Spring Humor Quotes

Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants. ~ Dorothy Parker

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell. ~ Will Cuppy

Great use they have, when in the hands
Of one like me, who understands,
Who understands the time and place,
The person, manner, and the grace,
Which fools neglect; so that we find,
If all the requisites are join'd,
From whence a perfect joke must spring,
A joke's a very serious thing. ~ Charles Churchill

They don't deal with any basic difference in human nature between black and white ... , they only study the effects of environment on human nature. You place the white man in the ghetto, deprive him of educational advantages, arrange it so he has to struggle hard to fulfill his instinct for self-respect, give him little physical privacy and leisure time, and he would after a time assume the same characteristics you attach to the Negro. These characteristics don't spring from whiteness or blackness, but from a man's conditioning. ~ John Howard Griffin

Natalie wasn't the type of person who blamed others for the stupid things they did. She tried to be very understanding of their idiocy. Besides, they were probably doing the best they could. The world was a tough place, and it must be *so* much harder if you were stupid. ~ Elizabeth Gannon

You'd think people had better things to gossip about," said Ginny as she sat on the common room floor, leaning against Harry's legs and reading the Daily Prophet. "Three Dementor attacks in a week, and all Romilda Vane does is ask me if it's true you've got a Hippogriff tattooed across your chest."
Ron and Hermione both roared with laughter. Harry ignored them.
What did you tell her?"
I told her it's a Hungarian Horntail," said Ginny, turning a page of the newspaper idly. "Much more macho."
Thanks," said Harry, grinning. "And what did you tell her Ron's got?"
A Pygmy Puff, but I didn't say where. ~ J.K. Rowling

The Focal must hold magic, light and dark, together long enough for it to mend."
"How long does it take to mend?"
"No one's survived long enough for us to know."
I could see why people weren't rushing to volunteer. ~ Devon Monk

A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job. ~ Zig Ziglar

Piper went a little crazy. She cried out with relief and dove straight into the water.
What was she thinking? She didn't take a rope or a life vest or anything. But at the moment, she was just so happy that she paddled over to Leo and kissed him on the cheek, which kind of surprised him.
"Miss me?" Leo laughed.
Piper was suddenly furious. "Where were you? How are you guys alive?"
"Long story," he said. A picnic basket bobbed to the surface next to him. "Want a brownie? ~ Rick Riordan

Stevie can learn anything from a book. And when it comes to psychiatry, she's read them all. So she wields guilt like a master swordsman. And Max isn't nearly as much of a psychopath as the social worker said because otherwise, she wouldn't feel any guilt at all. At least that's what I tell myself. All the time. ~ Shelly Laurenston

He nodded nervously. 'He looks like a magician. I hate magicians. They usually have rabbits.'

I stared at him. 'You're scared of bunnies?'

'Blah-hah-hah! They're big bullies. Always stealing celery from defenceless satyrs. ~ Rick Riordan

There are moments when Nature reveals the passion hidden beneath the careless calm of her ordinary moods-violent spring flashing white on almond-blossom through the purple clouds; a snowy, moonlit peak, with its single star, soaring up to the passionate blue; or against the flames of sunset, an old yew-tree standing dark guardian of some fiery secret. ~ John Galsworthy

Took you long enough!,' she said, and planted a kiss on his lips. ~ Jessica Day George

The more one sees of human fate and the more one examines its secret springs of action, the more one is impressed by the strength of unconscious motives and by the limitations of free choice ~ C. G. Jung

ORN!" Variel shouted.
"Yeah yeah, kill us all. I got it," the dwarf grumbled. ~ Sabrina Zbasnik

Do you play tennis, Senator?"
"Now and then," he said with a ghost of a smile. He didn't add he'd lettered i the sport at Harvard.
"I'd imagine chess would be your game-plotting,long-term strategy."
His smile remained enigmatic as he reached for his wine. "We'll have to have a game."
Shelby's low laugh drifted over him. "I believe we already have."
His hand brushed lightly over hers. "Want a rematch?"
Shelby gave him a look that made his blood spring hotly. "No.You might not outmaneuver me a second time. ~ Nora Roberts

Why even dictate?
Well, like a lot of other dictators, there's one man's opinion I value above all others. Mine. ~ Stephen Colbert

Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives. ~ Robert Collier

Shayna wasn't so lucky. She waved as she passed her. "Looking good, Mrs. Mancuso."
No. She wasn't. Mrs. Mancuso's neck skin dragged a path between the tulips. "Go to church and get some morals, hussy! ~ Cecy Robson

Better watch out said a second voice from somewhere under the Beetle. Don't park those two kraut cars too close together; it's springtime, and they might decide to mate. then Charlie'll be stuck with a garage full of little orange safety cones ~ Mercedes Lackey

Call me Sunset. I'm always moving west. ~ Raymond Chandler

There were the years - years of childhood and innocence - when I had believed that carminative meant - well, carminative. And now, before me lies the rest of my life - a day, perhaps, ten years, half a century, when I shall know that carminative means windtreibend. ~ Aldous Huxley

I believe in moderation. But I wouldn't overdo it. ~ Joseph Ferguson

Jesus Christ, will you quit dictating this conversation to Hannah?' I grumble. 'Bros before hos, dude.'
'Call my girlfriend a ho one more time and you won't have a bro. ~ Elle Kennedy

For LOBELIA SACKVILLE-BAGGINS, as a PRESENT;' on a case of silver spoons… Bilbo believed that she had acquired a good many of his spoons, while he was away on his former journey. Lobelia knew that quite well. When she arrived later in the day, she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning ... Face it, friend. He is crazy about you! ~ Max Lucado

The moon was wide - too wide and too close. Mentally, Simon told the moon to stop being so close and bright and that it should just generally shut up with the mooniness. ~ Cassandra Clare

In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day. ~ Rick Riordan

I was really putting a lot of pressure on this beer prop; it was going to distract me enough so that I didn't run around screaming like a lunatic on fire. ~ Jessica Fortunato

As they reached the steps to the house, the door opened. A woman in a gray dress and white apron glared at them.
Taken aback, Delia faltered.
Mr. Livingston leaned over. "Don't mind Mrs. Graves, my housekeeper," he said in a low voice full of humor, obviously meant to reassure her. "That's her normal expression. She only smiles once a year on Christmas. ~ Debra Holland

I've met the folk that have the perfect garlands and sprays and wreaths, the folk that live in Williamsburg-style houses. And I've met the folk that live at the edge of town in two-bedroom ranch houses that have Frosty the Snowman, lights playing tag around the roof, and a Rudolph stuck askew somewhere on the lawn. I'd rather sit in the home of the atter with and errant couch spring poking my derriere because, truthfully, they're glad to have me, and they never look at my shoes and wonder where I'd been before I got there. ~ Lisa Samson

Poor minds , its a Poverty nation. ~ Rudzani Ralph

I like 'em big. And stupid. Don't tell my husband. ~ Meg Cabot

I cannot worship the abstractions of virtue: she only charms me when she addresses herself to my heart, speaks through the love from which she springs. ~ Reinhold Niebuhr

Politics is a foggy mire full of snakes. ~ Robert Jordan

His Majesty [the Lord] ... rewards great services with trials, and there can be no better reward, for out of trials springs love for God. ~ Teresa Of Avila

Diazapam (that's valium), temazepam, lithium, ECT, HRT - how long must I stay on this stuff? Don't give me anymore! ~ Morrissey

What's that, forgone conclusion then you reckon, sir?' said the barman. 'Arsenal without a chance?'
'No, no,' said Ford, 'it's just that the world's about to end. ~ Douglas Adams

During the "first Thanksgiving" at Plymouth, Wampanoag Indians - including a Patuxet Indian named Squanto - helped teach Pilgrims how to farm, fish, and hunt and shared the bounty of that first feast. A TRADITION THAT CONTINUES TODAY AND JESUS AND 9/11. ~ Patton Oswalt

In January the lavender heather and white candytufts would bloom. February perked up the plum tree, and March would bring forth the daffodils, narcissus, and moonlight bloom. April lilacs and sugartuft would blossom along with the pink and bloodred rhododendrons, bluebells, and the apple tree in the victory garden. As the weather warmed, miniature purple irises would rise amid the volunteers of white alyssum and verbena. The roses, dahlias, white Shasta daisies, black-eyed Susans, and marigolds would bloom from late spring to early fall. Leota could see it. She knew exactly ~ Francine Rivers