Kinky Friedman Quotes

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong. ~ Kinky Friedman

These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable. ~ Kinky Friedman

My plan is to bring back like the Bracero Program (search) from 1944 that ran for 20 years where the Mexican government vets these people. I mean, they pay for it, and they get green cards, and they're actually legitimate. And then seal the border. ~ Kinky Friedman

I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to succeed. I'm not afraid to fall in love. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just afraid I might have to stop talking about myself for five minutes. ~ Kinky Friedman

Why did i so passionately require the truth? because all great fiction is true ~ Kinky Friedman

Always respect your superiors, if you have any. ~ Kinky Friedman

Remember, I'm not running against Rick Perry; I'm running against apathy. ~ Kinky Friedman

Sleep came slower than a frigid woman. ~ Kinky Friedman

Regaring Politics: You've got your cats on one side and your dogs on the other; someone has to walk the fence and feed the animals. - Kinky Friedman ~ Ray Palla

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror. ~ Kinky Friedman

They probably would've taken Jesus if he hadn't been nailed down. ~ Kinky Friedman

Young people are the key to this election. ~ Kinky Friedman

We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters. ~ Kinky Friedman

It's all very well going around thinking you're a cowboy, until you run into somebody who thinks he's an Indian. ~ Kinky Friedman

Like most of us, I determined that I'd rather be a large part of the problem than a small part of the solution. ~ Kinky Friedman

He looked like an accountant or a serial-killer type. Definitely one of the service industries. ~ Kinky Friedman

You have to work at it if you want to be a good smoker. Especially today with all the non-smoking world constantly harassing you. ~ Kinky Friedman

I don't apologize to people with an agenda. ~ Kinky Friedman

We enjoy talking about music, politics, and subjugation. - Kinky Friedman to Night Rider on KOKE-FM ~ Ray Palla

I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama. ~ Kinky Friedman

It wasn't a healthy attitude, but it wasn't really a healthy world. ~ Kinky Friedman

A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life. ~ Kinky Friedman

Wandering around back stage at a willie Nelson concert is a bit like being the parrot on the shoulder of the guy who's running the Ferris wheel. It's not the best seat in the house, but you see enough lights, action, people, and confusion to make you wonder if anybody knows what the hell's going on. If you're sitting out front, of course, it all rolls along as smoothly as a German train schedule, but as Willie, like any great magician, would be the first to point out, the real show is never in the center ring. As Willie always says, Fortunately, we're not in control. ~ Kinky Friedman

And I'll tell you another thing, you won't find any candidate that supports prayer in school and gay marriage. For that reason alone, people should vote for an independent-thinking person. ~ Kinky Friedman

I'd felt that a man without a woman was like a neck without a pain. ~ Kinky Friedman

I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass. ~ Kinky Friedman

No matter where you go, you always see yourself in the rearview mirror. ~ Kinky Friedman

The distance between the limousine and the gutter is a short one. ~ Kinky Friedman

The good teachers are bailing out. Education is very important ... This should be the centerpiece on the table of Texas. ~ Kinky Friedman

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95! ~ Kinky Friedman

Never re-elect anybody ~ Kinky Friedman

Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day. ~ Kinky Friedman

May the God of your choice bless you. ~ Kinky Friedman

People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they're not getting it. ~ Kinky Friedman

I don't think I have even achieved fame. Of course, Hemingway says that fame is death's little sister. ~ Kinky Friedman

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning. ~ Kinky Friedman

I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink. ~ Kinky Friedman

No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions. ~ Kinky Friedman

On the whole I prefer cats to women because cats seldom if ever use the word 'relationship'. ~ Kinky Friedman

My three favorite travel writers of all time are Robert Louis Stevenson, Graham Greene, and Chuck Thompson. Smile When You're Lying not only tells the truth about the travel-writing racket, it gets to the heart of some of the travel industry's best-kept secrets. ~ Kinky Friedman

I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school. ~ Kinky Friedman

Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas. ~ Kinky Friedman

I want to be governor [of Texas] because I need the closet space. ~ Kinky Friedman

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes. ~ Kinky Friedman

We're going to make that Lone Star shine again ~ Kinky Friedman

The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life. ~ Kinky Friedman

If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned. ~ Kinky Friedman

An editor's job is to take something great and make it good. ~ Kinky Friedman

My definition of an artist is anyone who's ahead of his time and behind on his rent. ~ Kinky Friedman

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us. ~ Kinky Friedman

See the people on the sidewalk? ... aren't you glad you're not one of them?
they're all so self-importantly going nowhere ... they just have no idea of who they are or where they really belong. nothing will ever be enough for them. nothing will truly make them happy. they all think they've got to get someplace, got to meet someone, got to get to work, got to get home, got to keep that appointment. if they had a hundred million bucks, it wouldn't be enough for them. if they had four cars, they'd need more. if they had four homes, they'd need more. they are organically out of touch with their land and their tribe. ~ Kinky Friedman

The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime. ~ Kinky Friedman

There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979 ~ Kinky Friedman

Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but ... ~ Kinky Friedman

There will be a whole new spirit blowing through Texas. There will be a smile on everybody's face and a chill up the spine of every politician. ~ Kinky Friedman

I admit I was drinking a Guinness ... but I did not swallow. ~ Kinky Friedman

He looked a shade too healthy and nobody likes that. Particularly in New York. ~ Kinky Friedman

I've achieved many of my dreams, and I want to see that some others get a chance to, especially younger Texans. ~ Kinky Friedman

Man's ability to delude himself is infinite. ~ Kinky Friedman

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians. ~ Kinky Friedman

I believe that voices like Ross Perot (search), Pat Buchanan, Ralph Nader should be heard. They don't have to be president. Give 'em a chance. ~ Kinky Friedman

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another. ~ Kinky Friedman

I want to fight the wussification of the State of Texas. I want to rise and shine and bring back the glory. ~ Kinky Friedman

Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot. ~ Kinky Friedman

I've been in true love many times. I just try to avoid it as much as possible. For if there's one thing I know about true love, it is that sooner or later, it results in a hostage situation. ~ Kinky Friedman

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore. ~ Kinky Friedman

I owe my discovery of the Hot Club of Cowtown to Kinky Friedman, leader of the Texas Jewboys. When I saw that Bob Wills and his Texas Playboys were headlining the 2003 Santa Clarita Cowboy Poetry and Music Festival, I thought it my duty to check out the band that had inspired the Texas Jewboys. ~ Clive Sinclair

The Ten Commandments being taken out of the public schools. I want them back. ~ Kinky Friedman

You struggle with your demons and you conquer them. ~ Kinky Friedman

When I'm governor ... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number. ~ Kinky Friedman

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world. ~ Kinky Friedman

Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and ... both of them were independents, by the way. ~ Kinky Friedman

If you don't love Jesus-go to hell! ~ Kinky Friedman

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. ~ Kinky Friedman

How hard can it be? ~ Kinky Friedman

The only thing wrong with Southern Baptists was they didn't hold them underwater long enough. ~ Kinky Friedman

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians. ~ Kinky Friedman

Always beware of people offering you one-time money. That only works in an election year. How are you going to permanently pay for education? ~ Kinky Friedman

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves. ~ Kinky Friedman

A fool and his money are soon elected ~ Kinky Friedman

This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind. ~ Kinky Friedman

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care. ~ Kinky Friedman

All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am. ~ Kinky Friedman

I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow. ~ Kinky Friedman

I see an issue I like, and I support it. ~ Kinky Friedman

I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail. ~ Kinky Friedman

You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on a saddle. ~ Kinky Friedman

I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate. ~ Kinky Friedman

You never marry the person you first see 'Casablanca' with. ~ Kinky Friedman

The child-teacher relationship is crucial. ~ Kinky Friedman

Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test. ~ Kinky Friedman

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest. ~ Kinky Friedman

I don't see how the people who created the problem can fix it. Texas is worth fighting for, and the best way to fight is to get the politicians out of politics. ~ Kinky Friedman

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount. ~ Kinky Friedman

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus. ~ Kinky Friedman

But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream. ~ Kinky Friedman

I don't believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he'll have to bring his own gun. ~ Kinky Friedman

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' ~ Kinky Friedman

The unions might be good for the people who are in the unions but it doesn't do a thing for the people who are unemployed. Because the union keeps down the number of jobs, it doesn't do a thing for them. ~ Milton Friedman

Conventional analysis suffers from a profound failure of imagination. It imagines passing clouds to be permanent and is blind to powerful, long-term shifts taking place in full view of the world. ~ George Friedman