned at least $11.60 an hour; clerks in the shopping center that replaced much of that plant in 1987 earned $5.23. ~ Matthew Desmond

Life is so short-if you feel something for someone, tell them. ~ Cody Simpson

Priam and Achilles meet in the very twilight of their lives. Their extinction is certain and there will be no reward for behaving well, and yet, in the face of implacable fate and an indifferent universe, they mutually assert the highest ideals of their humanity. ~ Caroline Alexander

Not much comes easy in this world, Sonny. If it does, it's best to be suspicious of it. It's probably not worth much. ~ Homer Hickam

Homer: New York is a hellhole. And you know how I feel about hellholes!

Lisa: Dad, you can't judge a place you've never been to.

Bart: Yes, that's what people do in Russia. ~ The Simpsons

Remember what the fashion big mouths were saying about Jessica Simpson? Looking at her magazine pictures, sucking their teeth, going, "Oh, look at her in her 'mom jeans.'" Know what? That is an unnecessarily cheap shot at her and kinda lousy to moms at the same time. Who the hell are they to say that? What gratification does it give them to be mean at someone's expense?
People made nasty comments like that about President Obama. They made an issue of his jeans when he threw out the first ball at the All-Star game in St. Louis. Why? Who was he bothering? Come on.
The tabloids, celebrity mags, and TV entertainment shows do fashion critiques all the time. But it's not about fashion, it's about trashin'. Their specialty is "Celebrity Cellulite!"--running unflattering pictures of stars at the beach and saying who should give up the bikini and go for the one-piece. And this is acceptable? This is a mark of journalism in a civil society, to take ambush pictures of people at the beach? And if the camera was turned around and pointed the other way, what would that look like? ~ Whoopi Goldberg

If a sect does officially insist that its structure of belief demands that evolution be false, then no compromise is possible. An honest and competent biology teacher can only conclude that the sect's beliefs are wrong and that its religion is a false one. ~ George Gaylord Simpson