Observatonal Humor Bittersweet Quotes

The near dark streets where Friday night's business began to accomplish itself, strolling couples, arm in arm, girls bright as just pricked flowers, halfdrunk belligerent men herded homeward by fierce women with bitter persecuted faces ... ~ William Gay

Well, then, what's the plan now? You can't stay here forever.'

My plan was indeed to stay there forever. ~ Olivia Sudjic

Wounds heal. Scars fade. Awful memories can be overwritten with better ones if given the chance. The little imperfections of our psyches become overshadowed by the people whose love we cherish because they cherish us despite our faults; physical, emotional, spiritual, or otherwise. This thing we call the human condition with all its bittersweet blind corners and senseless humor evolves from within ourselves and not because of some pre-ordained reverie we desire to cast in the constellations.
All in all it is what makes life worth living. ~ August Clearwing

Tell me about him... please. ~ Nalini Singh

The chilling thought occurred to me that breaking up with someone you love to criticize might be the only way to save yourself from becoming unlovable ~ Bob Smith

The marriage of a Jewish son is a bittersweet prospect. There is relief, always, that he has navigated the tantalizing and plentiful assemblies of non-Jewish women to whom the children of the Diaspora are inevitably exposed: from the moment he enters secondary school there is the constant anxiety that a blue-eyed Christina or Mary will lure him away from the tribe. Jewish men are widely known to be uxorious in all the most advantageous ways. And so each mother fears that, whether he be short and myopic, boorish or stupid or prone to discuss his lactose intolerance with strangers, whether he be blessed with a beard rising almost to meet his hairline, he is still within the danger zone. Somewhere out there is a shiksa with designs on her son. Jewish men make good husbands. It is the Jewish woman's blessing as a wife, and her curse as a mother. ~ Francesca Segal

Sentimental outbreaks are like liquorice; when first you suck it, it's not bad, but afterwards it leaves a very nasty taste in the mouth. ~ Ivan Turgenev

When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. ~ Ellen Goodman

I'm forever hopeful," he said. "That's what friends do. They hope. They have faith in each other."

"Well, I have faith that she'll forget," I said, hiking my backpack up onto my shoulders. "You have to be a realist with Caro."

"I'm a hopeful realist," Drew said. "I'm a healist! Like those guys on TV late at night that cure people of cancer." He grinned down at me. ~ Robin Benway

Once upon a time all the men of mind and genius in the world became of one belief- that is to say, of no belief. But it wearied them to think that within a few years after their death many cults and systems and prognostications would be ascribed to them which they had never...intended. So they said to one another: "Let's join together and make a great book that will last forever that will mock the credulity of man...We'll include all the most preposterous old wives' tales now current. We'll choose the keenest satirist alive to compile a deity from all the deities worshipped by mankind, a deity who will be more magnificent than any of them, yet so weakly human that he'll become a byword for laughter the world over- and we'll ascribe to him all sorts of jokes and vanities and rages, in which he'll be supposed to indulge for his own diversion, so that the people will read our book and ponder it, and there'll be no more nonsense in the world. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.'
You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it. ~ Bill Hicks

I met Elton John at an Interview dinner, and we just sort of became friends. He's got such a wicked sense of humor. ~ Moby

I was grinding away to the climactic moan backtrack when I caught my reflection in the club's mirror, hips rotating, booty shaking. Years later, Grace described my smooth moves as a sad epileptic white girl's imitation of a twerk. Harsh. Could anyone look sexy dancing to lyrics that include "Sucky, sucky. Me sucky, sucky"? I don't think so. ~ Leah Marie Brown

Nothing says you care like sending someone a kitten. ~ Brian South

When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton. ~ Jimmy Carr

While they were saying it couldn't be done, it was done. ~ Helen Keller

I can only imagine what goes on in that head of yours ... " he teased. "I assure you I haven't taken up black magic, ritualistic sacrifice, or - "
"Plushophilia?" I tagged on.
"Excuse me? ... " came his half-confused, half-intrigued reaction.
"An obsession with stuffed animals," I clarified. "I mean, you are a young one ... "
"Where did you come up with that?" He kept his hands firmly covering my eyes, but I could hear the amused smile in his voice. "Is that even a real word?"
"I'm a doctor, I know these things," I shrugged. ~ M.A. George

So be joyful. Use your sense of humor. And laugh with the God who smiles when seeing you, rejoices over your very existence, and takes delight in you, all the days of your life. ~ James Martin

No wonder I worried about talking dirty; talking in general seemed to escape me. ~ Jordan Castillo Price

Definitely there are times when I'm tired and don't want to give up my seat on the bus to an old person. But I get depressed, not angry - like about how I'll be an old woman someday, and even more tired than I am now. I never think I deserve the seat more because I am reading a book." Worried this might sound self-righteous, I added, "Maybe it's just because I dont' read on the bus, it makes me carsick. ~ Elif Batuman

Ella finished her burger and dug into a side of fries. Hi watched, enraptured.
She couldn't help but notice. "Would you like one?"
"What? Sure." Hi smiled, made no move.
After a moment, Ella nudged the bowl his way. "Careful, they're still hot."
"Oh, no problem." Hi fumbled for a fry. "I like food that's hot."
I caught Shelton slowly shaking his head.
"Oh, shoot!" Ella winced. "I forgot to stop by the office. My mother had to drop off my shin guards." She slid her fries over to Hi. "Enjoy. They're hot, which apparently you like."
"Got that right. Hot hot hot!" Hi awkwardly shoved another fry into his mouth.
"Okay, wow." Ella gathered her things, then brushed my cheek with a kiss. "Later, Tor." Shouldering her bag, she hurried from the cafeteria.
A loud thunk drew my attention back to the table.
Hi's forehead was resting on his tray. "Tell me that wasn't as bad as I think."
"Worse," Shelton said. "So, so much worse."
Then head rose, then thunked back down. "I don't remember parts. I think I lost time."
I patted his shoulder. "That's probably for the best."
"Such." Thunk. "A." Thunk. "Dumbass." Thunk.
Shelton laughed nervously. "See? That's why I don't talk."
Hi's face shot up. "Tell her I have brain seizures. A serious medical condition. Or that I have an evil twin who sometimes takes my place, but can't talk for crap."
"Got it," I promised. His head dropped once more. ~ Kathy Reichs

Help me out," I pleaded. "You've left me alone to deal with this situation, and now we're being dealt the consequences."
I swore I heard Tom growl. I actually pulled the phone from my ear to stare at it to make sure it hadn't turned into a tiny lion. ~ Laura Kreitzer

What does a freelance researcher do?"
"Researches things." He winks at me and helps lift my bike onto a cobblestone walkway. "It's not an interesting or particularly sexy job. Nobody wants to date a perpetual studier, but I bet there's an army of guys crawling over each other to get to you."
More like crawling away. "You're ridiculous. Who'd ever want to date me?"
"Someone like you? There'd be a line at your door as soon as work got out."
"Oh, would you be in the line?" Sarcasm. Not a real question. I don't care if he responds - heat burns my toes, ears, and everything in-between - well, maybe I care a little.
Jack pauses and gazes into me. "Yeah … I'm in the line … and I'm better than all the other guys so you should really pick me. I'm funny. I'm strong, like, I could sweep you off your feet and run without breaking a sweat. I can also blow milk through my nose, but only if I'm drunk and the milk is warm. ~ Caroline George

Once upon a time I would've found her complete lack of interest in killing one's own troops cause for alarm. I might've worried she'd slit my throat in my sleep. Now that I know she probably will, I find I'm not as concerned." "I wouldn't slit your throat in your sleep, Sanders. I would do it when you were awake. Think of the sport it would be." Shanti's voice was colored with humor. Sanders snorted. ~ K.F. Breene

It's what happens when you shoot someone," Wayne pointed out. "At least, usually someone has the good sense to get dead when you go to all the trouble to shoot them. ~ Brandon Sanderson

Are you going to rape me at any point or anything?" I just figured it was good to get things out in the open, get myself in the right headspace. He whipped his head around and looked at me like I'd just insulted his grandmother.
"The fuck? No, I'm not." He gave me the squint side-long. "Are you going to rape me? ~ Domashita Romero

There was no way to have a civilized conversation with that guy. It's like he was raised by giraffes or something. ~ H.M. Ward

Never sleep with a lady only once, especially in the case of an older lady.
-'Rhett ~ Rowena Cherry

Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising. ~ Meg Cabot

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff. ~ Groucho Marx