Pineapple Humor Quotes

I'm more than ever of the opinion that a decent human existence is possible today only on the fringes of society, where one then runs the risk of starving or being stoned to death. In these circumstances, a sense of humor is a great help. ~ Hannah Arendt

To be the altar boy at the first Mass of the day was a sacred initiation rite. It was like being hazed at a fraternity, only more Catholic. ~ Ian Morgan Cron

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't. ~ Steve Martin

I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake. ~ Steven Wright

Now this might disturb you, but I find I'm OK by myself;
and I don't need you or your benevolence to make sense. ~ Morrissey

Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things. ~ Terry Pratchett

I'm so hot that I'm willingly get with myself, I just don't know how. What do you say to do that for me? ~ Rick Riordan

Thank God you've got a sense of humor, or you'd be in trouble. ~ Eartha Kitt

The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. ~ Oscar Wilde

Only criminals and madmen walk into Central Park after midnight...or, occasionally, an actor. (Dark City Lights) ~ Jane Dentinger

I hear they whip you for stealing."
"Or put you in jail, or sell you into slavery, or kill you, depending on the town and what mood they're in. ~ Orson Scott Card

So if you go to a King Tut exhibit someday and notice cracks or burn marks on the artifacts, or maybe a statue with its head glued on backward-well, sorry. that was probably our fault ~ Serpent's Shadow Rick Riordan

Life is a free circus. All you have to do is pay attention. ~ Bill Copeland

ART said, What does it want?

To kill all the humans, I answered.

I could feel ART metaphorically clutch its function. If there were no humans, there would be no crew to protect and no reason to do research and fill its databases. It said, That is irrational.

I know, I said, if the humans were dead, who would make the media? It was so outrageous, it sounded like something a human would say. ~ Martha Wells

I'm sorry your evening has been spoilt; I hope Juffrouw van Doorn won't be too upset.'

'She will be livid,' he observed with calm. 'Drink your brandy, it will prevent you catching cold.' He leant over Bertie for a moment and listened to the dog's snores. 'He'll be all right now.'

Becky sipped her brandy, wrinkling her nose. 'This tastes very peculiar.'

Not a muscle of the Baron's face moved. He would hardly have described his best Napoleon brandy as peculiar. ~ Betty Neels

But in this case," he continues, tracing the line of the plasterwork with one finger, "I feel that there is one cliche that sums up my position so admirably that it would be pure egotism to attempt a more interesting periphrasis. Plain speaking, therefore, there is to be.
"There is undoubtedly a strong possibility, notwithstanding the vagaries of contingency and misfortune, that my son might
have fallen - or might, we could say, have voluntarily jumped, in accordance with the ethical codes with which he has been brought up - for a play you have made with some success, although, as I am persuaded you would concede, very little originality."
Plain speaking if you're Henry James, perhaps. ~ Deborah Meyler

The fact that he relies on facts - says things that are not factual - are going to undermine his campaign. ~ George W. Bush

There was no one to really argue with, but Mama managed it expertly every chance she had. She could argue with the entire world in that kitchen and almost every evening, she did. ~ Markus Zusak

Life it too short to deal with crazy people. ~ Karen E. Quinones Miller

All the world is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer. ~ Robert Owen

Body language translation: hell yes, dipshit ~ Shay Rucker

You're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. ~ Joss Whedon

If your pussy was so good, you would drive a better car. ~ Katt Williams

I'm tired again, I've tried again, and now my heart is full.
And I just can't explain ... so I won't even try to. ~ Morrissey

Aubrey Davenport was dressed like a fop, had the manners of a fop, and appeared to have the intelligence of a potato. ~ Marion Chesney

So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything." ~ Tim Vine

Cordelia looked at Edric. "Which way will lead to our respite, think you?"
"I don't know, my lady," he admitted.
There was a pause.
"This way," Tania decided, heading off to the left and pulling him with her.
"Why?"
"It's downhill. ~ Allan Frewin Jones

It's a sad day when you count a man lucky for only losing a left hand and part of his ass. ~ Dean M. Cole

The thing about Shakespeare is you can only read his books if someone is making you. ~ Gabrielle Zevin

Thanks, Dad, for leaving a huge void in my life that Freud says has to be filled with dick. ~ Leah Raeder

I've never been in love, but if a penguin can find a soul mate, I'm sure I can, too. ~ Rebekah Crane

Pünd remembered their first case together when Fraser had failed to notice that his travelling companion, on the three-fifty train from Paddington, was actually dead. ~ Anthony Horowitz

There are two things a brown person cannot do, and those are to scream or run through an airport with a backpack on. We struggle to catch flights, too. But we're not allowed to run, because that would alarm all the white people. ~ Tan France

An emotional man may possess no humor, but a humorous man usually has deep pockets of emotion, sometimes tucked away or forgotten. ~ Constance Rourke

We've been able to watch on our television screens sophisticated weaponry find a building; and we've seen dramatic reports from the front where Pulitzer Prize-to-be winning reporters stood up and declared, the United States is attacked, and all that. ~ George W. Bush

Rhett: Here's the problem. I am not the sexual equivalent of an espresso machine. ~ Rowena Cherry

Ha! And I bet you didn't even see it coming!"
– Dread Emperor Traitorous the First ~ ErraticErrata