Perelman Quotes

I don't want to be on display like an animal in a zoo. ~ Grigori Perelman

He bit his lip in a manner which immediately awakened my maternal sympathy, and I helped him bite it. ~ S.J Perelman

Santa Barbara people are conservative-not like in L.A., where everybody wears rhinestones on their glasses to show that they own an airplane factory. ~ S.J Perelman

There are nineteen words in Yiddish that convey gradations of disparagement, from a mild, fluttery helplessness to a state of downright, irreconcilable brutishness. All of them can be usefully employed to pinpoint the kind of individuals I write about. ~ S.J Perelman

Reality can easily become the current fantasy ... ~ Judith Perelman Rossner

Where would the Rockefellers be today if old John D. had gone on selling short-weight kerosene ... to widows and orphans instead of wisely deciding to mulct the whole country. ~ S.J Perelman

There is something about a home aquarium which sets my teeth on edge the moment I see it. Why anyone would want to live with a small container of stagnant water populated by a half-dead guppy is beyond me. ~ S.J Perelman

Only the scenario writers are exempt. These are tied between the tails of two spirited Caucasian ponies, which are then driven off in opposite directions. This custom is called a conference. ~ S.J Perelman

Fate was dealing from the bottom of the deck. ~ S.J Perelman

I know how to control the Universe. Why would I run to get a million, tell me? ~ Grigori Perelman

In pulp fiction it is a rigid convention that the hero's shoulders and the heroine's balcon constantly threaten to burst their bonds, a possibility which keeps the audience in a state of tense expectancy. Unfortunately for the fans, however, recent tests reveal that the wisp of chiffon which stands between the publisher and the postal laws has the tensile strength of drop-forged steel. ~ S.J Perelman

Love is the direct opposite of hate. By definition it's something you can't feel for more than a few minutes at a time, so what's all this bullshit about loving somebody for the rest of your life? ~ Judith Perelman Rossner

I guess I'm just an old mad scientist at bottom. Give me an underground laboratory, half a dozen atom-smashers, and a beautiful girl in a diaphanous veil waiting to be turned into a chimpanzee, and I care not who writes the nation's laws. ~ S.J Perelman

I found the pearl of the Orient slightly less exciting than a rainy Sunday evening in Rochester. ~ S.J Perelman

What interests me, ... is why people are so repelled when, after all, everyone started life attached. In a sense, the twins have never been born because they are still tied by an umbilical cord. Relationships between women - daughters, mothers, friends - are one of my strong interests. ~ Judith Perelman Rossner

A lie was something that hadn't happened but might just as well have. ~ Judith Perelman Rossner

That's the New York thing, isn't it. People who seem absolutely crazy going around telling you how crazy they used to be before they had therapy. ~ Judith Perelman Rossner

FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there's a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue. ~ S.J Perelman

I'm half Scotch-Irish on both sides, and when I lose my temper-brother, I go. ~ S.J Perelman

I think that people will always want music; I think that the form that they will get it in, or distributed to them from, and the price they pay for it is what's up in question. ~ Ronald Perelman

By a fatal law, a genius is always an idiot. ~ Charles Baudelaire

But we're not God. We're humans, and at the end of the day we have to march to the beat of a certain kind of drum. And if you step outside too far into thinking you're some sort of deity that can transcend law and order, then you've crossed a line. ~ Ronald Perelman

Imagine (if you dare) a whimsical marriage of Lord Dunsany and S.J. Perelman, and you have something approaching the tales of Rhys Hughes, filled with gaudy colour, slapstick, puns, fantastic creatures, and the occasional unexpected chill. Hughes' world is a magical one - and his language if the most magical thing of all. ~ T.E.D. Klein

I cannot recall a more engaging passage in fiction, and I've been trying for almost eighteen seconds. ~ S.J Perelman

The reality is that I surround myself with very smart, very strong people - including my ex-wives. ~ Ronald Perelman

The idea of self-government is foreign to Americans ... Self-government is a form of self-control, self-limitation. It goes against our whole grain. We're supposed to go after what we want, not question whether we really need it. ~ Judith Perelman Rossner

I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. ~ S.J Perelman

You'll have to leave my meals on a tray outside the door because I'll be
working pretty late on the secret of making myself invisible, which may take me almost until eleven o'clock. ~ S.J Perelman

It is not people who break ethical standards who are regarded as aliens. It is people like me who are isolated. ~ Grigori Perelman

I'll dispose of my teeth as I see fit, and after they've gone, I'll get along. I started off living on gruel, and by God, I can always go back to it again. ~ S.J Perelman

Emptiness is everywhere and it can be calculated, which gives us a great opportunity. I know how to control the universe. So tell me, why should I run for a million? ~ Grigori Perelman

"In France," Marcel said with wintry dignity, "accidents occur in the bedroom, not the kitchen." ~ S.J Perelman

I believe that God plays this enormous role in my life. And I believe that it's my obligation to give back and to follow the rules that were set. And it also gives me an enormous sense of my own place. ~ Ronald Perelman

Right now, I am in Fallujah. I am in Darfur. I am on Sixty-third and Park having dinner with Ellen Barkin and Ron Perelman ... Right now, I'm on Lafayette and Astor waiting to hit you up for change so I can get high. I'm taking a walk through the Rose Garden with George Bush. I'm helping Donald Rumsfeld get a good night's sleep ... I was in that cave with Osama, and on that plane with Mohamed Atta ... And what I want you to know is that your work has barely begun. And what I want you to trust is the efficacy of divine love if practiced consciously. And what I need you to believe is that if you hate who I love, you do not know me at all. And make no mistake, "Who I Love" is every last one. I am every last one. People ask of me: Where are you? Where are you? ... Verily I ask of you to ask yourself: Where are you? Where are you? ~ Stephen Adly Guirgis

A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn't know enough to stay in the city. ~ S.J Perelman

The fact is that all of us have only one personality, and we wring it out like a dishtowel. You are what you are. ~ S.J Perelman

I was the night foreman of a galvanizing factory, which is hot and smelly and dirty and miserable. ~ Ronald Perelman

Identity is a bag and a gag. Yet it exists for me with all the force of a fatal disease. Obviously I am here, a mind and a body. To say there's no proof my body exists would be arty and specious and if my mind is more ephemeral, less provable, the solution of being a writer with solid (touchable, tearable, burnable) books is as close as anyone has come to a perfect answer. ~ Judith Perelman Rossner

All right, so call me Miss Cliche of 1960, but the thing about the married ones that always spooks me is how sweet and attentive they are at first, when they're on the prowl. ~ S.J Perelman

We old roosters must be cautious. Don't try to outwit your arteries. ~ S.J Perelman

Some people spend their lives failing and never notice. ~ Judith Perelman Rossner

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century. ~ S.J Perelman

I am placed in situations with opportunities in those situations that others are not. I don't believe that that is happenstance. I believe that there is a God that has a plan for me. ~ Ronald Perelman

I don't know where we're going or how we'll get there, but when we get there we'll be there - and that's something, even if it's nothing. ~ S.J Perelman

So often I heard people paying blind obeisance to change - as though it had some virtue of its own. Change or we will die. Change or we will stagnate. Evergreens don't stagnate. ~ Judith Perelman Rossner

Do you know anything at all that nobody else knows or, for that matter, gives a damn about? If you do, then sit tight, because one of these days you're going to Hollywood as a technical supervisor on a million dollar movie. ~ S.J Perelman

You can be a control freak only when you have weak people around you. ~ Ronald Perelman

This medal (the National Book Award) together with my American Express card, will identify me worldwide ... except at Bloomingdale's. ~ S.J Perelman

I was always fascinated by the decision-making process and the managerial process and just business in general. ~ Ronald Perelman

The past isn't useful until its place in the present is found. ~ Judith Perelman Rossner

And so I believe that God plays this enormous role in my life. And I believe that it's my obligation to give back and to follow the rules that were set. And it also gives me an enormous sense of my own place and an enormous sense of stability. ~ Ronald Perelman

There is such a thing as too much couth. ~ S.J Perelman